Howye fokes! How is things?

In taday’s cut throat society when everybody would give their high teeth and their right arm – not ta mention take the eye outta yer hed - just fer ta keep up with the Jonses, it’s just grate ta see that a brand new book on the subject entitled, "How ta Get Ahed" has been published by none other then me very wordy pal, Albear Camoo. And the letters a gratitude what we received from greatfull readers only speek volums on how awe-inspirenly brillant this opus actually is. For example:

Dear Ted

I read your column with great pleasure and interest every week and think it’s the best thing since super glue. Keep up the good work and I have to agree with you, that without a doubt Goldilocks is indeed a proper galloping trollop … (and all that sorta stuff – the writer doesn’t quiet stop there but outta modesty I’ll get ta his pint quick – GTed).

Please, please pass on my heartiest congratulations to your little pal, Albear Camoo, for his remarkable new book, "How to Get Ahead". I followed all his tips and advice to the very letter and Ted, and cannot begin to explain how my life has turned around for the better. Although, all of the book was most helpful and stimulating, I personally found the following tips to be totally awe-inspiring:

In order to get ahead you must: 1. Keep your finger on the pulse. 2. Keep your shoulder to the wheel. 3. Keep your back covered. 4. Keep trouble at arms length. 5. Keep your feet on the ground. 6. Have a hard neck. 7. Always have a leg to stand on. 8. Get your foor in the door, but never put it in it. 9. Even when times get tough, never throw your hand in.

Well, Ted, as soon as I put the above tips into practice I met, what I can only describe as, my other half. I have never been happier, and at last I feel like a complete person. Of course, sometimes we argue over the best bits of this wonderful book!!! My significant other found the chapter called How to Achieve the Perfect Body to be a great help in their own personal quest for perfection and recommends the following tips: 1. Keep your nose clean and to the grindstone. 2. Keep your ear to the ground. 3. Keep an eye out. 4. Keep your mouth shut. 5. Keep your head above water.

These tips never quite worked for me, Ted, but then again, they do say that opposites attract!

Signed: George (formally known as the Headless Horseman)

Well there ye have it fokes - certainly a case of a old sock meeten a old shoe, and all because a Albear's grate new book ta boot.

Be seein ya

GallantTed