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Hi,

Can anyone help review a dissertation's abstract that's attached below? It's written in both our native language and English. We have no problem with the former, but not confident our English version.

I would appreciate it very much if you can kindly give some advices. \:\)

Calli


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ABSTRACT

Starting from 1990s onwards, a revolutionary transformation from the era of industrial economy to the era of knowledge economy, occurs in our society, when the enterprises experience a great change of the context of times and the environment of competition. In the 21st century, this competition will become increasingly fierce.
Chinese enterprises should learn from foreign experience in order to use the methodology of SCM or Supply Chain Management. Basing on their own reality and aiming at channels management, they can realize this by outsoucing and carry it out by first putting it into place then keeping it optimized.
Other than SCM, which has been widely used in enterprises, SCMS or Supply Chain Management Services, which is still in the phase of exploration and research, is a brand new theory. New theories are developing while the outside world is renovating. A business must utilize more and better theories to operate in order to keep itself to foot at this competive society. The ideas of SCMS are evolving together with a variety of new thoughts of marketing and management. All of these theories and thoughts will keep our world advancing. SCMS will become the trend in a certain period of time. Itís an important issue for us to deal with. It involves logistics, transportation, quality control, enterprise performance assessment, information systems and technology,.
In this paper, keeping in mind the SCM in a business environment, we analyzed the problems and solutions of current SCM and its trend in the future. We delved into a few aspects of SCMS. By using the SCMS theory, we analyzed the deterministic problems, such as logistics, transportation, quality control & supervision system, and information systems technology, as well as indeterministic issues, such as manufacture flexibility and service deviation, so as to provide a theoretical guidance for the business operation.

Keywords:Supply Chain Management, Quality Control, Information Systems, Supply Chain Management Services
I only have time for the first paragraph, perhaps others can look at the rest of it for you...

The first paragraph is too long and awkwardly constructed. I suggest breaking it into more sentences, something like:

"Since the 1990s a revolutionary transformation has been occurring in our society. We are moving from the era of industrial economy to the era of knowledge economy. In this process enterprises experience great contextual change, especially in the environment of competition. In the 21st century, this competition will become increasingly fierce."

You have also misspelled "outsourcing."
Will you pay the winner in hard Chinese currency? \:\)
I quite like The Pook's version, but I'm going to show you some corrections "in place" just to show some improvements you could make without starting over.

Starting fromin the 1990s onwards, a revolutionary transformation from the era of industrial economy to the era of knowledge economy,
(this comma is currently separating the subject "transformation" from the verb of the clause - it needs to be removed)
occursed in our society, when the. Enterprises will experience a great changes ofin the context of times and the environment of competition. In the 21st century, thise competition will become increasingly fierce.
Chinese enterprises should learn from foreign experiences in order to use the methodology of SCM or Supply Chain Management (SCM). Basinged on their own realityies and aiminged at channels management, they can realize this(it's not clear to me what this refers to - is it SCM methodologies?) by outsourcing and carry it out by first putting it into place then keeping it optimized.(those three "it"s refer to "this", but once you've clarified "this", the "it"s probably won't work well)
Other than SCM, which has been widely used in enterprises, SCMS or Supply Chain Management Services (SCMS), which is still in the phase of exploration and research, is a brand new theory (this is redundant - is a brand new theory undergoing research - also I think "practice", "idea" or some other word might be better than "theory" throughout this paragraph). New theories are being developinged while the outside world is renovatinginnovating (I don't think you mean re-building, but doing new things). A business must utilize more and better theories to operate in order to keep itself to foot atup to speed in or apace with- I'm guessing because "to foot" makes no sense to me this competive society. The ideas of SCMS are evolving together with a variety of new thoughts ofin marketing and management. All of these theories and thoughts will keep our world advancing. SCMS will soon become the trend in a certain period of time. Itísand an important issue for us to deal with. It involves logistics, transportation, quality control, enterprise performance assessment, information systems and technology,.
In this paper, keeping in mind the SCM in a business environment, we analyzed the problems and solutions of current SCM and its trends in the future. We delved into a few aspects of SCMS. By using the SCMS theory, we analyzed the deterministic problems, such as logistics, transportation, quality control &and supervision systems, and information systems technology, as well as indeterministic issues, such as manufactureing flexibility and service deviation, so as to provide a theoretical (this word is suspect) guidance for the business operation.


Without the notes:
Starting in the 1990s, a revolutionary transformation from the era of industrial economy to the era of knowledge economy
occured in our society. Enterprises will experience great changes in the times and the competition. In the 21st century, the competition will become increasingly fierce.
Chinese enterprises should learn from foreign experiences in order to use the methodology of Supply Chain Management (SCM). Based on their own realities and aimed at channels management, they can realize the implementation of SCM methods by outsourcing and carrying them out by first putting them into place then keeping them optimized.
Other than SCM, which has been widely used in enterprises, Supply Chain Management Services (SCMS) is a brand new idea undergoing research. New ideas are being developed while the outside world is innovating. A business must utilize more and better operational practices in order to keep itself apace with this competive society. The ideas of SCMS are evolving together with a variety of new thoughts in marketing and management. All of these will keep our world advancing. SCMS will soon become the trend and an important issue to deal with. It involves logistics, transportation, quality control, enterprise performance assessment, information systems and technology,.
In this paper, keeping in mind SCM in a business environment, we analyze the problems and solutions of current SCM and its trends in the future. We delve into a few aspects of SCMS. By using SCMS theories, we analyze the deterministic problems, such as logistics, transportation, quality control and supervision systems, and information systems technology, as well as indeterministic issues, such as manufacturing flexibility and service deviation, so as to provide theoretical guidance for business operation.

Thank you, The Pook, for sparing the time out of your schedule to help!

\:\)
I am indebt and pleased to pay should the winner charge. And I think the suggestion can inspire a good business model. Will Anu the boss or anyone else like to consider setting up a platform fo this? \:\)

I hope it will not cost me much so that I go bankrupt, though. \:\)
Thanks very much for your kind help, Myridon, \:\) .
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