Reverend Spooner
by Jerry H. Jenkins
Reverend Spooner's words amuse;
at times they scare, sometimes they tickle.
He went riding in the pews
upon his new well-boiled icicle.
Queen Victoria came to town.
He was pleased she'd graced the scene,
so raised a toast to country, crown,
and, of course, "Our queer old dean."
Reverend Spooner was a charmer
and his words flowed out like oil:
He spoke in praise of England's farmers
as "those noble tons of soil".
Students' pranks aroused his choler.
Grumpy Spooner, man of God,
rebuked a pyrotechnic scholar
for "fighting a liar in the quad".
To a slacker, Spooner spoke
in a voice of mournful texture:
"Being tardy's not a joke:
You have hissed my mystery lecture."
He went on, in anger frowning:
(How the hapless student squirms,
reprimanded for his clowning):
"You have tasted two whole worms!"
He was always full of grace,
polite to all he chanced to meet.
To one who took the Reverend's place:
"May I sew you to another sheet?"
But fell upon his verbal lance
when he claimed (this man devout):
"When our boys come home from France,
we will have the hags flung out."
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