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Joined: Mar 2000
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
Good heavens, Edward--I must have hot coals on the brain: I first thought you had said you had a load of breasts to get out of your back yard. Now, where would I get an idea like that, hmm?
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2001
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Dear Jacks,
Actually, I do have quite a load of breasts to get out of the shed in my back yard, along with the load of beasts. Bloody bother, both batches of them, especially the wenches. Much more trouble than I'd imagined when I propositioned them with the invitation at the pub near the Famous Crooked Spire. And those men at the bar! They kept saying, "This Edward chap is looking for ten loins a-leaping!" What hubbub! Or, should I say, pubbub!
Tomorrow, Sweetie, after the post has been delivered?
Holly jolly,
Edward
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605 |
Jan 1
Frankly, I prefer the birds. What am I to do with eight milkmaids? And their cows! Is this some kind of a joke? If so, I'm afraid I don't find it very amusing.
And as your wordplay: I told you, "No more birds." Let me make my words totally unambiguous: NO MORE BEASTS, EITHER! I am up to my neck with your so-called "e-bulliance" and "guano": you have gone from chicken___t to bull___t. This is not the jolly sort of "hoe, hoe, hoe" you have delivered.
Emily (purple-face)
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189 |
Gee, and I was just going to say that you should stage this like Love Letters, it'd make a cute seasonal piece. Hire insel to direct. if he likes the script, that is  But then all these breasts crept into it somehow, and it took a turn into the blue zone, leave it to Jackie to throw a breast into it?? so now I'm not sure it will pass as family fare. Unless, of course, with some damage control, you turn the reference back toward braised breast of goose! Yum!
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189 |
Gee, and I was just going to say that you should stage this like Love Letters, it'd make a cute seasonal piece. Hire insel to direct. if he likes the script, that is But then all these breasts crept into it somehow, and it took a turn into the blue zone, leave it to Jackie to throw a breast into it?? so now I'm not sure it will pass as family fare. Unless, of course, with some damage control, you turn the reference back toward braised breast of goose! Yum!
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661 |
Jan 2nd
Dear Occupant,
In pusuant to the city statute 4321-69b section l5 paragraph 2 - "The *peace shall be maintained without interruption.", I am posting this letter with hammer and nail on your door, and subsequent e-mails will follow.
I, sir/madam am an animal lover. However, you have crossed the line beyond which even I cannot stretch the law to encompass. Aside from the stench that is currently being emmited from your backyard and the unGodly hours in which you have been receiving people and packages (heck, even I enjoy a party now and then), the noise has become untenable. It was fine enough when the cooing began, but since has multiplied into quacking combined with something that has reminded me of a Messian composition as I heard it played recently by our local youth symphonie... and on top of all this, the incessant mooing and the early morning giggling of women have combined to make the one day of the year that I didn't have to work and arduous adventure at discerning what was commentary from the game I was attempting to enjoy on the tele.
Scince I have lost all my ability to sleep in my own bed, I'm spending the next week or so at my family home where the sound of my Aunt Matilda's voice will seem like the tones of Gregorian Chant compared to the racket coming from inside your walls.
I expect your issues to be resolved upon my return. If they are not, the proper authorities will be notified.
Sincerely,
Your half deaf neighbor to the west
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296 |
January 1st
Dearest Emily,
Whatever happened to that jolly girl I used to know with her delightful sense of whimsy? The maids (and I use that term loosely) are for hire just through the end of the week. The cows only require vetting, a speedy trip to the feed and grain store--my Uncle Thomas will happily supply the hay--and your gazebo by the croquet lawn would make a merry barn!
I think you're piffed because I cancelled out on our New Year's Eve plans. Admit it! I'm sure you spent a rollicking evening with your mother, moustache lady, who is such a giant of entertaining, sarcastic repartee.
Happy New Year! There are treats galore waiting for your further amusement.
Your udderly devoted,
Edward
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605 |
Jan 2
Look here, Edward,
This has gone far enough. I tell you clearly, "no more birds; NO MORE BEASTS", so you slip into a linguistic quibble to send me nine ladies dancing. All I can say is, judging from the way they dance, they're certainly not ladies -- and it is quite obvious that your eight "milkmaids" are [as you say] maids "for hire".
The village just isn't accustomed to seeing a regiment of shameless viragos, with nothing on but their lipstick, cavorting round the green, and it's Mother and I who get the blame. If you value our friendship, which I do (less and less), kindly stop this ridiculous behavior at once!
Emily
PS: and explain yourself: where were you on New Year's Eve? and how is it that as soon as you meet dear Jackie you suddenly become preoccupied with breasts and acquainted with "ladies" of dubious virtue?
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296 |
January 2nd
Dearest (I suppose) Emily,
Do you have any idea how many pubs Jacks and I had to hit New Year's Eve to find those dancers? I had a roaring headache all day yesterday, and then up early today to gather those terpsichorean rosebuds from the night before. You sound strangely more like your mother every day. I even suspect it may be she who has been sending me these acid notes, so little of the Emily I fondly remember do I find here.
By the way, my mercurial little kumquat, I think you would be most particularly luscious joining the ladies in a bar or two, musical or spirited.
Hoping that you'll have a change of heart--really!
Edward
P.S. If you don't cut out this incessant carping, I shall seek auditory revenge of the most droning kind.
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
dear Jackie you suddenly become preoccupied with breasts and acquainted with "ladies" of dubious virtue? Wha...? Why,...I resemble that remark! [flouncing out of the room e]
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