Does anybody know any punchlines? Not jokes - just punchlines i.e ...and the vicar said "I'm sorry Mrs Miggins but we don't have any more aubergines left."
Could be fun.
I'm off to Nottingham for a few days. Will be offline for a bit. Will be back Wednesday.
regards and try some rockcakes if you get the chance.
Has anyone seen my compass?
Not jokes - just punchlines
Um....why?
you don't. you get down off a duck.
The one that got Berke Breathed into a world of trouble:
So the nun said, "Pass the pickle, please."
No,no, Faldage! the nun said "Your vicar is thicker and slicker and quicker than you."
I purposely left out "longer and stronger"
Then the Fool said to the geezer, "Must of been a different nun."
And the butler said "Not that shaggy, sir!"
"...the chicken was delicious!"
---------
"Just what did the chicken _do_?"
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"Don't rightly know. Never been able to catch one!"
It's the plumber!!
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one leg is both the same.
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These Fokkers are flying Messerschmidts!
Only if you don't get your thumbs caught between them.
If your fingernail falls off, she wasn't a virgin.
Sounds like fun, and in a couple of days we can have an impromptu contest about who knows the most jokes with the aforementioned punchlines :-)
But.
For future reference: doesn't this thread more properly belong in the "Wordplay and Fun" forum?
"No, I'm just here to get my nails trimmed."
Many years ago I went to a comedy club where the comedy duo passed around pieces of paper on which people wrote punch lines, and which they then wove into a fabric as they pulled each in turn out of a hat.
The foregoing was my contribution and apparently was well-known to most of the audience, since it got the largest laugh of the skit.
I feel a lot more like I do now than I did a while ago.
"What on earth do you mean, 'The wrong hole'?"
"No, no, sweetheart, the finger next to it."
...and everyone s***s on Blixon.
If I could walk that way I wouldn't need the talcum powder.
For future reference: doesn't this thread more properly belong in the "Wordplay and Fun" forum? Yes. I'm glad you said for future reference; we can't blame new people for not knowing the ins and outs of this place right away. We made an effort for a while to keep this category set aside for serious discussion; it was never 100% that way, and has slipped considerably in recent times. We still may have members who would prefer to have one place where they know they can find some "meat" (sorry, Anu), for lack of a better term. If anyone has strong feelings one way or the other, feel free to post or to PM me.
EDIT--this post is in no way intended to stop the thread--the fun's begun, so why not continue it?
And the chicken said, "Not with *my wife, you don't!"
"Nevermore."
What? That wasn't a joke?
So I thought about it for a while and said... "OK, how about a little head".
"oh, him? that's a ten inch pianist."
People don't eat parsley.
"Well,
I guess we finally answered THAT question."
...but that's a cartoon, and there was nothing BUT the punchline!
So, make up your own joke. I actually saw it first as a written joke, so which came first?
Simultaneously, my dear, simultaneously.
Another example of aural vs. visual pleasure? (cross-thread)
Apologies - perhaps the inappropriate section of the site but look at the richness of the response.
Need there be a discernable purpose?
I can't believe your husband still believes in genies
I felt your presents
No tomatoes
because it was stuck to the foot of the chicken
we're off to the cinema tomorrow
We're delighted, of course, but we can never go to that restaurant again.
He's got one, but he never wears it.
"The pay isn't much but the tips are big."
"Yeah, and it's deep too!"
"White-out on the computer screen."
"What are you selling this time, cancer?!"
"(any number). (any number) to (some task) and (any other number) to (some other task possibly, but not necessarily, related to changing light bulbs)!"
And, my favorite - "What makes you think I'm NOT wearing a tuxedo?!"
What makes you think I'm NOT wearing a tuxedo?!
Which, of course, brings to mind the *other classic, "Why would you name a drink 'Bob'?"