I don't know if anyone else has posted these, but I got them a few minutes ago and laughed uproariously.
GRAVE REMARKS
(from "The Globe & Mail" Newspaper - Canadian)
Spin Doctor: I’m dead. I’m biologically impaired.
Pharmacist: Taken at bedtime.
Detective: Finally, an airtight case.
Canadian Alliance Politician: With his beloved grassroots at last.
Jockey: Sailed over the bounding mane.
Séance: Medium: Let’s talk.
Podiatrist: Pied-á-terre
Plumber: The minimum charge to read this is $50 plus travel time.
Australian Travel Specialist: G’day from down under.
Crossword Puzzle Creator: I’m filling in my last crypt, I see.
Hairdresser: First I parted, then I dyed.
Pro Golfer: The final hole - one under.
Mining Engineer: Out of site, out of mine.
Computer Salesman: rip.com
Gravedigger: At least I didn’t dig my own.
Appellate Judge: Life lost its appeal.
Astronaut: Departed from this world, again.
Telemarketer: Dead ringer.
.French Ichthyologist: Fin.
Librarian: No longer in circulation.
Magistrate: He was a fine fellow.
Entomologist: He caught the ultimate bug.
Office Worker: Just another day in the cubicle.
Newscaster: This just in . . . I’m dead.
Radiologist: He saw right through everybody.
Electrician: His death was a shock to everyone, including him.
Baker: She’ll rise no more.
Southern Sheriff: Not dead, just a’restin’.
Spelunker: This looks interesting.
Pharmacist: He was a pillar of society.
Food Critic: The pork tartar was seasoned delicately.
Mobile-Phone User: cu L8r
Mime: He didn’t even say good-bye.
Children's Author: You hopped on Pop till he dropped.
Now he’s in a hole like a mole or vole.
French Teacher: Correct usage of grave. Trés bien
Temp: Finally someone filled in for me.
Auctioneer: Going, going, gone at 87, to the gentleman with the scythe.
French Teacher: Correct usage of grave. Trés bien
Died of the ague, eh?
Loved these, especially the telemarketer!! Some others, or variations of yours:
Crossword fan: six down.
Hairdresser: curled up and dyed.
Lawyer: Deep down, he really is a good person.
For his notoriously nagging wife, a guy in my home town put up a huge stone with foot high letters that read :"PEACE, BY JESUS CHRIST" All the old biddies were scandalized.
Lawyer: Deep down, he really is a good person.
Lawyer: The Defense Rests. (I believe this one actually exists)
Lawyer: Here I Lie, Still.
"Here lies a lawyer and an honest man" provoked the inquiry, "How did they fit two guys in one grave?"
Dentist:
Stranger, approach this spot with gravity:
John Brown is filling his last cavity.
French Teacher: Correct usage of grave. Trés bien
Died of the ague, eh?
Faldage, one of your enduring qualities is your sharp yet circumflex mind.
In newspaper parlance years ago -30- was the way stories ended. When an editor saw -30- he/she knew their was no more information coming in. "30" means The End. I understand there actually exists the grave of a newspaper editor with the epitaph "-30-"
There are just jokes, which require no special knowledge to appreciate and inside jokes which *do require special knowledge, but are there any *outside jokes, which would require that there be something one *doesn't know for them to be considered funny?
but are there any *outside jokes, which would require that there be something one *doesn't know for them to be considered funny?
Yes. One category: Any tasteless, offense joke is funny if, but only if, so you're ignorant as to be unaware that it's offensive.
But obviously that's not what Faldage means.
Second category: of course, many a joke is only funny the first time you hear it; once you know the punch line, there's nothing else in it to hold your attention.
I've heard a number of jokes which were only funny if you were ignorant of some pertinent fact; in my case, of course, the extra information tends to be legal. Unfortunately, I cannot remember any examples right now, Faldage.
outside jokes, which would require that there be something one *doesn't know for them to be considered funny?Like, he only thought it was funny because what he didn't know is that it wasn't funny? Does that make the *outside joke an *inside joke for those who DO know it's not funny?
Do I know what I'm trying to say here?
In reply to:
Do I know what I'm trying to say here?
Unfortunately, yes.
outsidejokes, which would require that there be something one *doesn't know for them to be considered funny?
Perhaps TEd R's very funny Rookie Cop -- whose punch line requires that you not approach it from the perspective noted by wwh's comment on that joke?
René Descartes walks into a bar.
The bartender asks him if he'd like a beer.
René Descartes, being a good Frenchman and thinking that beer is suitable only for Englishmen, Belgians and les boches, responds, "I think not!" and disappears in a puff of logic.
Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
Rene Descartes opined, "I stand
Above the beasts because I plan,
Whereas the beasts do not." Of course,
He put Descartes before dehorse.
Dearest Max,
I followed my hunch (or rather, uncertain memory), and verified that Descartes is the one who said, "I think, therefore I am". So, logically...
===========================================================
Keiva--that was terrible![giggle]
"Je pense, donc Je suis",
Said Descartes on his mother's knee;
He spoke Latin not, 'cause
He was just a tot.
"I think, therefore I am",
He said while in the pram;
His mama called him Spud, 'cause
He played in the mud.
"Cogito, ergo sum" -- then
Flowed from his plume;
Latin did come later
For this common tater.
Jackie notes: Descartes is the one who said, "I think, therefore I am". So, logically...
Which is why it's an outside joke.
hint, hint
Oh, I walked right into that one, didn't I? Sheesh--will I ever learn??
It also seems to be an inside joke. I have found that younger people tend not to get it.
It also seems to be an inside joke. I have found that younger people tend not to get it.
Well, thank you very much--now, can someone find me my cane and tell me where I left my teeth?
Descartes is the one who said, "I think, therefore I am".
Descartes failed to recognize his own logical error. What he should have said, were he accurate, is, "I think I think, therefore I think I am."
(EDIT: Now that I think of it: "I think that I think I think, therefore ..." Infinite regression looms.)
"I think I think, therefore I think I am."
Or "I think I am therefore I am, I think."
Incidentally, you're edging in onto the reason it's an outside joke.
Incidentally, you're edging in onto the reason it's an outside joke.
What exactly is it that you must know in order for it to not be funny? Even if you fully understand the philosophy behind the quote you can still find it amusing.
Even if you fully understand the philosophy behind the quote you can still find it amusing.
That's true, it would take a real stickler not to find it funny even while realizing that it illustrates the Fallacy of Denying the Antecedent. The trick is keeping a straight face while explaining why it isn't funny.
Descartes before dehorse.
A francophile would definitely consider that an outside joke.
In Cogito Ergo Sum, are both g's soft, hard, or hard and soft? Am I making sense?
When I took classic Latin in highs school, the g was always hard. It seems to me that in the Latin vernacular of the Catholic church that is not always the case.
Golfer: One in hole
Signwriter: Deeply engraved
Descartes before dehorse.
A francophile would definitely consider that an outside joke.
But it's only an outside joke if it's considered funny by the person who does not know some piece of information. Wouldn't a francophile just look at you oddly and wonder what you meant?
But it's only an outside joke if it's considered funny by the person who does not know some piece of information. Wouldn't a francophile just look at you oddly and wonder what you meant?
To quote your post under Wordapalooza Part 2:
Huh?
I am comletely lost in the maze of defining what is inside and what is outside outside and what the joke is to start with and what I have to know and ... lost, lost, lost.
I finally remembered this one.
A married couple were looking for a new shirt for him. Having no fashion sense, the husband picked out 6 shirts that he thought were ok, and took them to show his wife. His wife pointed to the one she preferred and said "That's the one I'd get", and she was promptly killed by a cyclops.
A married couple were looking for a new shirt for him. Having no fashion sense, the husband picked out 6 shirts that he thought were ok, and took them to show his wife. His wife pointed to the one she preferred and said "That's the one I'd get", and she was promptly killed by a cyclops.
I don't get it. Cyclopses and shirts have no relation in my mind.
As the language shifted off into the west the rules of pronunciation shifted with it. In Italianate Church Latin gs before high front vowels (es and is) shifted to the softer j and cs were pronounced as an English ch. In German Church Latin the gs remained hard in all positions and the cs before es and is were pronounced as an English ts.
Kojito ergo sum.
jtd: "that's the one i'd get" = "that's the one-eyed git"
the one-eyed git
And here I thought it was an outside joke, like the one we'd pull in college after reading Freud. We'd prearrange a meeting with some unsuspecting schlub and tell the joke about the two Eskimos sitting on the iceberg and one of them points up into the sky and says, "Radar!" Everyone would then break up laughing leaving the poor schlub wondering what was so funny. We'd patiently explain to him that he obviously hadn't understood Chapter Seven on dream analysis which he would go back and reread to no avail. This could be repeated a great number of times depending on the schlubitude index of the victim.
lost, lost, lost.
As I understand it...
An inside joke is a joke that is only funny if you have some piece of information, usually information most people don't have.
Therefore, an outside joke is a joke that is only funny if you don't have a certain piece of information. According to this definition, once you are told the "missing piece," the joke wouldn't really be as funny.
Corrections, anyone?
An inside joke is a joke that is only funny if you have some piece of information...an outside joke is a joke that is only funny if you don't have a certain piece of information
That's pretty much what I had in mind when I coined the phrase. It's in the great outside world now and I no longer have full control over the meaning.
True epitaph of 19th century spinster in England
Here lies the body of Martha Dias
Who was always uneasy, and not over pious;
She lived to the age of three score and ten,
And gave that to the worms she refused to the men.
Another spinster epitaph, a postmistress.
Returned-unopened
Don't know if this one was a spinster or not.
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
How appealing! In the same vein:
He lie mother, sister, daughter,
Done to death by seltzer water.
If we'd a'stuck to Epsom Salts
We wouldn't be locked in these here vaults.