Well, this ain't elementary school, you know? We're all adults here, some older than others--some as old as 900 grandmothers--and we need to know what happened NOW! - Wordwind

Great Day in the Morning! Bop-Ting-A-Ling! Wordwind honors Lafferty by thinking that he has a plot. Well in your honor Wordwind here is the ending, or is it the real beginning, with Lafferty it's hard tell. -




The flavor of Lafferty's prose is less descended from the refinements of the European literary tradition than the roughness of the American frontier, mixed with the heady visionary fervor of ancient Irish bards. Let us hear from the voice of the man himself... - CRASH LITERARY REVIEW


Hole In The Corner from 900 Grandmothers

Homer Hoose came home that evening to the golden cliche: the unnoble dog who was a personal friend of his; the perfect house where just to live was a happy riot; the loving and unpredictable wife; and the five children; the perfect number (four more would have been too many, four less would have been too few).
The dog howled in terror and bristled up like a hedgehog. Then it got a whiff of Homer and recognized him; it licked his heels and gnawed his knuckles and made him welcome. A good dog, though a fool. Who wants a smart dog!

Homer had a little trouble with the doorknob. They don't have them in all the recensions, you know; and he had that off-the-track feeling tonight. But he figured it out (you don't pull it, you turn it), and opened the door.

"Did you remember to bring what I asked you to bring this morning, Homer?" the loving wife Regina inquired.

"What did you ask me to bring this morning, quick-heat blueberry biscuit of my heart?" Homer asked.

"If I'd remembered, I'd have phrased it different when I asked if you remembered," Regina explained. "But I know I told you to bring something, old ketchup of my soul. Homer! Look at me, Homer! You look different tonight! DIFFERENT!! You're not my Homer, are you! Help! Help! There's a monster in my house!! Help, help! Shriek!"

"It's always nice to be married to a wife who doesn't understand you," Homer said. He enfolded her affectionately, bore her down, trod on her with large friendly hooves, and began (as it seemed) to devour her.

"Where'd you get the monster, Mama?" son Robert asked as he came in. "What's he got your whole head in his mouth for? Can I have one of the apples in the kitchen? What's he going to do, kill you, Mama?"

"Shriek, shriek," said Mama Regina. "Just one apple, Robert, there's just enough to go around. Yes, I think he's going to kill me. Shriek!"

Son Robert got an apple and went outdoors.

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Good-bye Lafferty Lovers I'm off to eat in a cave and sleep in the Kentucky woods with 900 Yankees none of whom, I imagine, give a hoot about Lafferty. See you all Monday. -mw