Continuing a regular theme, here is a challenge for those of you who do not speak (predominantly) British/UK English as your first language.

Here is a list of popular expressions from the United Kingdom which, according to the Britspeak website, are not in regular use in the United States (it doesn’t mention the rest of the world, so I’ll leave it up to you to decide if it's enough of a challenge).

The challenge is to write a paragraph or so, containing ten (and only ten) of these expressions. More than one entry is allowed as long as they arrive by the closing date in a fortnight’s time – Wednesday 27th September – noon GMT.

Suggestions are welcome for an appropriate prize. Send me a private mail with ideas.

Here's the list:
Agony Aunt
All the World and His Wife
Big Dipper
Bob's Your Uncle
Bog Standard
Building Society
Cannot ... for Toffee
Central Reservation
Cheap and Cheerful
Cold Comfort
Common-or-Garden
Daft as a Brush
Full of Beans
Get Your Knickers in a Twist
Ginger Group
Gippy Tummy
Hammer and Tongs
Has Had Their Chips
Invigilator
Keep Your Pecker Up
Ladybird
Lager Louts
Off Beam
Over The Moon
Plain as a Pikestaff
Plain Sailing
Press Stud
Sail Close to the Wind
Slanging Match
Spanner in the Works
Splash Out
Squeeze Someone Until the Pips Squeak
Suck it and See
Swings and Roundabouts
Take the Mickey
The Full Monty
Thin End of the Wedge
Thin on the Ground
Tuck Shop
Works Like a Trojan

You will find translations under the “Phrase of the Fortnight” section at:
http://pages.prodigy.com/NY/NYC/britspk/main.html

After a bunch of lager louts woke me up by having a slanging match in my garden at midnight, I wrote to my paper's agony aunt for advice. His reply: "Don't get your knickers in a twist, just laugh it off, pretend it never happened, and Bob's your uncle." Considering that they were going at it hammer and tongs, this was cold comfort, and I can't just let it lie. If I do, it might be the thin edge of the wedge, and soon all the world and his wife will be using my backyard for their blarneys. The lesson in all this? Columnists who give good advice are thin on the ground.

Max, you win the prize for the fastest response!

Very impressive!

Hey, I just got up! No fair! This should be interesting--not only am I not awake yet, I'm not looking anything up, so something may be hilariously out of place!
----------------------------------------------------------

A man and his wife inherited an ancient inn. She was over the moon, and got her knickers in a twist to renovate it.
Hubby said, "Ah, ye're daft as a brush! It's plain as a
pikestaff we canna' renovate this heap for toffee. Why, they'd have to squeeze me till me pips squeak--ye knows full we', we sail close to the wind anyways".

She called the Building Society, and was given cold comfort. "All the world and his wife knows that place has been needing to be pulled down for donkey's years {a freebie--thanks to Mary Stewart}. Give it up, M'um."

So they sold it for scrap and went to Madeira.

Jackie you get the prize for the fastest response from someone who has just woken up!

Max, you win the prize for the fastest response!
Very impressive!

Reluctantly, I must decline this praise. Almost all of the phrases on your list are a regular part of everyday NZ English. Combining ten of them into a paragraph took so little time because I do it so often. This forms a connexion with the thread on British vs. American (redux). NZ English is still very much closer to British English than to American, but drifting Stateside. We use "truck" much more often than "lorry", and here one will hear and read "resumé" and "CV" used about equally, and often together. For example, a job ad may ask for a resumé, and a CV. Our spelling still follows the British model, while now tolerating the American apostasy. The word "fortnight" is a prime example of NZ's British affiliations. It is still the most common term used to describe a period of two weeks - "in a fortnight's time" is much more frequently used than is "in two weeks time."
The main way in which NZ English is carving out its own identity seems to be in its increasingly liberal use of Maori, sometimes completely absorbing and Anglicising Maori words, most often adopting them as loanwords and retaining their original pronunciation and application.

Reluctantly, I must decline this praise

You still get the "prize for the fastest response". I went off to get a coffee and came back and you'd replied - not sure about the time difference. If it was mid morning for me would that be early evening for you? Has anyone worked out how the times shown next to our postings work? Martian time? I do enjoy the idea that people can be on line at the same time but at very different points in their day. I've noticed that my sleepy morning posts are sometimes better than my dozy late night posts and maybe better than the drivel I write in between when I am supposed to be awake!

Max and Jackie did so well that I won't contribute, it'd be superfluous . An aside: I'd bet the term "Full Monty" was completely unknown here in the US until the movie arrived.

And Jo, the time stamps on the posts are US Central Time, i.e. Chicago time. Daylight Saving Time, or as you Brits call it, Summer Time, for a few more weeks. (GMT -6)

>(GMT -6)

Mmmm. It works a lot better when you read the time as 03:15:40 to be 03:15, not, in a hurry as 15:40!

What's that in Swatch time? - Has anyone else seen this new system perpetrated by Swatch to create "metric-style" time and do away with the 24x60x60 system? GRRRRR! What a load of old cobblers! (to use a good Brit-speak expression). Just what we didn't need!!!

>"metric-style" time

So is that 1 day = 10 hours = 100 minutes = 100 seconds or some other combination?

Ah - I've now found a good website explaining it all:
http://zapatopi.net/metrictime.html

So it could be the method mentioned above or it could be in pure decimal fractions of a day - deciday, centiday, milliday, microday (they need a name for the next one down - any suggestions?, this is a word list, not a maths list after all)

To translate my original time: 03:15:40

With method 1:
03 would become - 1.25, 15 would become 25, and 40 would become 66.6666667 (ish) giving us 1.25:15:66.6666667
I can see it catching on - especially with talking clocks.

With method 2:
3 hours = 0.125 day
15 minutes = 0.0104167 more or less
40 seconds = 0.0004629 give or take a bit
Giving us 0.0004629approx in Chicago at the time I made my post in Edinburgh - I'll remember that time forever!

Come on, people, this challenge is tremendous fun!

Brandon---P-L-E-A-S-E??? You might not be able to top your
nairadeceba response, but you surely could have a ball here!

Bob was a hammers and tongs dealer and Mickey had a tuck shop. Bob's your uncle? Well your uncle decided to take the Mickey of business by throwing spanners in his works. Spanners were Mickey's merchandise . When Mickey came to know he decided he would get Bob's knickers in a twist and give him cold comfort. So he went to Bob's house and said, "Come out you ladybird, and keep you pecker up, so I can bog the standard of your kisser." Mickey then squeezed Bob till his pips squeaked and threw him over the moon. Bob came down and was spread thin on the ground. Mickey decided plain sailing was better than prison. So he splashed out and was sailing close to the wind when all the world and his wife attended Bob's funeral. Bob's wake was cheap but cheerful.

Aesop tells a fantastic fable about a sweet old agony aunt who carefully gathers morsels of food for the coming cold season. Nestled in bog standard caverns of spongy moss and peat, the aunt stored kettles and cauldrons of lentils and limas.

Soon, the summer sun set on the moss tundra, and the winter moon took over the night sky. The agony aunt, however, spent her days stirring her soups with care. Even in her sleep, she rode that big dipper round and round those cherished kernels of food.

Late one morning, as the sun hit its zenith in the cold blue sky, a ladybird appeared on her sphagnum step. "I watched you from afar this summer, dear aunt, and I know you are full of beans. I come to you for help."

"Enter, dear friend. Please, have some lentils." The agony aunt took a bowl from the shelf. "Why is it you have no food this winter?"

The ladybird opened her spotted wings, revealing a barren and empty side. "You see, dear aunt, I spent all summer looking for brown sugar and molasses. Unfortunately, everywhere I looked, there was a spanner in the works. You see, I cannot hunt for toffee. So here I am, seeking comfort in your bog."

"Keep you pecker up, dear friend," the aunt consoled, inwardly wondering if her new friend had instead sailed too close to the wind. She filled the ladybird's bowl to the brim. "Here, I've got the cure for your sunken side. Take this meal. You'll feel better soon enough. Suck it and see."

The ladybird devoured the delicious meal. The agony aunt had helped another famished soul.

Here's some info from the Swatch website:

"By dividing the 24 hours of the day into 1,000 "beats", Swatch has created a time that transcends time zones. Each beat is equivalent to 1 minute 26.4 seconds and @000 is the same as midnight in Switzerland (guess where this was made!)"

I assume that it was meant as a convenient way to link up with people around the world at the same time. For example, as I type this (at 11.24 pm Australian Eastern Summer Time) Swatch time is 600 everywhere in the world).

I haven't used it for this purpose yet -- has anybody?

<I haven't used it for this purpose yet -- has anybody?>

No, and we shouldn't encourage them. I sincerely hope and expect that it will be about as popular as Esperanto. (With apologies to any members of the World Esperanto Association who happen to be on this board.) Seriously, its just a stupid marketing person's idea that the right people at Swatch must have mistakenly taken seriously. Its enough to make you join S11.

What's S11, please?
Also, could it have been a marketing person's stupid idea?

John, just noticed you're a journeyman. Congratulations!

<Also, could it have been a marketing person's stupid idea?>

...Just engaging in a bit of anastrophe... ;0)

S11 is the anti-globaalisation "group" pledged to disrupt the World Economic Forum that just took place in Melbourne, a la Seattle and Davos. It derives its name from September 11, when it was all meant to happen. The police in Melbourne managed to run over a protester in their car.

Journeyman - my COD says its a reliable but not outstanding worker - don't know if I should be flattered.

We are nearing the closing date for this competition so get ready to put together your last minute entries!

Please send all votes to my AWAD e-mail with the name of the person you choose in the subject line. I have had some good suggestions for prizes but you may wish to suggest soem more. I will keep the voting open until Sunday 12 noon GMT to even up the time zones and access to computers.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Jo

It being the following time (at least at the time I started writing this message!)

Honolulu 2:00 AM, Anchorage * 4:00 AM, Los Angeles * 5:00 AM, Vancouver * 5:00 AM, San Francisco * 5:00 AM, Seattle * 5:00 AM, Phoenix 5:00 AM, Managua 6:00 AM, Denver * 6:00 AM, Edmonton * 6:00 AM, Lima 7:00 AM, Bogota 7:00 AM, Winnipeg * 7:00 AM, Chicago * 7:00 AM, New Orleans * 7:00 AM, Mexico City * 7:00 AM, Houston * 7:00 AM, Montreal * 8:00 AM, New York * 8:00 AM, Boston * 8:00 AM, Washington DC * 8:00 AM, Toronto * 8:00 AM, Ottawa * 8:00 AM, Havana * 8:00 AM, Caracas 8:00 AM, Rio de Janeiro 9:00 AM, St. John's * 9:30 AM, Casablanca 12:00 PM, Reykjavik 12:00 PM, London * 1:00 PM, Lisbon * 1:00 PM, Dublin * 1:00 PM, Johannesburg 2:00 PM, Paris * 2:00 PM, Madrid * 2:00 PM, Oslo * 2:00 PM, Stockholm * 2:00 PM, Barcelona * 2:00 PM, Berlin * 2:00 PM, Belgrade * 2:00 PM, Amsterdam * 2:00 PM, Zagreb * 2:00 PM, Zürich * 2:00 PM, Warsaw * 2:00 PM, Vienna * 2:00 PM, Geneva * 2:00 PM, Frankfurt(Ger) * 2:00 PM, Copenhagen * 2:00 PM, Harare 2:00 PM, Rome * 2:00 PM, Prague * 2:00 PM, Budapest * 2:00 PM, Cape Town 2:00 PM, Riyadh 3:00 PM, Nairobi 3:00 PM, Sofia * 3:00 PM, Cairo * 3:00 PM, Bucharest * 3:00 PM, Beirut * 3:00 PM, Jerusalem * 3:00 PM, Istanbul * 3:00 PM, Helsinki * 3:00 PM, Amman * 3:00 PM, Aden 3:00 PM, Addis Ababa 3:00 PM, Athens * 3:00 PM, Antananarivo 3:00 PM, Ankara * 3:00 PM, Khartoum 3:00 PM, Kuwait City 3:00 PM, Minsk * 3:00 PM, Tehran 3:30 PM, Baghdad * 4:00 PM, Moscow * 4:00 PM, Kabul 4:30 PM, Tashkent 5:00 PM, Islamabad 5:00 PM, Calcutta 5:30 PM, New Delhi 5:30 PM, Mumbai 5:30 PM, Kathmandu 5:45 PM, Dhaka 6:00 PM, Rangoon 6:30 PM, Bangkok 7:00 PM, Jakarta 7:00 PM, Hanoi 7:00 PM, Perth 8:00 PM, Beijing 8:00 PM, Taipei 8:00 PM, Hong Kong 8:00 PM, Singapore 8:00 PM, Shanghai 8:00 PM, Manila 8:00 PM, Kuala Lumpur 8:00 PM, Seoul 9:00 PM, Tokyo 9:00 PM, Adelaide 9:30 PM, Darwin 9:30 PM, Brisbane 10:00 PM, Vladivostok * 00:00 PM, Canberra * 00:00 PM, Sydney * 00:00 PM, Melbourne * 00:00 PM, Wellington +12:00 AM, Suva +12:00 AM, Chatham Island +12:45 AM, Kamchatka * +1:00 AM, Anadyr * +1:00 AM, Kiritimati +2:00 AM *=daylight saving time

I declare this competition closed for entries.

I'd bet the term "Full Monty" was completely unknown here in the US until the movie arrived.

In all honesty, I don't think many people in UK were aware of it until then, either. It was certainly new to me.

My neighbour always spoke with glee about getting the full monty on Saturday mornings. I think he was referring to bacon, eggs, sausages and all the extras but you never can be sure.

>bacon, eggs, sausages and all the extras

spam, spam, spam, tomatoes and spam?

I'd bet the term "Full Monty" was completely unknown here in the US until the movie arrived.

>In all honesty, I don't think many people in UK were aware of it until then, either. It was certainly new to me.

...and I believe some Canadians thought it was going to be a film about a drunk policeman.

jmh> are you voting?
Jo,

Don't get your Knickers in a Twist, Ladybird! I've been busy with my Building Society and consulting with the Agony Aunt (who Works Like a Trojan). I Cannot decide for Toffee who should win this Slanging Match, so excuse me for slinging a Spanner in the Works. As far as I'm concerned, it's Sail Close to the Wind and Plain Sailing to everyone concerned. So keep at it Hammer and Tongs, Keep Your Pecker Up and I'm sure that someone Cheap and Cheerful will Splash Out.

Bob's Your Uncle!
-(take the) Mikey

p.s. - that was never a fortnight....

twu

I can't remember spam being on the menu.
Are you spamming my thread?

Are you spamming my thread?

I think it's more thumbing his nose at your deadline!

tread softly on my spam...

Sometimes I think what it might be like to be a primary school teacher ....

...but, around here at least, the study of paedomorphism might stand you in better stead.

tsuwm

Are you sure you are allowed out this late?

It’s prize time folks and I have great pleasure in announcing that the winner, by a considerable margin, is Jackie.

Congratulations Jackie. I have had a number of suggestions for prizes, some of which are printable. I will be setting up a special thread in praise of the winner, where A Word A Day-ers can post messages of congratulation, eulogies, limericks, poems or anything else that comes to mind!

We would also like to offer this small token of our appreciation:

http://www.austmus.gov.au/fish/fish62.htm

For Max who gets the prize for the fastest response by a Kiwi. Here is a little something we thought that you might like:

http://www.slv.vic.gov.au/pictoria/a/0/8/doc/a08420.htm

We hope it doesn’t take too much polishing!

http://www.slv.vic.gov.au/pictoria/a/0/8/doc/a08420.htm

Thanks for that, the only problem is, the front wheel looks taller than I am!

OHMIGAWD!

This is...this is...there must be something worng here.
(Yes, I saw it but am leaving it as an indication of
my state of mind.)

I, um...I, um...er...GEEZ!

>Are you sure you are allowed out this late?

evidently not... [

evidently not... [

Is that markup for a half-smile?

I was interested to note that no comments were passed on the nature of these prizes - AnnaStrophic suggested their relevance to this group, I see she's keeping very quiet!

(The second "prize" may be strictly the fore-runner of what was intended, if you wish to be pedantic.)

While I'm not sure if Steinem had a pennyfarthing in mind, there is no denying that it is, unquestionably a bicycyle, if that is of any comfort to you. Perhaps someone should juxtapose the two images to see if a fish with a bicycle is a more complete entity.

Words fail me, and in this, of all places

Here is a message for Max, who is clearly having problems sleeping. If I had known that receiving a prize would have caused you so much distress we should have made it smaller. Perhaps : http://home.swipnet.se/photo/engelsk/other/mouse/mouse2.htm

There really isn't a problem. All the words used were carefully chosen. You didn't receive any plaudits at all for winning the competition as originally stated. As a New Zealander you were clearly outside the rules of the original competition, so as long as you put in an entry, based on the fact that it wasn't entering the competition that was fine and dandy.

You were given “the prize for the fastest response by a Kiwi”. This was a completely separate competition and not only were you the winner but you were also the only competitor. The prize was suggested for two reasons (i) It was a very elegant paragraph, (ii) What is a fish meant to do without a bicycle?

Jo, what an adorable picture of Max!
I always knew he was a cutie!

Speaking of not sleeping--that may be the cause of my
double-posting and other weirdnesses. I am just up again,
after what seems to have become my customary amount: five and a half hours or so. There's just too much neat stuff
going on, in the real and the virtual world, for me to want to waste time sleeping, when I can be exploring and enjoying! Sleep-deprived? Yes. Joyous? ALL THE TIME!

in light of the recent events, I have to wonder why I didn't receive an award for latest entry by an old curmudgeon, or the Outside and Beyond the Pail [sic] award.

Pail [sic]

We call it a sick bucket over this side of the pond, tsuwm

Outside and Beyond the Pail

In my Godmother's nettie, which was a little way down the garden path, was a notice designed to deal with this problem

We aim to please: you aim too, please

Perhaps this should be in the "Directions" thread?