Howye fokes! How is things? Lissen, it looks as if I stepped on a few sensitive hooves last week when I wrote about how the eaten habits a them cows is responsible fer the global warmen:

Dear Mr. Ted,

Upon reading your ominous comments of last week blaming the cataclysm that is global warming on the unpresumptuous cow, the girls and I had no choice but to call an emergency meeting in the back field whence we passed a motion behooooving us to write to you forthwith, expressing our downright vexation at your uncavalier attitude towards our wholesome eating habits.

“What’s the beef?” “How cud he?” “He’s reached an all time loooow”, I’ll be in a bad moooood all week, now”, “What has he dung?” were just some of the pronouncement which bellowed from from the quivering maws of my deeply wounded companions.

Mr. Ted, although against my cultivated principles, it behooooves me looower myself and remind you of the numerous times we girls had to hastily hoof it up the hills, lest we prematurely expired from the stiffling after-effects of those curried-beans and porter suppers that you and your ursine cohorts seem so fond of. What can I say, Mr. Ted, save that you are an indubitable and unequivocal farce.

Yours sincerely

Miss Harriet Heffer



Dear Miss Heffer

And what can I say, cept that there’s enuff hot air and gas in that most long-windedness a letters fer ta melt at least haff a dozen ice caps and still have enuff steem left over fer ta blow a other hole in the ozone layer. As fer yer passen motions in the back field – too much infermation, Missus, too much infermation.

Be seein ya

GallantTed