crackusation, noun, an allegation or indictment made by a person under the influence or or demented by the use of freebased cocaine.

I had to think of the pronunciation before this made any sense to me! It first struck me as: crack-uh-sation. Then when I realized it should be crack-yew-zation, the
logic of it hit me. Pretty good, but even so it may not
catch on!

Here's another possibility: someone who loves you would be
a Stevadore.