TWISTED METAPHORS - 09/03/06 12:29 PM
hi guys =)
my mom sent me the list below, purportedly culled from high school student essays. although i'd seen it before, it made me laugh.
sorry if it's been posted already; it's been awhile for me and i'm sure to have missed it.
anyone care to add to the list?
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room
temperature Canadian beef.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.
He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM machine.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled
with vegetable soup.
Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them in hot grease.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East
River.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
for a while.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something.
The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
she were a garbage truck backing up.
my mom sent me the list below, purportedly culled from high school student essays. although i'd seen it before, it made me laugh.
sorry if it's been posted already; it's been awhile for me and i'm sure to have missed it.
anyone care to add to the list?
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room
temperature Canadian beef.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.
He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM machine.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled
with vegetable soup.
Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them in hot grease.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East
River.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
for a while.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something.
The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
she were a garbage truck backing up.
