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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819
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OP
old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819 |
Sent to me by a friend:
When I was just a youngster Uncle John was in the
fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young
layers, called pullets, and eight roosters whose job
was to fertilize the eggs. My uncle kept records and any
rooster or pullet that did not perform well went into the
pot and was replaced.
Now this took an awful lot of time so my uncle got a set
of tiny bells, each with it's own distinctive ring, and attached
them to the roosters. Now he could sit and fill out his
efficiency reports by listening to the sound of the bells.
My uncle's favorite rooster was old Brewster. A very fine
specimen he was but his bell had not rung all morning.
Uncle John went to investigate. Several roosters were
chasing pullets, bells a-ringing. Brewster had his bell in
his beak so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up to a pullet, do
his job and walk on to the next one. Uncle John was so
proud that he entered him into the county fair. Brewster
was an overnight sensation.
The judges not only awarded Brewster the No Bell Prize but
the Pullet Surprise as well.
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 10,539 Likes: 1
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 10,539 Likes: 1 |
Y'know, I don't think there's a comeback to that one...
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605 |
Y'know, I don't think there's a comeback to that one...
I sure can't come up with one. But it does prompt a question for Animal Safari ...
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 275
enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 275 |
Geoff,
I don't have a comeback for this one either (or is it neither?) But I do wish you have other friends who can send us more of this stuff.
And by the way I always wondered about those people who authored some of the most amusing and quite brilliant pieces which have been forwarded to almost everyone who has e-mail during the early days when e-mail was a novelty. (Remember?) Who were they, they were never properly recognized, I think.
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819
old hand
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OP
old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819 |
I always wondered about those people who authored some of the most amusing and quite
brilliant pieces which have been forwarded to almost everyone who has e-mail during the early days when
e-mail was a novelty. (Remember?) Who were they, they were never properly recognized, I think.
Do a Google or Teoma search of "Urban Legends" and you'll find a lot of good stories.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296 |
All right, already. Something's wrong with this story. I never heard of keeping a lot of roosters in a chicken yard. Wouldn't the roosters just be too busy fighting each other to contribute much to the romantic efforts desired? Don't people who keep chickens in open yards generally just have one rooster because they don't want their cocks in bloody battles all the time? It's been a long time since I've been around chickens since we're all hay here on the farm, but I've been nonplussed by this joke.
Bwock, bwock,
WW
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old hand
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OP
old hand
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Posts: 819 |
Of course, WW, you're correct, but YOU of the poetic soul a literalist? Oh, noooooo..... 
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819
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OP
old hand
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Posts: 819 |
Some of these are repeats, but, what the heck:
T - SHIRT SAYINGS
1) The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a
cigarette. (I don't like this one, since I'm an anti-smoking fanatic!)
2) I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute
of it.
3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on
Me!
4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to
kill them.
5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6) Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out
alive.
7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk
to me.
8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9) Earth.... is the insane asylum for the universe.
10) I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
13) I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
14) I want to die in my sleep, like my
grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the
passengers in his car.
15) God must love stupid people; He made so many of
them.
16) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
17) It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get
you.
18) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
19) Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
20) Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
21) Beer ~ The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon!
22) I Must Be a Proctologist Because I Work With
A------s!
23) "That's It! I'm Calling Nana!" (seen on an 8-year
old)
24) "Wrinkled.... Was Not One of the Things I Wanted
to Be When I Grew Up"
25) "Procrastinate..... Now"
26) "Rehab..... Is for Quitters"
27) "My Dog.... Can Lick Anyone"
28) "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want
Fries With That?"
29) "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size
shirt)
30) "Finally 21, and Legally Able to do every thing
I've been doing since I was 15"
31) "Arkansas: One Million People and 15 last names"
32) "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with
the software."
33) "I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN"
34) "A hangover is the wrath of grapes"
35) "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash
advance"
36) "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"
37) "DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music"
38) "They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was
already taken"
39) "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless
dead"
40) "Time is fun when you're having flies"...Kermit
the Frog
41) "POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have
nothing to go on."
42) "FOR SALE - Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped
once."
43) "HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN
GOSH"
44) "HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a
lifetime commitment for a pig."
45) "WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20
years."
46) "The trouble with life is there's no background
music."
47) "The original point and click interface was a
Smith & Wesson."
48) "MOP AND GLOW - The Floor Wax used by Three Mile
Island cleanup team."
49) "NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy,
why-the-heck-is-the-room spinning-medicine."
50) "My husband and I divorced over religious
differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
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Joined: Sep 2001
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old hand
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_____ No! Geoff. I liked the chicken joke best!______ ` `  >--> But thank you anyway >--> 
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819
old hand
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OP
old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819 |
No! Geoff. I liked the chicken joke best! Oh, a smoker, eh? Well, we can still be freinds if you stay downwind!
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