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Sent to me by a friend still toiling in the media vineyard.
New Words for the Twenty-first Century Workplace
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
MOUSE POTATO: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SQUIRT THE BIRD: To transmit a signal to a satellite.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPED OUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
TOURISTS: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
ALPHA GEEK: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
CHIPS & SALSA: Chips = hardware, Salsa = software.
"Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, "We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him, he's 404, man."
GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints,strip malls,subdivisions. Used as in "We were so lost in Generica that I forgot what city we were in."
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
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Carpal Tunnel
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wow, a memorable list and a clever one! Thanks for the little education. Wish I had some in exchange, but I do have, at least, a story about an orangutang:
Several years back I took a group of school children to D.C. to visit the zoo. There we saw an orangutang exhibition in which we witnessed an orangutang learning how to read symbols from a touch-screen computer. If the organgutang could correctly match a picture of a certain type of fruit with a symbol for the fruit, it would receive an edible reward. The orangutang had mastered many symbols in its reading vocabulary, and we were impressed. But most impressive were the times the orangutang chose the incorrect symbol, thereby receiving no edible reward. In such instances, the orangutang would commence beating upon the huge touch-screen of the computer. It was one of the funniest sights I've ever seen yes, I've lived a sheltered life, though I'm not an orangutang--beast meeting language and technology, then reverting to bestial instincts when the dadburned thing wouldn't work.
Now I've got a word for what the orangutang was accomplishing: percussive maintenance.
Best regards,
DubDub
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Great list!  Thanks. 404's been brought up before, but I was too clueless to know what it meant...  Now: wow, a memorable list and a clever one! Thanks for the little education. Wish I had some in exchange, but I do have, at least, a story about an orangutangWell, now, DoubleDub, there's a logical follow-up if ever I saw one... I can identify with the term generica, and I imagine CK can, too. On a recent trip out of town, I saw block after block, all of the same stores we have here. tsuwm, I homage you by acknowledging that you are our alpha geek. [irony e] Anyone who doesn't get the irony, feel free to ask. Y'all know, we never DID settle on an icon for irony, did we?
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I was thinkin' tsuwm would be our *omega geek, but my patience seems to *be askew. Jackie - Good to see you changed your name back. Hi, WO'N
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Jackie - Good to see you changed your name back. No,no,no, musick!...take another look around. Our sweet Jackie never has to be anybody but herself! Who else could she be?  Viewing Another Missing...(there's a little clue in that)
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orangutan from the Malay/Indonesian for jungle/forest person.
orangutang would mean person in debt. (utang = debt)
Bingley
Bingley
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Our sweet Jackie never has to be anybody but herself! Who else could she be? Viewing Another Missing...(there's a little clue in that) Why, thank you, Sweet WO'N! But, aren't you having kind of a reversal?
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Pooh-Bah
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Thank you, wow - a truly ecucational list. I particularly relate to "percussive maintenance," which I have used for many years; long before becoming involved with the magical abacus. The most often used item in my motor maintenance kit was a four-pound lump hammer. "Generica" is common in the UK as well; the high street of any town is virtually identical to that of any other. The very few that have remained individual are well visited, and are able to charge higher prices. My own contribution to the list is one in common use over here, "MUSHROOM MANAGEMENT," which is where the bosses keep you in the dark and feed you on a dialy basis with large quantities of bull-shit.
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Pooh-Bah
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Thank you, wow - a truly ecucational list. I particularly relate to "percussive maintenance," which I have used for many years; long before becoming involved with the magical abacus. The most often used item in my motor maintenance kit was a four-pound lump hammer. "Generica" is common in the UK as well; the high street of any town is virtually identical to that of any other. The very few that have remained individual are well visited, and are able to charge higher prices. My own contribution to the list is one in common use over here:- "MUSHROOM MANAGEMENT," which is where the bosses keep you in the dark and feed you on a daily basis with large quantities of bull-shit.
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old hand
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MOUSE POTATO: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
I've always thought of them as MONITOR LIZARDS
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The most often used item in my
motor maintenance kit was a four-pound lump hammer.
You mean the one made of lead that was supplied with those infernal Dunlop knockoff wheels - the ones one couldn't knock off, but would frequently FALL off on their own at inopportune times? THAT four-pounder?
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Pooh-Bah
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That's the one. It would repair most known and all unknown faults, especially non-starting engines. After I while, I only had to get it out of the boot, and the car would start again.
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Monitor lizards?! HA! [slurping-a-fly e]
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Humph. Kids, just kids.
In MY day my MG-YT roadster came equipped with a solid copper hammer. The furnishing of lead hammers marked a severe downturn in the capacity of the British sports car to enthrall those persons of the XY persuasion.
Said car, called Toad because of its resemblance to the car driven by Mr. Toad in The Wind in the Willows, also had a built-in jacking system, with a large perpendicular hydraulic cylinder bolted to the frame near each wheel. Of all the odd things I remember about this car, the one of which I was fondest was the little cat's-eye at the top of the two running lights. Each lens, which was glass, said King of the Road around the circumference, scarcely more than an inch or so around.
I weep every time I recall in my mind the sound of the crankshaft breaking while under no particular strain at all.
TEd
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I weep every time I recall in my mind the sound of the crankshaft breaking while under no particular strain at all.
Either you're much older than you let on, Ted, or said automobile was well past its prime upon your acquiring it.
In any case, I'm surprised that your recollection wasn't somewhat lower in your anatomy, considering the riding qualities of said vehicle.
Geoff, the former BMC-trained mechanic (Which explains some of my odd tics and dementia)
This reminds me of the time I had to fabricate a new generator bracket for a Lotus. Upon presenting the owner with the bill, I inquired if he attanded yoga classes, and, when told to assume the Lotus Position, he sat with his arms outstretched and his feet pinched together. The owner, still looking at his bill, bent over at the waist, exposing his derriere, and said, "Oh, no, THIS is the Lotus position!"
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Pooh-Bah
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Either you're much older than you let on, Ted, or said automobile was well past its prime upon your acquiring it.
No, no, Geoff - the MG-YT was produced, in small numbers, between 1949 (I think - might have been '50 before the tourer came out - but the saloon version was definitely late '40s) until about 1953. There were only about 800 produced altogether - I have exact figures at home, but not here at work. Most went to America, but quite a few went to Oz and Zild. It was designed in 1939, but the World War got in the way of production. The MG-Y series was brought out as a stop-gap until they could produce something a bit more modern - which was the MG-Z saloon, a very curvy looking beast with a far-too-small engine for its body weight. But the Y series were beautiful cars, and I can totally understand and empathise with TEd's tears when it broke down so terminally. (actually, spares and repairs were not too expensive over here and the XPAG 1249cc engine was very easy to work on - but that was possibly not the case in US of A.) [/motor buff long bore]
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Dear long bore...no, wait--that was a rifle, sorry! Only 800 made? Wow, that's not many. Did you used to have one? Do the letters MG stand for anything? Are they still made?
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Oh, thanks, Bingley. I won't make that orangutan mistake again, intentionally.
According to the AHD I've here at school, either spelling is fine with your correction the preferred, but mine is acceptable, too, because of too many who've made mistakes, such as I. Also, in the etymological breakdown, it shows orang/man and hutan/jungle from Malaysian. No mention of the orangutang of much debt and high interest, at least in this quarter.
(It might be fun to write some verse using all these variations along with orange, tan, tonne, ton, tune, Iran, a tongue, ting, tang, Tang ----possibilities would be humorous and endless.)
WW
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orang is better translated person than man because it can refer to anybody of any age or sex, i.e., man the species. Man in the sense of adult male human would be lelaki (actually male, adult is assumed unless you say different, lelaki = man, anak lelaki = man child = boy).
Bingley
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Yes to both questions, Jackie. I had the saloon version (sedan version, to you USns) of the same model - also very rare. MG stands for Morris Garages, which was the name of a car dealer selling Morris motor cars in the 1920s and '30s. Their head Salesperson, Cecil Kimber, produced an alternative body for the old Morris Cowley (another fine motor!) and labelled it witht the initials of the firm. It sold well, so the exercise was repeated with many of the Morris cars over the years. Occasionally, MG have brought out a model that wasn't "badge engineered" (i.e., a standard chassis with a sexier body - and probably a higher tuned engine) - notably the MGA of the 1960s (although that shared many mechanical parts with other BMC cars. The MG-Y series was based on the 1937(?) Morris Ten chassis, but with a totally new body and trim. Its engine (the XPAG,) which was a fine piece of engineering, derived from a design by Wolsley Cars, which had become part of the same firm in the late '30s. The current offering of MG (now owned by Rover Cars) is the MGF, which is alos an individual design, but using a tuned version of one of the Rover engines. They have also just brought out some MG-badged, tuned versions of one of the Rover Saloons, in the original traditions of Cecil Kimber. (To those who find this boring, blame Jackie for putting the nickel in my slot!)
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Edited out repetitionWhoops! once of that one is more than enough - don't know how I managed to post it twice -it wasn't that good! 
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Morris Garages
For heaven's sake--how prosaic! I always imagined it must have stood for something exotic. Thanks, Rhuby.
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At least Morris Garages is no more boring than FIAT or BMW, and much more pronounceable that the name that is behind SAAB, Jackie! I think VW are probably the most interesting initials for a car manufacturer - all of the rest are basically mundane descriptions of who makes it or where it is made.
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All right, now...you knew you'd get me to ask, with that little teaser, now didn't you? I have heard that BMW stands for Behold My Wheels, but. What are FIAT and SAAB? I have also received a request to ask you about a Morgan, which I had rather thought was a breed of horse.
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Sorry it has taken so long to respond - I've not looked at the board for a week. Of course, Jackie, you could have LIU ! But to save you the trouble: Fabricca Italiana di Automobili - Torino. In other words, the Italian Car Plant in Turin. Svenska Aeroplan Akti bolaget has a more racy feel to it, I'll admit, but it's still just a description of where the car is made - the Swedish Aeroplane Factory. Morgan cars are a small, independent manufacturer with a workshop in the little country town of Malvern, in South-West England. They buy-in engines from other manufacturers and put them into exciting sports chassis. They are very desirable; I believe the waiting list for a new one is over two years at the moment - and people will gladly wait that long for such a quality car! The original Morgans were three-wheel sports cars using Matchless or J.A.P. motor-bike engines. If you're stuck for my Christmas present, one of these will do nicely, thank, you
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If you're stuck for my Christmas present, one of these will do nicely, thank, you Reckon it'll be Christmas 2003 at least, then!
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Fix It Again, Tony
--------
For Old Retired Drivers
Found On the Road Dead
Fix Or Repair Daily
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Big Money Wheels
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Don't forget that the "Alfa" in "Alfa Romeo" is also an acronym
For what, Max?
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beware car-buff postMy dear Jackie, I'm shocked! I had no idea you drive naked! 
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Whoa, thanks, Max. Sorry I have such a poor memory. And, Sweet WO'N--there's a LOT about me that you don't know!
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I've got a Peugeot 406 GLX 2 litre saloon which is currently doing about 180 miles a day. It may be built in Coventry, but it has built-in quality, something signally lacking in the slew of Rovers and Vauxhalls littering Britain's roads. In some cases literally. End of car stuff ...
A new work place word for you all. It is (hold your breath) dewank. It arose at an analysts' meeting held yesterday at my newish place of employment to consider a job description. Such meetings make me feel ancient, because I think I could give 10 years to the next oldest member of the team.
One analyst (a bloke) described it as "wanky". Another analyst (a woman [of the female persuasion]) offered to "dewank" it. An email was duly circulated late this afternoon with the subject title DEWANKED JD. The attached JD document was similarly entitled "Dewanked JD". Comments were emailed among nearly 40 analysts talking about this or that item requiring more or less dewanking.
The lady in question duly entered the task in her timesheet as "dewankification".
Rarely, in my experience, has a word taken on such a clearly new meaning and gone into general use at such a pace. The entire firm now knows about it because someone put it up on the intranet under "Education"!
As a further aside, it's interesting that the email Nazi didn't clamp down on it. It does on damned near everything else.
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Quite p;robably because it's a Wank(el) engine?
TEd, who just joined the rotary
TEd
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I know what a wanker is, but.Dewanking is either painful or a repair job, or possibly both, however, it isn't very *clear at this juncture.
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Working for a computer manufacturing company with ISP and satellite communication divisions, we run across MANY instances where our customers' "problems" are of their own making, reflecting their lack of skill with the technology.
I heard a term somewhere in my travels and have introduced it here. It's a little easier to use and much less inflammatory than "user error" whilst within earshot of the customer...
CBLFE - Carbon Based Life Form Error
stales
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CBLFE... I like it! The others I've heard that stuck with me were the "I-D-ten-T error" ID10T..., and the "chair/keyboard interface malfunction". So rude, and yet so true. 
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Rhuby et al
I am simply bursting to show you (and whomever else may be interested) a pic of my classic. Please email me (see profile) and I'll send a pic.
She's a 1964 Holden "EH" model - generally acknowledged as the most popular car ever built in Australia - then and now. (Ford drivers would dispute this but, being Ford drivers, they aren't capable or qualified to have an opinion.)
Modelled upon the Chevvies of that time the EH was the first to offer GM's whopping big (tongue in cheek emoticon) 149ci 6 cylinder motor!!! This block served as the basis for all subsequent holdens until the mid seventies - though its standard displacement grew to 202ci.
I drive it daily and you'd be amazed at the amount of people that stop me to reminisce about the one they had - or their Dad had (or they had their first sexual encounter in the back seat!!). I have to allow an extra ten minutes when I go to the shops because there's always somebody that wants to look under the hood or have a chat. Funny thing you know, I used to drive a V6 SAAB that cost around US$26,000 and nobody gave a rat's arse. The Old Girl on the other hand is worth around US$5,000 and everybody wants to be my friend!!
stales
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