There was an article in my local paper today about San Jose State Univ's "Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest", wherein hopeful contestants proffer the worst of their worst. The "winning" entries can be found at http://www.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2001.htm, and include such gems as this:

"Virgule gazed across the vast, cold, steel expanse past his inquisitor to witness the full consequence of his previous decision - feral, withered children, in tattered, filthy garments, toiled mindlessly at his command in a single chamber which reeked of oil and burning animal flesh - his time had come to deliver the final instruction; "Yes! I would like fries with that.""

and this, which some of you who're inclined to think of these things as being funny might find enjoyable:

"Luigi knew deep down in the pits of his four stomachs that he and his fellow bovines on the island could no longer rely on the meager rations of electricity doled out to them by Farmer Pietro to stay warm, and he sought to convince the herd that the heat generated by a few hours of singing would give them the independence they sought, saying simply, "One day mooing heats our isle; I can beat Pete's supply--get some more hay!""

Dear Caradea: What a masochist one must be to voluntarily read prose honestly represented as "the worst".

Is the "Bad Hemingway" contest still in existence? I have an idea for it.

Ah, yes, it's that time again! Thanks for the reminder, er, caradea!
As *everyone knows, dear old Bulwer-Lytton is the one who actually® wrote "It was a dark and stormy night..."

I knew nothing of Bulwer-Lytton, and so read an article about him on Internet. I ran into word for which I could not find dictionary definition.

Bulwer found fertile
material in the dialectic of egoism and idealism. The tension between the two suggests what Aleister Crowley, the prophet of
Magick and thelema, and admirer of Lytton’s work, said of the conflict between his own Beast personality and his utopian,
Shelleyan side, though in his case it might all reduce to egoism. He remarks on Zanoni’s sacrifice in language that time has not softened into respectability.

On Internet I found some sites that mentioned it, but no concise definition.
" Law of Thelema. Most especially, this means a deeper understanding of oneself and of one's True Will. "

a deeper understanding of oneself and of one's True Will

Thought that was Thelema & Louise

Thelema is the Greek for will (as in willpower) and was a central plank of Crowley's magickal (he insisted on the k) system. The Law of Thelema was, if I remember correctly "Do what you Will shall be the whole of the Law." It wasn't supposed to just mean do what you want. Your Will in his system was your driving motivation from the spiritual core of your being.

Bingley

Thelema comes from Rabelais. It was the abbey with the rule of "Do what thou wilt", and a much happier place it was too than Ckrowley's nitwit misappropriation of it.

Not enough people read Rabelais these days. He is wonderful. Language-lovers especially: dive in!

It's funny, Dr. Bill. Laugh at it.

I have among others, a weakness for being unable to enjoy anyone else's misfortunes. I used to be miserable when my mother took me to Harold Lloyd movies. I stopped watching when he deliberately did something stupid to get a laugh. Same with Red Skelton taking potentially painful falls to make people laugh.
Incidentally, the article about Bulwer-Lytton made it clear that he was not a clown. His historical research was better than any of his more popular successors who copied much from him.

From the Miscellaneous Dishonorable Mentions:

With wild gesticulations and loud, gutteral shouts, "Father Steve" jerked the desperately ill patient back and forth while pelting him with oil, dousing him with holy water, and beating him vigorously about the head with a pocket New Testament (the words of Jesus being written in red) in his own unique version of Xtreme Unction.

Rev. William F. Charles
Birmingham, AL

I had no idea our resident padre was so cutting-edge!

Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
2001 Results

Thanks a lot, caradea I spent much too much time reading the entries but they just hit my funny bone.!

Allo wow,

What does that mean when you say they hit your funny bone?

Isn't your funny bone the space on the outside of your elbow that really smarts when you bang it?

Hi, bel - as no-one else is answering (perhaps they have understood and I have misunderstood, that your question was rhetorical?? no matter, I wil press on anyway!) may I offer a word of explication.

Your "funny-bone" is the bone which runs from shoulder to elbow - effectively keeping the two joints apart. It is the end of this bone which you knock so painfully. Its anatomical name is humerus which has been jocularly translated into "funny bone", fairly obviously, I guess.
Dr Bill is stretching the term even further by suggesting that this "humerus" bone is the seat of one's appreciation of "humour".
[/didacticism]

Ah, Rhu--dear bel was right in her assesment -- and i hope Dr Bill (or an other of our doc's) will fill in the details (and you where too!)

there is a nerve the runs on the out side of bone-- (from the humerus to the (radia? unla?) at the point of the elbow. (it is rare for major nerves to run so close to the skin,) if you bump your elbow at the point where the nerve is closest to the skin- you experience a sharp unusual pain-- you have bumped your "funny bone" --

I don't think the play on Humerus/humorous is known by most-- but every culture has noticed the special reaction that occurs when you bump just the (wrong) right spot on your elbow.--even ones that don't use our latin names for bones!