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#18885 - 02/16/01 11:12 AM Re: Heart-to-heart
My wife's aunt's third husband was a steel worker whose nickname was Lump-Lump. Lump was a large, heavy porcine individual who could be a lot of fun, but who was a dubious character most of the time.
On one famous occasion, he and a friend of his, named Louie, drove out to the country to see a mutual friend about some project or another, and as they were leaving, they noted a good-sized pig in an enclosure some distance from the house. Louie proposed to Lump that, since they couldn't be seen from the house, they should steal the pig. Lump was all for it, but the problem was how to transport it, since they were driving an ordinary sedan. They finally figured out that the only way they could get the pig into the car was to push it into the front seat between them (this was in the 50's and the car had the then-standard bench seat that went all the way across the front). They succeeded in getting the pig into the car and drove off.
As they were going down the road, at a fairly good clip so they could get the pig home before its absence was discovered, a police car came up behind them, lights flashing. Louie and Lump, not wanting to be found with a stolen pig, had to think fast what to do. Louie grabbed a blanket which was in the back seat and wrapped it around the pig's neck, and Lump grabbed his hat and jammed it down on the pig's head. The officer came up to the side of the car and asked to see Lump's license. After looking it over and telling Lump he was going a bit fast but he wasn't going to give him a ticket, he asked Lump, "Is that your brother on the seat beside you?" Lump replied that it was and he was feeling poorly and they were taking him home. The cop left, and they drove off, with Louie laughing so hard (he almost had a stroke trying not to laugh while the cop was within hearing range) that Lump had a hard time keeping the car on the road. Lump was so furious at being taken for the pig's brother that he stopped first chance he got and made Louie help him dump the pig in the field beside the road. He never lived down his familial resemblance.
#18886 - 02/18/01 04:55 PM Re: Heart-to-heart
Loc: Seattle, Washington, USA
"You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat"
You done tore out my heart
and stomped that sucker flat.
Darlin', you just sorta,
Mashed on my aorta.
You started steppin' out with other guys.
I played the part
Of a lovesick lonesome fool
Who got squashed upon his heart.
#18887 - 02/18/01 06:11 PM Re: Heart-to-heart
How about getting to the heart and soul of the matter.
#18888 - 02/18/01 10:05 PM Riposte to Father Steve
Loc: Louisville, Kentucky
(from memory, of course!)
[music note icon]
Well, the race is on,
and here comes Cryin' up the backstretch,
Heartache a-goin' to the inside;
My Tears a-holdin' back, tryin' not to fall;
My Heart's out of the runnin',
True Love('s back?) for another day.
Well the race is on and it looks like Heartache,
and the winner loses all.
[music note icon]
#18889 - 03/05/01 07:33 PM Re: Heart-to-heart
give him/her my heart
with all my heart
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