I was checking a chart today and the nurse's note reported the patient as being "cold and clampy". Sounds uncomfortable.

especially depending on what the patient was being treated for...

Sounds like the nurse could use some ad-vise on spelling.

Cudda signalled the onset of preeclampsia.

Medical notes
(from Jester - 24 April 2001)
The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians...

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.


Patient has chest pain if she lies on her side for more than one year


On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared


She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night


The patient has been depressed ever since she started seeing me in 1983


Patient was released to out patient department without dressing


I have suggested that he loosen his pants without standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor


The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.


Discharge status: Alive but without permission


The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him


Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful


The patient refused an autopsy


The patient has no past history of suicides.


The patient expired on the floor uneventfully


Patient has left his white blood cells in another hospital


The patient's past medical history has been remarkabley insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days


She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December


The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room


The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch


Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant


The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airoplane ran out of gas and crashed.


Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up


She is numb from her toes down


While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home


The skin was moist and dry


Coming from Detroit, this man has no children


Patient was alert and unresponsive


When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room

When I first started dictating reports I got one back claiming that a patient with arthritis had "pain in her empty head." I had said MT head, the abreviation for metatarsal.

- although with this particular lady....