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#200905 - 07/01/11 09:27 PM Re: It isn't easy writing doggerel ! [Re: wofahulicodoc]
Avy old hand Registered: 06/23/00 Posts: 724	A parachute fell from the sky, Below was a sixty pig sty, Baked beans producing gas Exploded from their ass And proved that sixty pigs can fly. Not bad for a collective effort eh? Edit: except ass ahould have been plural but that would give one too many syllable. Any one have a solution for this? Edited by Avy (07/01/11 09:30 PM)
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#200906 - 07/01/11 09:43 PM Resident Troublemaker checking in [Re: Avy]
wofahulicodoc Carpal Tunnel Registered: 08/06/01 Posts: 3773 Loc: Worcester, MA	Quote: A parachute fell from the sky, Below was a sixty pig sty, Baked beans producing gas Exploded from their ass And proved that sixty pigs can fly. To polish up the rhythm slightly : A parachute fell from the sky. Below was a sixty-pig sty. Beans turned into gas Rushing out of their ass Showed us how to make sixty pigs fly. Rhyme scheme? Check. Rhythm? Check. Humor? Maybe. Of a sort. A question: What does the parachute have to do with anything? Could have equally been a parakeet, an elephant, The President, a barnicle, a bicycle, a Witherspoon, a Communist, or a Googolplex. We've got the notes right and the rhythm right, but I'm not sure it's music yet.
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#200907 - 07/01/11 10:13 PM Re: Resident Troublemaker checking in [Re: wofahulicodoc]
Avy old hand Registered: 06/23/00 Posts: 724	A farmer fell from the sky While feeding his sixty pig sty The beans and their gases Rushed out of their asses He witnessed his sixty pigs fly Kitem(what?) Moosic? Edited by Avy (07/01/11 10:16 PM)
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#200908 - 07/01/11 11:02 PM Re: Resident Troublemaker checking in [Re: Avy]
wofahulicodoc Carpal Tunnel Registered: 08/06/01 Posts: 3773 Loc: Worcester, MA	A farmer fell from the sky Here we're missing a syllable, and the rhythm stumbles. But at least the "faller" has some relevance now. It's not easy to get all the elements to be present at the same time ! For the fifth line - how about And he said, "Sure enough! Pigs may fly!" But somehow i'd like it to be about how he shows/teaches us how to make them do it. This way it's an accidental occurrence he happens to stumble across. (happens to fall into?)
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#200909 - 07/01/11 11:34 PM Re: Resident Troublemaker checking in [Re: wofahulicodoc]
Avy old hand Registered: 06/23/00 Posts: 724	The farmer fed beans to his sty And pushed the pigs out of the sky And when all the gases Escaped from their asses He said, "There you go! Pigs can fly." - This wofa is too exacting. I am thinking of resigning from this job. Edited by Avy (07/01/11 11:42 PM)
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#200910 - 07/02/11 01:11 AM Re: Resident Troublemaker checking in [Re: Jackie]
slowhand journeyman Registered: 04/05/11 Posts: 52	The farmer was looking into the sky As he fed beans to his pigs in the sty And when all the gases Escaped from there asses He thought, dang good job these pigs can't fly
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#200912 - 07/02/11 04:04 AM Re: It isn't easy writing doggerel ! [Re: wofahulicodoc]
Tromboniator addict Registered: 05/10/10 Posts: 690 Loc: Alaska	Wofa, I most respectfully challenge your rhythm analysis. Reduced to the simplest form, a limerick may be: Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam Bom ba da Bum Bom ba da Bum Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam You can add one or two unstressed syllables before the first stressed syllable of any or all lines, you can add one unstressed syllable after all the Bams, you can add one unstressed syllable after both Bums. In New York it's too hot to complain. I picked a big bunch of petunias. I hate it when teenagers swear. Felix the Cat drives me mad These are all legitimate A (or, in this case, Bam) lines for a limerick. And (please don't consider this as a complaint or attack, I merely point this out) my line Underneath it a sixty-ton sty. exactly fits your ba da BOM ba da BOM ba da A. I wholeheartedly approve of your change from "ton" to "pig." Edit: Actually, you can add two unstressed syllables after Bam. Difficult, but possible. I haven't delved into the rhyme question yet! Edited by Tromboniator (07/02/11 04:24 AM)
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#200913 - 07/02/11 04:09 AM Re: Resident Troublemaker checking in [Re: Avy]
Tromboniator addict Registered: 05/10/10 Posts: 690 Loc: Alaska	Originally Posted By: Avy This wofa is too exacting. No, he's not. If the rhythm is wrong it ain't a limerick. Originally Posted By: Avy I am thinking of resigning from this job. Don't you dare!
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#200916 - 07/02/11 05:06 AM Re: Pigs Flying [Re: slowhand]
Candy Pooh-Bah Registered: 09/21/10 Posts: 1705 Loc: down under	I'd like to see the last line say that the pigs flew The farmer was looking into the sky As he fed beans to his pigs in the sty And when all the gases Escaped from there asses He thought, if I light-up now, those pigs will fly
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#200917 - 07/02/11 09:03 AM Re: It isn't easy writing doggerel ! [Re: Tromboniator]
wofahulicodoc Carpal Tunnel Registered: 08/06/01 Posts: 3773 Loc: Worcester, MA	Originally Posted By: Tromboniator Wofa, I most respectfully challenge your rhythm analysis. Reduced to the simplest form, a limerick may be: Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam Bom ba da Bum Bom ba da Bum Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam You can add one or two unstressed syllables before the first stressed syllable of any or all lines, you can add one unstressed syllable after all the Bams, you can add one unstressed syllable in both Bums. (or even two sometimes) To keep the original post short I didn't list all possibe exceptions. You're right in every particular.
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