you must have gone to preparatory school...

yes, but I didn't conduct myself well. I think I entered too soon.

Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Quiet Evening and their children, Sam and Janet. (both of whom only have sex with people they've never met before.)

"Sam and Janet Evening"--oh, heavens, Ted! This one's too wonderful!

...And the happy bride and groom, Is and It Romantic.

Sam and Janet Evening

Is that a Mondegreen? Cleverrrrr!

An invitation was sent to a group of the most famous scientists in history, requesting their attendance at the Scientist's Ball. Their responses were recorded and are
set forth below:

"Replying To An Invitation To A Scientists' Ball"

Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Volta was electrified, and Archimedes was buoyant at the thought.
Ampere was worried he wasn't up to current research.
Ohm resisted the idea at first.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
Dr Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now – must dash."
Heisenberg was uncertain if he could make it.
Hertz said he planned in the future to attend with greater frequency.
Henry begged off due to a low capacity for alcohol.
Audubon said he'd have to wing it.
Hawking said he'd try to string enough time together to make a space in his schedule.
Darwin said he'd have to see what evolved.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Newton was moved to attend.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.

All the way from Germany, with flushed cheeks and excitement in her eyes, Heidi Goh Seeke arrives at the Childhood Games Ball to look for her friend Hopp Scotch.

Straight from the church, please welcome Mrs Rimoney and her son Matt. Aplogies from her other son, Pat who is at their late father's will-reading.

Also from an ecclesiatical background, Bishop and Mrs Hedral and their daughter, Cath.

And please welcome the famouns Chinese Chef, Kit Chen


(and late arrivals: Mr and Mrs Bennet-Whatalotta-People-Inhere and their son, Gordon Bennet-Whatalotta-People-Inhere)

Announcing that world-famous knee surgeon, Arthur O'Scopy.

Together with their son, whom they have recently rescued from impending, jail, trial and death at the hands of a merciless dictator who disagreed with his political views, please welcome Mr and Mrs Khu Shan and Percy.


(Their daughter couldn;t attend because she is in mourning, which suits her!!!)

Mr and Mrs Khu Shan and Percy...their daughter...is in mourning, which suits her!!!

Okay, I'll bite. I presume the daughter's name was Electra?

But many in the family went to medical school - P.D. Atri, and Jerry Atri, and the granddaddy of them all, Fizzy.

just to obviousize:
Percy Khu Shan
Electra Khu Shan
-ron o.

well, I must be pronouncin' it wrong, 'cuz all I gets is Sofa Khu Shan...

Ah, yes. I was thinking of not the Khu Shan family but the Shan family. Fizzy was the grandfather, and his youngest child was P.D. Atri, and Jerry was the old one.

Not the same family at all. Though they also had an Electra. She preferred trade school to medical school.

ah, I thought old PD was the 10th in his family. you know, P.D. Atri X...

I presume the daughter's name was Electra?
Yes; she was very becoming.

One of the Shans went abroad and ended up marrying an Irish gel who insisted on hyphenating the 2 last names, so their daughter was Suff O'Kay-Shan.

and the twins, Beauti and Musi Shan...

Announcing Dame Mezzo Forte and her son, P. Anu.

Arrivals at the Gamblers Ball are: first Pastor Post followed by Bettine Cindy Kate, his sister.

Announcing the French Chargé d'Affaires, M. Atrix and his wife, Domine.

Followed quickly by the Fibre king Mr. P. Pod and his daughter, Senna.

Announcing R. Buckminster Fuller and his nephew, G. O. Desic-Dome.

You could also announce home towns. Some of these are from Bennett Cerf's Bumper Crop, which I inhaled and pretty much memorized when I was 10 or 12.
Lettuce Finder, Shady, Del.
Hans R. Dirty, Jr., Goan, Wash.
G. Thurza Mighty, Pretty, Miss.
Justin Case, Isle Goto, Mass. (this one I made up)
I. Always Wanta, Little, Mo. " "
I. Needa Maka, Private, Col. " "
U. Otto Payer, Income, Tex. " "
Lemmee Havva, Hammond, RI. " "
U. R. Justa, Common, Ore. " "

A welcome, please for the separate arrivals of Mr and Mrs Juan Atta Thyme: and they are hoping to be joined, 10 seconds before the ball commences, by their son, Justin.

...by their son, Justin

...and his cousin from Russia, Nickoff.

We welcome to the Weather Forecasters’ Ball, Calder T Day, his wife Renee Day and their boy Sonny.

We welcome to the Weather Forecasters’ Ball, the grand-daddy of them all, Claude E. Day.