http://www.silverladder.com/literature/chinglish/chinglish.htm

I once bought a pen in the shape of a fish for my dad. The instructions in the back said that I should "smack in the lillypad" for good writing. We never really figured out what it meant.

In Québec, we often see the same type of thing on products from the U.S. that are translated into French. They are obviously dictionary-in-hand translations.

"Neuter soap or cleanser as cleaning liquid is recommendable".

I purchased my old electric rice cooker in Japan in 1970. It is/was a Toshiba and has served me well, lo these many years. I have no complaints about it but Memsahib found its worn exterior and dented lid detracting from the sophisticated ambiance of our kitchen. When I set out to replace it, I discovered that the world has been hoodwinked into buying a grossly inferior product: an electric rice cooker in which water is mixed with the rice in the inner pot and nothing goes in the outer pot! Can you imagine? The only decent and proper way to cook Asian rice is with water in both the inner and outer pots, such that the rice steams to perfection after it has boiled a bit. Finally, after much scouting and frustration, Herself found a model, made by Tatung of Taiwan, which works in the appropriate manner. I went to a local Asian supermarket (we have such things in Western Washington) and happily brought home a new rice cooker. May it serve me as long and as well as the old one.

The little booklet which accompanies my new kitchen toy is filled with important instructions and warnings, e.g.

"There is a see-saw switch controlling the keeping warm current."

"Easy way to clean up, fill with or soak in hot potable water everytime after the cooked rice or food is served out."

"When the cooking is over, the switch will leap up and the electric current shuts off."

"Keep warm do not over 4 hours."

"Though the pot would discolor or streak due to the water quality and the way you operate it, please use it without any misgivings."

The truly odd thing is that I have been using so many products made in Asia for so long that I quickly and fully understand these (and similar) instructions and warnings.

I see nothing not understandable about any of those, Daddio.

Try:

"Nuclear weapons are very much interested in Japan."

From a Japanese journalist at a nuclear power convention in the States.

I don't recall whether I've mentioned it previously, but my wife got irritated with our spawn some time back when they each compiled a translation dictionary (from mommy-speak to daddy-speak).

Examples:

Mommy Daddy
on the count on the counter
what's the hell? what in hell?
yao yao medicine
yo yo meat

k

damn poetic, dude...

i have posted previously
http://www.engrish.com
as one of my daily visited sites.. its mostly how the japanese mangle english, but it does include some other groups..

and in our family, names are a problem. my B-I-L family name is tsuyuki. ts is similar, not the same sound as S--but unless raised hearing it, its hard for you to distingish and say.. so my sister mangles her own name..

my B-I-L has the same problem with Reilly--(which sometimes comes out of his mouth as Leary) the R's and L's doing him in!

generally, B-I-L's english is very good.. but occationally he does mess up.. once talking about a project (he's an architect) he commented on the new special windows being used.. they had brine right in the window.. we were puzzling over how or why you'd want to use brine as an insulating material, and wondering if it wouldn't distort the views, and didn't it freeze--when he clarifed..
Venitian Brines.. ventian blinds

I have completed 5 lessons of elementary Mandarin, with one to go. Once that is complete I will sign up for the very same course again - and will continue to do so until I can master such complicated phrases as, "What are you doing this weekend?", "What is your name?, "Today is Friday" and so on. The course does not include any instruction in writing any of the many thousands of Mandarin characters.

I try to not I mock others' attempts to speak my language. After all, if somebody speaks with an accent or if they have difficulty writing your language then there's a pretty good chance they speak (and write) at least one more language than you do. So I salute them.

stales

In reply to:

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I try to not I mock others' attempts to speak my language. After all, if somebody speaks with an accent or if they have difficulty writing your language then there's a pretty good chance they speak (and write) at least one more language than you do. So I salute them.

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Amen! In my current job, one question we ask respondents is "In which languages could you hold a conversation about everyday things?" Although I have admittedly only interviewed some 20-25 people, the fact that only two have selected more than one makes me embarrassed about NZ's apparently valid reputation as one of the most monolingual places on Earth.

It sounds as if your Mandarin is about at the same level as my Hindi, stales. Happily, devanagari has a whole lot fewer characters to learn! I am being forced to learn the script because I got what I thought was a great deal on a dictionary from Amazon. It was only after it arrived that I realised the full significance of the fact that is a "Hindi-English" dictionary.

After an intense study of Brazilian Portuguese, I was stationed in Puerto Rico, where the local version of Spanish is spoken. My neighbours, particularly the children, found the admixture of the two languages which occurred in my head and came out of my mouth to be hilarious ... and I'm certain that it was.

After an intense study of Korean, I was stationed in Japan. The local Korean community on Kyushu spoke an interesting admixture of Korean and Japanese, which I found hard to fathom. As I learned Japanese from my neighbours, I tried combining bits of it with the Korean in which I was fluent, which the Koreans found hilarious ... and I'm certain that it was.

I never felt mocked by the laughter of either.

the admixture of the two languages

The lovely AnnaS could tell you much more about the language known as Portuñol than I could.

I have never minded being laughed at in other languages. In fact it often breaks the ice and moves the conversation from impersonal business to friendly. It is amazing how much fun a conversation of fractured English, phrasebook Italian, charades and a lot of laughter can be.
(remembering 10 minutes intensive studying of a map to find the train station/town of Subtopassagio - also known as underground passage )

Friend of mine told the tale from his Army days in Germany. They were driving the Autobahn and my friend's friend made the comment, "Boy! This Ausfahrt is a pretty big town!"

Then there was the time I wished emanuela a happy new hiney.

"Portuñol, a mixture of Spanish and Portuguese, is being used more and more in Brazil, much as Spanglish is frequently used in the United States."

http://spanish.about.com/b/a/017744.htm

And here I thought I had invented it out of my own stupidity!

Now that I have moved to Puerto Rico, I am deep in the process of using my Mexican Spanish and trying to learn the local dialect on the Island. So far it seems that if I drop my esses, I'm half way there.

Yes! To say "it is the same", one, in P.R., says something like "eh lo mee-moh" and everyone understands perfectly.