Here's a poem I've enjoyed for years. I kept a copy posted on my locker at law school.

HELP WANTED

A law firm commanding
Position of standing
Requires a general clerk --
One who's admitted
To practice, and fitted
To handle diversified work;

Must know the proceedings
Related to pleadings,
The ways of preparing a brief;
Must argue with unction
For writs of injunction
As well as for legal relief.

Must form corporations
And hold consultations
Assuming a dignified mien;
Should read each decision
And legal provision
Wherever the same may be seen.

Must analyze cases
And get at their basis,
Should never be idle or slow;
Must manifest learning
In all things concerning
The matters referred to below:

Attachments and trials,
Specific denials,
Demurrers, replies and complaints,
Disbursements, expenses
And partial defenses,
Ejectments, replevins, distraints;

Estoppels, restrictions,
Constructive evictions,
Agreements implied and express,
Accountings, partitions,
Estates and commissions,
Incumbrances, fraud and duress.

Above are essentials,
The best of credentials
Required -- and handsome physique;
Make prompt application,
Will pay compensation
Of seventeen dollars a week.

.......-- Frank Waldheim

Love it!

Shouldn't there have been requirement of writing with a fine round hand, or something like that from Gilbert and Sullivan?

I had the same thought...

...I served the writs with a smile so bland
and I copied all the letters in a big round hand

I copied all the letters in a hand so free
that now I am the ruler of the Queen's Navee... is from HMS Pinafore

but until I got to the author's name at the bottom I wondered whether there was another G&S play I wasn't familiar enough with - not Trial by Jury, maybe Utopia Limited or Cox and Box? Alas, no...

What are the dates of Mr Frank Waldheim? Was he perhaps a contemporary of Sullivan?

Dammital... G&S is my turf, and you beat me to it. [mutter-mutter]

...and another thought, too, along those lines. Does anyone recall a published list of qualifications for the position of Teacher? She must provide own pencils (sharp); go to Church faithfully; dress modestly; wash her hair every week; clean the floors; carry coal to the grate daily; things like that...again, all from the turn of the (last) century? I forget whether the remuneration was a princely five cents - a day? or was it a week?

What are the dates of Mr Frank Waldheim? Was he perhaps a contemporary of Sullivan?

Help Wanted was first published in 1921.

Oh, Wofi, Just a day or so ago I sent that list (or a similar one) about teachers to several folks via Email ... perhaps if anyone still has it they might cut, paste and post?

Thanks, wow.
From wow via whh:

Rules for Teachers in 1915 in the U.S.

1. You will not marry during the term of your contract.

2. You are not to keep company with men.

3. You must be home between the hours of 8 p.m. and 6 a.m.
unless attending a school function.

4. You may not loiter downtown in ice cream stores.

5. You may not travel beyond city limits unless you have the
permission of the chairman of the board.

6. You may not ride in a carriage or automobile with any man
unless he is your father or brother.

7. You may not smoke cigarettes.

8. You may not dress in bright colors.

9. You may under no circumstances dye your hair.

10. You must wear at least two petticoats.

11. Your dresses must not be any shorter than two inches
above the ankle.

12. To keep the school room neat and clean, you must:
* sweep the floor at least once daily
* scrub the floor at least once a week with hot, soapy water
* clean the blackboards at least once a day
* start the fire at 7 a.m. so the room will be warm by 8 a.m.

and there may be other similar ones out there too; I don't see anything here about supplying your own pencils (sharpened) or being paid a whole nickel for your labors...

And what, precisely, if anything, has actually changed, hmmm?

Dear CK: What has changed? They now have janitors, and pay them better than the teachers.

What are these, please? "replevins, distraints"

replevin - an action to recover the possession of personal property from one who has wrongfully taken or retained possession of it.

distraint - the seizure of property to enforce a right, usually by holding the property until the owner pays an amount owed.

"If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers."
Me, "The Old Curiosity Shop," 1841

Welcome Dickens.

BTW what about those phrases using your name ? Have you any thoughts on why your name was appropriated in this fashion? Such as :
"what the dickens are you doing?"
"I got home late and Father gave me the dickens."

Suppose I could look it up but why bother when I can go direct to the source!

"Dickens" has been a synonym for "devil" and "hell" since the 1500s. Hence the "what the dickens..." and "give me the dickens...." usages.

........~~ The Source

wow, it's just like you said: my "Father gave me the Dickens," and his father gave him the Dickens.

"Dicken" or "Dickon" or "Diccon" was a synonym for Richard originally, wasn't it? At least, it was around the time of Chaucer and Henry V. I remember reading a legal writ in English(!) from that period that specifically said "Richard of ____, called Diccon", although I wouldn't swear to the spelling. We have, of course, shortened that to "Dick".

I have spent many a lunch hour (when AWAD was slow) looking through the Urban Legends Reference Pages. You can find that email (or a close relative) there:

http://www.snopes.com/language/document/1872rule.htm

Once you've surfed that site a bit, you realize there's no point in believing much of what comes in your inbox. Anyway, Barbara Mikkelson, who writes most of the articles there, always has interesting analyses of why particular bits of urban lore are so well-loved. This one falls into the "Aren't we feeling smug at how far we've come" category, according to her analysis.

That's a nifty link, Bean! Cost me an hour ... but good time.

Yes, CapK.

from Origins A Short Etymological Dictionary of Modern English, Eric Partridge:

Dickens, for *Diccons for Diccon's or Dickon's (son), Diccon being an extn of Dick, pet-form of Richard, itself adopted from F, of Gmc origin

Thank you, my Michigan 'manuensis. Glad to know that the mary jane from another thread hasn't completely addled my wits and destroyed my memory.

Talking about urban legends:

When the Brits decided to run high speed trains (HAH!, I hear you all say, WHAT high speed trains?) and I would have to agree with you but, somewhere back in the dim dark ages of the 1970s a decision was indeed taken to have them. The fact that now they're here they usually derail at anything over 30 miles an hour is neither here nor there. That is, of course, when they move at all. And the RMT (one of the two unions that compete for strike votes from railway workers) is trying to ensure that none do, or at least not very often.

High speed trains, yes. But not just any high speed trains, but homegrown ones. What's more the major decisions taken early on in their life cycle were (a) they would be known as HSTs [guess what that stands for], and (b) their development would be government-funded. The kiss of death you might say, and, looking at that other - and much more famous - HST, the Concorde, it's hard to escape the conclusion that you would be right.

It was realised pretty much from the start that if these trains were to hypothetically travel at 125 miles per hour (they were HS125s, after all), then bird strike could become a real problem, and that this would potentially cause more knock-on strikes when the drivers decided to have a couple of days off to recover from the hangover after the funeral.

So the geniuses who were developing the engine decided that they needed to test the trains' front windshields for resistance to things that fly. They settled for testing for birds, although subsequent events have proven that they should also have tested for human-falling-from-bridge strike and Landrover-falling-from-motorway-with-sleeping-driver strike. To accomplish the necessary testing, however, they needed a suitable mechanism to reproduce the phenomenon. One budding genius realised that British Aerospace, that wholly-government funded (although no one is supposed to know) aircraft development company, might have something along those lines. A phone call quickly elicited the joyous news that, yes, British Aerospace did indeed have such a marvellous mechanism and that, yes, provided they paid the transport costs, the railway engine designers could borrow it. Which action was duly put in train, so to speak.

The first tests were disappointing, to say the least. The supply of chickens (which are the only birds they could get which wouldn't get the RSPB up alongside their heads) quickly dwindled as they were catapulted at high speed against various grades of windscreen material. In each test the chicken penetrated the windscreen with ridiculous ease, making a nasty mess against the steel plate which was being used to represent the back wall of the driver's compartment. Much to the engineers' dismay, I might add. Even these limited geniuses realised that if a driver's head were to interpose itself between 125-mile-an-hour flying chicken, a shower of shattered high-velocity glass and that stationary steel wall, the consequences might not be exactly conducive to the driver's long-term health.

Finally, they had to admit defeat. It was suggested that since British Aerospace built the machine and their windshields weren't noted for being easily broken, it might be a smart move to ask the higher-flying company for help. This was finally done, and the appropriately qualified and experienced bod turned up at the appointed time.

"Show me your testing technique," he suggested. Obligingly, the test was set up for the umpteenth time, the chicken placed in the catapault and the windshield material lodged securely in its frame. The release button was pressed, the chicken accelerated to the appropriate velocity, and once again the testers were rewarded with a shower of broken glass and another mess to clean up.

"And that's the way it goes every time," the chief tester said to the pro from Dover in a disgusted tone of voice. "We just don't seem to get it right. What aren't we doing that you did?"

"Well," said the British Aerospace engineer dreamily, "for a start, when we did the testing we usually defrosted the chickens first ..."

It looked like a longish post and I wasn't sure I was going to read it all. I'm glad I did.

My old primary school in Sydney recently celebrated its centenary. The commemorative book brought to light the early history of the place, the most striking to me being the poverty of the community at the time (it's now very much a properous "middle class" area). So much so that one of the early Teachers (the first I think) supplied EVERYTHING - his travel costs to get there from the UK, the text books, slates and even fruit for students as I recall. The local community's budget only extended to the construction of the single room school building and his wages.

Nothing's changed hey - teaching's always been a labour of love.

stales

CK:

In 1977 I travelled from London to Edinburgh on a train that zipped along at a dreadful pace. A fellow traveller (a phrase you wouldn't have used then, though much more pejorative 20 years earlier) used a stopwatch to clock the train's speed. He was reporting to his friend times of 35 to 37 seconds to the mile. Interestingly enough, if you know the seconds it takes to go a mile there's an almost instant conversion. Divide the number of seconds into 3600. The result is MPH. We were doing a steady 100 MPH.

I thought that was pretty high speed! Particularly since the rest of the trip we averaged around 12 MPH on our bicycles.

TTF

>HSTs [guess what that stands for]

Hermajesty's Stalled Trains?
Highland Scottish Trews??
Handwringing Smooging Toadies?!

Hardly Shifts Today?
Horrible Smelly Traps?
Humbling Sad Travail?

All Hail the Acronym experts!