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Anonymous
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my husband's office answering message is a grammatical nightmare, and since he's asked me to be the new voice on the recorder (oh yay!~ immortalization!~) to replace the mechanical-sounding male voice that came with the system, i thought perhaps this would be a good time to correct the language issues.
This is how it 'reads' now:
Thank you for calling [name] manufacturing. if you know the extension number of the party you wish to speak to, you may enter it at any time.
for sales press 2
for accounting press 4
for shipping press 5
to reach a directory by first name press 7
otherwise for further assistance press zero or simply stay on the line
thank you
anyone have time to offer a better one, that still gives all of the horrible options (that part is a necessary evil)? brevity is the goal, considering the high irritation factor inherent in these impersonal systems.
TIA
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Not much improvement to be made--
but maybe if you know the extension number of the party or department you want, press it now. Or listen to the menu and press the extention you want at any time.
and then
Sales (Dept.) 2
accounting (dept) 4
shipping (dept.) 5
a directory by first name 7
Press is a bit redundant-- and fewer word get you out of the Menu faster--
You might also offer a
To hear this menu again, 9
with a pause between Sales and the stating number 2.-- or any of the numbers...
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I don't know, as far as voice mail messages go, theirs isn'r bad, but how about:
Welcome to [name] manufacturing. You may enter an extension number at any time.
to reach the sales department, press 2
to reach the accounting department, press 4
to reach the shipping department, press 5
to reach a directory organized by first name, press 7
If you need further assistance, press zero or stay on the line.
Thank you for calling [name] manufacturing.
I figure if people know someone's extension, they know how one of these systems work, and don't need the detailed directions. THat's the best I can do. Good luck, and you'll have to give us all the number so we can hear your dulcet tones!
Flatlander
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A couple of important additions that should be made.
Your call is very important to us and will be answered in the order in which it was received in. If you are unable to withstand the constant interruptions to the irritating background music you will soon be hearing in which we will be repeating our assurances as to the importance of your call to us, we suggest you call one of our competitors at which time you will come to realize that this is the best you are going to get. If you think things were better in the old days when you could talk to a real human being then you do not realize that we do not and we will not pay our receptionists enough to make it worth their while being interrupted while they are being used by the executives to perform all the little nagging tasks that the executives could be doing themselves in this day of personal computers and easy to understand coffee makers. If you still insist on speaking to a real human being press 0 and you will be disconnected. Thank you for calling [name] manufacturing and have a good day.
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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Talking hierarchy, these posts are more eyes than thread; since there's no place else, I'll go to the top.
Flatlander's got it for the real world small business *operator*. A little more verbiage gives the caller some time to figure out what the hell they're doing.
But for real world experience calling in, Faldage has it HANDS DOWN! I fell off my chair (and plan to sue)!
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Faldage's telephone message
I love it!! LMAO!
Just the other day I received this suggestion for a home telephone answering machine:
Hello. We are not answering any calls right now because there's someone we are avoiding. Please leave a message at the beep so we can get back to you. If we don't call you back, you're the one.
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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You *guys* are breakin' me up!!!
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Carpal Tunnel
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Awhile back my telephone with the answer option broke.
Because I was busy with other things I didn't have time to replace it.
It took about a week but I suddenly realized life is a lot less stressed and a great deal more peaceful without it.
Those long automated messages drive me mad!
I can hear the chinkle chinkle as my coins slip into the hands of the phone company if it's long distance and the whoooooosh as my time disappears on the local calls.
I opt for shortest message possible.
wow
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>Awhile back my telephone with the answer option broke.
>Because I was busy with other things I didn't have time to replace it.
>It took about a week but I suddenly realized life is a lot less stressed and a great deal more peaceful without it.
Once when I wanted to avoid getting called in for overtime (after four consecutive 12-hour night shifts and with my finacée visiting) I taped tha standard phone company message, "You have dialed a number to which long distance is required" that you get when trying to use local dialing to get a long-distance number within the same area code.
I found out when I went back to work that they had tried to phone me, but when they dialed normally they got the long-distance error message and when they dialed using "1" before the number they were told that it was a local call and they didn't need to dial "1". I never did tell them what I did, just in case I needed to use it again.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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"You have dialed a number to which long distance is required"
GREAT! Laughed out loud! You're my kinda' guy!
wow
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While we're on such phoney matters - how long before the computer gives up trying? The last several days I've come home to the same computerized message on my answering machine wherein the mechanical (or digitized?) voice mispronounces not my Polish last name but my fairly ordinary first. Don't know if this qualifies as a rant, but it's at least a pet peeve: I DETEST computerized calling and cannot imagine anyone being so desperate as to return a call from a computer! Particularly when it gives only a number, no company, no reason for the call, no nothing. Grrrr  .
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I like 'em really pithy (surprise!). if you can give them the repeat menu option I would go with Flatlander's, but winnow out even more words; to wit:
Welcome to [name] manufacturing. You may enter an extension number at any time.
to reach the sales department, press 2
for accounting, press 4
for shipping, press 5
for a directory organized by first(??) name, press 7
If you need further assistance, press zero or stay on the line.
Thank you for calling [name] manufacturing.
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Yup, I'm with tsuwm on this one. The shorter the message the better. It is a chore having to wait through loads of useless information. Just make sure you enunciate so that people don`t have to redial just to understand what you said.
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Carpal Tunnel
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We had an answerphone for many years. When it finally gave up the ghost we decided not to replace it for a while and see if the world fell apart. It didn't. We've never replaced it.
However, I have always admired the message that Kris Kristofersson(?sp) had on an answering machine in a movie (he was a forest ranger in a tower). It simply said "Speak!" They don't come any pithier, do they?
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Carpal Tunnel
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Tsuwm has it just about perfect. And the note about enunciating is spot on! I find it annoying that some machine voices do not take into consideration that you may have a phone with the dial buttons IN the handset ... so have to take the handset away from your ear to punch a number and in the two seconds it takes to get the handset back to your ear the NEXT instruction is half done! Arrrrggghhh. No way to fix that, I guess. Can't imagine they haven't thought of that circumstance and failed to correct it.  I know that the answer is for caller to use a set with the buttons on a separate unit of the telephone. But not always possible ... friend's home...hotel... wow
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Pooh-Bah
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they don't come any pithier fitting that the pithiest would be in a wood
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YARTalert
I plead guilty and throw myself on thr mercy of the court. I received this from a friend of mine in an email and entirely forgot that it had already appeared here, I was so busy laughing.
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>>>in the two seconds it takes to get the handset back to your ear ... No way to fix that, I guess.<<<
that should be easy to fix. record a second or 2 of nothing before you begin the message.
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Carpal Tunnel
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When I worked for Xerox, I was in the field. In NYC, Xerox had a number of field office, that Xerox employees used as lunch rooms. These facilities had phones, but the numbers were not listed as "Xerox", so customer did not know the number.
Sometimes, managers tried to reach employees at the field offices to alert them to hot calls. Technicians who wanted to have a work free lunch hour disliked the interruption.
One technician was beeped by a manager, but wanted to wait till he had finished lunch before taking any calls.
A few minutes later, the field office phone rang– the tech suspected it was the manager. He answered the phone, and spoke in a very mechanical way
"You have reached a non working tech rep at a Xerox field Office. If you wish to speak to a working tech rep, please call (the 800 # for service) or try again later."
and then hung up!
The phone rang again, repeatedly for several minutes– before the noise bothered me. I answered the phone, all sweetness and light. The manager at the other end was hopping mad– and wanted to know who else was in the office. I lied– and said "no one" and then he asked if I had seen anyone exiting the office. I commented that I came to the site a few minutes ago, but had first gone to the Ladies room to wash my hands, and when I entered the office, no one was in it, and the phone was ringing...
The other tech reps watched and listened as a blithely lied– the manager wanted to interrogate me, but I asked him "how long will this take? And how do I account for my time on my work sheet? Xerox business?" Since he was not my manager–he ended the call. And I ate my lunch.
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Anonymous
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thank you to all who provided input. the recording was accomplished yesterday* and was worded with the results of your combined efforts (btw, tsuwm, they were particularly fond of your "welcome to [name]" idea, to replace the redundant "Thank you for calling [name]". unfortunately, faldage, i wasn't able to incorporate your eruditions, but please don't hesistate to offer your assistance in the future . i really appreciate the help of all who posted  ~b *as an aside, when i finally arrived 35 minutes late, the phone tech gave no clue as to his preference for "you finally arrived" or "you've finally arrived", but i obviated his obligation to point out my rudeness by apologizing profusely as i rushed through the door with my three wee ones in tow (i didn't bother explaining that it was an interesting AWAD thread that kept me captivated for a bit too long  )
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