#94024 - 01/31/03 04:31 PM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 01/05/01
Posts: 1814
Loc: Spam Factory
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It used to be considered witty by some who had old, run-down cars to have a bumper sticker that read "My other car is a Porsche." After those had been around for quite some time, I got a big laugh when I saw a bumper sticker on a particularly rusty-looking bucket of bolts that read "My other car is a piece of s**t too."
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#94025 - 01/31/03 09:57 PM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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old hand
Registered: 02/18/02
Posts: 833
Loc: Eastern Ontario, Canada
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I once saw a bumper sticker on some flash car (sorry, don't remember what it was - I'm a girly girl in that respect!) that said, "My other car is a Volkswagen Beetle." Wow. A custom-made bumper sticker...!
Fave bumper sticker I've heard about, but not seen:
Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards while wearing high heels
Fave t-shirt I saw in a catalogue once:
wysiwyg
And fave recently-acquired t-shirt:
YOU DON'T KNOW ME
Federal Witness Protection Program
Most appropriate bumper sticker, seen on a car that had slewed across the sidewalk and hit a telephone pole:
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
Bumper stickers I wish I had:
If you're rich, I'm single
and
So many men, so few who can afford me
(and surprisingly enough, they don't really reflect my attitude! but I just find them a hoot...anyway, I wouldn't put a bumper sticker on my baby - I like a pristine car. But I like reading them on other people's cars! Wonder who on earth first came up with the idea of the bumper sticker?)
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#94026 - 02/01/03 08:13 AM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 7186
Loc: Vermont
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just saw a bumper sticker yesterday that was a new one to me:
Marijuana: Hey, at least it's better than crack.
_________________________
formerly known as etaoin...
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#94029 - 02/06/03 07:47 AM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 03/06/02
Posts: 1692
Loc: UK
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A card stuck on an office door:
PLEASE GO AWAY
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#94030 - 02/06/03 09:25 AM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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addict
Registered: 05/18/00
Posts: 679
Loc: Somewhere outside New York
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Bikers have a good sense of humour. Two I've seen recently:
1. (Pink t-shirt): Help me! I'm a lesbian trapped inside this big, fat hairy biker!
2. (On the back): If you can read this then the bitch fell off
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#94031 - 02/06/03 06:06 PM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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member
Registered: 01/17/03
Posts: 171
Loc: Hawaii, USA
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I suspect there's enough variety in this list to offend most everyone:
BUMPER STICKERS
1. Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
2. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."
3. The proctologist called, they found your head.
4. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
5. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
6. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
7. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
8. Hang up and drive.
9. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
10. Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
11. Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
12. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
13. Guys, just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
14. Welcome to America...Now speak English.
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#94032 - 02/06/03 06:11 PM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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member
Registered: 01/17/03
Posts: 171
Loc: Hawaii, USA
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And, just in case not everyone was offended, a few more:
1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
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3. If You Drink, Don't Park. Accidents Cause People
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4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
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5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut
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6. Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point
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7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better
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8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant
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9. Thank You For Pot Smoking
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10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing
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11. If At First You Don't Succeed, Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling
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12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings"
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13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer
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14. Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger
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15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger
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16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass
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17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
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18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home
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19. I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha
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20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me!
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21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
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22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
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23. If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
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24. The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
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25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
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26. Illiterate? Write For Help
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27. Honk If Anything Falls Off
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28. Cover Me. I'm Changing Lanes
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29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles from The Next Exit
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30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
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32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
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33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...
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38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
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39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...[Seen upside down on a jeep]
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40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed for 70 mph.
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41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
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42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
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43. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
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44. Ax Me About Ebonics
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45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
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46. Boldly Going Nowhere
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
47. Cat: The Other White Meat
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48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde
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49. Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That
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50. Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
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51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
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52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?
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53. If You! Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
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54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
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55. Saw It ... Wanted It .. Had A Fit ... GotIt!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
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57. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.
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58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
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59. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to shoot them
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61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
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63. So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious.
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64. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
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65. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
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#94033 - 02/10/03 11:10 PM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 03/13/01
Posts: 4189
Loc: Rio Grande, Cape May County, N...
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#94034 - 02/11/03 09:32 AM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 11/25/00
Posts: 3439
Loc: New England, USA
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I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun!
-------------------------------------
If it's Tourist Season, how come we can't shoot them?
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#94036 - 02/11/03 02:07 PM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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old hand
Registered: 09/03/01
Posts: 872
Loc: Birmingham, Alabama
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Here's a picture of me wearing my favorite T-shirt. I wear it (kinda like a joke)  to lawn parties and social gatherings around Alabama. http://boatertalk.com/forum/BoaterTalk/325368
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#94037 - 02/11/03 03:02 PM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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old hand
Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 742
Loc: Akina
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> never saw it before or since, not even in any of the shops:
NO MAAMProof positive that you never watched Married With Children 
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#94039 - 02/12/03 03:41 PM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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enthusiast
Registered: 09/27/02
Posts: 261
Loc: London/Prague
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I've often found postcards to be good for this kinda thing -here are a few I saw the other day or have stuck to my door:
Nice Person, Wrong Planet
I'm not wierd... I'm just special
Please leave this planet as you would wish to find it
(with a picture of a dog on the front) At least my dog looks at me when I speak to him...
Bankers are people who lend you an umbrella when the sun is shining and then want it back when it starts to rain.
And a personal favorite:
Nothing right in left brain. Nothing left in my right brain.
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#94040 - 02/12/03 03:45 PM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13666
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I have a T shirt with a picture of the Venus of Willendorf http://art.wlu.edu/venus of willendorf.jpgand the legend: Must Be Venus Envy
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#94042 - 02/12/03 03:55 PM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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enthusiast
Registered: 09/27/02
Posts: 261
Loc: London/Prague
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Ooh! And not forgetting...
If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off
and
Stop the world - I want to get ON!
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#94044 - 02/12/03 04:23 PM
Re: 404
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13666
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#94047 - 02/15/03 07:11 PM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 7186
Loc: Vermont
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saw a great one yesterday:
Well-behaved women never make history
_________________________
formerly known as etaoin...
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#94049 - 02/18/03 06:35 AM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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addict
Registered: 04/24/02
Posts: 475
Loc: manchester uk
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My partner has a t-shirt which he wears just to upset lefty right on guardianistas ( most of our friends ) with the legend 'disabled is the new black'. I have a t-shirt to go with it which saves me dull conversations at parties with 'I can't believe he's not better' in place of the 'I can't believe it's not butter' logo.
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#94050 - 02/18/03 08:09 PM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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old hand
Registered: 02/18/02
Posts: 833
Loc: Eastern Ontario, Canada
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dody's back! dody's back! HURRAH! good to see you posting again dody baby! love the t-shirts....
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#94051 - 02/20/03 08:25 AM
'What-the-heck'as
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 11582
Loc: Louisville, Kentucky
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Dody, it's nice to see you again. But I have to say that a good bit of your post made no sense to me. I did find a clue as to what a "guardianista" is, and to my dismay, what I suspected turned out to be true. http://www.fuzzclog.com/I had not heard of this publication--is it a magazine?--before joining this board. And indeed, when my beloved shanks wrote of the Grauniad, I thought it was an odd name, but took him at his word. I still have no idea what 'the new black' means.
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#94052 - 02/20/03 08:42 AM
Re: 'What-the-heck'as
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 6511
Loc: lower upstate New York
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Jackie, the Brits can tell you better than I, but. The Guardian is an independent-thinking progressive newspaper which I like a lot. Now what's a Fuzzclog?  And by "the new black," I think what's meant is the new group to discriminate against. Not that you asked me, but did that ever stop me?
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#94056 - 02/20/03 10:02 PM
Re: sport-tees
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old hand
Registered: 02/18/02
Posts: 833
Loc: Eastern Ontario, Canada
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A friend was telling me, just last night, about a colleague of his whose name is Les. Apparently Les got asked to do an awful lot of work and is always being put on jobs others won't do, etc., until he decided his personal slogan should be, "We Do More With Les!"
(well, I liked it!)
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#94057 - 02/21/03 08:15 AM
the new black
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addict
Registered: 04/24/02
Posts: 475
Loc: manchester uk
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So, some explanation is needed. The Guardian is a daily newspaper on the left of the political spectrum. It is renowned for it's appalling spelling and is often referred to as the Grauniad. It is a broadsheet rather than a tabloid, although it usually has two tabloid supplements which feed every intellectuals secret desire to look at Kylies bottom. This link gives a brief history of the paper. http://www.guardian.co.uk/Print/0,3858,4428358,00.html To access the online paper click on this http://www.guardian.co.uk The cryptic crossword is great, Auracaria may just be a genius. The new black is a fashion term which now describes every thing new in terms of previously fashionable things. So, Britney is the new Tiffany, grey is the new black and so on. Just google say, grey is the new black, it's terrifyingly ubiquitous. There is an occasional column in the Private Eye devoted to this disease. The new black could also be taken to mean what Ana said. 'I can't believe it's not butter' is a margarine with a stupid name.
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#94060 - 02/21/03 12:28 PM
Re: marginally butter
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 7186
Loc: Vermont
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another thread turned to food...
anyone know where I can find a good belt?
_________________________
formerly known as etaoin...
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#94062 - 02/22/03 12:07 PM
Re: marginally butter
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old hand
Registered: 02/18/02
Posts: 833
Loc: Eastern Ontario, Canada
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Dear ol' Aenigma....God bless her and all who sail in her!
(sorry, can't seem to make the a-e thingy - how does one do this on the keyboard?! tried alt-a but got this instead: å - and alt-shift-a got Å - what the hell does that mean?!)
I'm guessing....Bunnahavahn. (just based on how Siobhan is pronounced, mind you)
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#94063 - 02/23/03 10:41 PM
Re: marginally butter
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 04/09/00
Posts: 3065
Loc: Jakarta
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It means alt gives you the small letter and alt-shift gives you the big letter.
Bingley
_________________________
Bingley
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#94065 - 02/24/03 09:02 AM
Re: marginally butter
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 08/23/00
Posts: 2204
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å - and alt-shift-a got Å - what the hell does that mean?!
It's used in Scandinavian languages, m-g, - and is pronounced as a long-drawn-out "O" sound - more like "oawww". In Copenhagen the sound is fairly clipped (although all Copenhagen Danish is pretty clipped, come to think of it) but on the mainland, in Jutland, it is really long-drawn; most of the very little Danish that I can pronounce was learned in Århus, in Jutland and my Copenhagen friends laughed fit to bust when I used the words over there - they immediately recognised it as Jutland pronunciation! (Apparently this has comic overtones, there.)
And if you want to know the key-strokes for all the strange symbols, go to "Character Map" (somewhere in "Accesories" usually, on M$ run PCs), which gives you the whole riange in all the fonts. Click on any of them, and a "key-stroke guide" appears down in the bottom right-hand corner.
E.g., Alt 0197 gives you Å in Times New Roman (and most other fonts!)
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#94066 - 02/24/03 09:12 PM
Re: marginally butter
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old hand
Registered: 02/18/02
Posts: 833
Loc: Eastern Ontario, Canada
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Thanks everyone, but I think I need help from Faldage....I'm on a Mac, and I refuse to allow Microsoft any disk space. So if I hold down the alt key and type 145, all I get is...145. Damn and blast. I figgered out most of the accents I need for le français, but many others elude me (unless I stumble upon them by åccident....!).
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#94067 - 02/24/03 10:15 PM
Re: marginally butter
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 7186
Loc: Vermont
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modgod, are you running OS9 or OSX? if you're still on 9, go to http://www.versiontracker.com and search for "Font Explorer". it's a great little free program that will show you where all the keys are. if you're using OSX, you've got the character palette which will show you more than you ever wanted to know!! oh, and try putting a &# before the number and a ; after, and see what happens... &#<some number here>;
_________________________
formerly known as etaoin...
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#94072 - 02/26/03 09:21 AM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 08/23/00
Posts: 2204
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Over here, a popular bumper sticker of some years ago was, "Don't follow me - I'm lost, too."
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#94073 - 02/26/03 11:03 AM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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addict
Registered: 05/18/00
Posts: 679
Loc: Somewhere outside New York
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A friend of mine had a similar one on his car - "If I follow you home will you keep me?".
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#94074 - 02/26/03 11:07 AM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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addict
Registered: 05/18/00
Posts: 679
Loc: Somewhere outside New York
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Okay, not really a bumper sticker or a t-shirt but here's another I heard today....
Whispering is not aloud...
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#94075 - 02/26/03 09:26 PM
Re: marginally butter
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old hand
Registered: 02/18/02
Posts: 833
Loc: Eastern Ontario, Canada
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thanks etaoin, thanks Faldage! (eta, I'm running OS 8.6)
lookit dis: æ and Æ
Hurrah!
Now I can talk about Ænigma with y'all! and about anything else that has an æ in it....Kewl.
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#94078 - 02/27/03 06:32 AM
Re: marginally butter
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addict
Registered: 05/18/00
Posts: 679
Loc: Somewhere outside New York
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S'il vous plait, Qu'est-ce que c'est le Francais pour "je ne sais quoi"?
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#94080 - 02/27/03 06:40 AM
Re: marginally butter
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 7186
Loc: Vermont
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Qu'est-ce que c'est le Francais pour "je ne sais quoi"?
I don't know, what?
_________________________
formerly known as etaoin...
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#94082 - 02/27/03 06:45 AM
Re: What?
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 7186
Loc: Vermont
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yeah, 14 seconds. I'm only half-way through my first cup o' coffee.
I'll do better next time.
_________________________
formerly known as etaoin...
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#94083 - 03/02/03 03:36 AM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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member
Registered: 03/02/03
Posts: 104
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T-shirt seen on a member of a Bomb Squad:
IF YOU SEE ME
RUNNING,
TRY TO KEEP UP
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#94084 - 03/02/03 12:12 PM
Re: marginally butter
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old hand
Registered: 02/18/02
Posts: 833
Loc: Eastern Ontario, Canada
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S'il vous plait, Qu'est-ce que c'est le Francais pour "je ne sais quoi"?
Reminds me of a very funny exchange in Marianne Ackerman's play, L'Affaire Tartuffe, or The Garrison Officers Rehearse Moliere. There the garrison officers are, rehearsing Moliere, and I believe they had to have a soldier stand in for one of the officers who couldn't be there (not positive that was the situation, it's been awhile since I saw the play!).
One officer reads his line and the soldier reads his response:
Soldier: Qwoy?
Officer: (correcting the soldier) Qwoh.
Soldier: What?!
Hm. Maybe it's funnier live....I still love it - an exchange that consists of the same word repeated three times with different nuances and in two different languages...!
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#94086 - 03/03/03 11:06 AM
Re: with apologies to Wm. Shakespeare
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 7186
Loc: Vermont
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ah, there's the rub
_________________________
formerly known as etaoin...
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#94087 - 03/04/03 01:37 AM
Re: with apologies to Wm. Shakespeare
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member
Registered: 03/02/03
Posts: 104
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LOL, etaion! One can never resist a good pun, eh?
Oh, dear, Rhuby......I would have never registered as
Ruby, had I known there were two others! I am actually
known as JFN on another site I frequent, so I could
re-register as that. I was just getting kind of tired of it,
and chose RubyRed for this site, because Rubye is
my grandmother's name, and rubies are my birthstone.
I guess I could become RR......but then that makes me
sound like a Railroad, or like Rest and Relaxation, or like
Ronald Reagan..........hmmmm, such a conundrum!
Thanks for the welcome, btw! :)
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#94092 - 03/05/03 05:02 AM
Re: Where's Toto?
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member
Registered: 03/02/03
Posts: 104
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"I suppose you could be called Grapefruit..."
"Or we could call her "Slippers"...Or Dorothy."
LOL! Well (it has to be said) I've been called worse!
Thanks for the welcome, Jackie and Whitman! :)
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#94093 - 03/05/03 05:08 AM
Re: Bump her stick her
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member
Registered: 03/02/03
Posts: 104
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I LOVE this one, consuelo! I saw it a couple of years ago, in a souvenier shop, and I wanted to buy it soooo bad....but they only had it in size Cute (teen size)
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#94094 - 03/05/03 05:21 AM
Re: Where's Toto?
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 03/06/02
Posts: 1692
Loc: UK
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Well...the ruby gemstone is a corundum. So Cora would be possible or, if you want to keep a hint of red, Coral.
But why bother!? "We ken fine who you are," Tom said knowingly .
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#94096 - 03/05/03 07:46 AM
Re: Where's Toto?
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 03/06/02
Posts: 1692
Loc: UK
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"Aye, wee lassie, ye're richt, we ken verra leetle when a's sayed'n done," he said Pictishly.
I must stop this before I grow a pibroch on my sporran.
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#94097 - 03/05/03 08:24 AM
Re: Where's Toto?
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member
Registered: 03/02/03
Posts: 104
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Good Gracious! There is no end to the magic of the English language!
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#94098 - 03/05/03 08:54 AM
Re: Where's Toto?
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 7186
Loc: Vermont
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no end to the magic of the English language
that was English?
_________________________
formerly known as etaoin...
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#94099 - 03/05/03 09:00 AM
Re: Where's Toto?
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member
Registered: 03/02/03
Posts: 104
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LOL, etaoin....I was actually referring to dxb's Cora/Coral/corundum post, but I forgot to c&p. :)
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#94102 - 03/12/03 06:47 PM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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old hand
Registered: 02/18/02
Posts: 833
Loc: Eastern Ontario, Canada
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If we are what we eatwhich reminds me of a stoopid but fun Austin Powers pick-up line: "If we are what we eat, I could be you by morning...." I also like these ones: "Nice legs - what time do they open?" and "I'm a birdwatcher and I'm looking for a Big-Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?" and finally "Do you work at the Post Office, because I thought I saw you checking out my package...." Not that I would necessarily fall for a guy who used any of these seriously, but.
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#94103 - 03/13/03 03:33 AM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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member
Registered: 03/02/03
Posts: 104
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>"Nice legs - what time do they open?"<
Oh, mY! That is funnY!
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#94107 - 05/03/03 01:12 AM
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 06/28/02
Posts: 1624
Loc: Utter Placebo, Planet Reebok
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tee-shirts and bumper stickers
:
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
...oops!
with naming and shirt design for our softball team; we became None of the Above, which was most apt as we traditionally finished last but none. long after I (was) retired from the team, I was given a 20th Anniversary shirt, the name has ever held.
Re: Where's Toto?
Re: tee-shirts and bumper stickers
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