Posted By: Coffeebean Clerihew part Tew - 07/29/04 03:26 AM
Jacques Offenbach
A man who did not often balk;
When asked to write Gaite Parisienne,
Replied, "I can can."

Posted By: TEd Remington Re: Clerihew part Tew - 07/29/04 10:35 AM
Reminding me of the time Toulouse-Lautrec was living in a squalid atelier in Paris. A terrible fire roared through the building in the middle of the night and the starving artist grabbed his Levis and ran down the stairs.

He fainted from lack of oxygen but was quickly revived by a friend. He said, "George, did the fire fighters save any of my worldly goods?"

The reply was, "I'm afraid not. You have nothing, Toulouse, but your jeans."

Posted By: AnnaStrophic Re: Clerihew part Tew - 07/29/04 02:15 PM
TEd, how does your wife put up with you?? (speaking as one who has had to deal with this on an almost-daily basis, but at least he doesn't post his madness, often...)

Posted By: Zed Re: TEd's wife - 07/29/04 10:36 PM
I had a friend who named his truck Toulouse.

Posted By: TEd's wife Re: Clerihew part Tew - 07/29/04 11:42 PM
Speaking as an expert on TEd's wife, it's a simple matter. I have a terrible memory for punchlines, and love his puns just as much the second time around. (Or the 20th, TEd says.)

Posted By: TEd Remington Re: Clerihew part Tew - 07/29/04 11:48 PM
Hi, darling,

Welcome to AWAD. It's only taken what four or five years to get you to log on. It's a neat place!



Posted By: Faldage Re: Clerihew part Tew - 07/30/04 11:07 AM
love his puns just as much the second time around

I love them just as much the second time around, too, but that doesn't answer the question.

Posted By: Zed Re: Clerihew part Tew - 07/30/04 06:15 PM
The only good pun is a bad pun.
IMHO anyone who doesn't like puns is suffering from a vitamin deficiency due to recieving less than the recommended daily allowance of silly.
I will admit to having become addicted, I go into withdrawal if I do without.
Hi TEd's wife! [wave]

Posted By: AnnaStrophic Re: TEd's wife - 07/30/04 06:27 PM
Welcome, Peggy! You are indeed a patient soul.

Posted By: Faldage Re: Clerihew part Tew - 07/30/04 09:51 PM
anyone who doesn't like puns

I love good puns. I don't consider torturing words on some theme into totally unrelated contexts to be good puns. Or even bad puns, as far as that goes.

Posted By: belMarduk Re: Clerihew part Tew - 08/01/04 01:05 AM
I have to admit that I always get taken in by puns. You'd think after all these years I'd know it was coming but TEd does post other stuff so I always take his posts at face value, reading merrily along, all believing and gullible and then....groan, arghhhh!

Allo TEd's Wife. Welcome aBoard.

Posted By: Jackie Re: Clerihew part Tew - 08/01/04 01:39 AM
Hi, Peggy--welcome to you!! [HUG]

Posted By: Alex Williams Re: Clerihew part Tew - 08/02/04 12:28 PM
I had a friend who named his truck Toulouse.

ROTFL. I love it. Reminds me of a lass in college who named her Toyota Cressida "Troilus."

Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Clerihew part Tew - 08/02/04 08:27 PM
Sigmund Freud,
Slightly annoyed
With the theories of others,
Blamed mothers.

Posted By: TEd Remington Re: Clerihew part Tew - 08/03/04 10:16 AM
I named my supercharged 240Z "Desire." It was, of course, a street car, which to you right coasters is a term sometimes used for a race car which is street legal.

Posted By: Faldage Re: Street car - 08/03/04 10:33 AM
Where I come from a street car is (or was, they ain' got them no mo) a form of public transport, on tracks and generally electrically powered.

Posted By: Alex Williams Re: Street car - 08/03/04 11:21 AM
a supercharged 240Z is desirable indeed

Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Clerihew part Tew - 08/03/04 01:32 PM
I've heard the term "street bike"...don't know that I've ever heard "street car" used in any way but to describe a trolley.

Amy Camus,
As a singer was never famous
Until she changed her name, a year or two back,
To Yma Sumac.

Posted By: Alex Williams Re: Clerihew part Tew - 08/03/04 07:39 PM
I have friends who are mechanics and I have heard them use the phrase street car or street-legal car to distinguish a vehicle that is still legal to drive on the streets (lights, license plates, catalytic converter, muffler, etc still in place) from one that has been so heavily modified that it can only be used on race tracks. But I don't think it is an entity like a steetcar in the "named desire" sense. It is simply a descriptive term. No one would say "I'm going to go get in my street car."

Posted By: dxb Re: Clerihew part Tew - 09/14/04 11:33 AM
Poor Coffeebean
Thought it obscene
That, try as she might,
No one would bite...

Posted By: Bobyoungbalt Re: Clerihew part Tew - 09/15/04 02:48 AM
I once owned a Mercury Montego, pumpkin yellow, which after a few years came to be called "Uriah", it was such a heap.

Posted By: dxb Re: Clerihew part Tew - 09/16/04 11:35 AM
Three hundred pound King Faroukh
Exhausted his cordon bleu cook.
This kleptomaniacal royal
Kept pornography and an obligingly flexible goil.

Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Clerihew part Tew - 10/06/04 11:00 PM
Elvis Presley
Must confess he
Raised quite a conflagration
With a little gyration.

Posted By: A C Bowden My clerihews - 09/25/19 04:41 AM
Harry S. Truman
Denied that atom bombs were inhuman.
He said: "We must stop Japan's bravado –
This is no laughing matter like The Mikado".

Sir Francis Drake
Said: "Fighting the Armada's a piece of cake".
He vanquished the Duke of Medina Sidonia;
Some Spanish sailors probably died of pneumonia.

King Charles the Second
Is generally reckoned
To have signed official papers
While having indiscreet sexual capers.

The younger William Pitt
Was a highly precocious Brit.
Prime Minister at twenty-four,
He was driven to drink by the Napoleonic War.

Professor Stephen Hawking
Had an artificial way of talking.
But his knowledge about black holes
Greatly exceeded that of ordinary souls.

Friedrich Nietzsche's writing
Is pernicious, although exciting.
His style has more muscle
Than that of sane philosophers like Bertrand Russell.

Donald Trump
Is widely considered a chump.
In Europe he provokes much animus,
But many Americans are more magnanimous.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: My clerihews - 11/07/19 01:58 PM
Some musical clerihews:

George Frederick Handel
Exclaimed: "It's an absolute scandal!"
When one of his orchestral suites
Was performed with irregular beats.

Robert Schumann
Found Liszt's flamboyance scarcely human.
He and Clara both opined
That Chopin's playing was more refined.

Girolamo Frescobaldi
Is not as famous as Vivaldi.
One of the likely reasons
Is his lack of a smash hit like The Four Seasons.

William Byrd
Was artistically stirred
By Catholic rituals, which he kept hidden,
For in England popery was strictly forbidden.

The French composer Maurice Ravel
Cried "Merde!" (which is stronger than "Hell!"),
"If you don't play this tune cantabile,
You'll ruin my opus mirabile!"

Benjamin Britten
Explained how his music was written.
The thing that inspired him most
Was the spirit of the wild Suffolk coast.

Christoph Willibald Gluck
Wrote several operas that are worth a look.
He made no apology
For his constant use of classical mythology.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Clerihew part Tew - 11/07/19 05:08 PM
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: My clerihews - 11/28/19 03:01 AM
Gioachino Rossini
Was succeeded by Verdi, then Puccini.
Opera underwent a schism
When younger composers turned to realism.

The music of Sir Hubert Parry
Can be played in church when people marry.
In the hands of a skilled musician,
It lifts one's heart to an elevated position.

Muzio Clementi
Was in great demand around 1820
For recitals, compositions, and pianos that he made.
His easy sonatinas are still often played.

Carl Maria von Weber
Remarked to a neighbour:
"My operas are all the rage.
It's a pity they're so expensive to stage".

Frédéric Chopin asked George Sand
As he sat at the keyboard: "Vite ou lent?"
She answered: "As music's your profession,
I'll leave the speed to your discretion".

Moritz Moszkowski
Had nothing in common with Tchaikovsky
Except (as was then the fashion)
His music's frequent Romantic passion.

Mendelssohn's overture The Hebrides
Masterfully evokes Caledonian seas.
Could any native Scot
Have written it? I think not.

Erik Satie
Was endearingly batty.
Much that he wrote has a sense of fun,
But not his Gymnopédie No 1.

Hector Berlioz was very proud.
He said: "I want my orchestras big and loud.
For in this noisy steam-powered age,
Art should resound with joy, grief or rage!"
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: My clerihews - 12/22/19 02:10 PM
Richard Strauss
Asked his spouse:
"What do you think of Der Rosenkavalier?"
She said: "I don't know it, my dear".

The piano works of Liszt
Can put a strain on the wrist.
The best way to preserve your joints
Is to slow down at the difficult points.

Johannes Brahms
Told a man begging for alms:
"I'm not giving money to an idle hobo!
Why don't you learn to play the oboe?"

King Louis XIV of France
Summoned his nobles to a dance.
He said: "Those who ignore my wishes
Will be marched to the kitchen to wash the dishes".

Debussy's textures vary,
But they are often light and airy.
They can depict immensity
Without Germanic force and density.

Johann Pachelbel
Wrote many other works as well
As his Canon; it would be a blunder
To write him off as a one-hit wonder.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc not exactly a Clerihew - - 01/05/20 08:51 PM
...the assignment was to write a limerick containing "Toulouse":

Louis XIV and XVI of France
Tried their wives' private lives to enhance
When they ditched the two Lous
In two loos in Toulouse
To avoid being looked at askance
Posted By: A C Bowden Doomed monarch - 01/07/20 03:08 AM
Originally Posted by wofahulicodoc
...the assignment was to write a limerick containing "Toulouse":

King Louis XVI of France
Observed his opponents' advance.
He rejected the ruse
Of a trip to Toulouse,
But his flight to Varennes had no chance.
Posted By: A C Bowden Clerihews - 05/26/20 01:36 AM
Napoleon Bonaparte
Said: "Europe is just the start.
I've defeated Austria and Prussia;
Now I'm going to invade Russia".

James Gillray
Is still famous today
For his scurrilous cartoons
Depicting George III and his ministers as buffoons.

If Chairman Mao
Were still in power now,
He'd say: "Stay home – for if you do not,
You are a bourgeois troublemaker, and will be shot".

Donald Trump
Is (as I said) a chump,
But it won't be totally unexpected
If he somehow gets re-elected.

We Brits find it merciful
That Spencer Perceval
Is the only Prime Minister assassinated to date;
Four US Presidents have met such a fate.

Clement Attlee
In 1945 said flatly:
"Winston, we all think you're great,
But it's time to make way for the welfare state".
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 05/28/20 01:18 AM
George Washington achieved transcendence
During the War of Independence.
He showed great skill and bravery;
It's a shame he didn't abolish slavery.

Ernö Rubik
Invented a toy that was cubic.
This lucky rhyme, I guess,
Was one of the keys to its success.

Jesus claimed to be a divine prophet,
But many Romans said "Come off it!"
The emperor Tiberius
Said "He cannot be serious!"

Harold Lloyd and Buster Keaton
Have surely never been beaten
In their genre of comic audacity
Which filled cinemas to their capacity.

Barack Obama
Did not have a sense of drama,
But there's no necessary correlation
Between excitement and good administration.

The Garden of Eden
Was an agreeable place, like Sweden,
But Adam found it a little bland,
So his quest for more knowledge is easy to understand.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 06/12/20 01:07 AM
Thomas Edison
Did not patent medicine,
But he did bring many an invention
To the Patent Office's attention.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 10/10/20 01:12 AM
Some philosophical clerihews:

René Descartes
Was undoubtedly very smart.
He is famous for his insistence
That we can prove our own existence.

Willard Van Orman Quine
Had something in common with Wittgenstein.
Both wrote about words and names
And meanings, logic, and language games.

Immanuel Kant,
Unlike Nietzsche, did not rant.
He wrote such dense Critiques
That reading just one chapter can take weeks.

Martin Heidegger was far worse;
His love of obscurity was quite perverse.
He used many a German word
That no other German had ever heard.

David Hume believed in empiricism;
Though a Scot, he spurned Celtic lyricism.
He found no evidence for God –
A view which his contemporaries found most odd.

Arthur Schopenhauer
Was a pessimist who would sit and glower.
He wrote a lot about the Will,
And thought everything was going rapidly downhill.

Plato's 'Forms'
May not accord with modern scientific norms,
But his originality in conceiving them
Can be admired without actually believing them.

Thomas Hobbes insisted
That no innate virtue existed,
And that societies would go wrong
Unless their rulers were strong.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 04/20/21 04:28 AM
Benjamin Disraeli
Charmed Queen Victoria daily.
Gladstone was much more strait-laced,
And she viewed his gravitas with distaste.

Sir Henry Wood
Thought music would do the public good.
His Proms were eclectic salads
Of old and new classics and lighter ballads.

Paul Revere
Is not very well known here,
But across the Atlantic
His patriotic legend is very romantic.

Gaetano Donizetti
Produced music like confetti.
He wrote half a dozen operas a year;
His rivals groaned when they saw a new one appear.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 04/21/21 02:15 PM
Edward Heath had a permanent glower
After Mrs Thatcher took over power.
She, in turn, called everyone a traitor
When she was ousted fifteen years later.

Nineteen Eighty-Four
Has worldwide fame in political lore.
But in Britain the year is recalled with dislike
Because of the miners' strike.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 05/08/21 05:45 AM
Dr W G Grace
Was an early cricketing ace.
Among his peers he was in top position –
Ask any statistician.

The American Civil War
Was on a scale not seen before.
The English version in Charles I's reign
Saw far fewer soldiers slain.

Bomber Harris said with relish:
"I'm going to make all Germans' lives hellish!"
That controversial fellow
Had clearly never heard of jus in bello.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Clerihews - 05/08/21 04:24 PM
Just so you know. I am not a poet.
But I do read yours. You have a knack,keep it up.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 05/21/21 01:58 AM
Joseph Haydn
Was calm and sober, like Joe Biden.
But Franz Liszt
Like Trump, was an exhibitionist.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 08/18/21 04:55 AM
Bertrand Russell
Could intellectually out-muscle
Any amateur logicians
Or second-rate mathematicians.

King James the First
Asked Shakespeare: "Are your plays well rehearsed?"
"Why yes", replied the Bard,
"I drive my actors very hard".
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Re: Clerihews - 08/20/21 12:10 AM
When President Joe Biden
Was asked, What are you hidin?
His reply was easily understood:
I did the best I could.

There's no simple answer
To the problems we've faced since my Administration began, Sir.
Under these circumstances
To imply otherwise is to indulge in romances.

(an Exercise for the Reader: write a Clerihew based on George Stephanopoulos... ;-)
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 08/20/21 02:48 AM
Originally Posted by wofahulicodoc
(an Exercise for the Reader: write a Clerihew based on George Stephanopoulos... ;-)
Hmm...we'll see! Some years ago I accepted your challenge of writing a double dactyl including 'antimetabole' (see page 6 of the Double Dactyl thread). So there's always hope!

Here are two sporting clerihews:

Jurgen Klopp
Wants Liverpool to be top,
And accordingly devises
Ways to win football's greatest prizes.

Joe Root,
Star batsman, and captain to boot,
Must doubt that England will win at cricket
While the rest of the team keep losing their wicket.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Re: Clerihews - 08/21/21 12:51 AM
None of this is true, as far as I know, but it fits the form and rhyme criteria for a Clerihew.

News Analyst and interviewer George Stephanopoulos
Spends much of his time playing Parcheesi and Sorry and other such games Monopoulos.
Politicians for him to skewer
Are much fewer.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 08/21/21 05:20 AM
Former Democratic advisor George Stephanopoulos
(Not to be confused with Trump's George Papadopoulos)
Continued to present impartial TV news
Though he hoped the Republicans would lose.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 09/07/21 06:25 AM
The Three Musketeers
Stood no insults or jeers.
If they were obstructed by a peasant,
Their reaction would not be very pleasant.

If Charlotte Bronte
Had married an Italian conte,
She could have basked in literary glory
In a villa by Lake Maggiore.

Herbert Lom
Was the actor's pseudo-nom.
His real name was Herbert Charles Angelo Kuchacevic ze Schluderpacheru.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 09/13/21 06:32 AM
Thomas Bowdler's expurgations
Spoiled Shakespeare's literary creations.
He should have stuck to chess,
At which he had considerable success.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 10/13/21 03:00 PM
Mark Twain
Had a style which was plain.
His personality was unsuited
To writing that was convoluted.

Was not a physician.
He reckoned art was sublime
While medicine was quite primitive at that time.

Attila the Hun
Said "I don't wage war for fun.
I just want a little more space
For the Teutonic race".

Stan Laurel
Was involved in a quarrel
With a movie director
Who got mad and smashed a projector.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Clerihew part Tew - 10/13/21 08:13 PM
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 10/29/21 06:08 AM
Arrived at the ball with an umbrella,
Which, like her slipper, she forgot
When she left at midnight on the dot.

Jesus's miraculous acts
Conflict with many scientific facts
Such as physical causation
And mass-energy conservation.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 08/14/22 05:10 AM
Liz Truss
Would rate her performance A+.
Barring something sinister,
She will be Britain's next prime minister.

Rishi Sunak has lost ground
Because many Conservatives think him unsound.
Not, I hope, on grounds of race,
For that would be an utter disgrace.

Now nemesis is nigh for Boris,
Who may be tempted to quote Horace:
Dulce et decorum est...
As his premiership is laid to rest.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 08/23/22 06:17 AM
James Joyce
Is not everyone's choice,
But reading him is effectual
In proving oneself intellectual.

President Biden
Hoped his popularity would widen,
But in an economic slump
Many voters may prefer the return of Trump.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Clerihews - 11/10/22 02:18 AM
Clement Attlee
Was sharp, but spoke flatly.
Liz Truss, by contrast, tries to orate,
But her acuity is not all that great.

Sir Keir Starmer
Wants to make British politics calmer.
Away with all this frenzy and mania,
And uncontrolled migration from Albania.

Only a madman
Would deny that Don Bradman
Was Australia's greatest batter,
Or the world's, for that matter.
Posted By: A C Bowden World Cup clerihews - 12/11/22 03:14 AM
Kylian Mbappe
Was no doubt very happy
When France spoiled England's fun
By beating them by two goals to one.

The Croatians
Exceeded expectations
When the favourites, Brazil,
Displayed inferior penalty-kicking skill.

Morocco also prevailed
When the Lusitanians failed.
It's a time of unease
For those who speak Portuguese.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Re: World Cup clerihews - 12/11/22 03:19 AM
Well done, Sir !
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Clerihew part Tew - 12/11/22 04:35 AM
I'll piggy-back on that. Bravo.
It's been decades since I've seen Lusitania in print.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: World Cup clerihews - 12/19/22 02:12 AM
The victory of Argentina
In Doha's opulent arena
Concluded the World Cup in Qatar
With Lionel Messi its greatest star.

The French équipe
Seemed at first to be half asleep.
They improved greatly in the second half,
But Argentina had the last laugh.

For Germany and Spain
The tournament was a bit of a pain,
Though their chagrin was perhaps mollified
By the fact that Italy hadn't even qualified.

England's Harry Kane
Kicked one penalty, but missed when he tried again.
The manager, Southgate, said: "The mind plays tricks –
It happened to me at Euro '96".

Protestors showed bravery
In alleging constructors' slavery.
"Get out!" cried the Qatari authorities,
"You have a warped sense of priorities".

One broadcaster said: "In Qatar
I can tell those sheikhs how beastly they are".
But another retorted: "That's funny –
Why go there and accept their money?"

Gary Lineker of the BBC
(A former player, well known on TV)
Is thought by some to be too woke,
But he seems quite a decent bloke.

It's all been rather mad –
A dazzling mixture of good and bad.
Great for the rich, hell for the poor,
But hey, pecunia loquitur.
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