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Posted By: Wordwind Puns Aching the Rounds - 02/28/03 09:44 PM
Here's an e-mail paste a friend sent:

A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.


Posted By: wofahulicodoc with apologies to Gian-Carlo Menotti - 02/28/03 10:36 PM
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

...When Mother gave birth to twins, she named them Amahl and Juan. Father was overseas, and Mother brought Juan to show him.

"What about the other one?" said Father.

"Oh, they're identical," said Mom, "when you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl..."

Posted By: Jackie Re: with apologies to Gian-Carlo Menotti - 03/01/03 02:12 AM
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
I hadn't heard that one before--ha!

Wofa, just for the halibut: [blowing you a kiss e]
I'm so glad you're here!


Halibut reminds me of the man who went into business by hinmself, selling fish. He was a sole trader.

Posted By: Jackie Re: with apologies to Gian-Carlo Menotti - 03/01/03 02:55 PM
I'd halibut you, too, if I could...

You'll just have to find the right thyme and plaice.

this is my Bach's...

Posted By: TEd Remington He was a sole trader. - 03/06/03 08:57 PM
But we're assuming he worked to scale.

Posted By: Buffalo Shrdlu Re: He was a sole trader. - 03/06/03 09:30 PM
undoubtedly he was Finnish...

Posted By: Wordwind Re: He was a sole trader. - 03/07/03 12:52 AM
Is that why the album was called "Hooked on Bach"?

Posted By: Coffeebean Re: He was a sole trader. - 03/12/03 03:51 PM
I'm floundering for a clever reply . . .

Did you hear about the dizzy Swede who did not know vertigo?

Posted By: Rubrick Re: He was a sole trader. - 03/12/03 04:27 PM
Or the Mexican fireman who called his sons Jose and Hose B?

Posted By: RhubarbCommando Re: He was a sole trader. - 03/14/03 09:11 AM
I didn't tell you the whole story about the fishmonger, though. Eventually, he joined with five other fishmongers in a joint business, so that they could achieve economies of scale.

Posted By: Coffeebean Re: pun o' the day - 03/27/03 11:18 PM
There's a down side to every duck.

Posted By: RhubarbCommando Re: pun o' the day - 03/29/03 11:05 AM
That's true if you look at it eider way.

Posted By: RhubarbCommando Re: pun o' the day - 03/29/03 11:08 AM
-- and how about the man who fed the seagulls with cannabis?

He left no tern unstoned.

Posted By: Bingley Re: pun o' the day - 03/29/03 01:00 PM
.. and the physical fitness trainer who left no stern untoned.

Bingley
Posted By: Wordwind Re: pun o' the day - 03/29/03 02:08 PM
In reply to:

...left no stern untoned.


~Bingley

And for anyone who thinks, "You cain't tone bones," well, just consider a xylophone made of toned bones--a bonophone!

Posted By: RhubarbCommando Re: pun o' the day - 03/31/03 07:58 AM
-- or one *made of stones - an essential instrument for any rock band.

Posted By: Coffeebean Re: pun o' the day - 03/31/03 02:21 PM
There is a stop on the organ called Tibia.

perhaps I should bone up on the etymology . . .

Posted By: RhubarbCommando Re: pun o' the day - 03/31/03 03:46 PM
Oh, ho! very humerus

Well - someone had to say it!

Posted By: consuelo Re: pun o' the day - 03/31/03 10:45 PM
Tibia means lukewarm in Spanish.

-Mi trabajo es informar

Posted By: Coffeebean Re: pun o' the day - 04/01/03 01:07 AM
Tibia means lukewarm in Spanish.

Gracias, consuelo. Now I feel I have a leg up on this. Definitely not the stop to choose for hot jazz licks, eh?



Posted By: consuelo Re: pun o' the day - 04/01/03 03:29 AM
I didn't think there would be any stops in hot jazz licks

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