What is the word or phrase for a gift given to someone because the giver actually wants one themselves and will be able to use it or have access to it. I am sure that my late mother knew this word but I can no longer ask her. Have been trying to find it for years. Does anyone know it?

If you're willing to plough through hundreds of responses, you might try entering in OneLook's reverse dictionary:

selfish bestowal

Sounds kind of like the sort of thing that each family would have their own word for.

I found this term, Entwhistle: cupboard love. Defined as U.K. false show of affection: affection that is motivated by self-interest.
From Encarta. Though it is not specific to giving.

Huh! That's interesting. Faldage uses "cupboard love" to describe how our cats get all lovey-dovey with me at 5 o'clock in the ferkin morning when they've decided it's time for brekkies... never had heard it before.