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Joined: Aug 2000
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2000
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SIX minutes!!!!!! That's it, Bub--
no more hiding your light under a bushel--EVER again, do
you hear me? And I mean thatSorry to disappoint you, Jackie, but you should know better than most what a Clayton's IQ test that was. Like I said, I got through in 6 minutes by guessing any question smacking of geometry or the like. The true/false setup meant that I stood a good chance of guessing at least some of them right, which would help inflate my score. While my closest friends at school were all in the 175-185 range, I have never even managed to complete a proper IQ test, my dear MM. 
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 163
member
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This is something that was sent to me years ago. It, like most things received via e-mail, is supposedly true. Since I have received in two or three different forms and nationalities, I somewhat doubt it. It is however, very witty and very British.
The British Military writes EPR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for the Royal Navy and Royal Marine reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....
-His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
-I would not breed this officer.
-This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be.
-When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
-He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
-He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
-Technically sound, but socially impossible.
-The officer reminds me of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really getting anywhere.
-The young lady has delusions of adequacy.
-When he joined my ship, this officer was already something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
-This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
-Since my last report he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
-She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
-He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
-This officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
-In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
-This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
-The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
-Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....Oh, Rousp.! What howlers! Thank you! "Rock bottom and has started to dig..." Ow, my stomach!  Reminds me of the list of insurance company accident excuses that came out some years ago. One of them was, "The pedestrian couldn't make up his mind which way to go, so I hit him." Another said the tree jumped in front of him.
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146 |
This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
Is this a criticism or just a comment about a normal naval officer?
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 387
enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 387 |
In reply to:
221 Baker (it is 221? any irregulars out there?)
It's 221B Baker street. The White house thing is a bit unfair. We know 10 Downing street and the White House, but all I know about the Canadian capital is that I could get there fast.
jimthedog
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,156
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,156 |
Well, the white house question stalled me a bit, because the words were "foot, stop, white" and "ball, light, house". My thought process was 1) football - definitely a word, 2) stoplight - definitely a word, 3) whitehouse (pause in confusion) no, not a word. Oohhh...maybe they mean WhiteHouse. Do they? It's probably an American website. Yes, they probably mean WhiteHouse. Okay, I will check true, even though I don't agree with it.
Anyway, all that thinking for that one certainly slowed me down. And our PM lives at 24 Sussex Drive, and the leader of the Opposition lives in Stornoway, I believe. Any Canadians out there want to confirm/deny that?
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
Sorry to disappoint you, Jackie, but you should know better than most what a Clayton's IQ test that was. Like I said, I got through in 6 minutes by guessing any question smacking of geometry or the like. The true/false setup meant that I stood a good chance of guessing at least some of them right, which would help inflate my score. While my closest friends at school were all in the 175-185 range, I have never even managed to complete a proper IQ test, my dear MM.
Damn it, Max! (Now see, if I swear, you know I am really upset.) I don't give a bleep about whether you've
"completed" any particular test or not. You're smart, dammit, and don't argue with me about that any more!
To borrow a line from The Secret Garden, if you do, I shall
laugh.
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439 |
Rouspeteur: Thanks for that. Copied and sent to son, a Major. Since he has to write efficiency reports I am sure he will get a chuckle or two. I did.
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,542
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,542 |
In reply to:
Elvis Costello has a song (title of which eludes me, naturally - Faldage, fill in this blank too?) in which he describes someone as being "a few chips shy of a fish supper."
I don't know how this connects, so I won't but post the link...
http://www.sincity.com/teller/articles/juliet.html
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 544
addict
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addict
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 544 |
Thank you, thank you, thank you, tsuwm.
I tried and tried to remember the song that had those words, and could not - you dredged up the very New Yorker piece from which I gleaned them years ago.
I've always admired your ability to expiscate appropriate oddities from the messy tangle of this here internet thingy, but now you're fishing them out from the even more tightly tangled mess of neurons walled in behind my Neanderthal skull. Cool, but somewhat scary.
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