This morning, in between the alarm going off and being fully awake, it occurred to me that I have never heard the word ‘daughter’ used in the same affectionate, term of endearment sense when directly addressing a young female as the word ‘son’ is used when directly addressing a young male. The affectionate, term of endearment (AToE) words I’ve heard applied by both by men and women to young females are: ‘sweetie’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘princess’, and the like, but never ‘daughter’.

It further occurred to me that I have heard men use the word ‘son’ in its AToE sense more than I’ve heard women use it in its AToE sense. More often than not, when I’ve heard women use the word ‘son’ to directly address a young male, it is in connection with an attempt to correct the young male’s behavior. Otherwise, I’ve observed that women directly address the young male using his name, or a variant thereof, the majority of the time. When I have heard women use AToE words when addressing a young male, they usually use the words ‘sweetie’ and ‘sweetheart’. Less frequently, I have heard them use the AToE word ‘son’.

I’ve also heard men use the AToE word ‘son’ when addressing young males that are of no relation to them, whereas I’ve not heard men or women use the word ‘daughter’ when addressing a young, unrelated female.

Finally, it also occurred to me that the word ‘son’ can be used in a demeaning, pejorative sense when addressing a man, but that I’ve never heard the word ‘daughter’ used with same disparaging intent when addressing a woman.

Has anyone else observed the divergent uses of these essentially equal terms, i.e. they both primarily refer to offspring?

Hmmm, I didn't notice until you pointed it out but my experience has been the same as yours. Any theories as to why? What about other languages?

Thanks for the food for thought, Dgeigh! I, too, never thought about it until you pointed it out. The only time I can recall Daughter used as a term of direct address, affectionate or otherwise, is in period dramas. As for the reason, I'll have to mull it a bit.

... and, as we all know, that attempt to correct a young man's behavior usually uses all of his names...CAPITALIZED.

the old saw-- Your son is your son, till he takes a wife, but your daughter is your daughter all her life. come to mind..

i think sons and daughters often have very different relationships with parents (and in laws) --but that said, women do often call other women daughters (she is like a daughter to me! is one of the best compliments a woman can pay to another woman) but its a rare thing.

it is true that son can be any child (listen to me, son (or sonny boy!) or natural child.. and it can be a ToE too...

daughter is used less frequently (more often, sister is used--but since biologically sisters are closer related than daughters,--it might be woman have several relationship words to express affection..

Any theories as to why? – Zed

…it might be woman have several relationship words to express affection – of troy

I think Helen is on the right track. On the other side of the coin, due to the constrictions our society traditionally attempts to impose on the role of men, men may have fewer words of affection that are traditionally acceptable for them to use. Consider: if men were to call their sons – at least sons above the age of three or four – ‘sweetie’ or ‘sweetheart’, many of those within earshot would probably think it a bit odd. Occasionally, I’ve heard men address their sons as ‘partner’ or ‘hot rod’, or something along those lines, but ‘sweetie’ and ‘sweetheart’, almost never. ‘Partner’ and ‘hot rod’ have more masculine connotations, whereas ‘sweetie’ and ‘sweetheart’ are decidedly less masculine. It seems, when a male addresses a male, the most masculine words are traditionally preferred. Hence, the word ‘son’ is used by men, more often than not. Perhaps, due to the traditional limitation of terms, coupled with a father’s affection for his son, the word ‘son’, when used for direct address, has taken on double duty, so to speak, and assumed a more affectionate connotation than the word ‘daughter’.

Women, being less limited by traditional social constrictions in the words they may use to express affection, can use ‘sweetie’ and ‘sweetheart’ when addressing their sons and not raise any eyebrows. Nevertheless, perhaps out of a conscious, or maybe subconscious adherence to the traditional social ideal of a man, as imposed upon the young male (in this case her son) by society, a woman may be more inclined to use the word ‘son’ when addressing him in public so as not to embarrass him. It may also be that, due to his nature, the young male presents fewer opportunities for the mother to feel an outpouring of, and thus express, affection.

Perhaps the word ‘daughter’ has not taken on the same affectionate connotation, when used in direct address, because it has not been forced into double duty. If a male or female wants to express affection to a young female, ‘sweetie’ and ‘sweetheart’ work just fine. Why use the word ‘daughter’ when one can use a more expressive word and has no traditional social constrictions not to?

As far as the word ‘son’ having a demeaning connotation is concerned, perhaps the traditional social ideal of a man plays a role here too. For a man to address another man as ‘son’ is really to call into question the addressee’s masculinity. Since that specific condition of masculinity does not exist within the traditional social ideal of a woman, the cognate of a man addressing another man as ‘son’ with demeaning intent, i.e. a woman addressing another woman as ‘daughter’ with demeaning intent, does not exist and would be nonsensical.

Interesting. You're right as far as English goes. In (Mexican, at least)Spanish, however, hijo(son) and hija(daughter)are both used frequently by both sexes, both as terms of affection and as calling (negative) attention to progeny. They are also used to refer to unrelated youngsters and spouses but never to ones elders. I'll have to mull over other uses.

Variations: hijito (little son), hijita (little daughter), mijo (my son), mija (my daughter), mijito (my little son), mijita (my little daughter)

BTW, welcome aBoard, Dgeigh

and, as we all know, that attempt to correct a young man's behavior usually uses all of his names...CAPITALIZED.



HA! That is SO true amnow. I remember the first time I scolded my son with his full name. You could hear the <<capitals>>. I heard myself saying it and a "slow motion" thought insinuated itself in my mind..."oooo, I've become my Mother."

Hmmm. The examples you mention are quite common here in English Québec, Dgeigh.

Your post made me realize though, that in French Québec, we don't use the words son or daughter in the same manner. They are usually used only as identification. I'm not saying we wouldn't say, "this is my son" or "this is my daughter" with pride but we don’t use it as a term of affectionate when addressing them.

The term “fille” (meaning “girl” not daughter) is often used as is “gars” (boy) is often used as a terse beaconing to a young person, related or not.

Out here in the woodsy farmlands, I've never heard anyone refer to her daughter directly as 'daughter,' and yet the term 'son' is frequently used in the manner all of you mention above.

I don't have a thing to add other than to reaffirm what Nancy wrote above: I've heard the term 'Daughter' used on stage by the parents of characters--and it does have an other-worldly quality to it when spoken.

Once when I was telling someone about my daughter, I slipped in tongue and said, "My Loftan..." In other words, I yielded to preference of her name over the term 'daughter.' However, it came out sounding so stupidly quaint that I made a mental note never to speak that again.

Might it have something to do with syllables? Assuming you're using the word in a context like "____, it's time you and I had a talk..." or something, "son" is a lot easier to say than "daughter"...and it sounds less formal too. But then again, who am I to know?

I'm sure you've hit the nail on the head with the syllables assumption when it comes to the "gars" and "fille" use in French.

I wish there was a way I could put sound bites here so I could say it the way a person would here. The tone is abrupt, and a bit scolding, so a shorter word works better.

I also think you're on to something there, gonol (still trying to come up with a nickname for you!). In Portuguese, as in Spanish and French, the two words share the same number of syllables: filho and filha. And they are used in the same way, with the same currency, as "son" is used in Inglês.

a nickname for you

help me, thronda...

Thanks for the earworm, Düüüde.

>number of syllables.

This seems to be true of Hindi, or at least of Bollywood Hindi, in which "beta" (son) and "beti" (daughter) are used as an AToE more less equally.

I think that goldenrod will get a nickname eventually.

get a nickname eventually

noldoubt

carefull there, she'll become spoiled with all the attention, it's well known, spare the golden rod, spoil the child

Hey, Helen? I sure am glad you're here!

"son" is a lot easier to say than "daughter"...and it sounds less formal too. But then again, who am I to know?

Maybe you know more than the rest of us know, Gonoldothrond*.

Akio Morita, the founder of Sony Corp., is said to have come up with the name SONY after visiting America and falling in love with the sound of "sonny".

I can't imagine anyone calling a company with global ambitions "Daughter" or any variation of "Daughter". [* Or "Gonoldothrond" either. BTW is "Gonold" your first name, as in "Gonold o'Thrond"?]

Come to think of it, there is no diminutive for "daughter" as there is for "son".

Sometimes the answer to a tough question is a lot more obvious than we expect. Good call!

to address another man as ‘son’ is really to call into question the addressee’s masculinity
I would say it calls into question maturity and status rather than masculinity since younger generations generally have less authority. Son implies expected obedience to the "father."

question maturity and status rather than masculinity

Agreed. This struck me, too. I would never associate the use of "son" with questionable masculinity. I can see where it might be meant to be demeaning, but by indicating the superiority of the speaker. Perhaps more akin to the offensive use of "boy." But that's a whole nother topic.

For a man to address another man as ‘son’ is really to call into question the addressee’s masculinity.

Perhaps I should have been more specific and written: For a man to address another man, who is relatively close in age, and could in no way be the other’s father, as ‘son’ is really to call into question the addressee’s masculinity.

Of course, I can only write about this based on my own observations, but the times I have seen this occur, the man calling the other man ‘son’ was doing it to demean the other man. He was not addressing him in a fatherly, mentoring, understanding, caring way, but in a derisive, mocking, disdainful way, very much like the use of ‘boy’, as nancyk points out.

I agree that it also calls into question the addressee’s maturity (“you’re not as mature, wise, knowledgeable, worldly, etc. as I”) and status (“you are beneath me”), but I suggest that such an insult, directed specifically toward the addressee’s role as a male, calls into question his masculinity too – not his gender – and implies that he is more effeminate, thus less ‘manly’ than the addressor – essentially, an insult. I further suggest that such an insult is also a challenge for the addressee to respond in such a way as to disprove such a proposition (usually a physical response is what is hoped for by the addressor), the lack thereof, by default (at least in the addressor’s mind), proves the proposition.

Anyway, that’s my impression, based on the times I’ve seen the word ‘son’ used in a demeaning manner. It may be that such a usage is a regional thing.

In the UK in such a situation the agressor would probably say "Wanna make something of it, sonny" rather than "Wanna make something of it, son". It suggests that the other is less masculine in the sense of being less macho. As you say J it doesn't call his sexuality into question, otherwise it would probably be "Come on then, girly".

What about the term "old son", which in my experience is/was used by the British? Is that derogatory?