This is for you Helen since you mentioned you liked limericks. (I looked for a limericks thread to continue on with, but I didn't find one... forgive the presumption of this newbie starting a new thread...)
There once was a woman whose thighs,
Were as strong as a wiseman is wise.
She took great delight,
In squeezing men tight,
If they satisfied her with their size.
Of course, we know size doesn't matter.
Whether it's shorter or fatter,
It's all how you move,
Once you get in that groove,
And neatness counts, try not to splatter!
Tross brings some limericks, riske,
in order to brighten our day,
She repents starting thread,
but not what she's said,
good thing the gutter police are away.
Southern belles are most curious bunch,
One pictures them meeting for lunch
Attired in hats, ribbons and bows
Talking of fashion and clothes,
Not writing limericks that pack a punch!
So much for the rhythms of time
to punctuate speaking in rhymes
our Helen she goes without
caring one way or another, not that it really matters, yet
always her meaning's sumblime
http://wordsmith.org/board/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=wordplay&Number=57347Welcome to the board, by the way!
The above link is a perfect example of why we don't like to post more than 99 posts to any one thread. If you read the whole thing, you will notice that posts 100 and beyond have lost their way. If you want to avoid that happening even sooner, go into "edit profile", click on "display preferences" and change the number in the box below this phrase "Total posts to show on one page when viewing a thread in flat mode (default is 10)" to 99. Once you have done this, you will never have to click on "show all" or seperate page numbers!
never at a loss, musick comes up with the free-form limerick! :)
Attired in hats, ribbons and bows
Talking of fashion and clothes,
Not writing limericks that pack a punch!tsuwm - Flattery will only get you *redirected!
>redirected
at least ot followed the *rhyming pattern!
http://library.thinkquest.org/3721/poems/forms/lime.html"A limerick is a very structured poem..."
Oh, tsuwmmy.... That link just takes us to the site. Whatcha gotta do to see the limerick roolz?
EDIT: Ok, the second time I clicked it , it went to the roolz. *sniff*sniff "The Limerick Which Must Not Be Named" was a 404
"at least..."
The question does here now remain
When the rhymes or the meter refrain
from the letter of law
does the poem show flaw
and should either be shown such disdain?
There was once a magickal caster,
Who learned his art faster and faster.
But what does it mean
That he has not been seen
Since he uttered the name of Hast--urk!!!
On Friday I fly o'er Old Limerick
By nightfall, drinkin' a few pints *hic*
In Doolin a West Coast town
I'm wantin' craic o' renown
The laughter, the good times, the music
Yikes! This post just shoved me into Pooh-Bahhood!
Musick, like tutors in schools
For limericks, he lays outlines the tools
It should rhyme, it should scan
it should follow a plan
to bad for us, there ain't no stinkin' rules
Ain't you guys ever heard of a spoof?
It's a parody... would you like proof?
don't make me the same
as a stickler for *lame
I'm perverting a form too aloof.
"Don't cross the threads! Don't cross the threads!! EEEekk!
Damn. She went and did it anyway... #$*damn newbie!"
Bickery-Pickery
Andy the Musick Man
Argues with Helen 'bout
Meter and rhyme.
Words are flung back and forth,
Ultra-good-naturedly
Disagree? Yes! But they
Have a good time.
But... since it IS a Limerick thread, here ya go...
I enjoy planting herbs in a pot,
Some ice-tea on the porch hits the spot,
But you'll see from my verses,
And my interest in hearses,
A shy southern belle I am not.
Don't cross the threads! Don't cross the threads!! EEEekk!
Huh? Din't nobody never say nothin bout don't cross no threads. Whaddaya think, this is a nuts and bolts forum?
Well I don't know about the bolts, but come on... ya gotta cop to the nuts...
Why? What did you think I meant?
Just watch it contract and expand,
How it pulsates when held in my hand,
The pink-purple skin,
Ridges out-veins within,
Yes, a good worm's what fishing demands.
never at a loss, musick comes up with the free-form limerick! :)or, to put it another way:
So musick pokes fun at our helen
in respect of her rhythms and spelen
But I think he's quite rash
To outdo - or at the very least to emulate - Ogden Nash
What will happen now there is no telen
Just watch it contract and expand,
How it pulsates when held in my hand,
The pink-purple skin,
Ridges out-veins within,
Yes, a good worm's what fishing demands
The effect of this poem's immense:
When you think that you've mastered its sense,
You consider it rude;
Indeed, rather lewd
But - Honi Soit Qui Mal y Pense!!
Tross tries to lead us astray,
With her first two limericks in play
but now she schemes
to give us dreams
of nightcrawlers on hooks, asway!
Why? What did you think I meant?
Tross headed her limerick lament
Wordplay leads some to think,
Of something else, purple-pink.
Should this thread be label'd "adult content"?
There was a young man from Calcutta,
Who coated his tonsils with butter.
He thus altered his speech
From a harsh, raucous screech
To a soft, oleaginous mutter.
And that's about the only "Calcutta" limerick fit to be posted here ...
Quite so, pfranz
Why are Calcutta limericks inherently bad??? What bad word rhymes with Calcutta???
Why are Calcutta limericks inherently bad??? What bad word rhymes with Calcutta???
in general they are so raunchy, that even in this day and age, you still haven't heard one, (and you most likely have heard many four letter words.
as for rhyming, does butter rhyme with calcutta? it did above! calcutta lends its self to 'flexible' rhymes..
calcutta lends its self to 'flexible' rhymes..
Especially as embraced by them non-rhotic types.
calcutta lends its self to 'flexible' rhymes..
Especially as embraced by them non-rhotic types.
wotsanah?
Just watch it contract and expand
Very good. God intended limericks should be bawdy.
Otherwise it's sacrilege.
k
calcutta lends its self to 'flexible' rhymes..
Especially as embraced by them non-rhotic types.
wotsanah?
Yeah, you, for example.
What really gets me is when one a them non-rhotic types *uses an r to indicate how they pronounce something.
God intended limericks should be bawdy.
In that case I shall resurrect my proudest limerick achievement:
There was a young lady named Doris
who had a most tuneful ****oris.
It sang and it hummed
and if lovingly strummed
would render the whole Anvil Chorus.
There once was a girl from Calcutta,
(Hey! Remove your sweet mind from the gutter!)
just to slip on her pants
she would do a strange dance
after slathering her legs with some butter.
In public one must know how to behave
With manners, to eat, or curtsey, or wave
But in private, at night
It gives great delight
If your behavior is more deprave
>limericks should be bawdy
[I was going to start a new thread for this, but quickly thought better of it and decided to bury it down here where some of y'all are gleefully pounding away on bawdy limericks.]
last week somebody searched my site for a word which was totally unfamiliar to me. as is my wont when I spot one of these, I tried OneLook and was pointed to some slang files. the Macquarie Dictionary suggests that this word may be the rudest (i.e., grossest) word currently in English use; and I have to concur. <ecch>
if you need a word to rhyme with belch, you can easily find this word through onelook; but you have been warned!
if you need a word to rhyme with belch, you can easily find this word through onelook; but you have been warned!Thanks. I just finished writing an E-mail to my mom, delicate ears and all, telling her the best way to get rid of squirrels in the attic was to apply some coyote
piss -- and now you have to bring up retromingent hamsters. Or something.
Oh, the grossness of it all...
It also appears to be a surname (very rare: popularity rank in the U.S.: #22292). One might imagine a couple hyphenating their last names, a couple with the other partner having the name that rhymes with jerkin.
Yes I too agree that limericks should be bawdy or at least funny... and so, in light of that...
She walked in the bar with a duck.
She was there to meet priest, but no luck.
The joke's sure to offend,
'Cause I want it to end,
But boy how that girl loved to ...