The differences between men and women can come down to their understanding of some simple words:
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car's hood.
Male........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another
Male........Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male.........Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's
girlfriend.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male........Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An embarrassing byproduct of digestion.
Male........A source of entertainment, self-statement male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male.........A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes
ROFLMAO!! Now I suppose one of us maligned males has to compile a list from the masculine point of view. How about it, guys?
and please let's not ruin a perfectly good feelthy thread ...
Tee hee! [mock angelic-e]
This thread reminds me of the following silliness (sent to me by a she):
She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.
He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said...Well, you succeeded.
On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere." Written just below it: "I do not."
He said... "Shall we try switching positions tonight?" She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and watch TV."
Priest said... 'I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.'
She said...'Don't worry - I ain't looking'
He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
from Oklahoma! (and probably long before that, too)
Celeste Holm (a.k.a Ado Annie) sings:
"...With you, it's all er nuthin' -
All fer you, and nuthin' fer me
But if a gal is wise
She's gotta realize
That men like you are wild and free.
So I ain't gonna fuss, ain't gonna frown,
Have yer fun, go out on the town,
Stay out late and don't come home till three,
And go right off to sleep if yer sleepy,
Don't be waitin' up
Fer
Me !"
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An embarrassing byproduct of digestion.
Male........A source of entertainment, self-statement male bonding.
Ah, how true! I once worked for a man who had his various emissions categorized by pitch, volume, odor, and texture. Yes, a real man's man! BTW, is the Britslang term, "cough in your rompers" appropriate here?
All right, you wusses. If no one else dares, I'll start the male version of male/female words.
SCREWDRIVER (scroo dry ver) n.
Male... A hand tool used to turn screws
Female... A multipurpose hand tool used, inter alia, as an ice pick, pry lever, hole punch, window prop, but never to turn screws [for which, see nail file and table knife]
SCREWDRIVER (scroo dry ver) n.
Male... A hand tool used to turn screws
Oh. I thought it had to do with vodka and orange juice. And a piledriver is made from vodka and Ex Lax.
vodka and orange juice
And a Phillips screwdriver is vodka and milk of magnesia
Woman: Travel Hair Dryer: Portable/compact tool for drying hair while traveling
Man: Great tool for melting ice out of keyhole in car, (make sure you have a long enough extension cord that reaches half way up the driveway.) be sure to leave in the house. Also used for removing tape residue from any surface.
LID n. (lid)
Male: device for covering container (box, jar, etc) securely, by pressing down or screwing on, to ensure that contents remain inside.
Female: decorative thingee (see above) for placing lightly on top of container, so that contents will spill when anyone tries to move it
Hair dryer
No! My German neighbor, Herr Dreyer is!
(blue)“ROFLMAO!! Now I suppose one of us maligned males has to compile a list from the masculine point of view. How about it, guys?”(/blue). Damn - that colouring process didn't work!
Well how about this, recently received from a lady correspondent in San Francisco. I have been egged on by “of Troy” to publish and be damned:
Instructions for men about women's keywords and their meanings:
"FINE"
This is the word women use at the end of an argument, when they know they are right, but want to shut you up. Also note that you should never use "Fine" to describe how a woman looks if you actually haven't really thought about it. She will recognize it as brain-dead patronizing when you are supposed to be in smooth-talking complimentary mode. This will cause you to have a bad day.
"FIVE MINUTES"
This is at least half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
"NOTHING"
"Nothing" is used to communicate that you had better figure out really fast what is wrong and fix it. You must do this without input from the woman because,if she has to explain what is wrong, she will be even more angry. Speed is of the utmost importance. Mentally backtrack through recent events for clues.Even if you can't figure it out, apologize and look pathetic. Otherwise
"Nothing" will signify an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."
"GO AHEAD" (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."
"GO AHEAD" (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she gets over being depressed about your display of gross insensitivity to her needs.
"LOUD SIGH"
A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."
"SOFT SIGH"
"Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe.
"OH"
"Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get the raised eyebrows "GO AHEAD," followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.
"THAT'S OKAY"
This is one of the most dangerous interim statements. "THAT'S OKAY" means that she wants to think long and hard about appropriate retributions for what you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine," and in conjunction with the raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some point in the future, when she thoroughly discussed your callous deeds with all of her friends, and considered their combined input, you are going to be so sorry.
"PLEASE DO"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to change your mind and decide not to do whatever you were going to do. When making this decision you must combine it with statements about how much she means to you and how that influenced your decision to not do whatever she said to "Please do."
"THANKS"
It is counterintuitive but actually the woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just hug her and tell her you love her and remember to do the same thing again soon.
"THANKS A LOT"
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."
make the brackets square brackets..[ to open and ] to close..
and yes that is cute... i got in a email recently!
Damn - that colouring process didn't work!
But this does... WELCOME 
to you dxb - glad to have you with us.
For MaxQ's helpful hints about colours, idiosyncrasies etc., go to the Information & Announcements Forum, and go to the thread called Helpful Hints & FAQs Take 2
Hev
Rhu, to add to your post
SEAT n. Male: the open circle on the toilet that is always up leaning against the
lid.
Female: the open circle on the toilet that is always down, on which you lower the
lid when company comes.
Then there is the small male who has been taught not to pee on the seat, who leaves it up in middle of the night, where either mom or pop gets an unpleasant surprise in the dark a bit later.
either mom or pop gets an unpleasant surprise
One would think that mom or pop would have learned by now to look before sitting.
have learned by now to look before sitting
Hades, no! At that time of night, a) you haven't the energy or wakefulness to open eyes and
b) if you did, "in the dark of the night", tha'd see nowt any road!
(and "touché", bel!)
*Sigh* You need a certain amount of wakefulness just to find where you're sitting down anyway. Channel a little of it into noticing what you're sitting on.
Nah! - I do it by instinct and in my sleep.
Although this can lead to unfortunate happenings! In the our last cottage, which was 300 years old and crazy, the route from beroom to bathroom went down five steps to a half-landing, then up five steps to the bathroom. The bottom steps on both flights were near enough to each other to step from one to the other without going down right onto the landing.
One night, I had semi-woken up, instead of being fast asleep during my nocturnal visit as usual. I made the mistake of counting steps and miscounted, therefor trying to step from the fourth step onto the other flight. I woke up totally and completely just half-a-second before my face smashed into the opposite top stair, as my feet plummetted towards the half-landing below!
My face was red and my eye was black.
OK BYB,
LEFT
Male (in the US and on the continent) - the side the steering wheel's on.
Female (around the world) - uuummm......
STREET DIRECTORY
Male - Book of maps showing thoroughfares, places of interest, recreation reserves etc.
Female - uuummm......
stales
My face was red and my eye was black.
But your butt wasn't wet.
STREET DIRECTORY
Male - Book of maps showing thoroughfares, places of interest, recreation reserves etc.
Female - uuummm......
ooooooooo I *must disagree on that one stales. Men *never use street directories. Men will drive around for hours never admitting they are lost.
Men will drive around for hours thinking that the ultimate truth as to the right direction will come as from God instead of from the gas station attendant who has lived in that area for all of his 87 years.
If Moses had listened to his wife and stopped for directions they would have found the holy land in a day and a half instead of 40 years.
but there are lots of studies showing men and women move in space in different ways..
woman use landmarks, go past the bakery, turn right by the shoe store, and then turn left by the big white house with the red shutters, which is past the school and the fire house.
a guy giving the same directions, turn right at the second traffic light, go down a ways, about 3 miles, fourth left after the traffic signal (fire house!)
This is not my experience. I almost always check a map before traveling to an unknown place. My wife has the extremely irritating habit of removing the maps from the car for no apparent reason other than that she believes them to be as useful as cuneiform.
I seldom ask for instructions unless I actually am lost, because most of the time the instructions I receive are nonsensical or erroneous. On the rare occasions when I can't find myself, I have also been unable to locate said gas station attendant who has lived in the area for decades.
The good news is that my oldest daughter is adept at map reading, able to express herself clearly, and being an excellent navigator is an absolute pleasure to travel with. My youngest daughter is showing signs of being similarly inclined. I can only deduce that, if there is a gene for this characteristic, it must reside somewhere in the X chromosome. This astonishing conclusion has caused me no end of cognitive dissonance.
k
Men will drive around for hours never admitting they are lost.Oh, Bel! You are so right! Every summer we go to the same place in Ohio. Stay at a hotel at the same exit and travel the same roads to our destination each day. Last year, we had to get hotel reservations at the next exit north. Well, going from the hotel to the track became a riot every morning. I said turn left to head south, my husband said the road was at an angle, therefore turn right. He even went so far as to pull out a compass just to show me we were headed south. I knew we were going the wrong way, and the map was in the trunk. I asked for the compass, and when it moved away from the steering wheel, the needle turned. For whatever reason, when the compass was within two feet of the steering wheel, it would point straight at it! To make a long story short, compass or no compass, we had to turn left to go south!
In a Military Medicine course, the Colonel told us about American troops early in WWII blundering right into German ambushes because they had not learned to use maps. Suddenly learning map reading did not seem so boring. I was lucky that my wife did not resent my cautious tactful explanations of the essentials. She was a big help on long trips.
If Moses had listened to his wife and stopped for directions they would have found the holy land in a day and a half instead of 40 years.
And after all that time, Moses finally managed to select practically the only spot in the entire area that doesn't have oil?
I can only deduce that, if there is a gene for this characteristic, it must reside somewhere in
the X chromosome. This astonishing conclusion has caused me no end of cognitive dissonance.
You have no X chromosome? Y not?
I took up flying some years ago just so I could look down and see where the heck I was!
Not all who wander are lost - it's only we men.
the Colonel told us about American troops early in WWII blundering right into German ambushes because they had not learned to use maps
Well, we were talking about historical revisionism in another thread. Bill, you been talking to David Irving recently? Of course, it could have been the marines guarding the American embassy in Berlin, I suppose ...
On the rare occasions when I can't find myselfHmmm. I thought you lived on the east coast, not in San Francisco!
"You have no X chromosome?"
Yes, and a Y to boot, which is where I would have expected this hypothetical sequence of codons to reside. However, the fact that my daughters (yes, they *are* girls ... I checked when they were born) show evidence of having them means that they might (contrary to the expectations wrought from all of my previous experiences) reside on the X after all.
k
No Bel, you haven't quite got it. Men do indeed use maps; women have no idea what a map is for or how to use it. AS to asking directions, you are right on. No man will ever ask someone for directions except as an absolute last resort.
And as for the kind of directions you usually get, it certainly varies very much. I once was given directions by a friend to get to his house and the ended up, "turn left at the next street after you see the red Volkswagen parked on your left." I thought this strange, figuring that if the owner of the VW were to take it out shopping, I would have a problem, but no, when we went, there was the VW. Turns out it had been sitting in the same place for years and never moved.
On Spatial DimorphismAh ha! At last. A dichotomy of the sexes with which even the lesser of the sexes will agree.
People of all manner and circumstance have observed that the human female is inept when giving directions or receiving same. This is because back when our species was roaming the forest floor in search of food the female wasn't allowed to roam with the men. This wasn't sexist. The female was the one with the milk.
Time passed. Today the female lives in a modern world where cars and feet go many, many, places and the female can't even read a map. Or judge distances. Or empathize with the males own peculiar desires and altruistic behaviors (but that's another story).
I had a good buddy once that the very first thing he did upon acquiring a new girlfriend or wife, was to teach them to fold a road map. Not read it- fold it.
Yeah, yeah, bitch, bitch, bitch. I know that all you women weren't poured from the same syrup bucket but I also know that only one lady in one million could whip me in a fair fight. But now a "fair fight" would be a oxyanthropomorphizologicalmoron, now wouldn't it.
Thanks Milum for the use of your machine,
Raymond
Hay BobY and Milum ... you are partly right but mostly wrong.
In my early driving days - late 1940s - I had an unerring sense of direction and could find my way quickly and correctly by instinct ... A talent that fliers call "seat of the pants reckoning" and a talent much desired by pilots
In later years (late 1950s, early 1960s)I was manager of an American Automobile Association (AAA) office and during training was introduced to map reading and learned, too, that all AAA maps fold the exact same way.
Any AAA travel agent - yes, the ones who make up your maps and TripTix -AND they're mostly women these days -will clue you in, it's easy.
As to giving directions - Ask Cap Kiwi if he had any problems finding my house with the directions I gave him!
So there.
(Where is that auditory raspberry emoticon when you need it?)
map reading, is a spacial skill. there is some slight evidence men are slightly better at spacial skills. How ever, it is not true that being male make you good at spacial skill or that being female makes you bad.
my ex husband went from queens to putnum county (pretty much dead north) via connecticut. (most definately east. i asked him-- didn't the sun light (it was early morning) shining directy into your eyes give you a clue you were going in the wrong directions. He replied "why should it?"
this same man lost the on ramp to the queensbourgh bridge, at queens plaza. (the brigde is less than a quarter of a mile away! all you need to do is to go straight.) he went from queens to an adress in brooklyn, via the verranzano bridge! The man could not find his way out of a paper bag with out help.
my kids grew up thinking i knew how to get everywhere in creatation-- since i was always the family navigator. when i was divorced, and going to Boston for the first time, i took along my daughter, handed her the map, and said you navagate.
fortunately, i really knew the way.. but i would ask her questions. at the end of the trip (and she missed a day of school coming with me to boston) she announced, "maps are usefull" -- i was stunned! and asked her if "didn't you already know that?" and she said "no"
her experience till then (she was 16) was "local maps" of the nieghborhood made as class projects to teach maps -- as as she said, she didn't need a map for the nieghborhood, she knew where thing were, and how to get there, and large scale maps (the US, Europe, the world)
she had no idea about road maps.
Now she is a bright kid, and had traveled alot, but she missed out about road maps. i wonder how many other kids have too? and if your spacial skills are weak, and you are never exposed, and its never really taught in school, unless someone teaches you, you never learn how to use maps. Since then, she has travel thousand of miles (she has driven to New Orleans twice!) and she never gets lost!
she some times get annoyed by directions.. one set of directions to a locale in DC started at I 495-- and she quipped, "gee, i didn't know you could get to DC on the LIE" (a local road with the same designation) so she got a map, and found her way from I 495 (LIE) to I 495 (DC beltway). my son seems to have inherited his sense of direction from his father.
I find when men have trouble finding a place, they usually have someone or something to blame. Their partner read the map wrong. The directions were wrong. The signs were wrong. "The entrance to the roundabout which would have taken us onto the bridge at Niagara put us in the wrong lane on the roundabout."
Right Cap K?
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male.........A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes ...and the explaination is:
Men are smart enough to know there is nothing good on anyway, but too dumb to pick the best of what is there and stick to it...
whereas
Women are smart enough to have tennacity but don't know that they made the wrong choice.
I know I'm in trouble now but I don't know with whom!
Hmmm. I thought you lived on the east coast, not in San Francisco!
Hehehe. cute.
k
Oh, all right, I’ll do it ladies. It is evident somebody is shaking the hive to anger the bees. It’s like a kiddy throwing a tantrum to attract mom’s attention.
_________________________________________________________________
but I also know that only one lady in one million could whip me in a fair fight. Poor, poor Raymond. Still under the erroneous (
look it up dear) impression that brawn is the overall measure of a man. I’m sure most men can beat up most women but that doesn’t make them any smarter. A little look in your biology books (
oops, I’m assuming you managed to get to grade 10 in high-school here, please excuse me if you haven’t) will tell you that your physical strength is in no way indicative (
do you have a dictionary dear?) of your level of intelligence.
_________________________________________________________________
That said, welcome Raymond
.
Men do indeed use maps; women have no idea what a map is
Sorry, BYB, stales et al, but I gotta add my voice to the protest on this one. I am *very good at both navigating naturally and reading maps, have great spatial awareness, can park a car like a pro and drive better than a lot of blokes I know (and am occasionally courteous to boot). I don't ask for directions either, except as a last resort - because most of the time with my sense of direction and maps to use, I can find my way on my own.
Times have changed boys... ya can't keep these stereotypes going, no matter how much you'd like to. [mock 
-e] Nice try, though... [bring it on!!-e]
Hev
the erroneous impression that brawn is the overall measure of a man
Well rung, bel!
About 15 years ago I handled legal work for an office building my company had bought in Houston. After I'd gotten to know the leasing agent we'd hired there, business eventually brought me down to Houston, and we met in person.
Now the agent, Carolyn, was 6'0" tall (1.83 meters), strikingly good looking, and a flamboyant dresser. The moment we met she looked down on me and drawled, friendly Texas-style, "Yuh know, Ken, Ah didn't know thut they grew thar attorneys so small up thar in Chicahgo." I replied with a wink, "Well Carolyn dahlin', I don't know how you measure down here in Texas, but where I come from we measure our attorneys from the neck up."
Carolyn and I were great friends from that moment on.
Poor poor Raymond. A little look in your biology books (oops, I’m assuming you managed to get to grade 10 in high-school here, please excuse me if you haven’t) will tell you that your physical strength is in no way indicative (do you have a dictionary dear?) of your level of intelligence. -belMarduk.
Bel, please.
Let me apologize. It's my fault for not keeping Raymond away from my computer. Raymond, you see, is a poor motherless child that lives- if you can call it that- with his drunken father in a single-wide trailer across the tracts, down the street. He is eighteen years old and still in the ninth grade and has no friends. Except me. Sometimes I give him a hot meal and let him play on my computer.
I think that his intemperate remarks were but a cry for attention from a mother he never knew. I scolded him soundly and he has promised not to annoy you people of the board ever again.
Milum.
_________________________________________________________________
Well, Hev, you antipodean sheilas (if that's not a tautology) are, I suppose, different from the run of the mill female in this country. And of course, WOW and Helen, being AWADers, are several cuts above the norm. I guess I have to allow that there will be exceptions, so I can't keep on arguing that no woman knows about maps; obviously there are a few (damn few), just like you may occasionally find a man who has no hesitancy in asking all and sundry for directions, but then there are men who like to wear their wives' or girlfriends' panties.
It's like these females who I've been seeing lately on the home-remodeling shows on the cable channels -- they dress up in overalls and hard hats and have these tool belts and they get out their power drills and electric screwdrivers and attempt to convince the viewers that even though they are women they are competent carpenters, builders, etc. Well, a thumb to the nose to them. First, I don't believe they really know what they're doing, and secondly, I wouldn't marry one of them if they were the only women on earth. [/chauvinist pig rant]
you antipodean sheilas (if that's not a tautology) are, I suppose, different from the run of the mill female in this country. And of course, WOW and Helen, being AWADers, are several cuts above the norm.
Thanks. I think... Fearless... come back and help me out with this one. She'll bring the Tim-Tams, and we'll make you a nice cup of coffee and have a bit of a chat. Gotta sort you out somehow BYB.
In the meantime, I'm not sure how to take Antipodean sheilas as tautology... Unless, of course, you are insulting stales, doc_comfort, paulb, MaxQ, and CapK as well. Or was I just not quite map-readingly-intelligent enough to get your drift? [cheeky-e]
I'm gonna leave that other bit alone... don't have the inclination to debate that right now. I'm SO glad I didn't take up the job offer for that lifestyle show though...
Hev
Raymond... lives across the tracts
Would those be the Bible tracts?
He is eighteen years old and still in the ninth grade
Sure is an articulate guy for a left-back ninth-grader! [impressed]
Navigation has a lot to do with how you look at time. When I have to travel a long distance over an unknown terrain, I just give myself two hours longer than the trip would take the average driver. I expect to get turned around a lot, expect to get lost, but I keep my eyes and ears open for the things I get to see that the average driver, following the straight and narrow, would have missed. In other words, I relish being lost. I have one friend on this earth who is the same as I--and we have a great time traveling together and seeing all those things we do see when we realize we're lost. In fact, our perception goes up a level just realizing that we're lost.
I have been lost driving a straight interstate route. Honest. I somehow got off the interstate to get a cup of coffee or something, and, when I pulled out of the restaurant parking lot, I somehow pulled out on the wrong side and went up a different interstate. Didn't realize it either for a few miles.
About screwdrivers: I always think in terms of what to use other than a screwdriver--what's handier, closer, just as efficient, etc. This is called creative thinking, and it's much more fun than going out to the garage and pulling out that smelly old toolbox.
Best regards,
WordWoman
But, but milum, you're missing something; a bum leg, or a lazy eye or something.
Everybody knows that a kid from the wrong side 'o the tracks who's Mom-orphaned and drunk-Dadded, with no friends and hardly any education has to have a bum leg or lazy eye.
OH, that or a dream...they gotta have a dream like
a) becoming Pretty In Pink (oops no, that one's taken by Molly Ringwald)
b) becoming a ninja (oops no, Karate kid got that one and mom's there but not dad)
c) becoming a dancer (oops no, Keven Bacon got that one in Footloose - again mom's there, pop's not)
All right, they're all taken, Raymond has got to have a bum leg or lazy eye.
Oooo, wait, you could skip the whole bum leg, lazy eye imperative if you are the wise and all knowing teacher that'll set the kid on the straight path in life, teach him to have confidence in himself and believe in the strength within. Ah Dag nabbit, Yoda, I think that is.
I know that all stereotypes are flawed, but they do tend to show a trend.
Mrs Rhubarb was employed for many years as a cartographical draughtsperson (actually, for so many years that when she started she was a draughtswoman!
)
I, for many years, was a professional driver.
She and I drove in car rallies (yes - in a MG!) at one pint in our life, as did many of our friends. Typically, the male spouse held the steering wheel, the female one, the map. Mrs R and I often won the rallies and were always highly placed.
Now, you would have thought that having a woman who drew maps for a living as navigator would give us a decided edge on that side of things whilst having an ex-professional driver at the wheel might help in the car handling bit.
But it were her what drove an' me what navigated - always!
I know that all stereotypes are flawed, but they do tend to show a trend.
And so long as you'll admit the trends are changing, I'm with ya!
She and I drove in car rallies (yes - in a MG!) at one pint in our life, (emphasis mine)
Rhub! 
Surely, you weren't drinking and driving... but jokes aside: You were in rallies? Right, off to PM you now.
But it were her what drove an' me what navigated - always!
Interesting, that at a professional level (well, Australian Rally Championship) there are none of your combination. In the recent Harbour City Rally, there were at least 5 teams (that I saw) who had female navigators and male drivers.
Hev
She and I drove in car rallies (yes - in a MG!) at one pint in our life,
Do slips come much more Freudian than this?
Awww, Max, that's no Freudian slip, they used pubs as checkpoints. Guiness sponsored 'em.
Now, a Brit trivia question: What's "MOWOG" stand for on MG bits and pieces? (Don't tell 'em, Rheuby!)
...lives across the tracts
Would those be the Bible tracts? -AnnaStrophic
Dear Missus Mean Asp,
Yes, I have a speech impediment. How indelicate of you to notice. I can't pronounce my ca...ca...
K es. Missus belMardut noticed but she tempered her wit with kindness. You see, when I was none-years-old my mother left town. Her name was cu...cu...Kate.
Oh stop it. Cry no tears for me. I have turned my handicap into a blessing. I help others.
Do you know what I would do if I was lucky enough to live down the hallway from a rhematic maven such as Faldage? I would submit all my writings to him for perusal. Then, only after his edit and approval would I post them to a larger world.
Uh oh...here comes Mister Milum. If he catches me fooling around with his computer he will hit me with a boo...boo...Book.
Raymond
RITFSmilling.
women use landmarks
No, no. Both men and women use them - just different landmarks!
Ask any woman in Ireland for directions and she will use churches as landmarks. Ask any man and he will use pubs. 'struth!
byb:
I think we all do what we have to do. We had a terrible cold snap here recently, and Peggy's car died an ugly death in the parking garage where she works. We couldn't get it towed out because the ceilings were too low to allow a wrecker in.
Peggy took a half day off from work, went to the auto parts store, bought a battery, and installed it in the car with nothing more than a nail file and an adjustable wrench (IN THE DARK!)
And as she put it quite proudly, "without even breaking a nail, though I did have to repair the polish on my left thumb. Used the nail as a screwdriver."
I'm still waiting for the wrecker! BTW the car started fine.
TEd
You go, girl! It's not for nothin we say "Necessity is the mother of invention."
TEd, This reminds me of an incident in my own life from a couple of weeks ago, which Dag was bragging about to all his (male) friends at the factory. I think I will cut and paste from the email I wrote to my Mom about it. I was going to tell this story when it happened but I couldn't find a way to fit it in anywhere...Here is the excerpt from the email.
BTW, you need to know that our basement is unfinished, and you get into it by going in a little door set into the side of the house, rather than just going down stairs like in a normal house.
********
So my excitement today (and boy, was it exciting) was that I managed to
accidentally lock myself in the basement when I was painting the shelves
this morning. See, the basement door is kept locked in two ways: the
handle locks, and we also have a padlock on a hasp on the outside of the
door. I bring the padlock into the basement with me when I work in there,
so some joker doesn't go past and lock me in. But. It didn't occur to me
that the hasp could get blown shut while the door was closed. I was
working this morning, and I was nearly finished. I had to go to the
bathroom but thought I could hold it a few minutes longer, rather than
running upstairs, taking my shoes off, etc., etc., then coming back
downstairs... I was finally done and went to open the door, dreaming of
the bathroom. The handle opened, the door opened a bit, and then wouldn't
budge. I realized after banging it a bit that the hasp had shut itself,
and even though there was no lock holding it shut, it didn't seem to want
to come open again. Now, Dag was at work already. There are windows in
the basement but they're high up relative to the floor, and probably a lot
of trouble to take apart. And I had to pee. So I kicked the door a bit,
bracing myself on the door frame because there are actually four steps
down to the basement floor from the doorway. It still didn't open. I was
worried about falling backward down the stairs, too, so I just grabbed the
door frame, and gave a good hard front snap kick with all my might to the
spot where I knew the hasp was. The door broke, and a piece six inches
wide and the height of the door went flying at the house next to us.
Great! I was out - but the door was broken. The door is about four feet
tall, and I'd broken off a whole vertical section, about a 2-by-6, where
the handle had been. I could see that it was a tongue-and-groove sort of
thing, and I'd blasted off the whole section. Our bikes are down there,
and the lawnmower. Not much else of value, but still, an open, flapping
half-door just invites trouble. I went upstairs and to the bathroom, and
called Dag at work (told the lady at the front desk that yes, it was more
or less an emergency). What the hell was I going to do about the door?
Well, we decided I should try to fix it, maybe by covering up the hole
with wood. I went back down and managed to fit the destroyed piece back
onto the door. Hammered it together, the wood was rotten so it was a bit
of a mess. (That's why it broke in the first place!) Then I got some
bits of wood, 1x4 and 1x6, and some nails which we'd salvaged from the
basement, and hammered them across the wound, inside and out, so the
broken piece was more or less fit together like a puzzle, with pieces of
wood across it to keep it from breaking off again. All this in wind (50
km/h gusting to 90 km/h, blowing the door out of my hands) and more or
less pouring rain. Unfortunately, I also bent the hinges, so it doesn't
quite close as well as it used to. Now the only thing holding it shut is
the padlock. I'm afraid to force it into the frame because the wood is so
weak it might break again when I try and open it. (Actually, it's
possible that the door is now far sturdier than it used to be...) The
hasp is slightly bent but held up very well (which is why I couldn't get
out!) The repair job was greatly hampered by our lack of useful bits of
wood and nails.
*********
Just so you all know, I love fixing things, building things, designing things. I'm the one who took the sink apart when the drain was clogged, defrosted the frozen water pipes, emptied the eavestroughs, put up the Christmas lights, etc. I also love navigating, and maps. (Maybe because my mom let me navigate across Saskatchewan when I was about nine.) And you should have seen me hauling gear down to the boat every day during our field trip last summer! "Haul and stow, haul and stow, haul and haul and stow" because our motto.
bean, all i have to say is, guys, never postition yourself between a woman who has to pee and a bathroom! It is a danger zone. And when she says "we need to stop for tourist information" (my mother in laws euphonism) you better stop.
(this is the real reason Rhu and his wife won rally races. they would stop at pubs, rhu would have a pint, and the misses a cuppa, and off they would go again.. a scant 20 minutes after a cup a tea, she had to go again, and finding the next pub, and fast, was very important! she would put the pedal to the metal, and zip round those narrow, curving roads! Rhu thought she was rally racing, in reality, she was intent on spending a penny!)
Then there is the guy my husband works with...the power was out overnight and was still out come morning. Now, Kevin didn't want to be late for work but his car was in the garage and the door opener wouldn't work without electric. Being the smart fellow he is, he unscrewed the garage door opener from the ceiling and disconnected it, taking down the chain, et al, so that the door would move. He ended up just a few minutes late for work, but with a smile on his face, proud of his accomplishment. When my husband noticed him sneak in, he asked what had happened. Kevin told the story of his superior intelligence in getting out of the garage. Joe just looked at him. "Kevin, did you notice a red handle hanging down?" "Yep, what's it for?" "Did you read the tag on it?" "No, I didn't have time. What does it say?"?" "It says: 'Pull to release door in a power outage.' "
"Did you read the tag on it?"
Directions? We don' need no steenkin directions!
Oh, Lord. Where do I start? Shame on you, BYB. I have driven and hitch-hiked all over tarnation and here I am, the unlost Consuelo. I once had a boyfriend that one of our most amusing entertainments was to get good and lost, locate a small town for lunch and then find out where we were so we could get home again. He always drove. Speaks for itself, doesn't it? I agree that ability must reside in the X chromosome. I have 2[smug-e]
I like the Indian's version. "Me not lost. Tepee lost."
