WO'N's new thread
Transmutational Phraseology- inquiring about the term describing a book title, or play title, which is remembered and parodied long after the book or play has taken its final bow - arrives just in time to consider the latest example of the phenomenon,
Paris Hilton: Confessions of an Heiress, a Tongue in Chic Peek Behind the Pose.
Paris Hilton's voyeurography, if I may call it that, is noteworthy not only because it is the latest example of the phenomenon WO'N has identified, but also because it may set a record for achieving that status faster than any other book title in history.
Its pages are not only forgettable in relation to its cover, its pages
are a cover for its cover.
In fact, "Confessions of an Heiress" isn't a book. It's a cover. What biblionym could enter the language faster than that, WO'N?
I would like to claim the distinction of being the first person, at least on AWADtalk, to parody "Paris Hilton: Confessions of an Heiress".I plan to publish:
"Peoria Chilton: Confessions of a Heirdresser, A Peek Beneath the Couture." Please wait for the first instalment:
"When you can wear a tiara and look this good, why wear anything else!" 
Anyone know a Paris Hilton look-alike who will pose for the back cover ... which is actually the front cover featuring the pose we
really want to see on Paris' front cover. [Ahem, 10% of the royalties. P.S. You only have to look like Paris from the rear, butt if you don't, no need to apply.
]
At least the purchasers of my title will get what they please, instead of the tease.
Why?Why "Confessions of an Heiress"?
Or, why "Confessions of a Heirdresser", Musick.
In either case, because this is what her public seems to want.
As they would say in Merry Olde England:
"Where's there's muck, there's brass." [In every sense of the word.
]
The first parody of "Confessions of an Heiress" is now out, "Paris the Heiress"*, but Paris seems to be milking the parody appeteat dry heirself. No fair, Paris!
Paris has just come out with a line of jewellery any wannabe heirhead can afford [less than $100 a wannabe bauble], and now she has a contract to hawk Burger Kings.
This just in:
"Fans of the blond bombshell will get to see even more of Paris in the next few months if the fast food chain Burger King gets their way. BK wants the celebutante to represent them in a new advertising campaign — and they're willing to pay her $750,000 for her time."
At last, Burger King has a Queen!* "Paris the Heiress: An Unauthorized Parody" by Steven Chorney.
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0740748084.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg
Paris does Paris.
Think of the heir-blazing, Trompe de la Gucci, haute hilarity of that!
Paris visits the West Bank and discovers it isn't a bank!
Paris visits the Louvre and discovers that the window blinds are all hanging on the wall. And they're not for sale. Hors de heiress!
Paris on Two Hundred Thousand a Day.
Bon voyeurage!
Our "hi-flying socialite" [emphasis on the "lite"] has now found her haute spiritual enlightenment side.No doubt, there is a
Kabballah Hilton in the works.
This hottie hautepreneur is gonna make grandaddy Baron Hilton look like a hautebeen.
See
"Paris turns to Kabballah to de-stress". JUST IN!
http://www.webindia123.com/news/showdetails.asp?id=47117&cat=India
I love Paris in the Springtime
I love Paris in the Fall
I love Paris in her tiara
But I love Paris best in nothing, at all.
JUST IN! "Paris Hilton seeks tiara trademark" And it has a "P" where the "BK" ought to be!
Maybe the hottie "hotel heiress" is moving upmenu. What do ya think?
Look for some wannabe Paris "kitchen utensils". Like silver-plated spoons. That is so haute!
"The hotel heiress filed a trademark application in late July to register a logo of a tiara with a "P" centered in the middle, the Smoking Gun Web site first reported Friday.
The logo application, which cost $325 to file, looks to put the logo on audio and visual recordings, eyewear, prepaid calling cards, kitchen utensils, mugs, key chains, soaps, body oils and other goods."
http://money.cnn.com/2004/08/30/news/newsmakers/paris_hilton/"Prepaid Paris Calling Cards". Do you think we can call Paris with them? Haute my heart races at the thought!
Get thee to a mummery!
- The MGMT
Get thee to a mummery!If you are really "-The MGMT", snoot, you've arrived when the show is over. Which is good timing.
JUST IN Stars make tiny dogs latest Big Thing By Elizabeth Large
Baltimore Sun
Grapho ruffled some of the legacy plummage around here so we sent him packing [and "Good riddance!", I might add] but his colossal gall aside, he was on to a good thing in bringing us regular up-dates of the derring do's of the "so haute" heiress.
[We may persecute presumption around here, but we are smart enough to relieve our outcasts of their valuables before we run them out of town.
]
Paris gets tales wagging again!
http://www.cincypost.com/2004/09/11/dog09-11-2004.html
For those who are still curious about "the other" Paris, we bring you this:http://www.latimes.com/travel/columnists/postcards/
JUST IN Paris says cooking is "hot"!!!Get out your aprons, ladies. Paris has just "unveiled" her
haute frau side!!!
PARIS UNVEILS KITCHEN SKILLS
"She [Paris] says, "I'm the best cook. I'm such a good cook. If you're an heiress you should be able to cook. It's hot."
I can see them now:
Paris Hilton oven mitts crowned with the famous tiara and the legend
"Cooking is hot!".
What could be
hotter than that!!!
Burger King eat your heart out. [Or better yet, bake your cardboard tiara.]
http://www.contactmusic.com/new/xmlfeed.nsf/mndwebpages/PARIS HILTON UNVEILS KITCHEN SKILLS
Paris Hilton oven mittsDid we say "oven mitts"? That is SO un-haute!!!
"Oven gloves" [but, of course] with lots of finger room for haute faux heiress rings fitted with haute faux heiress diamonds.
It opens up a whole new category:
haute faux frau!!!
Gotti takes a hit.Paris turns Victoria Gotti's world upside-down by wacking her boys.
"Who the [bleep] are the Gottis?" Hilton reportedly said.Careful, Paris! Some "hits" can hit back. [Just kiddin', Victoria.
]
Is Paris an heirhead, or does she really have cohonas?
Read all about it, fans. Haute huff or haute bluff?
Will Paris be doing her next cover spread spread out under a cover?
Is this the beginning of a new reality TV series? I can see it now:
CELEBRITY HITS: She did the world. Now she does the underworld.Paris Hilton suffers from situational amnesia!
New York September 08, 2004 2:21:20 PM IST Paris Hilton left reality TV star Victoria Gotti fuming after she refused to meet Gotti and her boys - John, Carmine and Frankie at a nightclub in Miami.
According to New York Daily News, Victoria had brought her sons to the nightclub Mansion specifically to meet their fellow reality TV star Paris, and even sent over a security guard to inform Hilton of their arrival but Hilton refused to met them.
"Who the [bleep] are the Gottis?" Hilton reportedly said. [OUCH!!!]
"I've helped that girl. She came to me after her sex-tape scandal and I did a story where she got to defend herself. Remember? 'Paris: I'm Not a Tramp!' For her to say she doesn't know me or my boys is ridiculous. And if she wants to say you don't know me, then at least be polite," Victoria was quoted as saying. (ANI)
People are selling Paris' Tinkerbell posters on eBay. "That was so mean!", Paris says.There's a lesson in this Wannabes. It's OK to be haughty - as in "Who the [bleep] are the Gottis" - but never be "mean".
"Mean" is about as low as you can go, haute people. Be a haughty hottie, just like Paris.
Wednesday, 8 Sep 2004
"Hotel heiress Paris Hilton is horrified to learn posters she placed around Hollywood in search of her Chihuahua Tinkerbell have now ended up on auction website eBay. Hilton's beloved pooch went missing last month and turned up a week later after the blonde beauty offered a $5,000 reward on a string of posters. She says,
"People were selling them on eBay! They took them all down. I saw it on eBay. That was so mean!"
JUST IN Paris fights for animal rights ... her own, of course.Paris is fighting to keep her pet ferrets, Dolce and Gabbana. It's not legal in California to keep ferrets as pets. "I don't think that's a fair law", Paris says.
Does this signal a major move into haute activism, Wannabes?
I can see it now:
Paris Hilton animal shelter-suites.Give your outlawed anaconda a five star Hilton suite.
It's not "fair" that cute little critters should have to live in the streets with unkempt street 'people'.
Maybe Arnie will take up the cause, Paris reasons. Arnie played opposite a ferret in "Kindergarten Cop".
HILTON FIGHTS TO KEEP FERRET PETSSocialite Paris Hilton is calling for California Governor Anold Schwarzenegger's help as she fights to keep her pet ferrets.
The hotel heiress let slip that she owns two ferrets, called Dolce and Gabbana, when she recently appeared on Jay Leno's "The Tonight Show." Californians are banned from keeping ferrets as pets.
So now, Hilton is hoping to change the law and is joining a group urging Schwarzenegger, who co-starred with a ferret in "Kindergarten Cop," to give lovers of the animals in his state a break.
She says, "I wish there was a law that ferrets were legal because I don't think that's a fair law."
The proposed law that Hilton is backing would give ferret owners amnesty for vaccinated, neutered ferrets.
http://www.sfgate.com/columnists/dailydish/
has been going on for years. The Beatles sang a protest song about the Liverpool City Council's decision to send "Ferrets 'Cross the Mersey."
Check your Pacemakers, TEd
I hope they're not jerry built, (cross threading pun).
What happened to my ferret?Looking at this list of ferret dangers, it makes you wonder if a ferret is really designed for life in a typical home [even a haute home with Tinkerbell and Paris]:
http://www.craftycreatures.com/forferretsonly/ferretschool_danger.htmlWho would have guessed there are so many ways to kill a defenceless ferret?
JUST IN Guess "Celebrity Hits" won't be coming to prime time television any time soon, Wannabes. Someone told Paris how Victoria Gotti got to be a celebrity. "Psst. You know those "Godfather" pizzas Tinkerbell likes with the cute slogan."
So Paris and Victoria are haute-flying birds of a feather again ... which makes a lot of sense to us 'cause they're both named after capital cities.
Besides, we're having too much fun with Paris' auto-bio-haute-hottie-heirhead parody!!!
HILTON HALTS FEUD WITH GOTTIhttp://www.contactmusic.com/new/xmlfeed.nsf/mndwebpages/HILTON HALTS FEUD WITH GOTTI
Guess Grapho wasn't the only one who wanted to see more of Paris in less.* Guess who Guess has just chosen as its new "demi-pornographic" Guess Girl"? You Guessed it, Wannabes!
They [Guess and Paris] each got their way (the amount paid is a secret) and now Ms. Hilton, photographed in demi-pornographic poses wearing silky pink cocktail dresses and much less, is the face (and body) of Guess, which, as a company, is getting its own makeover.Go to:
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/09/25/business/25guess.html?adxnnl=1&8hpib=&adxnnlx=1096120942-jyNCxoX1Kcz98cw2If5tuwGuess Burger King can start looking for a new Queen. [Most of BK's family customers like their burgers fully dressed anyway.]
* All is forgiven, Grapho. Come on back! We love you, Grapho.
Just stick to the "haute hum" and leave the Carpal Tunnels alone, OK?
Just stick to the "haute hum" and leave the Carpal Tunnels alone, OK?Well, OK, if you insist, themgmt. I guess I owe you for holding up my end when they gave me the old frogleg heave-ho.
The Carpal Tunnels have become a bit downmarket anyway, don't you think? Can u picture a Carpal Tunnel in a Guess T-shirt?
Will Guess get "Screwed"?We wonder if Guess will get "Screwed" as part of its deal with Paris. "Screwed" certainly chimes with "demi-pornographic".
Paris' version of "Screwed" was "leaked" online [Have we heard this story before, Heirheads?] and no date has been set for her first album "Paris is Burning".
We don't need to wait for the vocals. We know this album is going to be "hot!".
JUST IN"Paris Hilton appears to be winning the battle with Hilary Duff's older sister Haylie Duff over the single "Screwed," after the hotel heiress' version was leaked onto the internet. Both have recorded the same song, and while they were figuring out how to proceed, Hilton's version has now been put online after it was aired on the radio. ... Duff also said she planned to release her own version by early August, but now Hilton has inadvertently beaten to her to it. Hilton's spokesperson Gina Hoffman says, "It's not something we put out. It's a leak. And that's really disturbing." Hoffman adds that Hilton doesn't have a release date for her debut album Paris Is Burning yet, or even a distribution deal in place, so the release is too early to promote the record. The version making the rounds on the internet was recorded from a radio station's airing."
So who got "Screwed", Wannabes? [Not our Paris!
]
http://www.starswelove.com/scriptsphp/news.php?newsid=4721Remember, Wannabes. You don't have to go to Paris for the news. You get it all right here on "Confessions of an Heirhead".
Stay tuned, Heirheads.
Paris is burning ... red-hot!JUST IN Hilton busy with film, TV projectsThe only thing they left out of this account is Paris' gig with Guess. [But we didn't let you down, Wannabes.
]
"And if the movie doesn't satisfy the public's appetite for all-things Paris, they'll have their chance in a lot of other venues: in print, online, in stores, in clubs and on television. Her book, "Confessions of an Heiress," is No. 6 on the New York Times best-seller list; she has a jewellery line on Amazon.com; she is developing an apparel and denim line under Heiress Clothing; she's trademarked her signature saying "That's Hot," with plans in the works to develop a merchandising and apparel line emblazoned with the phrase; she's prepping for the release of a new perfume line; she's designing and planning a string of nightclubs called Club Paris, the first set to debut in Orlando; she's putting the finishing touches on her debut album; and she's currently in creative discussions with Fox and Bunim/Murray for "The Simple Life 3" with pal Nicole Richie."
http://www.reuters.co.uk/newsPackageArticle.jhtml?type=entertainmentNews&storyID=591352§ion=newsParis is so hot "The Donald" is beginning to look like Regis Philbin.
"she's designing and planning
a string of nightclubs called Club Paris"
Could this be a clue to the kind of entertainment Club Paris will offer, Wannabes?
Remember you heard it here first.
We have all the news you are burning to hear about Paris!
"Paris is burning", Wannabes, but no-one wants to put her out. We put it out when Paris puts out.
Could this be a clue to the kind of entertainment Club Paris will offer, Wannabes?Don't think so, themgmt. Most likely it will be "no strings attached".
Looks like Paris is the center-fold of another sex 'scandal'.
JUST IN Paris Hilton's Latest Sex TapeExtract:
"The footage is believed to have been made from 12 hours of video stolen from Hilton's home rented Hollywood Hills home last month."
Hilton's spokesman Elliot Mintz warned that Hilton's legal team will sue anyone who tries to give away her X-rated tapes to the tabloids.Do you think he's Mintzing his words, Wannabes?
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/866917.cmsA picture is worth a thousand words, Heirheads. Paris doesn't take a back seat to anyone!
Hilton's legal team will sue anyone who tries to give away her X-rated tapes to the tabloidsTranslation: If you have a copy of this tape, Wannabes, don't "give it away". Sell it.
"An asymmetrical dress designed for actress and model Paris Hilton also has become a fashion sensation and is now available exclusively at http://www.cdbstore.com."http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/041001/phf009_1.htmlNo-one can fool us, Heirheads. It's not the dress which became the "fashion sensation".
Paris looks good in asymmetrical dress ... and even better in
assymmetrical undress.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/866917.cmsLest we forget.
[Naughtie, naughtie, little hottie.
]
"BK wants the celebutante to represent them in a new advertising campaign — and they're willing to pay her $750,000 for her time."Now that Paris and Victoria Gotti have made up, it's OK to poke fun at Victoria again.
So, here goes, Wannabes.
If Paris is a
celebutante, does that make Victoria a
mobutante?
Hey, if you Gottit, flaunt it, right!!!
does that make Victoria a mobutante?Watch out, Grapho. Someone could rat-a-tat tattle on you.
[You aren't the most popular poster around here anyway ... or haventcha noticed?
]
Watch out, Grapho. Someone could rat-a-tat tattle on you.Thanks for the warning, themgmt. I've bin dodgin Carpal Tunnels so long I forgot what a
real Thompson looks like.
It's the gun that won the Mid-West ... for Al Capone
.
Victoria! I take it all back!!!
You are not a
mobutante. You are a
celebutante, just like Paris. Her granddaddy was a Baron. Your daddy was a mobster. So what's the difference? This is America!
[I owe you, the mgmt. Just let me know and I'll give any Carp a "free pass" ... for the day.
]
Just let me know and I'll give any Carp a "free pass" ... for the day
I don't want you carpin' on any Carp, Grapho.
I don't want you carpin' on any Carp, GraphoFor a whole day?
Ever!
Jeez, the mgmt. You gotta be kiddin'.
Jeez, the mgmt. You gotta be kiddin'.
You could be wearin' concrete sneakers, Grapho.
Ever!You can't agree to that, Grapho!
You can't agree to that, Grapho!
Oh, yeah! It's easy for you to say, Wordminstrel. If I get wacked, are you gonna be my "wingman"?
If I get wacked, are you gonna be my "wingman"?
Well, let's see what Plutarch has to say about this?
Well, let's see what Plutarch has to say about this?
Where's Plutarch?
Well, let's see what Plutarch has to say about this?
Look, Grapho. I got nothing against no Viet Cong.
Well, it looks like you've really done it now, Grapho.
Maybe we can negotiate some concessions. How about any Carpal Tunnel except ...
How about any Carpal Tunnel except ...
Yeah, I can go along with that. Any Carp but him. We've got to be able to defend ourselves.
How about any Carpal Tunnel except ...I'll give it a try, guys. Looks like themgmt has got us over a barrel ... a double barrel.
OK, themgmt. Here's the deal. We lay off all the Carpal Tunnels
except ....
We lay off all the Carpal Tunnels except ...
Even him, Grapho ... if he's not Falosophizing.
if he's not Falosophizing
Or Falubricating.
Or Falubricating
Or Falmufflegating.
Or Falmufflegating
Or Faltificating.
[Falmufflegating???]
OK, OK! It's a deal!And let there be no
Falduggery about this, either!
I'm glad that's out of the way, Grapho.
Let's get back to the "Haute Hum", OK?
Let's get back to the "Haute Hum", OK?OK, the mgmt. I Gottin enuf trouble for one day.
Just keep up the good work, Grapho.
What's up with Paris anyway?
JUST IN "Past Paris just a preview"Extract:
Still shell-shocked by images from Paris' first tape, Hilton fans are hoping the new ones will stay out of circulation.Are we
"shell-shocked" Heirheads?
http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2004/09/30/1096401696450.html?oneclick=true10 hours of footage, Wannabes. This isn't a leak. It's a flood.
It's enough to keep us going for a long, long time.
It's enough to keep us going for a long, long time.The Carpals will be pleased, Grapho. I know I am.
Traffic to the forum is way up
* since we launched "Confessions of an Heirhead".
It's OK to say "we", isn't it? "themgmt" helped you thru some rough patches, wouldn't you say?
* So far, they're just lurkin'. You could say the lurks are coming for the leaks.
the lurks are coming for the leaksI'm sure they'll want to sign up, themgmt. They're our kind of people.
Maybe if we could get ourselves banned, we could make our own Heirhead headlines all over the world.
I can see the story now:
AWAD hits the Heirwaves - Carpal Tunnels can't put up with Paris putting out
re AWAD hits the Heirwaves: "Maybe we can get ourselves banned"
Sounds like a good idea, Grapho. I'll take it up with the Carps.
Maybe we can get the Big Carp himself to go postal on CNN.
Maybe we can get the Big Carp himself to go postal on CNNSee if you can get him to go postal right here. That would be a good start.
re the Big Carp
The Big Carp says it's a load of crap, but he'll do it if he gets to read some of his own material on the Heirwaves.
he'll do it if he gets to read some of his own material on the HeirwavesTell him no-one wants to hear that crap ... unless he does it raving. [He needs to be prepped for this appearance.
]
unless he does it ravingBrilliant, Grapho. It gives a whole new meaning to "Rave Reviews".
It could be the next reality TV blockbuster. Bigger than "The Simple Life" if we could get Paris to play opposite the
Big Carp!
BTW the
Big Carp is working up a big rave already.
BTW the Big Carp is working up a big rave alreadyGood. He's a natural talent.
re the
Big Carp and Paris. Genius. Pure genius!
But the
Big Carp will have to do all his takes without Paris. We can image her in later.
I don't want the
Big Carp to lose his focus. His rave could turn into a twitter.
[He might even end up losing his rants.
]
re the Big Carp is working up a big rave already: "Good. He's a natural talent."
The Big Carp is about ready to make an unscheduled appearance on "Confessions of an Heirhead", Grapho.
The Big Carp is about ready to make an unscheduled appearanceExcellent. We can use the laughs.
re unscheduled appearance
Is this wise, Grapho? We don't want him to peak too early.
re "We don't want him to peak too early"Wait'll he sees Paris.
[It's hard to keep 'em down on the farm, once they have seen Paree.
]
re peaking too early
I think we ought to husband his rave, Grapho. I want to save his best stuff for Barbara Walters.
I want to save his best stuff for Barbara Walters
I see what you mean, themgmt. But we really could use the filler. Paris isn't putting out a lot today.
Do you really think the Big Carp is right for Barbara? I was thinking Jerry Springer.
Good morning, Wannabes.
It's a slow news day [so far] so we'd like to take you on a little trip down memory lane while Paris rests up for her next red-hot romp on the Heirwaves.
Call it an slight heirgression!
And, don't forget, we could have a special surprise for you any minute. The
BIG CARP himself could be joining us "live". That's right, Wannabes. He's just like the mountain you've been hearing about on TV.
You never know when he's going to blow his top.
So far the
Big Carp is just venting steam. But the magma is cracking up his composure, believe me.
So STAY TUNED.
Did you know that magma on the move can blow a rock a foot long 3 miles over ground? That's true! This thread is being monitored by Carpal Tunnels so we won't make any explicit comparisons with Paris.
But, suffice it to say, Paris can blow your mind as well as your, er, imagination.
Here's a reminder, Carpalheads ... just in case your lurkin'.
http://www.platinum-celebs.com/models-pictures/paris_hilton/paris_hilton_pictures_02.htmlAnd, if that isn't enough to keep you standing by, themgmt could be dropping by any time to give us the latest seismic data on the
Big Carp.
We went to "Stage 3" alert when the
Big "Cap" went into "harmonic tremors" yesterday afternoon, but he's settled down some since them.
But it's just a matter of time, Heirheads. This
"Cap" is gonna blow. themgmt is on this 24/7.
Did you know that
magma on the move can blow a rock a foot long 3 miles over ground? That's true!
JUST IN Mt. St. Helens Lets Off More Steam
Emissions Follow Days of Tremors and EarthquakesExtract:
MOUNT ST. HELENS NATIONAL MONUMENT, Wash. -- Mount St. Helens belched more steam Monday following several days of tremors and low-level earthquakes that have raised fears that the mountain might blow at any moment.http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A5914-2004Oct4.htmlThere's a whole lot of quakin' goin' on!
Oops! Paris has just uncovered her ugly side.We have always said Paris should be seen and not heard, Heirheads ... and the less she is seen in, the better.
This could put a damper on that Guess Girl opp. It could kill the haute faux frau line, the haute faux heirhead jewelery, and even Club Paris.
There isn't a big market out there for celebutante racists. Heirrogance is one thing. Heiracism another.We thought all that haughty hottie, hautepreneurial heiress stuff was a lot of "haute air" anyway. Remember?
Now we can get back to basics!
We've got 12 hours of Paris sex tapes to look forward to.
[That'll keep the leaks leakin' and 'the lurks' peekin', trust me.
]
JUST IN A sorry tale of Hilton's latest tapeExtract:
Paris Hilton has two faces - and one of them is very, very ugly.
In a recently surfaced 12-hour videotape, Hilton is shown in a rather disturbing scene with two African-American men who ask her if she would model their fashion line."
Hilton, standing with pal Brandon Davis, is polite to the men, but calls them "dumb n--s" after they leave, according to British reporter Carole Aye Maung, who reviewed the tape.http://nydailynews.com/front/story/237174p-203602c.htmlParis Hilton's red-hot rocket to the moon has just cratered.
It's a classic study of
haute faux heirhead hubris, Wannabes.
From the sublime to the perdiculous in the wink of an eye.
Last week Paris was "demi-pornographic". Now's she's just "pornographic".
And that's the Paris we love best!
We've got 12 hours of Paris sex tapes to look forward to. [That'll keep the leaks leakin' and 'the lurks' peekin', trust me. ]Keep up the good work, Grapho.
The Carps may complain about "the pricks", but they can't argue with "the clicks".
As far as I'm concerned, you're one of us now, Grapho.
All those "pinpricks" are just "male bonding", as ASp would say.
As far as I'm concerned, you're one of us now, Grapho.
Gee, thanks, themgmt. That's all I ever wanted ... to be accepted as one of "the Carps".
Does this mean I get to visit the Carpal Tunnel Temple?
Does this mean I get to visit the Carpal Tunnel Temple?You've got it, Grapho!
You even get to sit next to the
Big Carp Himself.
You even get to sit next to the Big Carp Himself.I feel like I've been Carpal Tunnelized.
I feel like I've been Carpal Tunnelized.It
is an honor, Grapho.
You're the first one who ever made it there on merit.
You and all your avatars haven't posted 25% of the "Carpal Quota".
But who can argue with your "clicks"?
If there is one thing a Carp understands, Grapho, it's "the clicks"
*.
No Carp and all his Carpal Clique has ever "clicked" as much as you have! I always believed in ya, Grapho!
* We have a saying which goes all the way back to the
Founding Falsesage:
"The clicks count more than the content." Res ipsa loclictur.
We call it:
The Law of Carpal Tunnelority
We call it: The Law of Carpal TunnelorityWell, I guess every law was made to be broken, themgmt.
I feel humbled by the honor.
I feel humbled by the honor.You can't be serious, Grapho!
Wait 'til Plutarch hears about this.
It is an honor, Grapho. You're the first one who ever made it there on merit.
Have you forgotten what we're fighting for, Grapho!
We're not just fighting for a meritocracy. We're fighting for democracy.
They only want you now because you've become a Carpalebrity!
You can't be a man of the Carpal and also a man of the people.
Get your head straight, Grapho!
They only want you now because you've become a Carpalebrity!
Yeah, but I get to sit next to the Big Carp. Maybe I could make him understand.
Maybe I could make him understand.
Whadaya say, Plutarch. It's worth a shot, isn't it?
JUST IN "Loaf" rises higher than Mount St. Helens dome Extract:
Though it's still possible the volcano will quiet down, Pallister said he thinks some type of eruption will occur in the coming days http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2002058399_volcano09m.htmlThere's still
a whole lot of quakin' goin' on, eruptionfans.
STAY TUNED!
Maybe I could make him understand. ... Whadaya say, Plutarch. It's worth a shot, isn't it?I say again, Grapho.
You can't be a man of the Carpal and still be a man of the people.
"As Lucretia Mott, abolitionist and suffragette put it,
"Any great change should expect resistance. Change shakes the very foundation of privilege."http://www.mastersforum.com/archives/pm_archives/Roberts/Roberts_Precis.htmThe core elite, perhaps no more than 4 or 5 Carpals at best [known only as
the olicarpy], can no sooner surrender their privileges than a rich man can pass through the eye of a needle wearing his alligator shoes, Grapho.
Please remember that.
You can't be a man of the Carpal and still be a man of the people
I respect your historical perspective, Plutarch - "plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose" - but perhaps we are missing an opportunity here.
If I could get inside the Carpal Tunnel Temple, maybe we could get some real intelligence on their operations.
Maybe we could find out who the olicarpy really is!
maybe we could get some real intelligence on their operationsThe olicarpy will never allow any
real intelligence to invade their ranks, Grapho.
They can spot real intelligence a mile away.
The olicarpy will never allow any real intelligence to infiltrate their ranks, Grapho.
I think that might be an overstatement, Plutarch.
I don't think the olicarpy has anything against real intelligence per se. I just think they are opposed to anyone using real intelligence to make them appear ordinary -- in others words, unCarpal.
I have a solution, Plutarch. See what you think of it.
I have a solution, Plutarch. See what you think of it.
Hold on, Grapho. We'll have to bring Wordminstrel back for this.
I just think they are opposed to anyone using real intelligence to make them appear ordinary
I think you're on to something here, Grapho.
But, that's the dilemma, isn't it?
How can the olicarpy know if real intelligence is being used to make them feel "ordinary", or if real intelligence itself makes them feel "ordinary"?
It puts them on the horns of a dilemma, wouldn't you say? Either way it makes them feel "ordinary".
I can hardly wait to hear your "solution".
Where is Wordminstrel?
Either way it makes them feel "ordinary".So, what's wrong with
feeling "ordinary"? Most of us
are "ordinary".
That doesn't mean we're going to let any olicarpy Carpalord over us.
That doesn't mean we're going to let any olicarpy Carpalord over usYeah, we could form our own Counter-Carpal movement and Counter-Carpalord all over them. Let them see how it feels for a change.
Let them see how it feels for a change
That never works in the long run, Tang, believe me.
We have to find a way to resolve these primitive power struggles. They have plagued ordinary people throughout all the ages.
That's why I'm anxious to hear Grapho's "solution".
They say "There is nothing new under the sun", but you never know.
Where is Wordminstrel anyway?
I have a solution, Plutarch. See what you think of it
So Grapho thinks he's got a "solution", eh?
[Aside to Plutarch] He's still an "Addict", you know.
He's still an "Addict", you know
Yes, I know, Wordminstrel. But let's hear him out. We can't leave any stone unturned in our quest for peace.
How can the olicarpy know if real intelligence is being used to make them feel "ordinary", or if real intelligence itself makes them feel "ordinary"?
the mgmt hit the nail on the head. The Olicarps are on the horns of a dilemma whether or not we treat them with respect. Is everyone good with that, so far?
The Carps are on the horns of a dilemma whether or not we treat them with respect
Yeah, OK.
Treating them with respect never got us anywhere.
Plutarch came here first, as a "Stranger". He was a gentleman, as he always is. He was tsuwhammied almost immediately. He fought back. Then he was swarmed. They were running in packs. That's what people call "the Olicarpy" nowadays.
I came to Plutarch's aid. Together we held them off. We were outnumbered at least 5 or 6 to 1 [if you count me and Plutarch as one]. We didn't know who the "Big Carp" was back then. We didn't even know who we were fighting. Or why. Or why no-one came to our aid.
I guess they weren't expecting a fight. They certainly weren't expecting such a fight as Plutarch and Wordminstrel gave them.
You know Plutarch is not one to turn tail and run. And Wordminstrel cowers before no man, and certainly no Carpal Tunnel dog pack.
They never forgave us for that.
And they never gave you a chance, Grapho, however respectful you were. Or Moss. Or even Tang. And Tang is only a drone, for heaven's sake.
Treating them with respect? I hope that isn't your "solution", Grapho.
And they never gave you a chance, Grapho, however respectful you were. Or Moss. Or even Tang. And Tang is only a drone, for heaven's sake.
You're opening up old wounds here, Grapho. You have no idea what Wordminstrel and I went through. But we weren't fighting only for ourselves. You know that.
You're opening up old wounds here, Grapho.
Maybe now is not the time to deal with this.
Maybe now is not the time to deal with this
Maybe not, Grapho. We need a clear head for this.
Sometimes I think it takes more courage to make peace than it does to fight.
We are men of peace, friends. And warriors only when peace with honor fails.
Grapho, we will hear what you have to say later. If you have a "solution", we are honor-bound to consider it deeply.
But we weren't fighting only for ourselves. You know that
It's thanks to Plutarch and Wordminstrel that "Journeymen" like you, and "Strangers" like themilum, can hold your head up around here, themgmt. I guess you know that.
But our job won't be done until you don't need us any more.
That's what my "solution" is all about.
That's what my "solution" is all about
I don't suppose you could tell me now.
I could run it past the Big Carp.
I don't suppose you could tell me now
Let's hear what Plutarch and Wordminstrel have to say first.
Let's hear what Plutarch and Wordminstrel have to say first
When will you three meet again?
When will you three meet again?
When the hurly burly's done.
When the hurly burly's done
When the battle's lost or won.
When the battle's lost or wonWhy does Plutarch always wind up with all the best lines.
Why does Plutarch always wind up with all the best linesThe early bird gets the worm, Worminstrel.
Some say "Fame is fleeting." But more often it is "fleet of foot".
The early bird gets the worm, Worminstrel
Very well. Keep me advised of any Carpallosties, themgmt, however trivial.
I want to know everything as soon as Plutarch knows it.
[Aside to themgmt] I don't want to be rambling if there are any rumblings.
There's more at stake here than truth and justice, you know.
There's more at stake here than truth and justice, you knowI understand, Wordminstrel. You have my word on it.
If Plutarch's delivery is faster than your own, it won't be the fault of the deliveryboy.
If Plutarch's delivery is faster than your own, it won't be the fault of the deliveryboyThe only "edge" a gentlemen needs is the edge of his wits, themgmt.
The only "edge" a gentlemen needs is the edge of his wits, themgmtThat's the edge
the olicarps have been avoiding.
That's the edge the olicarps have been avoiding
Well, the game is up, themgmt.
We won't leave here until it's safe for any "Stranger" to visit here with dignity, paying due respect to all, but undue deference to none.
No cabal of Carpals will defeat us. I think you know that.
But we will listen to Grapho's "solution". He is only an "Addict" and he doesn't know the olicarpy as we know them. But we will listen to him.
As Plutarch says, we are men of peace. Warriors only if peace with honor fails.
As Plutarch says, we are men of peace. Warriors only if peace with honor failsWoe betide your adversaries, Wordminstrel.
They can hide but there's no place to run.
QUAKING NEWS Temperatures soar in Mount St. Helens' crater Seattle Times, Tuesday, October 12, 2004
"MOUNT ST. HELENS — New thermal images reveal that parts of the lava dome in Mount St. Helens' crater are piping hot, and scientists are seeing signs that magma continues to rise."
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2002060319_volcano12m.htmlSTAY TUNED
They can hide but there's no place to runWe'll probably hear President Bush tell Senator Kerry "You can run but there's no place to hide" again tonight during the final debate.
I am honor-bound to give President Bush credit for my variant of this boast, but I think the President lost an opportunity to give Joe Louis credit for originating it.
Joe Louis, the "Brown Bomber", is still a hero in his hometown of Detroit and Michigan is a
swing state.
"The Brown Bomber - The Man Behind the Fist"
Extract:
Joe Louis' laconic style hid his wit. Before his 1946 rematch with Billy Conn, when reporters asked him how he would deal with that fighter's agility and quickness, Joe Louis coined his most famous remark: "He can run but he can't hide."http://info.detnews.com/history/story/index.cfm?id=52&category=sportsJust a little light-weight entertainment, fightfans, before the Main Event.
I am honor-bound to give President Bush credit for my variant of this boast
Excuse me, Grapho: "my" version of this boast?
Excuse me, Grapho: "my" version of this boast?Well, you did say "You are one of us". Remember?
"As far as I'm concerned, you're one of us now, Grapho. All those "pinpricks" are just 'male bonding'..."
Well, you did say "You are one of us". Remember?Right you are, Grapho. [I think.
]
re
"The Brown Bomber - The Man Behind the Fist".BTW here's how Detroit remembers
"the Fist".
http://www.origin360.com/travel/detroit_04.htmlA fitting symbol for the leading city in a "swing state", wouldn't you say?
[Aside: I don't want to discuss politics around here but I think Detroit could deliver a knockout punch on November 4th.
]
A fitting symbol for the leading city in the "swing state" of MichiganYou bet, themgmt. Detroit is known as "Motown". But there's mo' to the town than that!
Hey, sorry about the mix-up over "You can hide but there's no place to run". But are you sure you want
the olicarps to know you came up with that?
are you sure you want "the olicarps" to know you came up with that?I see what you mean.
Thanks for looking out for me.
I sure hope your "solution" works.
I sure hope your "solution" works.
Don't count your chickens before they hatch, themgmt.
Plutarch's seen some tenacious overlords in his time, and he says there are none fiercer than these olicarps.
On the other hand, no-one who's ever tangled with Plutarch has ever survived to tell the tale. Plutarch wrote the book on all his battles. You may have heard of it: "Plutarch's Many Lives". They say he has more lives than a cat.
Plutarch wrote the book on all his battles.To the victor goes the spoils, huh?
To the victor goes the spoils, huh?That's right, themgmt. We get to write our own history.
We get to write our own historyIf this is your "solution", Grapho, I think I like it already.
If this is your "solution", Grapho, I think I like it already.
I'm a student of the "noble art" myself, themgmt. You have to be in my business. There's one mistake a good boxer never makes.
There's one mistake a good boxer never makes.
What's that, Grapho?
Never lead with your chin?
What's that, Grapho?Never telegraph your punches.
Be patient, themgmt. This waiting is harder on
the olicarps than it is on you.
Their fate hangs by a thread.
Their fate hangs by a thread.Yeah! I think they are hanging on every word.
The Final DebateThe New York Times published an editorial this morning containing this trenchant observation:
"The campaign's debate season began with wide doubt about the usefulness of encounters that were so completely scripted by lawyers and handlers that it seemed unlikely the public could learn anything. But the result has been much better than expected."I can see some parallels with our own power struggle here on AWADtalk.
When I first visited "Confessions of an Heirhead", I had some doubts about the "usefulness" of these uncommonly frank and fearless 'encounters' with
the olicarps. I'm sure we all did.
The olicarps have never permitted this type of debate before. Anything which smacked of
olicarpian criticism was summarily drowned out with
olicarpian protestations of
olicarpian purity.
But now that Plutarch and his cohorts have had a chance to talk directly to the people, unfiltered by
the olicarps, I believe Grapho's "solution" will win the day.
Reason and light will prevail at last -- even here on AWADtalk.
The march of freedom is on the march.
We've even seen elections in Afghanistan. Who would have thought that was possible a couple of years ago?
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/10/14/opinion/14thu1.html?oref=login&hp
My fellow AWADians. I want to thank you for [gLEEK!!! ...]
gLEEK!!! ...
What happened to my microphone?
What happened to my microphone?
Someone yanked the cord through the wall.
Someone yanked the cord through the wall
It's a good thing this was only a systems check. I haven't even discussed my "solution" with Plutarch and Wordminstrel yet.
[Aside to themgmt. Do you think we were Carpal Vandalized?]
Do you think it was Carpal Vandalized?Well, it didn't "Tunnel" through the wall on its own.
Well, it didn't "Tunnel" through the wall on its own.
We knew the walls have ears, themgmt ---
We knew the walls have ears, themgmt ---
--- but hands and feet!
--- but hands and feet!
I can hear their feet now.
I can hear their feet nowYou said "They can hide but there's no place to run", themgmt.
It looks like they've found a place to run.
It looks like they've found a place to runYeah, but they're walled in.
Yeah, but they're walled in.They're on the run without anywhere to run, the mgmt.
Let them keep the mike cord. I'll speak without amplification.
I'll speak without amplification
The truth is your bellows, Grapho.
The truth is your bellows, GraphoAnd justice, the point of my wit.
The truth is your bellows, Grapho. And justice, the point of my wit
Let all who stand against truth and justice, stand against us now!
I tire of this waiting, Grapho.
Let all who stand against truth and justice, stand against us now!Gentlemen. Gentlemen.
The olicarpy will never stand before you.
We must bring truth and justice to
the olicarpy.
What need have
they for truth and justice?
What need have they for truth and justice?
Their precedence is their "justice".
Their privilege is their "truth".
Their precedence is their "justice". Their privilege is their "truth"
But what of my "solution"?
But what of my "solution"?
We will hear it.
But there are things you must understand about the olicarps, Grapho.
They do not understand honor, the way you and I understand honor.
They do not understand honor, the way you and I understand honor.
He's right, Grapho.
Plutarch fights to win the people, not to defeat the olicarp.
The olicarp will defeat themselves. Sometimes I forget that.
The olicarp will defeat themselves
How can you defeat an adversary that will not fight in the open, Wordminstrel?
How can you defeat an adversary that will not fight in the open?
With honor, Grapho.
With honor, Grapho[Aside to themgmt: He does it every time.
]
Is Paris in the news again?Must be. I'll have a look.
Yep, Paris is.
NBC5.com Reports - January 24, 2005
Paris Hilton Accused Of Stealing Sex Tape From Newsstand
Heiress Allegedly Became Enraged After Seeing TapeWEST HOLLYWOOD, Calif. -- Paris Hilton is apparently having problems again with an infamous sex video containing her image.
http://www.nbc5.com/irresistible/4122831/detail.html
I have no idea what the fuck this crap is all about but it has no legitimate place on this site. Kindly lose it.
It is rude to say "fuck this crap" Maverick, why did you not simply and kindly ask Mister Plutarch
who it was who asked him to resurrect his childish perversion?
Has English couth gone feral?
Strange days indeed!
resurrect his childish perversion?MELT: There seems to be some misunderstanding here. "Confessions of an Heirhead" is a parody. I made this very clear in my very first post on this thread:
I would like to claim the distinction of being the first person, at least on AWADtalk, to parody "Paris Hilton: Confessions of an Heiress".Obviously, I would be the first to agree with you that the public fascination with Paris Hilton is "childish", perhaps worse than childish, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it a "perversion". It obviously fills some kind of void in the lives of the millions of people who are buying "Confessions of an Heiress" and all the rest of the haute faux haughty hottie heiress crap she is peddling.
If you will read my parody, MELT, I think you will see that I am as bewildered as you are by the public fascination with Paris Hilton.
I was perhaps overly successful in drawing out my satire as some people seem to have taken my parody as a paean to Paris, when in fact it is anything but.
The truth is, MELT, the public made Paris what she is. Her public is the true target of my parody.You have to admit this girl has brass. And there is a big market out there for brass, MELT, whether you and I approve of it, or not.
As the Brits say:
"Where there is muck, there is brass." [Please see earlier post.]
Maybe it's a good thing people didn't know "Confessions of an Heirhead" was a parody. If people thought I was dissing Paris, they might have ignored my thread altogether. Instead, this thread has had over 2,500 views [over 2,300 if you deduct my own].
You're right, MELT. Life can be strange. In fact, it can be downright weird. In the Howard Stern movie, there is a vignette [apparently true] where Howard's program director discovers that the people who complain about Howard's muck [not my cup of tea, I can assure you] spend more time listening to that muck than Howard's fans.
Go figure, MELT.
Howard Stern wins Rave Award - AP, Feb. 27/05http://snipurl.com/d33v
>public made Paris what she is. Her public is the true target of my parody.
I believe your keyboard may have a problem with adding the letter L without your knowledge. Please see the above quote.
adding the letter L
Very clever, TEd Rem. I won't draw any conclusions because you thought of it, and I didn't.
BTW I have never seen one of Paris' videos, TEd Rem, and I never plan to, so my mind wasn't where you thought it was after all.
I'm just having fun with all of this, TEd Rem. I'm just poking fun at the foibles of human nature. I have a few foibles of my own. And so do you. Don't we all?
If we didn't have any foibles, TEd Rem, there wouldn't be any parodies. :)
Is the grapho the plutarch? why is this here? I want ot make talk of words but iis that kasher?
Zeitgeist asked...
"Is the grapho the plutarch? why is this here? I want ot make talk of words but iis that kasher?"
And DEITER * asked earlier...
"hello. I looked this message forum since some months under other name but not posted. This my first post.English is not my mother tongue. This is nice but I fear from put the wrong question and then, the grapho will not be pleasant. or the putarch. I see some many names - are they same person? thank you - Dieter"
Yes Deiter, grapho and the plutarch are the same person and your name is an anagram of "ire TEd".
Mister Plutarch has already said that the grapho was he. Now will you tell us if you are Mister TEd?
* Corrected to address the proper puppet.
Well now that takes the cake!
Our foreign friend, Zeitgeist, in broken English,
just posted a somewhat coherent message asking why
I had transposed his name above. I had, so I corrected it.
As I did Zeitgeist deleted his message so as to bring
this thread to the top.
So please Zeitgeist, me sorry, me no let the Plutarch
be no more mean to poor foreign student.
I whip Plutarch with much beeg bamboo stick.
Love,
themilum
Geez, you people.