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#10448 - 11/22/00 10:26 AM Re: This just in from Serbia
belMarduk Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 09/28/00
Posts: 2891
The Onion is a tongue-in-cheek news webzine. If you are interested, here is some news they have on the U.S. elections...

http://www.theonion.com/onion3641/serbia_deploys_forces.html




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#10449 - 11/22/00 03:53 PM Re: this just in from the UK!
Geoff Offline
old hand

Registered: 11/12/00
Posts: 819
Loc: Portland,Oregon, USA
I just received a copy of this reply to the revocation from a Brit:

> Response to: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>
> To the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern
> Ireland,
>
> We welcome your concern about our electoral process.
> It must be
> exciting for
> you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a
> distance. As
> always we're
> amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a
> world power. The
> sun never
> sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum!
>
> However, we regretfully have to decline your offer
> for intervention. On
> the
> other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to
> enforce your new
> policy (for
> the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that
> you have little to no
> real
> power). After much deliberation, we have decided to
> continue our
> tradition as
> the longest running democratic republic. It seems
> that switching to a
> monarchy
> is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the
> majority of the world.
>
> To help you rise from your current anachronistic
> status, we have
> compiled a
> series of helpful suggestions that we hope you
> adopt:
>
> 1. Realise that language is an organic structure,
> and that you aren't
> always
> correct in your pronunciation or spelling.
>
> Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey
> Davy (an Englishman)
> invented
> the name "aluminum" (note spelling) for the metal.
> However, in common
> usage
> the name evolved into "aluminium" to match the
> naming convention of
> other
> elements. In 1925 the United States decided to
> switch back to the
> _original_
> spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which
> point we dominated the
> aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that
> the process of
> actually
> producing aluminum was developed by an American and
> a Frenchman (not an
> Englishman).
>
> However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford
> English Dictionary. It's
> an
> interesting collection, considering that over 10,000
> of the words in the
>
> original edition were submitted by a crazy American
> civil-war veteran
> called
> Dr. William Charles Minor.
>
> 2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian
> accents, and then
> we'll talk
> about the English and Australian accent issue.
>
> 3. Review your basic arithmetic. (Hint 100 - 98.85
> = 1.15 and 100 -
> 97.85 =
> 2.15)
>
> 4. If you want English actors as good guys, then
> make your own movies.
> Don't
> rely on us for your modern popular culture. We
> liked "Lock, Stock, and
> Two
> Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full
> Monty". We've also
> heard good
> things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good
> movie a year doesn't
> exactly
> make a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing
> pretty well with
> music, so
> keep up the good work on that front.
>
> 5. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that
> changes its title
> whenever
> your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your
> national anthem has an
> extremely
> boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule
> Brittania ditty, it's
> toetapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle
> In The Wind" again
> for you
> guys.
>
> 6. Improve at your national sport. Football?
> Soccer? This just in:
> United
> States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000
> Summer Olympics.
> United
> Kingdom? Not even close.
>
> By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You
> almost managed to get
> through
> the tournament without having your fans start an
> international incident.
>
> 7. Learn how to cook. England has some top notch
> candy. Salt 'n'
> Vinegar
> chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason
> why the best food in
> your
> country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to
> the culinary arts
> are
> soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps
> when you finally
> realize the
> French aren't the spawn of satan they'll teach you
> how to cook.
>
> 8. You're doing a terrible job at understanding
> cars. The obvious error
> is
> that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A
> second problem is
> pricing,
> it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to
> England than to buy
> a car
> in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and
> Aston Martins.
> That's why
> we bought the companies.
>
> 9. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize
> for "Teletubbies".
>
> Thank you for your time. You can now return to
> watching bad Australian
> soap
> operas.
>
> P.S. Regarding WW2: You're Welcome.
>



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#10450 - 11/22/00 06:54 PM The Final Word?
Capital Kiwi Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 11/13/00
Posts: 3146
Loc: Northamptonshire, England
JAPAN SENDS HELP TO U.S.
In today's news, Japan sent the USA 50,000,000 cases of Viagra, having heard that the entire country can't get an election.


_________________________
The idiot also known as Capfka ...

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#10451 - 11/23/00 10:05 PM Re: The Final Word?
belMarduk Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 09/28/00
Posts: 2891
Sorry, sorry, sorry, embarrassement all around. I must admit I laughed out loud at that one CapK.


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#10452 - 11/27/00 02:30 PM Re: The Final Word?
TEd Remington Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 07/17/00
Posts: 3467
Loc: Marion NC
>having heard that the entire country can't get an election.

Something which, unfortunately, did not affect the current occupant of the Bully Pulpit. Bush would have finished his political career as a second-rate governor of a second-rate state if Clinton hadn't been so priapic.

Assuming that the courts do nothing to change the outcome of our recent election, it is interesting that Dubya will only be the second-most-powerful person in the free world. Dick Cheney will control the Senate, which is currently looking to be deadlocked at 50 Republicans and 50 Senators. The VP will cast the deciding vote for all committee chair appointments, committee assignments, etc., etc. Assuming of course that Strom Thurmond and Jesse Helms are able to keep their hearts beating (though there are those who believe their brains stopped working many years ago.)

We live in interesting times.

_________________________
TEd

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#10453 - 11/27/00 02:53 PM Re: this just in from the UK!
Bobyoungbalt Offline
veteran

Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 1289
Re point 8 of your list: Maybe we could combine it with Nov. 5, which also commemorates a notable political action failure.


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#10454 - 11/27/00 05:04 PM Re: The Final Word?
Jazzoctopus Offline
old hand

Registered: 07/03/00
Posts: 1094
Loc: Cincinnati & Loveland, Ohio, U...
Dick Cheney will control the Senate

First, off this exact topic: if G.W. is a second rate governor, then why did he get re-elected in '98 with about 70% of the vote, with much of that coming from minorities?

Now, on control of the Senate. Yes, he will preside, but he most likely won't hold much clout in decision making, even if there are ties. According to Time magazine there are centrist coalitions on both sides that will have the biggest voice in what goes on. From both parties, the centrists make up about 60% of the Senate. Frankly, I think it'd be nice if they formed a new party, but chances of that are probably slim. And according to iWon.com, John McCain has become the most well known Senator and will have much to do in swaying the centrist voters in the Senate. So maybe, as much of us would have preferred, McCain will be the real ruler in Washington.


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#10455 - 11/27/00 05:17 PM Re: The Final Word?
wow Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 11/25/00
Posts: 3439
Loc: New England, USA
Now, now! There we were having a bit of fun about the election and and somehow politics oozed in. If we can't see the absurd side of the situation we are sliding down the slippery slope to being serious about politics! Gawd zooks. Seriousness is for governance, not politics. Lighten up! WOW


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#10456 - 11/27/00 07:14 PM Re: The Final Word?
tsuwm Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 04/03/00
Posts: 10523
Loc: this too shall pass
>if G.W. is a second rate governor, then why did he get re-elected in '98 with about 70% of the vote...

well, it was Texas, you know.

[as a Minnesotan, I am an expert on popularity contests!]

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#10457 - 11/27/00 07:20 PM Re: The Final Word?
Max Quordlepleen Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/12/00
Posts: 3409
Gawd zooks.

Zounds! Egad! One learns something daily - I have always spelled that as one word, without the "w" - gadzooks. Once again, my ignorance rears its ugly head. Cheers, wow. By the way, what does AHIP mean?


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