#15274 - 01/11/01 09:57 AM
Medical malapropisms
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 01/05/01
Posts: 1814
Loc: Spam Factory
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Folks here at AWAD might enjoy some of the funny things that are occasionally heard here at our medical center. For example, I have been told more than once by a patient that he had been feeling "nauserated" before he actually "vomicked." "Fibroids of the uterus" has been transformed into "fireballs of the Eucharist" supposedly, although I have never heard anyone say this myself. And of course there's the reliable "Old Timer's Disease" (Alzheimer's Disease) which actually makes a lot of sense.
I wonder if anyone else out there has any other medical malapropisms to share?
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#15275 - 01/11/01 10:35 AM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 11/25/00
Posts: 3439
Loc: New England, USA
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"The room-attics" for rheumatism. "Arthur-itis" for arthritis and last but not least : "A cardiac fraction" for a myocardial infarction.  wow
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#15276 - 01/11/01 11:33 AM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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veteran
Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 1289
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I know I'll think of some when I have some time to think, but I have to share a peculiarity of Baltimorese: appendix is often a plural noun, as in, "She had to have her appendix out; they were badly infected."
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#15278 - 01/11/01 01:21 PM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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addict
Registered: 12/14/00
Posts: 544
Loc: San Francisco, CA
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John Updike writes about someone suffering from "Al's Hammer Disease"
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#15280 - 01/13/01 06:11 PM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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old hand
Registered: 11/12/00
Posts: 819
Loc: Portland,Oregon, USA
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I wonder if anyone else out there has any other medical malapropisms to share?
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I thought that a medical malaprop had to do with being rushed to hospital after being struck by an airscrew.
Wherever did I go wrong?
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#15281 - 01/13/01 06:56 PM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 11/13/00
Posts: 3146
Loc: Northamptonshire, England
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Geoff asks, apparently bemusedly: I thought that a medical malaprop had to do with being rushed to hospital after being struck by an airscrew.
Wherever did I go wrong?Because there's actually much more chance of being struck by the air crew these days! You need to update your belief system. It's not a malapropism, it's a malaturbinism ... 
_________________________
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#15284 - 01/13/01 10:16 PM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/12/00
Posts: 3409
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Fr Steve offered this: Did you hear about the airline stewardess who backed into a moving airplane propeller? Disaster.I had to read that twice to get the joke, not expecting such earthiness from a man of the cloth!<jk> I was also distracted by the resemblance the joke had to an incident in my grandfather's life. Once, as a guard on a train, he had to clean the wheels of what was left after a man's dhoti got caught in them as the train pulled out of the station. Some hours later, the offer of mince for dinner caused my grandfather to bushusuru. 
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#15285 - 01/13/01 10:28 PM
Regurgitation
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 09/06/00
Posts: 2788
Loc: Seattle, Washington, USA
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#15286 - 01/14/01 10:46 AM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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old hand
Registered: 11/12/00
Posts: 819
Loc: Portland,Oregon, USA
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Heard that one as "the butcher's wife who at on the bacon slicer"
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It was my understanding that she was not fast enough, and got a little behind in her work.
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#15287 - 01/14/01 11:04 AM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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old hand
Registered: 11/12/00
Posts: 819
Loc: Portland,Oregon, USA
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Says CK, It's not a malapropism, it's a malaturbinism ...
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Oh, silly me! I thought that referred to ill-fitting cloth headgear. And a gas turbine was what you had when vaporous emissions hit the fan instead of solid excreta.
Now, back to the doctor's original thread: Last night I had three dinner guests, two women and one man. We began discussing spinal injuries. I asked the man if he'd ever had any trouble in his cervical area, and he demurred, insisting that he didn't have one of those! Oh, well, he was a softwear engineer - what would he know! ;-)
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#15289 - 01/14/01 11:06 PM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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old hand
Registered: 11/12/00
Posts: 819
Loc: Portland,Oregon, USA
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be a maladynamo
--------------------------
I wouldn't know; I'm maladept, maladroit, and malodorous from trying to make a gas turbine. Holding a pinwheel between my knees is exhausting, but, then, making it go around is "exhausting," too.
Does this bear any resemblance to the two winos from here (Portland, Oregon) named Walt Curtis and Gus VanSant who wrote and produced the cult classic movie, Mala Noche?
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#15290 - 01/15/01 01:16 AM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 11/13/00
Posts: 3146
Loc: Northamptonshire, England
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Oh, well, he was a softwear engineer - what would he know! ;-)From what you say, if he is fairly junior that would either make him an under softwear engineer or a soft underwear engineer. Now that's really sick! 
_________________________
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#15291 - 01/18/01 07:11 PM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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addict
Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 618
Loc: Australia
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Not really a malapropism, but humerus (sic *s*) nonetheless. Doctor, having to resort to accessing the femoral artery to draw blood, "Just relax, you'll feel a small prick in your groin."
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#15292 - 01/18/01 07:16 PM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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addict
Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 618
Loc: Australia
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And while I'm here...
Again, not a malaproprism, but one thing that always gets me - patient tautologies. My favourites are a coronary heart attack and a brain stroke.
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#15293 - 01/19/01 10:01 AM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 13858
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Ancient, but perhaps worth a small grin, the bimbo who told her friends the dermatologist had "ultraviolated" her.
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#15294 - 01/19/01 10:52 AM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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veteran
Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 1289
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medical tautologies
and the southern American favorite, sugar diabetes.
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#15295 - 01/19/01 11:23 AM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 11/13/00
Posts: 3146
Loc: Northamptonshire, England
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I really don't know whether this one is true or not, but one of my medical friends told me once that a husband had got up alongside a doctor's head when the guy's wife came home and said that the doctor had told her she had "a cute vagina". The medico was puzzled for a moment, but then realised it was malapropese for "acute angina", the real diagnosis.
_________________________
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#15296 - 01/19/01 09:58 PM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 07/17/00
Posts: 3467
Loc: Marion NC
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>"Just relax, you'll feel a small prick in your groin."
Thank goodness that was in a jugular vein.
_________________________
TEd
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#15297 - 01/19/01 10:07 PM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 11/13/00
Posts: 3146
Loc: Northamptonshire, England
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Ted Sed: Thank goodness that was in a jugular vein.Are you ever threatened with physical violence over your puns?   It was a good one!
_________________________
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#15298 - 01/19/01 10:11 PM
Capital (Kiwi) Punishment
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 07/17/00
Posts: 3467
Loc: Marion NC
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>Are you ever threatened with physical violence over your puns? No but my wife beats me every time
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TEd
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#15300 - 01/19/01 10:30 PM
Re: Capital (Kiwi) Punishment
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/12/00
Posts: 3409
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In reply to:
If this keeps up, I may commit violence over someone's buns!
Well, Jackie, if you just can't bear it, remember the invitation to bare it!
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#15301 - 01/19/01 10:53 PM
Re: Capital (Kiwi) Punishment
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 11578
Loc: Louisville, Kentucky
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Well, Jackie, if you just can't bear it, remember the invitation to bare it! Oh, no, not again! There are polar conditions here. My browntruck slid when I hit the black ice in Las ko, alabama. The mechanic, teddy, informed me that I'd damaged the oil pan, dang it. His hair was grizzly, which matched the weather. I took his picture with my Kodak because he was missing an i.
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#15302 - 01/20/01 10:02 AM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 13858
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Not exactly a medical malapropism, but perhaps permissible. In some cases of very severe heart valve damage, leakage causes powerful eddy currents and vibrations that can be felt by the doctor's hand over the heart, and is called " a thrill." At a large city teaching hospital, over a hundred medical students were lined up to take turns palpating the precordium of such a female patient. The fiftieth student, bored by the long wait for his turn, put his hand in the wrong place, and said to the guy behind him. "I don't get any thrill." The outraged patient jumped out of bed and locked herself in the toilet.
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#15304 - 01/22/01 03:01 PM
Medical malapropisms
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 01/05/01
Posts: 1814
Loc: Spam Factory
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"Ultraviolated" sounds like something out of an Anthony Burgess novel. I hear "sugar diabetes" or just "sugar" in place of diabetes all of the time. Actually, I heard not fifteen minutes ago. Use of "sugar" usually occurs in describing the past medical history, as in "Well, I've had sugar for 20 years."
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#15305 - 01/22/01 05:15 PM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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member
Registered: 12/13/00
Posts: 144
Loc: London, UK
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Kind of off-track but slightly related....
Two of my flatmates used to work as junior doctors in A&E. If they were having a slow day in A&E (unusual, but did happen occasionally!) they had a running game, which involved thinking of the most bizarre 'word of the day' and then seeing who could get it into the most charts during their shift! Maybe they should have tried this board for inspiration....
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#15306 - 01/23/01 11:10 AM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 13858
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Dear Alex: I am unfamiliar with Anthony Burgess, and so fail to properly enjoy your post. Please give a few clues.
Do you acknowledge private wueries?
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#15307 - 01/23/01 03:47 PM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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veteran
Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 1289
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Heavens, I just remembered one I hear all the time: Yellow Jaundice.
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#15308 - 01/23/01 06:07 PM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 13858
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Dear Bobyoungbalt: Forgive the quibble, but jaundice is not always yellow. I remember seeing cashier in Chinese restaurant with definitely blue-green jaundice,including sclerae, and doigts en baguette de tambour (drumstick fingers). Incidentally, the restaurant across the street in Boston's Chinatown was named Hung Far Low. wwh
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#15309 - 01/24/01 10:46 AM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 01/05/01
Posts: 1814
Loc: Spam Factory
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Anthony Burgess' novel _A Clockwork Orange_ features a gang of hooligans led by one named Alex, coincidentally, and they like to go around assaulting people, an act which they describe as "giving them a bit of the old ultraviolence." Thus "ultraviolated her" sounds like the character Alex describing a rape.
One thing about the novel that AWAD folks might appreciate is the way that the characters' slang is peppered with words borrowed or adapted from Russian.
Stanley Kubrick adapted the novel into a film, with Malcolm McDowell starring as Alex.
There are lots of websites devoted to the work, for example:
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/3111/aco.htm
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#15310 - 01/24/01 12:23 PM
Re: Medical malapropisms
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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 13858
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Dear Alex: Thanks for the information about Anthony Burgess. I had so much trouble keeping up with medical journals that I missed a lot of good novels. If I am not persisting in error, since you apparently do not answer private messages, is there any chance you might enjoy swapping medical anecdotes? Bill Hunt
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