"Stand aside everyone; I take large steps. Sometimes I astound even myself." Or so, Miles Gloriosus is said to have bellowed. Just the other day, while shopping at the local livestock auction in Pountine, LA, I found that one of the maculate brethern had left behind a serious tome. I could tell it was serious because it was written in a foreign tongue and weighed one-twentieth of a hundredweight. I decided thereupon to read it, but being hampered by my lack of Jermain and Lathine, I guess it'll be more than a fortnight before I can give you all a critique of it. Be that as it may, I'll leave you with the tastiest part: its bibliographical details:

Gernard Kejt. Schmitzige Gatkes: oder, das Haruspicium a bracis interioribus decacatis, apud Stageira ab Fratribus Illuminatibus Rhenicis, MDCLXVI.

Interesting book to take to a livestock auction!

"Oh, dear; oh my" quotha. I knew in my spleen of spleens that I would not be able to get past the table of contents in this book, and yet I rashly promised to read and review it. Be that as it may, that should not prevent a critic from criticking. So, here it is: it's purely and simply unREADable. The author should not be allowed to allocate paper that might otherwise have been put to a more mundane usage. But I will spare you all, least you try to find the book and read it.

I couldn't have gotten past the title so kudos for trying.
Try something that doesn't need a wheelbarrow to carry next time.

...like Weimar Republic Deutschmarks.

"Dirty Underpants or, Divining frae ye Shitte in Thy Pants"?

"Dirty Underpants or, Divining frae ye Shitte in Thy Pants"?

Hmm, looks good to me, but I might have translated the last bit as Divination by Beshitted Long Johns, if that is in fact what inner breeches means. Now, the real mystery, to me, is who the author was or what his pseudonym meant.