It has been suggested to me, quite sensibly I agree, that I indulge my interest in limericks by posting a Limerick thread. So I am.

I am calling the thread "The Limerick News" because each limerick will be inspired by a recent story in a leading newspaper.

Today's first limerick is inspired by "Accessory to Murder" in today's New York Times [posted in "Miscellany"]. Here's an extract:

"A backpack! Has a more ordinary, more benign, more ubiquitous accouterment of modern life ever taken on such a sudden connotation of darkness?"

Consider the once geeky backpack
Loaded with books and a snack -
Get out of the way
'Cause on the subway
The load could explode on a back.

Movies have become what director Alfred Hitchcock called a "MacGuffin" — a red herring that triggers a plot but has no other inherent value. Like MacGuffins, movies have little inherent purpose except to be talked about, written about, learned about — shared as information. [Movies just don't matter, Los Angeles Times, July 31, 2005 - see "Miscellany"]

Today, all the movies are drab
Compared to Oprah's free gab.
A glam MacGuffin
Will keep us all gushin'
Without payin' the box office tab.

Beliefs drive research agenda of new think tanks
Boston Globe, July 31, 2005

The [research] journal, which typically charges $27.50 per page to print an article, is portrayed by Ammons as a "scientific manifestation of free speech."

By contrast, the largest professional journals, which are often cited as sources of medical information -- such as Journal of the American Medical Association and the New England Journal of Medicine -- say they will reject an article if any peer reviewer raises serious objections about its methodology. Those journals do not charge for publication.

http://snipurl.com/gmbm

A research journal today
Will take any claptrap for pay.
As for peer review -
"We haven't a clue.
It's science cooked our own way."

Evolution of names for kids
San Francisco Chronicle, July 31, 2005

"Once a name catches on among high-income, highly educated parents, it starts working its way down the socioeconomic ladder," he wrote. High-end names become low-end names and eventually become dead-end names.

For their daughter, the Levitts chose Sophie from a list of two dozen girl's names that are popular today with highly educated parents. He predicts these names -- like Aviva, Flannery, Linden, Maeve and Waverly -- will be as common in 10 years as Emily, Hannah and Madison are today.
----
Since "Freakonomics" became a hit (it's No. 4 on Amazon.com), Levitt has had less time to do research, but he has been deluged with new data, which he calls the key to his work.

http://snipurl.com/gmce

There's more to a stat than we know.
"Freakonomics", the research will show,
Points to a trend
Which you can befriend
When a name on your child you bestow.

Anti-scam book uses swindlers as unwitting teachers
Seattle Times, July 31, 2005

Phantom dreams: These are the basis of nearly every scam, according to Shadel — something the victim desperately wants but that is out of reach.

Maybe it's easy money, free travel, providing for family or making a charitable donation to solve a problem.

A sophisticated con asks questions to unearth the victim's fantasy then gets the victim to fixate on that dream and become disconnected from reality and logic, Shadel said.

http://snipurl.com/gmcs

A con artist targets your dream
He will make all your fantasies seem
Like a dream that's come true
At a price just for you.
Phantom dreams disappear just like steam.

Net-savvy Gore banking on TV
Chicago Tribune, July 31, 2005

Gore, a self-described "recovering politician," is Current's chairman, and entrepreneurial lawyer Joel Hyatt is CEO. But the network is selling itself as "the first national network created by, for and with an 18-to-34-year-old audience."

"We want to be the television home page for the Internet generation," Gore said, though there's no shortage of existing media outlets targeting this particular demographic, which is coveted by advertisers in the belief that the virtue of thrift isn't learned until middle age.

http://snipurl.com/gmf0

Is politics just an addiction
Like crack or other affliction?
Will chad-stricken Gore
From "recovery" roar
In quest of electoral benediction?

World Not Set To Deal With Flu
Washington Post, July 31, 2005

Public health officials preparing to battle what they view as an inevitable influenza pandemic say the world lacks the medical weapons to fight the disease effectively, and will not have them anytime soon.
---------------
Meanwhile, the most dangerous strain of influenza to appear in decades -- the H5N1 "bird flu" in Asia -- is showing up in new populations of birds, and occasionally people, almost by the month, global health officials say.
-------------
In hopes of slowing a pandemic's spread, public health specialists have been debating proposals for unprecedented countermeasures. These could include vaccinating only children, who are statistically most likely to spread the contagion; mandatory closing of schools or office buildings; and imposing "snow day" quarantines on infected families -- prohibiting them from leaving their homes.

http://snipurl.com/gmfc

A "bird virus" is heading our way
A frightening pandemic will lay
Millions low
With nowhere to go.
Every day will be a "snow day".

it was easy to see why the Mets are so high on Jiuz. He possesses what scouts call "plus tools" -- a strong arm, soft hands, speed and power -- as well as a ''good body.'' Lean and muscular, he appears in no danger of growing fat. Right now, he's listed at 6-foot-3 and 176 pounds, but with better nutrition and weight training, the Mets' senior scout for the Dominican Republic, Eddy Toledo, expects him to put on 25 pounds of muscle over the next few years

Building the Béisbol Brand
New York Times Magazine, July 31, 2005

http://snipurl.com/gmmu

If you want to play ball with the best
You will have to bring more to the test
Than the talent to lead.
"Plus tools" you will need -
Speed and power to blow past the rest.

How much does GQ magazine like the new movie "The Dukes of Hazzard?" Enough to feature two stars from the film on its cover in successive months. --- The movie opens on Friday.
---------
the two covers were indicative of a strategy of creating and feeding addiction in readers. By parceling out the stars, magazines can potentially sell two magazines to fans of the film.

"Magazines have learned, rather than give it to you in one dose, they will give it to you one piece at a time. I used to say that a magazine was like a candy bar, you unwrap it and enjoy it, but now they are more like Reese's Pieces. Rather than eating the whole thing at once, you keep coming back for more."

Two Covers of One Magazine Give Great P.R. for New Movie
New York Times, August 1, 2005

http://snipurl.com/gmy4

Our culture is completely addicted
To 'highs', yet no-one predicted,
That a dose of a mag
Gets you hooked like a bag
Of some drug by the law interdicted.

The strategic shielding of most voters from any emotional or financial sacrifice for these wars cannot but trigger the analogue of what is called "moral hazard" in the context of health insurance, a field in which I've done a lot of scholarly work. There, moral hazard refers to the tendency of well-insured patients to use health care with complete indifference to the cost they visit on others. ----- But if all but a handful of Americans are completely insulated against the emotional -- and financial -- cost of war, is it not natural to suspect moral hazard will be at work in that context as well?

Who's Paying for Our Patriotism?
By Uwe E. Reinhardt
Washington Post, Monday, August 1, 2005; Page A17
http://snipurl.com/gn38

Noncombatants enjoying the fruits
(Most often the guys in the suits)
Of missing the war
Think war is a bore.
A "moral hazard" which breeds only brutes.

BTW this issue is explored in the new movie "Stealth" in which a robotic Stealth bomber is insensitive to the risks of "collateral damage" when targeting an enemy position. Unlike the other members of the Stealth team, it doesn't have any blood in its veins [what Shakespeare called "the milk of human kindness"].

"What we don't know, can't hurt us" is not an aphorism. It's a defence mechanism.

What we don't know can hurt us, of course.

Worse, it can brutalize us.

How the West Was Wonked
Gore & Co. Saddle Up For Silicon Valley
Washington Post, August 1, 2005

Al Gore has been reincarnated. Gone are the stuffy suits and ties. These days you're more likely to spot him in a hip, open-at-the-collar, all-black ensemble. Gone also is the wooden, almost mechanical personality. He's all smiles and jokes with his new clique of beautiful twenty- and thirty-somethings.
----------
Ling, a 28-year-old who also heads Current's "vanguard journalism" division, the group that will produce some segments, said the company is very "caj" (casual) and that among the best parts about it is that practically everyone who works there is in the same demographic as the target audience.

Gore, Hyatt, 55, and programming chief David Neuman, 44, a former executive at NBC, Channel One, Disney and CNN, are the cool older-brother figures in the company. They try to create a fun, laid-back atmosphere in the offices and studios by doing things such as stocking a snack station with free Skittles and Fritos.

http://snipurl.com/gniq

If you need to lead the vanguard
Lose the suit to win their regard.
To become all the rage
Of kids half your age
Be caj. It's really not hard.

Publicity stunts the latest trend in Bollywood
IANS [IndiaGlitz.com], Monday, July 18, 2005

Whether the Salman and Aishwarya controversy is a publicity gimmick or not may never be known but there is no doubt that Bollywood seems to be getting bolder with its publicity stunts.

Such stunts in Hollywood are a given. So much so that Tam Cruise's declaration of love for Kate Holmes was met with severe scepticism as both actors had films ready for release.

http://snipurl.com/gnvl

If you've got a movie to flout
Cause a stir just before it comes out.
Bend down on one knee -
"Marry me, Katie!"
And the box office will soar, no doubt.

Bacall: Cruise is sick
By Richard Simpson, Daily Mail
2 August 2005

'It's inappropriate and vulgar and absolutely unacceptable to use your private life to sell anything commercially. I think it's kind of a sickness.'
----------
As far as Cruise's gushing over his engagement to 26-year-old Miss Holmes goes, Miss Bacall simply seems to be saying what everyone else is thinking.

The actor, who remained fiercely private throughout his 11-year marriage to Nicole Kidman, has been ridiculed for the energetic way in which he has used his relationship with Miss Holmes to win coverage for War Of The Worlds.

http://snipurl.com/gnvy

St.-Tropez à Go-Go
New York Times, Travel, July 31, 2005

By the time Mick and Bianca Jagger tied the knot at the Chapel of St.-Anne in 1971, the place's notorious indulgences had cemented its reputation as St. Trop: St. Too Much, in French.
-----------------
For hedonism, Nikki Beach's only serious competitor is La Voile Rouge, a beach club famed for Champagne-spraying free-for-alls that make most World Series celebrations look like a kiddie party at Chuck E. Cheese's. Anecdotes are legion about rich industrialists buying bottles and bottles of Dom Pérignon ($1,350) that ultimately wind up in the hair of near-naked young women and other beachgoers.

http://snipurl.com/gohh

St. Tropez is Mt. Olympus in excess -
Baccanalian, pleasure-seeking, glam undress.
Spray champagne, dance and play,
Nikki Beach is 'hot' all day.
They say "St. Trop" is "St. too much". It's never less.

The world is moving to an Internet-based platform for commerce, education, innovation and entertainment. Wealth and productivity will go to those countries or companies that get more of their innovators, educators, students, workers and suppliers connected to this platform via computers, phones and P.D.A.'s.

A new generation of politicians is waking up to this issue. For instance, Andrew Rasiej is running in New York City's Democratic primary for public advocate on a platform calling for wireless (Wi-Fi) and cellphone Internet access from every home, business and school in the city.
-------------------
Mr. Rasiej wants to see New York follow Philadelphia, which decided it wouldn't wait for private companies to provide connectivity to all. Instead, Philly made it a city-led project - like sewers and electricity. The whole city will be a "hot zone," where any resident anywhere with a computer, cellphone or P.D.A. will have cheap high-speed Wi-Fi access to the Internet.

Calling All Luddites
By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN
New York Times, August 3, 2005

http://snipurl.com/goor

A hot zone is not what some expect.
It's not a neighborhood of prurient disrespect.
It's just a zone where you can get
Free access to the Net
To chat or hook up with a hot prospect.

tsuwm introduced a misnomered "worthless word" this week: "nelipot".

"Nelipot" doesn't appear in a leading newspaper [as far as I know], but it still deserves notice in The Limerick News. So here goes:

Neil Simon's "Barefoot in the Park"
"What a classic!", a ubiquitous remark.
But what would it be
If fans were to see
"Nelipot in the Park"? How stark!

nelipot

[fr. Gk. nelipous (nelipodos): unshod, barefooted]
/NEL i pot//
someone who walks about barefooted [per tsuwm]

Beating Hurdles, Scientists Clone a Dog for a First
New York Times, August 4, 2005

Dogs have such an unusual reproductive biology, far more so than humans, scientists say, that the methods that allowed cloning of sheep, mice, cows, goats, pigs, rabbits, cats, a mule, a horse and three rats, and creation of cloned human embryos for stem cells, simply do not work with them.
--------
[Snuppy.] Not Snoopy. The scientists named him for Seoul National University puppy.

Cloning researchers were awed at the achievement, but not everyone shared their admiration.

http://snipurl.com/gpnr

Pigs and sheep, a horse and a cow
They've all been cloned, but up until now,
A dog stumped them all.
Now a clone which they call,
Snuppy, is barking bow wow.

Here's one side of the story:

[By the way, "Snuppy" stands for "Snuppy — short for Seoul National University Puppy]

First Cloned Dog Is a One-in-a-Thousand Success
Los Angeles Times, August 4, 2005

Hwang said his group's primary aim was to develop genetically identical laboratory dogs for the study of animal and human diseases.

"With the promise of using a homogenous population of cloned dogs, maladies such as hypertension, diabetes, breast cancer or genetic disorders like congenital cardiac defect can be studied more efficiently," said Hwang, whose lab was the first to clone human embryos last year.

http://snipurl.com/gq8u

Novak Walks Off Live CNN Program
New York Times, August 5, 2005

Though Mr. Novak's walk-off was extreme, the sparring between him and Mr. Carville was hardly unusual. For years, their disagreements had been a staple of "Crossfire," a program on which they were part of a rotating panel of debaters.

In January, the president of CNN's domestic networks, Jonathan Klein, announced his intention to cancel "Crossfire" because it and other such programs relied on "head butting debate."

http://snipurl.com/gqkc

What would you expect of a show called "Crossfire"
If the talk was so boring it could never inspire
Serious head butting -
Not clucking or tutting
But bruising berating setting the ratings on fire.

McBoathouse Roils the Lake
New York Times, August 4, 2005

ON Lake Rabun in North Georgia, the social equivalent of "Where are you from?" or "What do you do?" is "Where do you keep your boat?"
-------------
Garagelike slips have become pavilions and are now becoming full-blown follies, more likely to cost $100,000 than the $30,000 or $40,000 spent five years ago, according to local contractors. The boat shed, where the rich of a different era let their runabouts quietly rock, has given way to the big statement.
-----------------
Naysayers, who tend to align themselves with the old money on the lakes, especially on Rabun, which was called "Lake Superior" in an Atlanta newspaper recently, have not slowed the McMansion development. Real estate prices are now routinely in the millions, and prices for lots or tear-down properties crossed the million-dollar mark in the last year.

Nor have they discouraged the expensive bark siding, wrought iron, stone fireplaces and copper roofs that embellish the newer boathouses and boathouse renovations, usually in the style of the Adirondack, Tudor or Just Plain Big houses they complement.

http://snipurl.com/grd9

What good is a trophy not on display?
If trees hide your mansion o'erlooking the bay
Build a McBoathouse
Just as big as a house.
That's the way to scream "MONEY!". What better way?

Avian Flu Vaccine Called Effective in Human Testing
New York Times, August 7, 2005

WASHINGTON, Aug. 6 - Government scientists say they have successfully tested in people a vaccine that they believe can protect against the strain of avian influenza that is spreading in birds through Asia and Russia.
-----------
Dr. Fauci has said that tests so far had shown that the new vaccine produced a strong immune response among the small group of healthy adults under age 65 who volunteered to receive it, although the doses needed were higher than in the standard influenza vaccine offered each year. The vaccine, developed with genetic engineering techniques, is intended to protect against infection, not to treat those who are sick.

http://snipurl.com/grxe

There's no "glam" in "conglomerate" in the teen market:

Gillette tries to capture a whiff of teen market
Firm's brand name conspicuously absent
Boston Globe, August 7, 2005

Gillette Co. wants teenagers to believe that its new Tag body spray will make them babe magnets. What Gillette does not want them to know is that it makes the hip scent.

The company's name does not appear anywhere on the cans, which warn users that the body spray is ''uniquely designed to attract the ladies." Gillette's name is also missing from the television and magazine advertisements showing gaggles of women tackling Tag-wearing teens.

Fantasy sells as easy as pie
As long as it smells like pie in the sky.
A cologne's no gyp
If it makes you feel hip
Unless it's designed by some suit in a tie.

http://snipurl.com/grzf

In Iraq, the life you save ...
Seattle Times, August 7, 2005 [from LA Times]

DSAC-Iraq to Baghdad veterans — is part Outward Bound and part James Bond.
------------------
The civilians are taught how to behave if taken hostage (don't panic) and are told what to do if confronted by kidnappers (move). They learn what to do if their convoy is ambushed (get out of the "kill zone" — the area targeted by attackers), what to use to control bleeding (duct tape, necktie, sock) and what to do before leaving for Iraq (make a will).

The 19 men and nine women in a recent course were government and contract office workers and technical experts, not people familiar with guns or heavy ordnance. With their expertise required in Iraq, they volunteered to serve there — out of a sense of duty and patriotism, several said.
---------------
For some of them, he predicted, living in Baghdad would cause insomnia, irritability, impatience, depression and what the instructor called "emotional shutdown."

A Baghdad tour is no stroll downtown
You could get nabbed or even mowed down
By a rocket mortar
Or a suicide porter
Or if you're lucky by emotional shutdown.

http://snipurl.com/gs2b

Makeup gets the brushoff
Natural look appeals to women adopting a 'less is more' approach
Chicago Tribune, August 7, 2005

The hottest look in makeup right now, beauty editors agree, is looking like you're not wearing any at all.

"No one wants to look like they are spackled," said Sarah Brown, beauty director at Vogue magazine. "The point is to make your skin look better than it is."

Signs of the "less is more" approach are popping up in unexpected places.

http://snipurl.com/gs90

What is hot in makeup is really not
What you thought. The stuff you bought
At a price so dear
Is so thin and clear
You would look as good without the lot.

Baring All
Some runners are gaining strength by going shoeless
Seattle Times, Sunday Magazine, August 7, 2005

There have been accomplished barefoot runners over the years. Ethiopia's Abebe Bikila won the first of consecutive Olympic Gold Medals in 1960 by finishing with a world record. And there was Zola Budd. But can we mortals handle it?

Many podiatrists and sports-medicine experts say that going barefoot for a bit can help build strength in the feet and calves, but people who take it to the extremes, such as marathons, are asking for trouble.
---------
Nike released this spring its Free 5.0, which, curiously, is barely a shoe (although it retails for $85). The Free was developed and is advertised as a way to reap the strength-training benefits of running barefoot, but doing so while protecting the foot from the vagaries of the urban jungle (glass, gum, rocks).

Nike's lab in Beaverton, Ore., studied the biomechanics of barefoot running and noticed wide differences between running with and without shoes. Without shoes, the foot strikes the ground in a far more neutral angle and the toes play a far greater role. The results, the company says, include a more even distribution of pressure.

Development of the shoe began three years ago, when a team of Nike designers were on a trip to Palo Alto and watched Stanford track athletes warming up barefoot.
-----------------
Dr. Brian McInness of the sports medicine clinic at Virginia Mason Medical Center says people with perfect biomechanics who train progressively should do fine with the shoes, but the shoes likely won't be "for the masses."
--------------
In a recent article, Men's Journal describes the differences that come naturally when one runs barefoot. With shoes, you typically run with an upper body that is tall and straight. Your landing leg sets straight down in front of the torso and the heel strikes the ground first. Without shoes, your upper body takes a shorter posture, your landing leg stays beneath the torso and your forefoot, not your heel, strikes — lightly.

http://snipurl.com/gs9t