http://members.aol.com/Rom4Five/Ladlerat.html

For all of y'all whose native language is not English, this may be a little incomprehensible if you're not well grounded in the language. You really do have to read it aloud.

wasted ladle gull hoe

Hey! Is he calling Little Red Riding Hood a ho! Bad enough she's a hood!

Rehashed or not, it's a beauty. I've seen several different versions of it. I'm not sure which one is the "original".

- Pfranz

Yes, well worth looking at agin, Faldage.

I've just realised who the autor is - it's Ænigma!

Howye fokes

That's all fierce well - but what's the pint of the hole thing? And if ya stook a spud in yer mouth would it sound normal?

My hubby said it would be better to read it in an Elmer Fudd voice. For those of you who were unfortunate enough to be deprived of this childhood staple, and for those of you who would like to relive the giggles, go to
http://looneytunes.warnerbros.com/web/all_new_toons/home.jsp?ID=aluminum_chef_01

... and then run it through The Dialectizer:

http://rinkworks.com/dialect/

And then tear it up into little pieces. Throw it away. Then phone your local intelligence agency and tell them it was an encoded message containing the location of Saddam's nuclear weapons production facility.

Even the NSA's supercomputers would be stumped, but you'd at least get a laugh out of all the idiots running around. And all for Ladle Rad Ridden Horde.

- Pfranz

Oh, ANNA, what a great thing! I LOVE that!! I put in a "story", and here's--er, 'ere's--what I sound like with a Cockney accent--I am rolling!

"Last night as I were copping ready for bed, sumfink on the bloody wall above the chuffin' headboard caught me attention. (I may 'ave mentioned before that if there is a bug anywhere in a room, right, I will spot it.) It 'ave a looked like a cross between a silverfish and a millipede. It were at least two inches long, and it were 'orrible! Blimey! I ran and got the flyswatter, but I were so nervous I didn't 'it 'im square, but 'e at least did fall dahn the wall, init? Then I couldn't stand the ffought that I might not 'ave killed it--sumfink like that creepin' 'round 'oo-knows-where wile I'm bloody well asleep?, then? No thank yer! Honest guv!! So I tugged the bloomin' bed out and seen the body. Then I ran and got the vacuum wiv its attachments, right, so I could suck 'im up from a safe distance--and do yer know, wen I touched 'im wiv that tube, he tried ter get oray?, isit? I 'ADN'T killed 'im! Struth! 'orrors! Oi! (I'm copping the shivers now, right, just finkin' about it.) I 'urried up and stuffed the vacuum hammer and tack into the hall closet, in case 'e still weren't dead and made 'is way hammer and tack out. Ew-w-w."

The one I wrote it for will recognize it as:
Last night as I was getting ready for bed, something on the wall above the headboard caught my attention. (I may have mentioned before that if there is a bug anywhere in a room, I will see it.) It looked like a cross between a silverfish http://www.westext.com/silverfish_picture.html and a millipede http://members.tripod.com/amyritchie/millipede.html. It was at least two inches long, and it was horrible!I ran and got the flyswatter, but I was so nervous I didn't hit him square, but he at least did fall down the wall. Then I couldn't stand the thought that I might not have killed it--something like that creeping around who-knows-where while I'm asleep?? No thank you!! So I tugged the bed out and saw the body. Then I ran and got the vacuum with its attachments, so I could suck him up from a safe distance--and do you know, when I touched him with that tube, he tried to get away?? I HADN'T killed him! Horrors! (I'm getting the shivers now, just thinking about it.) I hurried up and stuffed the vacuum back into the hall closet, in case he still wasn't dead and made his way back out. Ew-w-w.

Mmm. Arthur Dent had problems with a fly he kept killing, too. He'd understand your problem, Jackie.

- Pfranz