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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
To All Staff,
RE: SWEARING AT WORK
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore a list of 18 new and innovative phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
2) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f___ do you expect me to do that?
3) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f___ing chance.
4) TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be sh__ing me!
5) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a f__.
6) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my f____ing problem.
7) TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f___?
8) TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh__ won't work.
9) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that in.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the f___ing h _ll didn't you tell me sooner?
10) TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his a__.
11) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat sh__ and die.
12) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my f___ a__.
13) TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
F___ it, I'm not doing overtime.
14) TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your a__ dumb f____
15) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks c__k.
16) TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the f___ died and made you boss?
17) TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a pr_ck.
Thank You,
Human Resources
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210 |
heh. ®
this one will be soon making the email rounds.....
formerly known as etaoin...
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511 |
Quote:
heh. ®
this one will be soon making the email rounds.....
I'm doing my part. 
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
Quote:
Quote:
heh. ®
this one will be soon making the email rounds.....
I'm doing my part.
I'd do mine too if I had any hair left.
TEd
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 389
enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 389 |
Thanks for these mav. I wish I had been aware of the "Excuse me sir?" alternative a few years back, just before I was asked to part company with the challenge that I so loved.
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 500
addict
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addict
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 500 |
I remember a sheet that went the rounds of the office back in the days before email. Phrases were divided according to the offensive word - all "sh*t" phrases together, etc - and numbered. So instead of saying "Lovely, just f*cking lovely" you could say "eighteen". This occasioned some laughter in meetings where we underlings had "the sheet" and management did not.
My personal favourite was twenty-three - "Go pound sand up your a**".
I like these, too.
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