...a legless dog...

Now that one is *really good. It comes across as being hopelessly trite on first view but then you get a sneaking feeling that it really *does mean something profound.

Beware of chickens in the woods.

 

Despite my best efforts, this may actually mean something, but here goes:

A good friend makes a bad enemy

He who goeth before a fall casts pride before swine.

yes, these definitely work for me!

It gets me wondering if chicken in the open are OK, or is the poor creature made mad by where it lives, or, maybe ducks in the wood may be different, or...? and does a bad friend therefore...!

and as, dear for girl you, thoroughly confused now am I!

A penny saved is a waste of time.

a real one, but not always understood--

You might as well be hung for the sheep, than for the lamb.

You might as well be hung for the sheep, than for the lamb.

I always took this to mean if you're going to commit an infraction it might as well be a big one. Is this not the case? Is this another "no love lost between them"?

yes, well, good shepard, its no wonder you understand it. but in our modern urban word, it falls flat on most ears.

Here's one with a certain piquancy:
No gentleman ever did harm unintentionally.

Not to change the direction of the thread (Who? *Moi?) but here's one on the oblique :

If I cannot have friends, God grant me honorable enemies.

Well, I hope this doesn't make any sense:

He is the fool who tries to outrun the sound of light.

No gentleman ever did harm unintentionally.

"A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally," said Oscar Wildely.

"A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally"

This is not supposed to be a place to be serious, but that quotation bothers me, because the best of gentlemen do indeed at times hurt others unintentionally. Worse still, for those who would hesitate to claim that honorable estate, all too often we hurt even those we love unintentionally.

Never say never unless you dare!

A Quayle in hand is worth two in the Bush

The quickest moss grows on a rolling stone

Quoth the Poebird, "Ravenously more!"

At the risk of yarting, since I myself have brought this up before, I have to offer a maxim from one of the undisputed masters:

The question is ... which is to be master -- that's all. ... Impenetrability! That's what I say.

A young yak won't catch a rattlesnake.

Bingley

Sense does not chicken.

Out of the frying pan, into the microwave.

or, alternatively and still in an incendiary mode:

The juvenile offspring of mankind,
When cauterized by ignition,
Forever bears within its mind
The fear of repetition.

When training as a doctor, I onced loved a beautiful young nurse, but I never cauterize

A maxim is what you make it.

One should not use the shotgun approach to creating maxims.

And one should not use a Maxim machine gun to spell out his opinions.

A maxim in nine saves time ...

He is the fool who tries to outrun the sound of light.

Is he not a fool, then, if he tries to outrun the sound of heavy?

If at first you don't succeed, suc harder. If at first you don't succeed, perhaps it's a seedless variety.

Beware of geeks wearing lifts

CK says eight ninths of all maxims save no time.

We had a similar part-thread last October -- to save overloading the search function, I modestly repeat my post:

One of the New Statesman competitions [in 1969] was to invent aphorisms or proverbs of a self-evident nature, the example being an Ashanti proverb "Do not rub bottoms with a porcupine".

Correspondents came up with the following [a selection only]:

He digs deepest who deepest digs.

He who has the biggest feet will cover the most ground.

A bird in a taxi's worth two in a bus.

If there's no lead in your pencil you don't need a rubber.

"If there's no lead in your pencil you don't need a rubber."

If there's no lead in your pencil, you can't write. Or do much else.

If there's no lead in your pencil you don't need a rubber.

This one might be taken a whole nother way by USns.

My calendar has many tassels.

Too many lemons flatten the checkbook.

Men flatten earth, women flatten worth.

hey, that's good, Teresa... worryingly good... and whatever you're on, Consuelo, I think we all need some

Too many lemons flatten the checkbook.

If that's the question, then I think the answer is "Tequila".

Well, may it remain a mystery. That's the way I like it, uh-huh uh-huh. And with this post I believe I became a member. Pass the lemons and flatten my checkbook.

Congratulations, consuelo!

Be not the butter monger, spreading affection abroad in varicose embrace
But as bear to pole star forget
to alleterate

<allterate

Is thought to be a misspelling of a similar looking word that means, I think, repeating the [first] letter of words.

Which one: alleterate or allterate?
(Or are they alternates?)

Or are they alternates?

Or are they all ternates?

all ternates

not all, only every third one

only every third one
All right! Wadja do with the other two?

the other two

Derminated [arnold accent]

You be Vivaldi

"But I was Vivaldi last time,"she whinged.

* An unexamined maxim is not worth living * This maxim came to mind as I was examining the maxims that have guided me the last forty years. Sadly, albeit perhaps to the pleasure of Pooh-Bah Maverick, these maxims turned out to be "almost maxims". These falsemaxims are ...
* If twineing don't fibble, if fibbling don't twine. *

* The bird of time has but a short way to flutter,
And Lo! The bird is on the wing.
And while that bird is recklessly flying
the bird in the bush is safe and abiding. *

*Honesty is a policy. *

Today I am confused. I have no love life and I have no friends. I am a stranger in a strange land. See there, I speak in cliche`s. In fact my whole life is a cliche but I am so confused I don't know which cliche it is. I need a change of maxims because I am a desperate man and desperate men do desperate things. But before I do let me tell you a story...

Many, but not that many, years ago a young boy that was me, listened every saturday morning to a radio show entitled -THE SATURDAY MORNING RADIO SHOW STARRING "HAPPY HAL" BURNS, THE HAPPIEST MAN IN BIRMINGHAM. Happy Hal was a breed apart. He always wore a flashy cowboy outfit and a big white cowboy hat and was always, always, smiling. His happiness soon proved to be contagious, he quickly became the most listened to radioman in Birmingham, not to mention Jefferson County. But alas, with popularity came riches, so with the Golden Eagle Corn Syrup and the Hi-C Orange Aide money he bought a golden orange Cadillac convertible with cowhide upholstery and a pair of bullhorns for a hood ornament and drove around town, smiling, waving and blowing his horn. But still he couldn't stem the tide of the Orange-Aide and syrup money so he bought a home in Vestavia, a newly pretentious bedroom suburb of Birmingham. There, on the front lawn, Happy Hal erected a ten foot tall plywood cutout of himself, smiling and waving in full cowboy regalia. Unfortunately his neighbors considered this plywood image of Happy Hal to be in poor taste and sued for its removal. Two years later a Judge ruled that yes, Happy Hal's image was indeed in poor taste and ordered it dismantled. But for those two years people from all over Alabama would load up the kids and drive to Vestavia, admire Happy Hal's house and smile and wave at Happy Hal's sign. This was the closest that Birmingham ever got to Hollywood's "Tours of the homes of the Stars."
Time passed, I became thirteen, me and my buddies became self-considered sophisticates. To us and others Happy Hal had become a sad cliche and a not-so-funny joke. We laughed when The Birmingham News reported that Happy Hal, the happiest man in Birmingham, was undergoing a scandalous and hotly contested divorce. This notwithstanding, each day, as always, Happy Hal would end his broadcast with this , his signature saying...

* You can't sprinkle the perfume of happiness on others
without spilling a few drops on yourself. *

Me and my buddies thought this saying corny, and, well yes, it is.

That was then. This morning the memories of Happy Hal came to my mind, so acting on a silly whim I looked into the telephone book and to my surprise I found him.

A woman answered. Yes Happy Hal was still alive, he was ninety years old and had gone to the store and would be back in thirty minutes. No, I'm not his wife , I'm his companion. Yes, he's the same old Happy Hal. Please do call back, Happy will be sorry he missed you. He so much likes to be remembered.

And that is why I've changed my maxim. And it will be my maxim until I'm ninety. Or whatever comes first.

And that is why I've changed my maxim.
To what, Dearest milum? This? "You can't sprinkle the perfume of happiness on others without spilling a few drops on yourself." Sorry if I'm being dense. Reply by private message if you like.

And what was your prior maxim...the honesty one, the bird or the fibble one?

I am afraid to answer, belMarduk, afraid that you'll have a too clever reply.

a too clever reply

Oooh! Not answering ain' no protection against that.

Moi??? But, but, I am the picture of sweetness.

Ohhhhh, I see, are we still talking about fig-leaf comparisons? Botany linguistics is all. Geez, you bring up one fairly small-sized leaf and men go all defensive-like.

you bring up one fairly small-sized leaf and men go all defensive-like.
Oh, bel, don't they, though?? Hmm--now why am I suddenly inspired to ask where the expression "don't give a fig" came from? Signed, GQ

P.S., Dear--will you take it a bit easy with my sweet milum, at least until he gets his feet wet in our stream of banter? And milum, when you do--look out! Anything is considered fair game!

It is less to be a beast of prey, blessed a beast of burden.

**

Three cumquats do not a webbed foot make.

**

Tell not the blind man selling jellies in the market the sound of passing boys is mischief.

**

Tell me, O, Socrates, what is virtue?

Notice that our dear lady has now switched the subject from fig-leaves to figs.

Well, dear, now that the leaf has been removed, would you say that the fig iself is symbolically masculine, or feminine? Do you wish to review the literature together (but not in the library )?

<<would you say the fig leaf is symbolically masculine, or feminine?

I would say it was symbolically symbolic, perhaps the most honest icon of hiddenness: it covers the likeness of the body and becomes a physical symbol of non-corporeal hiddenness or hiding. As an attachment of the Roman church to Greek statuary, it is the concrete gesture of a change in being towards the world--of the transition from its immediacy to its mediation through religion and understanding. That is, it is the iconic gesture of the apprehension of the world through shame.

[hiding-behind-inselpeter emoticon]

Warning-really old, naughty joke

Misquote of Mark Twain : Naughty jokes are OK as long as the humor exceeds the vulgarity.

The Fig Leaf

A man was invited to a masquerade -- and he decided to go as Adam.
He called the costume house and asked that a medium fig leaf be mailed to him. The leaf was received but the man called again and said he was returning the leaf as it was too small and could they send him a "large" -- they did. Another call followed, the man was mailing the large fig leaf back and could they send him the largest fig leaf they had. The costumer sent an XXXLarge. Yet another phone call and the man said the leaf was still too small. To which the exasperated costumer said, "Sir, that's the largest we have. May I suggest you paint yourself red, throw it over your shoulder and go as a gas (petrol) pump."

Blushing slightly the old woman gathers up her skirts and leaves while resisting incredible temptation to crack wise ....

Milum chou, don't take my ribbing too seriously. Just kidding around with you gents. I though you were kidding in your post (about the clever remarks).

wow's really old, naughty joke
ROTFL !

Shall we start with D.H. Lawrence's Wives and Lovers?

and if we're not going to do it in the library, shall we cheat, and just watch the movie..

the figs are all hanging ripe on the trees, here abouts. dark, swollen fruits, about to burst open, inside, warm, sweet moist flesh, dripping... but i am no dhl..

and i think its pretty safe to say figs are femine.

Thank you, Helen. Have we now fully satisfied the fig issue, or do others wish to contribute?

you bring up one fairly small-sized leaf and men go all defensive-like.
Oh, bel, don't they, though??


Do I think that dress makes you look fat?

jackie: the expression "don't give a fig" [inconsequential]
of troy: its pretty safe to say figs are feminine.

I do not comment; I merely report.

Try dangling two together. They grow that way sometimes [looking off into the distance and whistling-e]
'Course, they do grow them bigger in Texas.

At last we've returned to the original subject of maximizing values.
As we lawyers say, De minimus no curat lex.