I KNOW there is something that was passed around on the internet that is a list of supposedly real comments by airline staff, and I cannot find it. But it is hilarious--one was something along the lines of a stewardess telling passengers after a rough landing that they could debark when all the pieces of the plane had been picked up off the runway. If anyone has/finds this, please post it. Meantime, I offer a substiute, though it has nothing to do with planes (actual dialog, of course)!

Wordperfect Dialog

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Wordperfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"



"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How can I tell?"

"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does you monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

......"Yes, I think so."

"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

......"Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"


"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

......"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"


"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, its not because I don't have the right angle, it's because it's dark."


"Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there is a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!"