This has probably done the email rounds by now, but for those that haven't seen it....1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he
become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

7. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

9. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

11. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

12. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

13. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

14. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

15. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

16. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

17. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

18. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

19. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

20. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered
the mail?

21. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

22. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?


Well, they appeal to me anyway!

stales

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Why don't they speak Hollandaise?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?

And why don't they weigh 2,000 (or 2,200) pounds? They're really crougrams.

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

And why does a phlebotomist suck blood instead of phlegm?

RE:I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what
do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

in Japan, there are "training chopsticks" that are smaller than normal chopsticks, and slightly more tapered. but the tapered ends have a series of concentric rings, that form ridges. My neice, at eighteen months was adept at using them to pick up a single, glintening pickled fish egg.. the roe, not caviar, was about the size of a lentil.

(in the spirit of stales'#15)

Helen, may we never be des-troyed.

(or, for that matter, Max'ed out.)

From my inbox today:

GUIDELINES FOR ENLIGHTENMENT

1. Be a Fundamentalist--make sure the Fun always comes before the Mental.
Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled. A laugh
track has been provided, and the reason why we are put in the material world
is to get more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will
ensure regularhilarity.

2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift, just for
entering - so you are already a winner!

3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That is
where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we
don't like the programming we're getting, we can simply change the channel.

4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop.

5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought
particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition called
truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a day. And when you're
tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in our Absurdiveness Training class: *Don't get even, get odd.*

6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live
like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That way,
there'll surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins with each of
us. A little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces
will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.

7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if
you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a
fault, just don't dwell on it.

8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train
the world, and we'll never have to change it again.

9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad news
and some good news. The bad news is: there is no key to the Universe. The
good news is: it has been left unlocked.


Bingley

Number 4

Repost #4 in Maximising Value so I can add it to the list.

Or better start a Maximising Value Redux thread as y'all flatliners are starting to complain about it's too long now.

Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop.

(again in the spirit of stales' #15)
and eventually the subject will be ex-posed.

BTW, faldage, when you referred to phographic negatives-vs-positives, were you cross-threading to your recent discussion of color-reversal?

Huh?

Hi, F!
In color photography, the negative's colors differ from the positive's; e.g., an area that is green in the negative will become red in the final print; and conversely, a red area will be output as green.
So too in Faldage, as I understand it, a yellow input (beer) is transmuted into a clear output; and conversely, a clear input yields a yellow output.

Now faldage, please don't be put out by my input!

And you never learn to swear like you mean it until you try fixing said car.

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
and, while stumbling about dizzily, an Occident waiting to happen?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

And, conversely, do Nescafe employees take tea breaks?

take tea breaks?
NOBODY takes tea breaks...

NOBODY takes tea breaks...

Uh-huh. There's that "if it ain't used in the US, it don't exist" attitude again. Well done, Kaintuck!

I thought Pommy's and the rest of you lot took "elevenes" -- unless you had stopped for the day, and went home had your tea. american take coffee breaks, (during which we might or migh not drink coffee) and you guys take elevenes at which you might or might not drink tea. but you don't take tea breaks.
Tea, when you take it, and how, is determined by class. Tea means very different things to different people. In US, Tea is a 2pm to 4pm womens social.

Uh-huh. There's that "if it ain't used in the US, it don't exist" attitude again. Well done, Kaintuck!
Uh huh, right. Well, people may take breaks, and they may drink tea during those breaks, but nobody in all the world ever takes a "tea break". So, hah!

People in offices have a tea break in the morning and another one in the afternoon. Elevensies, to me, is what you actually consume during the morning one, maybe some biscuits (preferably chocolate digestives) and a cup of tea or coffee, rather than the break itself.

To me, tea is a light meal for children when they get home from school in the afternoon.

Bingley

Every factory in the UK is structured around tea breaks. It's a national fetish - just kaint leave it alone.

To me, tea is a light meal for children when they get home from school in the afternoon.


and high tea is a heavyish meal in lieu of a supper, usually when people do not cook because they are too busy watching a coronation or a royal wedding on the telly

that I am not of the world
Max, you said it, not I!
Yes, I'll concede that people where you live, and Bingley's office people TAKE tea breaks, but do they CALL them tea breaks? [raising chin, narrowing eyes, in an "I dare you to contradict me" posture]

Give it up, Jackie. This one you won't win!

>Give it up, Jackie. This one you won't win!

I think that Jackie has already won. You just have to think about the language she is using. I think I posted a long time ago that I had heard that in the USA, irony had to be taught as a second language. Here you have a prime example of Jackie trying to speak in the new language that we have been trying to teach her all this time, just a little tweaking is needed and she'll be word perfect.

[gold]Gold star Jackie, go to the the top of the class. Keep chivvying away at it, you'll go far (maybe not where you'd like, but definitely far!)[/gold]

Kudos to you, Jo--I tweaked 'em, all right! Every last one of their outraged-prideful little noses! Hah!

"Smoko"???
And what the heck is sump oil--don't sump pumps take the same kind of oil as other machinery?

And what the heck is sump oil--don't sump pumps take the same kind of oil as other machinery?

Pretty much the same as snake oil in Luh'vil, ah reckons.

Love-ville: I like that, CK! Thanks! (You're so neat.)

Oh deary me oh my!
I found it very confusing in Ireland -- about the use of "tea".
If I wanted just a cup of tea I learned to ask for "a cup in my hand"
The cousins gave the children an early meal (about 5 p.m.) that they called the "chidren's tea" but was what I would call dinner (meat, potato, veg etc followed by a dessert.)
When traveling thru the countryside I usually took myself to an early dinner (about 6 p.m.) and ordered from the "tea menu", again steak, potato, vegetable which is what I would have at home (USA) for main evening meal.
Then, I was once invited to "Tea" at 4 p.m.-ish by a very nice young couple I met and was served a variety of sandwiches from which to choose, both open face and regular, petit fours, a georgeous cake and of course, a variety of teas or coffee were offered. A real ceremony, all beautifully done with fabulous china, linen napkins, doilys on the plates and with a silver service and all. Phew! Now that was a "TEA!"
Is it about the same in UK?

ah think ah recawl that down in ol kaintuck, th' home o' that deelahtful nectaar known as th' mint julep, ain't nobody would waste thar tastebuds on a silly ol' "tea!.

As one old Kentucky Colonel said, explaining why he always closed his eyes while imbibing, "The sight of a good bourbon makes mah mouth water -- and suh, I will not stand to have mah drink diluted!"

Or : "As the Governor of North Carolina said to the Governor of South Caroline 'It's a mighty long time between drinks'."

This is a phrase I've heard when anyone is *waiting ...
Although the comment is usually met with a smile and a nod (around these parts anyway) what its origin is I know not.

Anyone offer Enlightenment?

I believe that sump oil is what we USns call crankcase oil, since I seem to remember that in foreign English the crankcase of a car is called the "sump". Right, Max? or am I having a nightmare instead of a recollection of recherche trivia?

If I'm right, I would, following Max's example, say that when it comes to tea, I would rather drink sump oil than that Earl Grey blend with the bergamot flavor. Any other tea is fine, as long as we're talking about real tea, not those herb brews labelled 'tea' such as chamomile, red zinger and other concoctions beloved of hippies.

Wherefore comes the use of the term "sump pump" to describe an underwater pump for the ejection of drain tile (storm run-off) water? It sounds like the color of that water may resemble "sump oil"(the tea)... or vice-versa.

and other concoctions beloved of hippies.

BYB you are dating yourself sweetie. I have not heard that expression since the 70's.

Actually, those teas are extremely popular right now and have been for many years(both in English and French Québec circles). Most restaurants let you choose from a wide variety when you ask for tea instead of coffee.

When talking about the highly aromatic or herb type teas we usually call them tisanes. Many are purported cleansing or healing properties.

Peace man.

I'd always assumed that when people talked about sump oil, they were refering to used engine oil, drained from the sump, therefore the nastiest dirtiest rustiest stuff, not the clean stuff that is bought at the shop and poured into the engine - but then what I know about the internal combustion engine would fit in a book of matches - without taking the matches out

>what part of a car's innards a sump ...

Good we are agreed.

I think the sump is the bottom of the engine. I think that the instruction that I was given years ago was, "To change oil, position bucket, pull out sump plug, stand clear, replace sump plug and refill, the order of events, I recall was significant". Nowadays it is "Take car to garage, request oil change as part of expensive service, hand over dosh".

hand over dosh

Dosh? Does that mean wallet, or cash, or just a general term? I've never heard it. Neat word though!

Dosh does indeed mean cash. In the back of my mind it's vaguely linked to the subcontinent, but my dictionary says origin unknown.

Bingley

a sump is a pit, or low point. a sump pump is a pump that is designed to sit at the bottom of a pit and pump it out.

I never change the oil in my car, put i do know it collects in what is commonly called the oil pan which sits under the engine. the oil drains off, and sits there. when you turn the engine on, a pump (the oil pump) pumps its about. but the oil pump isn't on dead bottom. (like a sump pump would be) so all the bits of metal, and other gunk collect there. while i wouldn't call it a sump, or the oil sump oil, i can see how it could be called that.
aside from household sump pumps, the next way i would think of a sump is related to mining, where a wet mine will have a sump for the water to drain into, and be pumped out of.

i lived in a house that was in a low lying area-- and we had a sump pump in the basement. french drains lined the wall of the basement, collecting the water, and directing it to the sump. the sump was made out of an old 50 gallon metal pail. the pump had a floatation device, like the stop cock in a flush toilet, only in this case, as the thing floated up, it turn on the sump pump motor. i would expect sumps in mine to be very similar, but larger.


the pump had a filter that need to be cleaned on a regular basis. somehow, i could never figure out how to do it. it was just too hard for me to figure out how to reach down into dank, stale ground water, grab onto a slimey filter, and clean off all the slime. i managed to never learn how to do it. i was just not smart enoung!

I reckon you were just about exactly as smart as you needed to be, Helen!

re dosh, I had a feeling it was a Lunnen saying, Bingley - but a lot of that stuff got exported to those southern islands down there... and I am far from sure of my facts on this.

Going back to the original post:

Is a word addict an addictionary?

maverick:
http://wordsmith.org/board/showthreaded.pl?Cat=&Board=weeklythemes&Number=2365

Great Napier's Bones! The adders are multiplying!
(muttering under my breath ... there must be a logarithmic table around here somewhere)

but wiser
No, no, no, Keiva--that's tsuwm's thread! But, meet me in the law library, and we'll see if we can find one of those tables...

maverick:
Registered on Fri Sep 15 12:18:59 2000

sorry, Granny, but we don't all have memories that predate existence

now, apart from all the welcome wagon stuff, don't you owe us a few word posts, Miz J?

What about the good old blue collar term "Smokoh" (pron smoe-koe) - caters for tea or coffee, whatever your preference. Accompanied by a cigarette of course when the phrase was coined . We have morning smokoh AND afternoon smokoh - and you don't "stop" for smokoh - you "knock off" for smokoh. Wonder why?

stales

'Cause you non-USns just say things funny!and [raspberry-e]

of course, raspberry (in that usage) is a UK creation. Send that raspberry on back to them, 'suela! (he said tartly)

"Meet me in the law library," says Jackie.

And dear lady, what brings you there? Is your research recherche*, or of more general interest?

And cross-threading to research of general interest: I have just learned that the french word similar to "promiscuity" means simply overcrowded; too much close proximity; no privacy. It has no sexual content, and so ladies can be promiscuous without being embarrassed.

Or as spanish speakers would say (right, 'suela?), without being embarrassado.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
oddly, recherche is todays word of the day on www.dictionary.com

Ok, I finally had it hammered into my skull: John (Jhone) Napier invented logarithims, in between other interests, apparently.http://www-groups.dcs.st-andrews.ac.uk/~history/Mathematicians/Napier.html
Ignorance, thy name is Jackie.

Okay, Aunt mav--what sort of word posts would you like?

Is your research recherche
According to this def., it is: 2. Exquisite; choice.
[studiously ignoring rest of post e]

and logarithms convert a mulipication problem into an addition problem. Thus with logs, an adder can multiply.

"Napier's bones" were sticks on which numbers were written such positions such that the sticks, manipulated properly, would solve multiplication problems. (think "slide rule")

Thus with logs, an adder can multiply
Not according to the biology I learned...

Re:Napier's bones" were sticks on which numbers were written such positions such that the sticks, manipulated properly, would solve multiplication problems. (think "slide rule")


the example i saw of Napiers Bones (first made on a irory--giving rise to the name of bones) looked more like an old fashioned adding machine. you had to position a crank, (say to the 10's column)and then crank it 8 times to multiply by 80. Oops.. first you had to enter a number say 743,in the starting postion, or regiser, to be multilpied by 87.. then you postioned the crank and rotated it 8 times, repostitioned it (to the ones' column) and cranked it 4 more times. Voila the number in the register was not 743-- your starting number but 62412.

i still remember when stores had mechical adding machines that need to be cranked X number of times to add or multily a number.

and while napiers bones did lead to the slide rule, there is no physical resemblance.

>Thus with logs, an adder can multiply
Not according to the biology I learned..

That's right. They used the logarithm method.

They used the logarithm method.
Hmm---that could give rise to a whole new meaning for the term "snake oil"...