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#60719 - 03/11/02 10:42 PM Men and women
Angel Offline
addict

Registered: 12/28/01
Posts: 688
The differences between men and women can come down to their understanding of some simple words:

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car's hood.
Male........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another
Male........Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male.........Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's
girlfriend.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male........Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An embarrassing byproduct of digestion.
Male........A source of entertainment, self-statement male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male.........A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes



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#60720 - 03/11/02 10:48 PM Re: Men and women
Bobyoungbalt Offline
veteran

Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 1289
ROFLMAO!! Now I suppose one of us maligned males has to compile a list from the masculine point of view. How about it, guys?


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#60721 - 03/11/02 10:52 PM Re: Men and women
Keiva Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/04/01
Posts: 2605
and please let's not ruin a perfectly good feelthy thread ...


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#60722 - 03/11/02 10:54 PM Re: Men and women
Angel Offline
addict

Registered: 12/28/01
Posts: 688
Tee hee! [mock angelic-e]


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#60723 - 03/12/02 08:27 AM He said/she said
boronia Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 02/18/02
Posts: 322
Loc: Toronto, Canada
This thread reminds me of the following silliness (sent to me by a she):
She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said...Well, you succeeded.

On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere." Written just below it: "I do not."

He said... "Shall we try switching positions tonight?" She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and watch TV."

Priest said... 'I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.'
She said...'Don't worry - I ain't looking'

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.



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#60724 - 03/12/02 05:00 PM Oldie but Goodie
wofahulicodoc Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/06/01
Posts: 5012
Loc: Worcester, MA

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.


from Oklahoma! (and probably long before that, too)

Celeste Holm (a.k.a Ado Annie) sings:

"...With you, it's all er nuthin' -
All fer you, and nuthin' fer me
But if a gal is wise
She's gotta realize
That men like you are wild and free.

So I ain't gonna fuss, ain't gonna frown,
Have yer fun, go out on the town,
Stay out late and don't come home till three,

And go right off to sleep if yer sleepy,
Don't be waitin' up
Fer
Me !"


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#60725 - 03/12/02 07:10 PM Re: Men and women
Geoff Offline
old hand

Registered: 11/12/00
Posts: 819
Loc: Portland,Oregon, USA
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An embarrassing byproduct of digestion.
Male........A source of entertainment, self-statement male bonding.


Ah, how true! I once worked for a man who had his various emissions categorized by pitch, volume, odor, and texture. Yes, a real man's man! BTW, is the Britslang term, "cough in your rompers" appropriate here?


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#60726 - 03/12/02 10:09 PM Re: Men and women
Bobyoungbalt Offline
veteran

Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 1289
All right, you wusses. If no one else dares, I'll start the male version of male/female words.

SCREWDRIVER (scroo dry ver) n.
Male... A hand tool used to turn screws
Female... A multipurpose hand tool used, inter alia, as an ice pick, pry lever, hole punch, window prop, but never to turn screws [for which, see nail file and table knife]


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#60727 - 03/13/02 08:55 AM Re: Men and women
Geoff Offline
old hand

Registered: 11/12/00
Posts: 819
Loc: Portland,Oregon, USA
SCREWDRIVER (scroo dry ver) n.
Male... A hand tool used to turn screws


Oh. I thought it had to do with vodka and orange juice. And a piledriver is made from vodka and Ex Lax.




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#60728 - 03/13/02 09:57 AM Re: Men, women and screwdrivers
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
vodka and orange juice

And a Phillips screwdriver is vodka and milk of magnesia


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