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#63632 04/03/02 08:37 PM
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Another member has challenged me to make a post about euphemisms. I mostly dislike them, but have hear a few worth repeating. I posted this one before, but haven't a large repertoire.
Please, AWADtalkers, contribute some examples, both clever and annoying.

A very likeable unmarried middle-aged lady who could be truthfully described as "an unclaimed blessing" excused the nastiness of a disagreeable old maid by saying: "Her problem is she has never been awakened."


#63633 04/03/02 10:16 PM
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A very likeable unmarried middle-aged lady who could be truthfully described as "an unclaimed blessing" excused the nastiness of a disagreeable old maid by saying: "Her problem is she has never been awakened."

Say wwh, your example above is an example of excellent and colorful prose, but I'm not sure that this allusion is a euphemism. To me the idea of Awakened, even if the phrase, by a man, is implied, doesn't necessarily represent a bounce in the bed, a roll in the hay, and so forth, ad nauseum.

The act of Being awakened, like an unclaimed blessing, seems better understood as a larger, more significant, event than a mere euphemistic bang in bed.

Of course I don't speak for the board.


#63634 04/03/02 11:11 PM
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Dear milum: thanks for your contribution. In another thread the phrase "fall pregnant" was discussed. I have seen a euphemism for this "an interesting condition". That's more la-di-da than clever.

A very ancient one" There once was an Indian maid
' ' ' Who was ever and ever so afraid
The some buckaroo
Would slip it up her flue
And reach her promised land.
So she had an idea grand
She'd stuff it up with sand..........(fine beach sand.......)

I wouldn't have posted this, except that our refined ladies have not contributed.


#63635 04/04/02 12:05 AM
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I wouldn't have posted this, except that our refined ladies have not contributed. (emphasis mine)

Well, I don't know about the refined ladies, but I'm here. Your discussion prompted me to look up euphemism - just to clarify exactly what I was commenting on.

From the Cambridge International Dictionary of English:

euphemism
noun
(the use of) a word or phrase used to avoid saying another word or phrase that is more forceful and honest but also more unpleasant or offensive eg. 'Senior citizen' is a euphemism for 'old person'. [C]

How about euphemism as a euphemism for propaganda? Then there's the "[insert appropriate type here] challenged" eg. vertically challenged for people who are short. How about in real estate (property) ads where they talk about something being a "rare find" generally - upon inspection -found to mean that you won't find anything like it, because all the others have been bulldozed? Is that a euphemism, or am I getting the wrong idea here... not claiming to be any kind of expert, I'm here to learn.

Just found a site with a few fun ones - here's the link: http://makeashorterlink.com/?Z168120A

Hev

#63636 04/04/02 12:40 AM
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I was going to highlight the relevant sections, but the '[', 'b' and ']' keys died from overuse...

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round:
And here were gardens bright with sinuous rills
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
But oh! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover!
A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!

And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced;
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail:
And 'mid these dancing rocks at once and ever
It flung up momently the sacred river.
Five miles meandering with a mazy motion
Through wood and dale the sacred river ran,
Then reached the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean:
And 'mid this tumult Kubla heard from far
Ancestral voices prophesying war!

The shadow of the dome of pleasure
Floated midway on the waves:
Where was heard the mingled measure
From the fountain and the caves.
It was a miracle of rare device,
A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!
A damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw:
It was an Abyssinian maid,
And on her dulcimer she played,
Singing of Mount Abora.
Could I revive within me
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight 't would win me
That with music loud and long,
I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome! those caves of ice!
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.

Kubla Khan - Samuel Taylor Coleridge, 1798


#63637 04/04/02 12:55 AM
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highlight the relevant sections, but the '[', 'b' and ']' keys died from overuse

Oh, please, Doc_C can you find some other highlighting mechanism? I'd love to see all the euphemisms in Kubla Khan (cos I'd probably miss them unless someone pointed them out). If someone had pointed them out to me in high school, I might have enjoyed it even more.

Hev

#63638 04/04/02 01:02 AM
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[open invitation]I think I'll leave that the others. You know who you are[/open invitation]


#63639 04/04/02 01:13 AM
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Dear doc_comfort: I'm baffled. I read the poem twice, and was unable to spot any euphemisms, in the sense of a chaste word for a vulgar subject.
Sometimes ironic phrases can be euphemisms. The New Yorker used to have a column named "In love with sound of own voice" dedicated to mocking pretentious writers.
There are many cutesy ways of referring to biological processes not considered suitable for explicit mention. The word "explicit" is now standard alert that something objectionable is about to appear.


#63640 04/04/02 01:21 AM
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But oh! that deep romantic chasm... is probably the most obvious.

Don't know if this will clear things up, but think of the whole poem as a euphamism (or am I mixing this with metaphor) for a one-night stand.


#63641 04/04/02 01:51 AM
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Dear doc_comfort: I looked at that phrase which taken out of context could be used to hide a sexual fantasy. But the following lines are too violent for such fantasy, it seems to me. I have heard of female ejaculation, but nothing like that!

Keiva sent me a PM mentioning "numbers", which reminded me of euphemism in grade school, where kids asked permission to go to toilet by holding up fingers, one meaning need to urinate, two meaning need to defecate. This is frequently used in sports stories with one coach bragging that his team "will do a number" on the opposition.


#63642 04/04/02 02:14 AM
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Maybe I'm missing the point here, but the things I find objectionable and have always considered euphemisms include:

Pre-owned
Custodial Engineer
Sanitation Engineer

And anything challenged...foliclely, mentally, motivationally, horizontally, economically, to name a few.



#63643 04/04/02 02:23 AM
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Realestate salesmen can be quite clever in avoiding charges of false advertising. I wouldn't be surprised to see an ad for a Chick Sale mansion. Chick Sale being a long ago comedian who had a monopoly on jokes about the little house behind the big house. (There's another old-time euphemism).
The byproducts were removed by a "honey wagon". That's one more.

In WWII in martial arts training, the male gonads were chastely referred to as "the family jewels."


#63644 04/04/02 03:14 AM
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Oh my gosh, I LOVE that poem!! PLEASE don't tell me it's just...it's just...about sex!?!? Oh, the joy and delight will be gone forever, for me...


#63645 04/04/02 01:32 PM
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Damnation! It's like I just read it for the first time.



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#63646 04/04/02 03:48 PM
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the rock band from Minneapolis called The Replacements had a funny song about airline stewardesses called "Waitress in the sky"

Sanitation expert and a maintenance engineer
Garbage man, a janitor and you, my dear


I find some euphemisms for death to be pretty annoying. "He passed" has to be the worst. And yet some of them are funny, such as "He joined the majority."


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horses sweat
gentlemen perspire
ladies glow


#63648 04/04/02 04:34 PM
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Don't know if this will clear things up, but think of the whole poem as a euphamism (or am I mixing this with metaphor) for a one-night stand.

Coleridge claimed that the visions in the poem actually occurred to him in a dream -- must we apply Freudian analysis?

(metaphor)

#63649 04/04/02 04:47 PM
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tsuwm, I'm trying to recall whether that was a drug-induced dream (opium?).


#63650 04/04/02 04:54 PM
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vertically challenged

Then there was the woman who wrote a newspaper column on issues affecting the disabled who once referred to them as the severely euphemized.


#63651 04/04/02 05:55 PM
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"The severely euphemized" -- ah, brevity is the soul of wit.


#63652 04/04/02 06:26 PM
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Like Coleridge I'm trying to remember where this phrase came from...a dream?...from a book?...on this board? To wit...

Almost everything in nature is either concave or convex, apply Freud at will if you must appease your wanton lust.

(uh I might have embellished it a bit)

Kubla Kahn- a 54 line poem of sexual allusions to certain aspects of the female anatomy ? Come on, Coleridge was good, but not that good.


#63653 04/04/02 06:44 PM
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but not that good.
unlike us
[we are Kahn-do guys here ]


#63654 04/04/02 08:24 PM
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But I Khan not.


#63655 04/04/02 09:57 PM
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Just out of interest, what did you think it was about before I opened my big mouth? Question directed to all and sundry.


#63656 04/04/02 11:54 PM
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OK, Doc Comfort, it is time for you to reach a new day.

The poem, bless your heart, is a mystical dream of the 19th century mind towards a land of the exotic, a romantic desire to escape the confines of a overly constructed puritan culture, but Coleridge, even subliminally, would never have stooped to the thoughts that you feel free to assign.

Re-read The Ancient Mariner, A project begun by the more-or-less straight-laced Wordsworth, then finished by Coleridge. Could this moralist be the lewdist you imagine?

I, Milum, challenge you, young Mr. Comfort, to a line-by -line duel. The only thing you have to lose in a contest like this is your virginity.


#63657 04/05/02 01:07 AM
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I, Milum, challenge you, young Mr. Comfort, to a line-by -line duel.

Oh goody! A fight!

prophesying war! Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
And close your eyes with holy dread!


"Get your tickets here!!!!! Programs -- popcorn -- peanuts -- sooveneers -- ice cold beer!!!!"


#63658 04/05/02 01:34 AM
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Dear Milum: I'm glad you are challenging doc_comfort, and not me. I re-read the Ancient Mariner a couple months ago, and the only sex I can remember was the wedding to which the guests were going.
Incidentally, I did not know until recently that good old wordsworth abandoned a daughter born without benefit of clergy.. Not sure of details, but it made him a bastard in my book. I like his poetry just the same.

"without benefit of clergy" a euphemism of sorts, but hardly a compliment

#63659 04/05/02 02:01 AM
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Hey Dr Bill, here's some scientific euphemisms I found:

10. It is well known: " A few others share my wild idea."
9. As you well know: "No one knows."
8. As you remember: "No one remembers."
7. As you can see: "This slide is so confused I can't explain it myself."
6. The average value: " A composite of the experiments that worked."
5. A typical example: "The best I could find."
4. It is obvious: "I can't see it and neither can you."
3. Early experiments were inconclusive: "I completely goofed up for six months."
2. The material is slightly toxic: "All the injected animals died."
1. Additional study is needed: "I need all the grant money I can get." copied from http://www.cranlucas.com/euph.htm

A couple of friends of mine are scientists, and I'm going to re-think some of the things they've told me now!

Hev

#63660 04/05/02 03:15 AM
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I LOVE that poem!! PLEASE don't tell me it's just...it's just...about sex!?!? Oh, the joy and delight will be gone forever, for me...

"just" about sex?

I dunno about anybody else, but if that ther pome really is about sex, it sounds like the most mind-blowingly excellent sex, and I wanna get me some. How sad to dis it for being about sex like that. Wooohoooooo!

Maybe it's "just" about lovemaking. Even better!

Poems - like novels and other creative works - are about what each of us reads in them. No written work is complete until it is read; by the same token, one written work on the page is almost-limitless written works in the minds of its readers.

Personally I think it's all about cricket. [kidding-e]


#63661 04/05/02 03:45 AM
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Hubby and I were looking at some real estate ads and this one jumped out at us:

Step saver ranch


#63662 04/05/02 03:58 AM
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Another popular real estate euphemism: "a fixer-upper"

There are endless euphemisms for genitalia and for the sexual act, too (I notice most posting here have been too delicate to bring these up - of course I feel no such scruples, but y'all knew that already and I might as well go ahead, being in hot water already as I am, an' all, an' all). My fave listing of the male genitalia's euphemisms (and yet, only some of them - there are LOTS) is Monty Python's The Penis Song (Not the Noel Coward Song):

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong
It's swell to have a stiffy
It's divine to own a dick
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick!
So three cheers for your willy or John Thomas
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend
Your Percy or your cock
You can wrap it up in ribbons
You can slip it in your sock
But don't take it out in public
Or they will stick you in the dock
And you won't come back. (thank you very much)

(Personally, if I had one of my own, that's what I'd do with it - wrap it up in ribbons and slip it in my sock. Man, I'd just stay home and play with it all day. How do men ever get anything done?!)

Female-genitalia-wise, I just have a li'l story: I was in the "comfort station" (this is, after all, a thread about euphemisms!) of a campground in Broome, Western Australia, when I met a fellow Canuck who was on tour with the same company I was travelling with, but going in the opposite direction. We got chatting about the people on our buses and how congenial they were, and she told me they had a young Korean girl on their bus who got drunk very quickly and easily and always got loud and amusing when inebriated. "The other day," she said, "she was asking us to tell her all the English slang for vagina....We came up with quite a list." I said, "I hope you remembered the good ol' Canadian one," and she said, "Yes, the c-word came up." I said, "No, I meant BEAVER!" and she was extremely aghast to realise that she had missed that one. Huh. And she called herself a Canadian.

As far as euphemisms for sex go, my personal favourite is good ol' Shakes's contribution: making the beast with two backs.


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Step saver ranch

Er, um, pardon my ... whatever ... but, what is this a euphemism for? We don't got no ranches in Oz...


Hev

#63664 04/05/02 04:20 AM
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I'm guessing "step-saver" means "small" - but I'm not guessing about "ranch" - I know for sure you would know it as a "station."

(I am going to change my handle to globalmodestgoddess )


#63665 04/05/02 04:20 AM
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Step saver ranch

Er, um, pardon my ... whatever ... but, what is this a euphemism for? We don't got no ranches in Oz...


A ranch is simply a one-floor house...no upstairs. The step saver part is the euphemism for small!


#63666 04/05/02 04:22 AM
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parm me - posted same time as Angel....!

and just realised, as I clicked "continue," that "ranch" also refers to what she said.

slightlylessthanworldlymodestgoddess


#63667 04/05/02 04:34 AM
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I am going to change my handle to globalmodestgoddess )

Oh no, modestgoddess, I think that may be a little too much responsibility for one goddess. Besides, we got our own goddesses in Oz! Ahem...

Hev

#63668 04/05/02 04:39 AM
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Hey I've been paying special attention at work today (err, well, special attention to words, not to work per se ). I've noticed there's a hell of a lot of euphemisms here:

Job title: Relationship Capture (translation: sales)
Re-deployment (translation: move an unwanted person to another department rather than have to go through the process of three-warnings-sacking)

Any other business ones? (I know there's lots...)

Hev

#63669 04/05/02 11:17 AM
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I would think that step saver ranch would be drawing attention to the fact that you wouldn't have to run up and down stairs to "water the grass". [legs weary from two flights of stairs at work and one at home-e]


#63670 04/05/02 02:56 PM
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Dear connie: Anybody who minds stairs is not hearing a health alert - they need more exercise. If you don't have time for sports, make yourself use the stairs.


#63671 04/05/02 03:49 PM
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the male genitalia's euphemisms

modgod, that is (again ) a game that two can play -- sauce for the gander is sauce for the saucy goose.
Since you've been listing we masculinisms, how about a list of [*rimshot*] you-feminisms?


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"Ode to Four Letter Words", a lovely song, at http://home.hawaii.rr.com/kingcharles/Humor/ode-4.htm

of which there are many variations. With reference to mod-god's particular ... er, "point", see verse 6, ending with the caution:
But, friend, heed this warning, beware the affront
Of aping a Saxon: don't call it a [expletive deleted].





#63673 04/05/02 04:11 PM
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Dear Keiva: Your AngloSaxon "c" word reminded me of place called "Love Canal" that was in news over ten years ago because of massive pollution. I wonder how that name was chosen: innocently, or slyly lasciviously?

Which reminds me of etymology of "lewd", which originally meant the way common folk talked.


#63674 04/05/02 05:09 PM
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There's a place in Indiana called "French Lick." I've never been there, but it sounds delicious.


k



#63675 04/05/02 05:25 PM
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isn't a place, it's a sentence.



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#63676 04/05/02 05:36 PM
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Forty million Frenchmen can't be wrong.


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back to that pleasure-dome:

I don't know how common this interpretation is, but my teacher last year explained it as a metaphor for artistic success. Xanadu, an idyllic, imaginative world, is Kubla Kahn's success--the domain he created. It relates to Coleridge's desire to be as successful as Wordsworth, to create his own pleasure dome, an artisitc legacy. There are many terms that relate to art, music or imagination: "damsel with a dulcimer", "symphony and song", "music loud and long" and "that dome in air."

Some hard rock type band made a song called Xanadu that relates to this interpretation.

But I guess it could just be about sex . . .


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"French Lick Indiana" sounds like a headline on the sports page describing a contest which the Hoosiers lost. Then again I am a Kentucky fan, and IU went farther/further [there it is again!) than UK this year, so I shouldn't poke too much fun. Besides, here in Kentucky we have a state park called "Big Bone Lick State Park." I kid you not. Check it out at:

http://www.state.ky.us/agencies/parks/bigbone.htm




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Are actually places where natural salt (primarily NaCl) occurs in the ground and where animals come to lick the salt up.



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And the game laws in many states make it illegal to put out salt block licks to entice deer, even though deer are getting to be a nuisance, dropping Lyme disease ticks where small children acquire them.


#63681 04/05/02 06:28 PM
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TEd's point is in fact precisely the origin of the name of French Lick, Indiana (which, as sparteye doubtless already knows, is the hometown of Larry Bird).


#63682 04/06/02 12:24 AM
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euphemistically speaking
Some of the best euphemisms are lauded as "doublespeak", dear wwh. My favourite: Remember when the American Embassy in Teheran was beseiged by murderous mobs and President Carter dispatched a fleet of helicopters from the desert to rescue the Americans trapped there. The helicopters crashed into one another on take-off and the mission ended in a self-propelled sandstorm. Afterwards, President Carter described the rescue mission as an "incomplete success".


#63683 04/06/02 12:54 AM
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Heck, I'm from KY originally and I never hearduvit.

So we have a cooler placename than the Hoosiers. Great!

k



#63684 04/06/02 01:41 AM
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Your AngloSaxon "c" word reminded me of place called "Love Canal" that was in news over ten years ago because of massive pollution. I wonder how that name was chosen: innocently, or slyly lasciviously?

"Love Canal" is a place close to my heart. I grew up just 10 miles from this place whose toxins killed and maimed so many. It was named in 1896 for William Love who dug the ditch that later became the resting place for barrels, and barrels of toxins that seeped into the ground.

http://www.iprimus.ca/~spinc/atomcc/lovecana.htm



#63685 04/06/02 12:24 PM
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too delicate to bring these up

I thnk that, perhaps, rather than delicate, the words tasteful or considerate might better serve.

of course [Eris] feel[s] no such scruples

Of course.


#63686 04/07/02 05:23 AM
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From Forthright:

paranym: euphemism; word whose meaning is altered to conceal evasion

Your Happy Epeolatrist!

#63687 04/10/02 04:20 AM
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At Keiva's request, all I can think of in the way of you-feminisms:

beaver
muff
muffin
the Y
map of Tasmania (my personal fave!)
lower lips
bush
pussy

Wow, I'm stuck already. Why are there so many more names for boys's toys?!

call me immodestgoddess


#63688 04/10/02 11:18 AM
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A variant closing-stanza of the ode to which I linked above (my favorite part being emphasized):

So we banish the words that Elizabeth used
When she was Queen Virgin and itched on her throne.
The Modern Maid's virtue is easily bruised
Upon meeting the four-letter words on their own.
Let your morals be loose as an alderman's vest
If your language be weaseling, vague and obscure:
Today not the act but the word is the test
Of the vulgar, salacious, obscene and impure.




#63689 04/10/02 11:25 AM
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I came up with a list of about 10 more, then took to the web.
Found this:
http://www.sheloveshertoys.com/words/words.html

There's a lot more than I thought.

Reminds me. There used to be a strip club in Anchorage called "The Great Alaskan Bush Company." I've never been there (I lived in Fairbanks and I was underage at the time), but a friend brought me a T-shirt which I never had the cajones to wear. (My brother did, though, for years.)

My favorite word for it is "quim," but I rarely have occasion to use it. Besides which it seems to have fallen out of use (the appellation, not the item).

I've heard that Brits say 'fanny,' but I've never heard one use it except parenthetically.

There was this Aussie guy I knew who had a strange word for it that I always chuckled at, but I can't remember what it was. (Never met an Aussie in person I didn't like very much. The ones I've known take teasing very well and give at least as good as they get - usually much better.) Ah, well. I was hoping it would come to me, but I guess not. This was about 30 years ago. I was about 10 or 11 at the time and I remember thinking it was pretty funny. OTOH, 10 year olds have a pretty low threshhold for humor. (Well, I did when I was 10.)


k



#63690 04/10/02 11:34 AM
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10 year olds have a pretty low threshhold for humor. (Well, I did when I was 10.)

Two sayings come to mind:
May you stay forever young, FF.
A dirty mind is a perpetual feast.


#63691 04/10/02 11:38 AM
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One term overlooked by FF's lovely link: movable feast

[my alliterative adjective intentional]


#63692 04/10/02 02:09 PM
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Here is an excerpt from a trial transcript ....

Q. OK. Do you have a term that you use with the children in reference to a woman's genital area?
A. Usually kitty.
Q. OK, and does your husband have a term that he uses in reference to a woman's genital area?
A. Same thing.
Q. And the same question in regard to a male's genital area?
A. I've always taught the boys it was a lala.
Q. How about your husband?
A. Same thing.
Q. A what, again?
A. Lala.
Q. Your husband talked about calling it a peepee or something like that.
A. Yeah.
Q. Did the kids refer to genital areas, have you heard the kids refer to genital areas by use of that term?
A. Very seldom. Usually they call it a penis.



#63693 04/10/02 02:31 PM
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The etymology of some euphemisms are hard to discover. I have always remembered my mother referring to my penis when I was very small, just beginning to learn words, as my "bottee"
Only quite recently did I realize that it was a corruption of the the word for sausage "L. botulus".


#63694 04/10/02 04:01 PM
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have always remembered my mother referring to my penis when I was very small, just beginning to learn words, as my "bottee"

There would have been major confusion in our house where a "bottee" was on the other side - obviously a diminutive form of bottom.

Who remembers a old LP (Small Faces?) where a narrator voice asks if we are all sitting comfortably "four-square on your bottees"? It perfectly describes the way my fat, short-legged Jack Russell sits up on her hind quarters when she begs.


#63695 04/10/02 05:02 PM
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FF's link to sheloveshertoys is very interesting, isn't it? because they have a LOT more euphemisms for female genitalia than for male - they don't even have all the Monty Python song's list under the latter category.

I was interested to see that they classed each word/term, as well. How do they decide what is slang and what is vulgar slang? what is poetic/spiritual as opposed to slang? I noticed that "vertical smile" counts as "vulgar slang" - and yet I would've just called it slang - and jolly slang at that! I mean, it sounds friendly-like and inviting....

I wish I could find a copy of Billy Connolly's monologue on the names of genitalia....He talks about penis and vagina as if they were places to go on holiday: "Vagina sounds like a lovely place to visit - well, it IS! - but it sounds like some sunny place with a beach and blue skies....But penis! Remember Penis? it rained all the time and we got mugged...." (something along those lines anyway....!)


#63696 04/11/02 06:34 AM
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I find some euphemisms for death to be pretty annoying. "He passed" has to be the worst. And yet some of them are funny, such as "He joined the majority."

I like "He popped his clogs". Anyone have any idea of its origins?

Have also heard "hopped the perch".



#63697 04/11/02 06:49 AM
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Henry Miller's expression for the vagina, "abricot-fondu", is rather enchanting. It brings multiple images to the mind.


#63698 04/11/02 06:53 AM
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What about all the euphemisms for getting or being pregnant (many of them very contemptuous of women)?

in the family way
knocked up
up the pole
bun in the oven
eating for two
soon to hear the patter of little feet


This euphemism in limerick form was the lemma to a chapter in a computer language textbook I studied decades ago:

There was a young lady from Thrace
Whose corsets grew too tight to lace.
Her mother said: Nelly,
There's more in your belly
Than ever went in through your face!


I have long forgotten the relevance to what I was studying. But my surprise at finding it in such an unlikely place has helped me remember the verse ever since.



#63699 04/17/02 12:35 AM
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WARNING: Politically Incorrect I just now received an e-mail that fits well under this subject -- and is an equal-opportunity slammer.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a babe or a chick - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a screamer or moaner - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not easy - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not dumb - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not been around - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an airhead - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get drunk or tipsy - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She is not horny - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
9. She does not have breast implants - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
10. She does not nag you - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
11. She is not a slut - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
12. She does not have major league hooters - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
13. She is not a two-bit whore - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
1. He does not have a beer gut - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a bad dancer - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not get lost all the time - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not balding - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a cradle robber - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
6. He does not get falling-down drunk - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a total ass - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a male chauvinist pig - He has SWINE EMPATHY.

#63700 04/17/02 02:33 AM
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Speaking (writing/typing) as a vocally appreciative, sexually focused, breasted, ahem, Canadian, I would like to publicly deplore the antics of overly Caucasian men who have liquid grain storage facilities and prefer generationally different relationships.

(In brief: why do they always hit on ME?!)


#63701 04/17/02 02:12 PM
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Wasn't it Blondie that had an album (dating myself...) named 'Xanadu'? Was there a connection here?


#63702 04/17/02 06:10 PM
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I think you're thinking of Olivia Newton-John - a blonde, but no Blondie


#63703 04/17/02 07:00 PM
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You know, I started typing ONJ - but thought to myself, "Nahhhhhhh, surely it was someone flashier than she". Thanks for the correction.


#63704 04/18/02 01:15 AM
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You know, I started typing ONJ - but thought to myself, "Nahhhhhhh, surely it was someone flashier than she".

Hey Chemeng... haven't seen ya round for a while. Good to see you back and posting ... However (she says with a smile) surely you jest about Australia's national icon. Who could be flashier than our ONJ?


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#63706 04/18/02 03:17 AM
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>Who could be flashier than our ONJ?

Dame Edna?




#63707 04/18/02 08:34 AM
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Who could be flashier than our ONJ?

Pokes head above parapet…….

Kylie?

……ducks back, just ahead of missiles.

dxb.



#63708 04/18/02 02:20 PM
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Australia's national icon

Oblivious Neutron-Bomb is the Oz Icon? Was she born in Poughkeepsie?


#63709 04/19/02 02:28 AM
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wwh:
Here you will also hear the aforementioned gonads less chastely referred to as "wedding tackle".


#63710 04/19/02 04:08 PM
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Oblivious Neutron-Bomb

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The whole 'Grease' acting gig just kills any 'flashy' descriptive that could have ever been attributed to ONJ. Ack!

(Thanks hev for the welcome back). Now that college basketball is over my websurfing goes beyond espn.com and fightingillini.com.


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