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#97273 - 02/28/03 04:44 PM Puns Aching the Rounds
Wordwind Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 09/30/01
Posts: 6296
Loc: Piedmont Region of Virginia, U...
Here's an e-mail paste a friend sent:

A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.



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#97274 - 02/28/03 05:36 PM with apologies to Gian-Carlo Menotti
wofahulicodoc Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/06/01
Posts: 4499
Loc: Worcester, MA
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

...When Mother gave birth to twins, she named them Amahl and Juan. Father was overseas, and Mother brought Juan to show him.

"What about the other one?" said Father.

"Oh, they're identical," said Mom, "when you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl..."


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#97275 - 02/28/03 09:12 PM Re: with apologies to Gian-Carlo Menotti
Jackie Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 11605
Loc: Louisville, Kentucky
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
I hadn't heard that one before--ha!

Wofa, just for the halibut: [blowing you a kiss e]
I'm so glad you're here!



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#97276 - 03/01/03 09:10 AM Re: with apologies to Gian-Carlo Menotti
RhubarbCommando Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 08/23/00
Posts: 2204
Halibut reminds me of the man who went into business by hinmself, selling fish. He was a sole trader.


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#97277 - 03/01/03 09:55 AM Re: with apologies to Gian-Carlo Menotti
Jackie Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 11605
Loc: Louisville, Kentucky
I'd halibut you, too, if I could...


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#97278 - 03/03/03 09:31 AM Re: with apologies to Gian-Carlo Menotti
RhubarbCommando Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 08/23/00
Posts: 2204
You'll just have to find the right thyme and plaice.


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#97279 - 03/03/03 11:08 AM Re: with apologies to Gian-Carlo Menotti
Buffalo Shrdlu Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 7210
Loc: Vermont
this is my Bach's...

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formerly known as etaoin...

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#97280 - 03/06/03 03:57 PM He was a sole trader.
TEd Remington Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 07/17/00
Posts: 3467
Loc: Marion NC
But we're assuming he worked to scale.

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TEd

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#97281 - 03/06/03 04:30 PM Re: He was a sole trader.
Buffalo Shrdlu Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 7210
Loc: Vermont
undoubtedly he was Finnish...

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formerly known as etaoin...

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#97282 - 03/06/03 07:52 PM Re: He was a sole trader.
Wordwind Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 09/30/01
Posts: 6296
Loc: Piedmont Region of Virginia, U...
Is that why the album was called "Hooked on Bach"?


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#97283 - 03/12/03 10:51 AM Re: He was a sole trader.
Coffeebean Offline
old hand

Registered: 02/11/03
Posts: 725
Loc: Oregon, USA
I'm floundering for a clever reply . . .

Did you hear about the dizzy Swede who did not know vertigo?


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#97284 - 03/12/03 11:27 AM Re: He was a sole trader.
Rubrick Offline
addict

Registered: 05/18/00
Posts: 679
Loc: Somewhere outside New York
Or the Mexican fireman who called his sons Jose and Hose B?


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#97285 - 03/14/03 04:11 AM Re: He was a sole trader.
RhubarbCommando Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 08/23/00
Posts: 2204
I didn't tell you the whole story about the fishmonger, though. Eventually, he joined with five other fishmongers in a joint business, so that they could achieve economies of scale.


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#97286 - 03/27/03 06:18 PM Re: pun o' the day
Coffeebean Offline
old hand

Registered: 02/11/03
Posts: 725
Loc: Oregon, USA
There's a down side to every duck.


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#97287 - 03/29/03 06:05 AM Re: pun o' the day
RhubarbCommando Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 08/23/00
Posts: 2204
That's true if you look at it eider way.


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#97288 - 03/29/03 06:08 AM Re: pun o' the day
RhubarbCommando Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 08/23/00
Posts: 2204
-- and how about the man who fed the seagulls with cannabis?

He left no tern unstoned.


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#97289 - 03/29/03 08:00 AM Re: pun o' the day
Bingley Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 04/09/00
Posts: 3065
Loc: Jakarta
.. and the physical fitness trainer who left no stern untoned.

Bingley
_________________________
Bingley

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#97290 - 03/29/03 09:08 AM Re: pun o' the day
Wordwind Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 09/30/01
Posts: 6296
Loc: Piedmont Region of Virginia, U...
In reply to:

...left no stern untoned.


~Bingley

And for anyone who thinks, "You cain't tone bones," well, just consider a xylophone made of toned bones--a bonophone!


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#97291 - 03/31/03 02:58 AM Re: pun o' the day
RhubarbCommando Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 08/23/00
Posts: 2204
-- or one *made of stones - an essential instrument for any rock band.


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#97292 - 03/31/03 09:21 AM Re: pun o' the day
Coffeebean Offline
old hand

Registered: 02/11/03
Posts: 725
Loc: Oregon, USA
There is a stop on the organ called Tibia.

perhaps I should bone up on the etymology . . .


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#97293 - 03/31/03 10:46 AM Re: pun o' the day
RhubarbCommando Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 08/23/00
Posts: 2204
Oh, ho! very humerus

Well - someone had to say it!


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#97294 - 03/31/03 05:45 PM Re: pun o' the day
consuelo Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/11/01
Posts: 2636
Loc: Caribbean
Tibia means lukewarm in Spanish.

-Mi trabajo es informar


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#97295 - 03/31/03 08:07 PM Re: pun o' the day
Coffeebean Offline
old hand

Registered: 02/11/03
Posts: 725
Loc: Oregon, USA
Tibia means lukewarm in Spanish.

Gracias, consuelo. Now I feel I have a leg up on this. Definitely not the stop to choose for hot jazz licks, eh?




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#97296 - 03/31/03 10:29 PM Re: pun o' the day
consuelo Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/11/01
Posts: 2636
Loc: Caribbean
I didn't think there would be any stops in hot jazz licks


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