Howye fokes

Haven't been around fer a while but I do be comen in ta read ye everynow and then. I'm fierce busy, ya see, now that I have me own weekly collem ta be writen fer a local paper. Please, please - don't get up and there's no need fer all that rapturous applause or nothin.

Anyways, as I always considered ye all hear a fierce intellectual bunch alltagather, I need ta get yer oponion on somethin what I wrote. Ya see, me human pals hear on the ground say that me writens is too high brow and that nobody understands them. Because of this, I'm beginnen ta stop believen meself fer sure. Please, please put them hankies away, there's no need fer tears.

I'd be fierce gratefull alltagather if a few of ye could read the followen and tell me if ye understand its gist and all its referances and give me a bitta feedback and all that sorta stuff. I know fer sure that if anyone's up ya the job, ye'll be. Thanken ye in advance.
THE ARTICLE IN QUESTION READS:

Howye fokes

How is things? Twas the besta times, twas the worsta times, fer sure (Charles Darwin robbed that one from one of me Fourbears, ya know). Well, the good news is that me intellictual pal, Albear Camoo, finally got his novel "Nothing Between the Covers" published. And no, it's not about Goldilock's love life neither. It's a fiercely fillysofical critteek on what is stuff, what is not stuff, what may or may not be stuff and all that sorta stuff. It's gotten rave reviews alltagather and take it from me, ya won't have red anythin til ya've red everythin in this grate book about nothin - or somethin like that. Or should that be nothin like that? Ya see, that's how high-browingly confusen it is and it'll blow the mind outa ya fer sure.

The bad news is that MadDogTed is back in the Borstal fer Bold Bears. Ya see, inspired Albear's success, he taught he'd try his own paw at the readen and the writen. He herd that there was a Massive Book Sale in the local library (a grate jint fer sure) and sorta "borrowed" a trook fer ta take the big huge book home in. The only thing was, the trook what he robbed was the travellen library and he was caught red-pawed throwen out all the small books fer ta make room fer the massive book what was fer sale. The judge was reel mad at him alltagather and totally red him from a height. Now he thinks he's a published Ted too.

Next week: a review on Goldilocks's autobigrafical attempt at a novel "Nothin Between the Ears"

Be seein ya

GallantTed

It seems to me, Gallant Ted, that you are no intellectual slouch. I think if you were to hang around with Albear Camoo and some of his friends you would find yourself better appreciated. Do your other friends turn down the stout, drinking lager instead? It's little things like this that can tell you a lot.

Depends who you're writing for, I guess. I think if you'd cut the last line of the first paragraph, "Ya see, that's how high-browingly confusen it is and it'll blow the mind outa ya fer sure," you might not have cued them in to the high brow klamotel. You might consider avoiding remarks like that in future. I think it's a funny piece; the main "difficulty" is the "dialect." But since they probably knew the style when they hired you on, well, to paraphrase Alice in "...Doesn't Live Here Anymore," "Anyone who doesn't like it, can blow it out their arse."

just one comment, GT: your obsession with Goldilocks has become unbearable.

Yeah, it's gotten to the point where when asked at his local what he'd like, GT says, "The ursual."

Grizzly tale.

I think you get right to the art of things in your inimitable way, GT :)

If you ever feel like trying your paw at book reviews here, can I recommend Patrick O'Bearan's tales of the intrepid seafarers Aubeary and Matursine?

The bad news is that MadDogTed is back in the Borstal fer Bold Bears.

I'm needlin some help fer context sake... about when, where, what's a Borstal?

*******

G-ted,

Aside frum MadDogTed seemin to be 'temptin to be lookin at the bigger pitcher, he certainly has shown he's well scooled at cumin at it from intresting drections.

Sorry to hear the Judge recalled his hopes set on publishing writes and residuals, etc.

I'll put my hankie away after a good wringing, whiting and beating with a stick.

-Muse

Since youse eskin'.

In the United Kingdom, a Borstal was a juvenile detention centre, prison or reformatory, intended to reform delinquent youths aged between about 16 and 21.
The first such institution was established in Borstal, near Rochester in north Kent in 1902.
The regime in these institutions was highly regulated, with a focus on education, routine, discipline and authority. Breaking the rules could result in physical punishment.
The Criminal Justice Act 1982 abolished the borstal system, introducing youth custody centres instead.

Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borstal"

made famous (well, known out side of UK) by the book (and play, and movie) The Borstal Boy, by Brendan Behan.

it taught me the word triangle (for a prison gaurd)--from the key rings they carried..)

but its hard to have a discussion about brendan behan--he was arrested with an alarm clock in his luggage--proof positive he was building a bomb--(since there can be no other reason a irish man in the UK would in possesion of an alarm clock. )

Ya see, me human pals hear on the ground say that me writens is too high brow and that nobody understands them.


Well, GT, that depends whether you have a hankerin' to be an Ursa Minor or an Ursa Major, gallavanting up there with all the stars like the Camooses among us.

Howye fokes

Thanks a millin fer all yer replies. Yer right, I'm probally writen fer the wrong crowd alltagather, but as long as me editor is happy, I'll say nothin. I have ta go now and write a other mind bogglen piece fer the punters.

Be seein ya

GallantTed