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#188582 - 01/02/10 08:57 AM we? us?
Owlbow Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 389
Loc: Rhode Island, USA
Happy New Year many of you!

I have a question, if you please.

In this sentence, from a short poem that I just wrote, is "we" correct? Should it be "us'?

You donít care, you have no imagination.
Yet you can remove, by mindless bluster, the common - all too common sorrow from we thoughtful human fools if we dare to face you, spread our quiescent wings, and let go.


Peace. Be well.

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#188584 - 01/02/10 09:09 AM Re: we? us? [Re: Owlbow]
zmjezhd Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/13/05
Posts: 3290
Loc: R'lyeh
Yet you can remove [...] the common [...] sorrow from we thoughtful human fools if we dare to face you

I'd use the form us as the pronoun is the object of the preposition from, it must bethe objective form, us. It sounds as bad as the hypercorrection between you and I.
_________________________
Ceci n'est pas un seing.

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#188585 - 01/02/10 10:14 AM Re: we? us? [Re: zmjezhd]
Buffalo Shrdlu Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 7210
Loc: Vermont
I like the sound of 'we thoughtful', but if you remove 'thoughtful human fools' it definitely should be us.
_________________________
formerly known as etaoin...

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#188586 - 01/02/10 03:14 PM Re: we? us? [Re: Buffalo Shrdlu]
Owlbow Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 389
Loc: Rhode Island, USA
Iím grateful to you both.

I liked the sound of we,
but us it will be.
Thanks for dispelling uncertainty.

(yes - I have a day job)

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#188587 - 01/02/10 06:42 PM Re: we? us? [Re: Owlbow]
twosleepy Offline
old hand

Registered: 02/28/08
Posts: 876
Loc: western NY
I agree with you that we sounds nicer. Do you think it helps to lessen the pain if you add a couple of commas, thereby causing the reader to pause slightly and blunt the awkward effect? Like this:

Yet you can remove, by mindless bluster, the common - all too common sorrow from us, thoughtful human fools, if we dare to face you, spread our quiescent wings, and let go.

It may change the meaning for you, I don't know. I must admit, I'd like to read the whole poem. Whomever you are writing this to cannot be much loved by you!

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#188588 - 01/02/10 06:54 PM Re: we? us? [Re: twosleepy]
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
It's interesting that the wrong choice sounds nicer to some. Just goes to show; linguistic change right before our very eyes.

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#188590 - 01/02/10 10:25 PM Re: we? us? [Re: Owlbow]
Jackie Offline

Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 11609
Loc: Louisville, Kentucky
Owlie!

we thoughtful human fools is the expected phrase if 'we' is the subject. But it's obvious that all too common sorrow from we is incorrect. It's also obvious what would be correct by mentally omitting a couple of words, as in 'all too common sorrow from we if we dare to face you'.

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#188591 - 01/03/10 09:23 AM Re: we? us? [Re: Jackie]
Owlbow Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 389
Loc: Rhode Island, USA
Thanks all,
I'm certainly always looking to lessen the pain!
Here's the whole thing - as it is this morning.

Must go shovel snow very soon.

Like to Sail


Are you trying to kill me with a windfall limb?
Help me fly a kite?
Push me down a city block even if I donít want to go that way?
Will you blow my love to me?
Blow them away?
But thanks for making so much kindling available.

I often mistake those pin oak leaves
That you push across my path,
Now east now west,
For skittering rodents,
Cute ones, terrified of being run over,
Like toads in a Spring rain.
Brown brittle leaves, done growing but still running.

You donít care, you have no imagination.
Yet you can remove, by mindless bluster,
The common - all too common sorrow
From us thoughtful human fools
If we dare to face you,
Spread our quiescent wings,
And let go.

Owlie 2010

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#188592 - 01/03/10 12:47 PM Re: we? us? [Re: Owlbow]
twosleepy Offline
old hand

Registered: 02/28/08
Posts: 876
Loc: western NY
Now it all makes sense, and fits perfectly! You are quite the poet, and you've got literary wings fit to challenge the wind... :0)

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#188594 - 01/03/10 03:37 PM Re: we? us? [Re: twosleepy]
Owlbow Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 389
Loc: Rhode Island, USA
Thanks again.
That's very flattering.

My younger son & wife don't like the title.
He says - don't have a title.
He may be right.

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