Three ***ers and three ###ers are traveling by train to a conference. The ***ers each buy a ticket but the three ###ers buy only one. "How are three people going to travel on one ticket?" asked one of the ***ers. "You'll see," says the ###er.

The ***ers take their respective seats but all three ###ers cram into a restroom. When the conductor comes to collect the tickets, he knocks on the restroom door. "Tickets, please." The door opens a crack and a single ticket emerges. The conductor takes it and moves on.

Returning from the conference, the ***ers decide to buy a single ticket. To their astonishment, the ###ers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks a ***er. "You'll see," says the ###er.

The ***ers cram into a restroom and the ###ers cram into another one nearby. Then, one of the ###ers leaves his restroom, walks over to the restroom where the ***ers are hiding, knocks on the door and says: "Ticket, please."

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determining the respective professions is left as an exercise for the student. show your work.

()

that's one of my all time favorite jokes.


I heard that mathematicians go through three stages of senility. In the first, they forget their theorems, in the second the forget to zip up their pants, in the third they forget to zip down their pants.

k

A psychiatrist, an internist, a surgeon and a pathologist were duck hunting together. As they huddled in their blind, they saw a duck flying nearby. As only males were in season, they wondered aloud if it was indeed a drake that they saw. The psychiatrist said, "Well, what's really more important is the duck's state of mind: does he see himself as a drake, or does he identify with a female identity."

"No," the internist said, "we need to run several tests before we can identify this fowl as a drake. I'd need to obtain several blood tests plus a chest X-ray. The duck would return to my clinic in 7 to 14 days for his results."

The surgeon, hearing this, scoffed. He reached for his automatic shotgun and blasted the entire magazine load of shells at the duck, which dropped lifeless from the sky.

The surgeon turned to look at the pathologist and said, "Go examine that and tell me if it was a drake or not."

Re: the ***s and the ###s.

I don't know who the ***s were, but the ###s where certainly lawyers.

A (kind of) similar story is told of Mark Twain. Riding a train, one day, a fellow passenger approached him and begged to be allowed to hide under his seat; the man had no ticket. Along came the conductor and Twain asked for two tickets. "But you're traveling alone," said the conductor, "Why two?" Said Twain, "One for me, and one for the guy under my seat."

I can't figure out who the others are, but must agree that the *** are lawyers. If they're not, they should be, for the sake of pan-societal comeuppance.

To digress a tiny bit, one of my favorite jokes blends elements from my job as medical transcriptionist with my great affection for our local baseball team, the Seattle Mariners, (who are, by the way, going to take the championship this year - Damn Yankees notwithstanding):

A baseball manager who had an ulcer was in his physician office for a checkup. "Remember," the doctor said, "don't get excited, don't get mad, and forget about baseball when you're off the field." Then he added, "By the way, how come you let the pitcher bat yesterday with the tying run on second and two men out in the ninth?"

I don't know who the ***s were, but the ###s where certainly lawyers.

Indubitably: New York City lawyers.

What? you don't like the Yankees? the bronx bombers aren't near and dear to your heart?

in my opinion, a world series in baseball is defined as a game that involves the Yankees, and some other team, that thinks its as good as them.. and whats to duke it out..

Mind you, they don't alway win, but the Yankees have been in more world series than any other team, and have won more world series than any other team.. but.. Sports post are usually below the fold.. (and i don't usually join in.. but civic pride and all that.. )

...determining the respective professions is left as an exercise for the student.


It shouldn't be necessary to fill in the blanks at all.

When my kids were younger and learning about humor, ethnic jokes were already out of fashion and so we concocted the scheme of substituting "NPES" (pronounced "en'-peeze") at all the appropriate moments. That stood for Negatively Perceived Ethnic Stereotype, thus: "Three NPES and three other NPES are traveling by train..." We called them, without too much originality, NPES jokes, and the listener was free to make whatever substitutions were wanted: Polish/Irish, Harvard/Yale, Jewish/Catholic, Texas/Texas Tech, whatever group(s) your little heart wanted to denigrate at the moment. Or no substitution at all, just leaving it as the ostensibly neutral "NPES."

It was instructive to see just how many jokes had the point completely vitiated by this bit of Political Correction. And how many didn't. Those were the good ones!

how many jokes had the point completely vitiated by this bit of Political Correction. And how many didn't.

I think I've already told the New Caledonian joke

of troy: While vacationing in Mexico in 1975 with friends, I lost my paperwork (passport, driver's license, any form of identification whatsoever). When it came time to cross back into the US, I walked up to the Customs counter and faced the three agents standing there. The one nearest me stretched out a bored hand. I shook my head. He looked at me as though to say, what?
We spoke for a while about my dilemma. I swore I was from Wyoming, where I lived at the time. He said we can't take your word for it. I finally said, "Okay, ask me something that only an American would know."

The agent looked to his two friends for help. Finally one piped up, "What are the names of the baseball teams in New York City?" and I shot back, "As far as I'm concerned, there's only one baseball team in New York City, and that's the Yankees!"

They all burst out laughing and waved me through.

I think nowadays I wouldn't be able to get through the border quite so easily with no ID.

Maybe not, but I did it all the time. The Texas border only asks for verbal confirmation. "Citizenship?" "American, sir." [sir waves hand and Bob's your uncle]