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#169272 - 07/17/07 01:44 PM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: BranShea]
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes!

TEd (no relation) - ya sed it on a plat fer sure.

Branshea - thanks a millin fer the potta jam stuff - we ate it fer sure and it done wonders fer the fur on our tongues.

Faldage - I'd love ta be around more but I had ta spend the past few weeks learen the Latin fer ta unravel yer quote on the other thread, will ya just translate it fer me so that I can confirm that I'm right again.

Be seein ya

GT

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#169286 - 07/17/07 08:36 PM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: GallantTed]
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
Be glad to, Ted. What was it I wrote?

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#169294 - 07/18/07 01:26 PM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: Faldage]
Owlbow Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 389
Loc: Rhode Island, USA
Thanks for the multiple laughs Teds et al
'always a pleasure

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#170832 - 10/23/07 06:28 PM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: Owlbow]
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things?

In tadayís cut throat society when everybody would give their high teeth and their right arm Ė not ta mention take the eye outta yer hed - just fer ta keep up with the Jonses, itís just grate ta see that a brand new book on the subject entitled, "How ta Get Ahed" has been published by none other then me very wordy pal, Albear Camoo. And the letters a gratitude what we received from greatfull readers only speek volums on how awe-inspirenly brillant this opus actually is. For example:

Dear Ted

I read your column with great pleasure and interest every week and think itís the best thing since super glue. Keep up the good work and I have to agree with you, that without a doubt Goldilocks is indeed a proper galloping trollop Ö (and all that sorta stuff Ė the writer doesnít quiet stop there but outta modesty Iíll get ta his pint quick Ė GTed).

Please, please pass on my heartiest congratulations to your little pal, Albear Camoo, for his remarkable new book, "How to Get Ahead". I followed all his tips and advice to the very letter and Ted, and cannot begin to explain how my life has turned around for the better. Although, all of the book was most helpful and stimulating, I personally found the following tips to be totally awe-inspiring:

In order to get ahead you must: 1. Keep your finger on the pulse. 2. Keep your shoulder to the wheel. 3. Keep your back covered. 4. Keep trouble at arms length. 5. Keep your feet on the ground. 6. Have a hard neck. 7. Always have a leg to stand on. 8. Get your foor in the door, but never put it in it. 9. Even when times get tough, never throw your hand in.

Well, Ted, as soon as I put the above tips into practice I met, what I can only describe as, my other half. I have never been happier, and at last I feel like a complete person. Of course, sometimes we argue over the best bits of this wonderful book!!! My significant other found the chapter called How to Achieve the Perfect Body to be a great help in their own personal quest for perfection and recommends the following tips: 1. Keep your nose clean and to the grindstone. 2. Keep your ear to the ground. 3. Keep an eye out. 4. Keep your mouth shut. 5. Keep your head above water.

These tips never quite worked for me, Ted, but then again, they do say that opposites attract!

Signed: George (formally known as the Headless Horseman)

Well there ye have it fokes - certainly a case of a old sock meeten a old shoe, and all because a Albear's grate new book ta boot.

Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#170836 - 10/23/07 11:34 PM Re: Happy Easter everyone [Re: GallantTed]
themilum Offline
veteran

Registered: 05/25/02
Posts: 1529
Loc: Aladamnbama the most watered s...
Grate review Ted, you have no peer among bear raconteurs!

Now stay out of Slashers Bar and follow every salient pint Albear Camoo has made in his soon-to-be-grate book.

Except one. Please promise us that you'll never, never, heed Camoo's advice number 4. Keep your mouth shut.

Without your careful explaining Ted, some folks here might think that Goldilocks was as sweet and innocent as was ( may hallowed be his name) Saint Patrick.

Besides, you make us laugh and laugh and laugh.



Edited by themilum (10/23/07 11:39 PM)

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#170843 - 10/24/07 07:55 AM Re: Happy Hallo Again [Re: GallantTed]
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Thanks Ted , after I've stopped laughing (may take a while) I will pass on your hearty column to non AWAD reading friends and family. Specially to the ones that are being harassed by undeserving types of managers of all kinds.With the support of Camoo's book they we be able to trade places in no time,I trust, or find the courage to take the giant leap to insecurity and start a deserving little business of their own.

Glad to see you all made it through the lousy summer.

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#172802 - 01/22/08 04:46 PM Re: Happy Hallo Again [Re: BranShea]
GallantTed Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/07/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Ireland
Howye fokes! How is things?

Browsen thru me Tedasaurus - the ancient booka Teds what I inherited from me wordy fourbears - I came across a very interesten account on Young Ted the Scientist what is renound fer finally solven the mind bogglen riddle a the chicken and the egg.

Ya see, he lived back duren the Age a Enlightenmint when alla the grate minds a the day spent their time sitten around inventen things and discussen the Grate Questions what was befuddlen everyone at the time. And every year they held a big huge compitition ta see who had the best mind a them all.

Anyways, one year Young Ted entered his invention a the instant camera and was laffed and jeered outta it by his peers at such a stupid idea Ė itís reported that Mona Lisa herself even nearly broke inta a smile at the absurd notion a such a thing, especially when she herd that there wasnít even a phone attatched ta it.

Well, after that me wordy forebear, what was by now totally bankrupt, spent his days tryen ta regain his losses by gamblen, boozen and general carrousen. And one day whilst returnen home, he happened upon a grate debate what was happenen in the village square. Alla the grate minds were there goen hammer and tongs, hell fer leather and fire and brimstone arguenen over which came first Ė The Chicken or The Egg. And there was a big huge prize fer the person what could prove the right answer, ta boot.

So up steps Young Ted and announces that neither The Chicken or the Egg came first Ė but in fact it was a ded heat between them. Well, ya can imagine the boos, jeers and rotten tomatas what assaulted the poor little bear at maken such a totally ludacris statemint. But then didnít the little fella produce a photysnap showen a photy finish from the 3.30 at races The Curragh, where nose-ta-nose, The Chicken and The Egg finished at exactly the same pint in the race.

And as there was no arguen with that hard-nosed proof fer sure, Young Ted won the big huge prize and happily lived out the resta his days doen what he did best Ė gamblen, boozen and general carrousen. By the way, a hoss called The Lame Duck came third.

Be seein ya

GallantTed

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#172805 - 01/22/08 07:30 PM Re: Happy Hallo Again [Re: GallantTed]
Faldage Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 13803
Always good to hear from you GT. You don't come around near often enough.

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#172831 - 01/23/08 09:35 AM Re: Happy Hallo Again [Re: GallantTed]
BranShea Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5282
Loc: Netherlands, the Hague
Quote:
itís reported that Mona Lisa herself even nearly broke inta a smile ( * \/ * )

Great, Ted!
There's been thousands of comments (in image and word) on the most famous of all smiles in history, but this one I had not yet met with.

Second, it's good to know Young Ted used his wit to get some substancial benefits. (I knew sooner or later he'd be allright)


Edited by BranShea (01/23/08 09:37 AM)

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#172860 - 01/25/08 12:21 AM Re: Happy Hallo Again [Re: GallantTed]
themilum Offline
veteran

Registered: 05/25/02
Posts: 1529
Loc: Aladamnbama the most watered s...
Ah Ted, you had me going there for a minute. But then it struck me; you were, of course, speaking allegorically. Your example of a horse race between three horses named "Chicken", "Egg" and "Lame Duck" tri-actively symbolized a quintessential question, namely, "Which came first? The Chicken or the Egg, or the "Lame Duck".

You are brilliant. In your compendium the so-called "chicken" is within its own self a representation of the so-called "egg"... inasmuch as both are good to eat.

And as for the so-called "Lame Duck" it is, in fact, a "Lame Duck". Gallant Ted included a lame duck to remind us to be kind to our web footed friends; because the duck might be somebody's brother, who lives all alone in the swamp, where it's cold and damp.
You may think that this is the end...well it ain't.

I want to add that I am what I am today because of the inchoate yet inaesthetic stories of the inestimable Gallant Ted.


Edited by themilum (01/26/08 10:05 AM)

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