I'm not given to wearing tee-shirts with catchy slogans, but I will wear the two my mom sent me recently.

a) "Never judge a book by its movie"

and

2) New Yorker cartoon of a guy talking to the cashier at a bookstore: "This is my first book. But if I like it, I may buy another in the near future."

Have y'all seen any good ones lately?

I'm on a DRINKING team
with a bowling problem

It used to be considered witty by some who had old, run-down cars to have a bumper sticker that read "My other car is a Porsche." After those had been around for quite some time, I got a big laugh when I saw a bumper sticker on a particularly rusty-looking bucket of bolts that read "My other car is a piece of s**t too."

I once saw a bumper sticker on some flash car (sorry, don't remember what it was - I'm a girly girl in that respect!) that said, "My other car is a Volkswagen Beetle." Wow. A custom-made bumper sticker...!

Fave bumper sticker I've heard about, but not seen:

Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards while wearing high heels

Fave t-shirt I saw in a catalogue once:

wysiwyg

And fave recently-acquired t-shirt:

YOU DON'T KNOW ME
Federal Witness Protection Program

Most appropriate bumper sticker, seen on a car that had slewed across the sidewalk and hit a telephone pole:

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Bumper stickers I wish I had:

If you're rich, I'm single

and

So many men, so few who can afford me

(and surprisingly enough, they don't really reflect my attitude! but I just find them a hoot...anyway, I wouldn't put a bumper sticker on my baby - I like a pristine car. But I like reading them on other people's cars! Wonder who on earth first came up with the idea of the bumper sticker?)

just saw a bumper sticker yesterday that was a new one to me:

Marijuana: Hey, at least it's better than crack.

My favourite T-shirt which has now gone to that great big rag-bag in the sky, had a picture of two vultures on a tree branch under a blazing sun. One is saying to the other: "Patience my ass. I'm gunna KILL something!"

My favourite bumper sticker is on 'er indoors' office wall: "Jesus is coming. Look busy!"

- Pfranz

Not recent, but used to own
top front: CHILKOOT CHARLIE'S
bottom front: A Rustic Alaskan Saloon
back: We cheat the other guy .... and pass the savings on to you!


And of course the bumper sticker I like most is "You! Outta the gene pool!"


k

A card stuck on an office door:

PLEASE GO AWAY

Bikers have a good sense of humour. Two I've seen recently:

1. (Pink t-shirt): Help me! I'm a lesbian trapped inside this big, fat hairy biker!

2. (On the back): If you can read this then the bitch fell off

I suspect there's enough variety in this list to offend most everyone:

BUMPER STICKERS
1. Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

2. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."

3. The proctologist called, they found your head.

4. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

5. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

6. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

7. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

8. Hang up and drive.

9. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

10. Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.

11. Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.

12. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

13. Guys, just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

14. Welcome to America...Now speak English.

And, just in case not everyone was offended, a few more:

1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3. If You Drink, Don't Park. Accidents Cause People
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

6. Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9. Thank You For Pot Smoking
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

11. If At First You Don't Succeed, Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

14. Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

19. I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

23. If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

24. The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

26. Illiterate? Write For Help
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

27. Honk If Anything Falls Off
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

28. Cover Me. I'm Changing Lanes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles from The Next Exit
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...[Seen upside down on a jeep]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed for 70 mph.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

43. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

44. Ax Me About Ebonics
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

46. Boldly Going Nowhere
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
47. Cat: The Other White Meat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

49. Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

50. Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

53. If You! Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

55. Saw It ... Wanted It .. Had A Fit ... GotIt!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

57. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

59. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to shoot them
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

63. So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

64. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

65. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

Here's a "few" more :

TEE-SHIRTS:

http://wordsmith.org/board/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=miscellany&Number=58388

BUMPER STICKERS:

http://wordsmith.org/board/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=wordplay&Number=36310

I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun!
-------------------------------------
If it's Tourist Season, how come we can't shoot them?

"previously, on AWAD..."

Living here at a shore resort with a 3 1/2 mile boardwalk crammed with T-shirt shops I could fill a whole page. I've just about seen them all, from blue to cute, but sometimes a new slogan jumps out at you. This one turned my head and gave me a good chuckle last year as I walked down the "boards"...never saw it before or since, not even in any of the shops:

NO MAAM

National
Organization of
Men
Against
Amazonian
Masterhood

Here's a picture of me wearing my favorite T-shirt. I wear it (kinda like a joke) to lawn parties and social gatherings around Alabama.

http://boatertalk.com/forum/BoaterTalk/325368

>never saw it before or since, not even in any of the shops:

NO MAAM


Proof positive that you never watched Married With Children

Have you seen:

Menopausal - Stay Back!

and something I saw only once (no wonder)--

Colostomy is my bag.

I've often found postcards to be good for this kinda thing -here are a few I saw the other day or have stuck to my door:

Nice Person, Wrong Planet

I'm not wierd... I'm just special

Please leave this planet as you would wish to find it

(with a picture of a dog on the front) At least my dog looks at me when I speak to him...

Bankers are people who lend you an umbrella when the sun is shining and then want it back when it starts to rain.

And a personal favorite:
Nothing right in left brain. Nothing left in my right brain.

I have a T shirt with a picture of the Venus of Willendorf

http://art.wlu.edu/venus of willendorf.jpg

and the legend: Must Be Venus Envy

If it's Tourist Season, how come we can't shoot them?

Ya mean we can't? ...oops!

Ooh! And not forgetting...
If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off
and
Stop the world - I want to get ON!

http://art.wlu.edu/venus of willendorf.jpg

Missing Page
The Page You Requested Does Not Exist

Missing Page

I still get it but let's try:
http://witcombe.sbc.edu/willendorf/images/willendorfa.jpg

Hey, Faldage! (and other baseball fans) Look at this! :

http://www.krazyshirts.com/anbudselcont.html

Then there's the one I had made. On the front it says:

Rule#2 When the umpire is wrong see rule#1

On the back it says:

Rule#1 The umpire is always right

saw a great one yesterday:

Well-behaved women never make history

I'm into the old Ford vs GM thing - but here in Oz it's Ford vs Holden - same same.

I'm sure these are applicable world wide, just substitute two locally produced marques.

I'd rather push my Holden than drive a Ford

On a perfect day all you can hear is the sound of Fords rusting away

stales

My partner has a t-shirt which he wears just to upset lefty right on guardianistas ( most of our friends ) with the legend 'disabled is the new black'. I have a t-shirt to go with it which saves me dull conversations at parties with 'I can't believe he's not better' in place of the 'I can't believe it's not butter' logo.

dody's back! dody's back! HURRAH!

good to see you posting again dody baby! love the t-shirts....

Dody, it's nice to see you again. But I have to say that a good bit of your post made no sense to me. I did find a clue as to what a "guardianista" is, and to my dismay, what I suspected turned out to be true.
http://www.fuzzclog.com/
I had not heard of this publication--is it a magazine?--before joining this board. And indeed, when my beloved shanks wrote of the Grauniad, I thought it was an odd name, but took him at his word.
I still have no idea what 'the new black' means.

Jackie, the Brits can tell you better than I, but.
The Guardian is an independent-thinking progressive newspaper which I like a lot. Now what's a Fuzzclog?

And by "the new black," I think what's meant is the new group to discriminate against. Not that you asked me, but did that ever stop me?

No, I don't mind, Anna--sponge-like, I soak up info. from all sources. Here's the explanation their site gives:
What does the word 'Fuzzclog' mean?

Dictionary definition - "a profound philosophical statement ."


What is the purpose of Fuzzclog?

Fuzzclog is a non-profit organisation. The main aim of the website is to give students (and desirable others) the opportunity to have their work viewed across the entire world.


Who runs Fuzzclog?

Fuzzclog is run by a group of media art students studying at Southampton Institute in the UK.

DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.

I was once tasked with naming and shirt design for our softball team; we became None of the Above, which was most apt as we traditionally finished last but none. long after I (was) retired from the team, I was given a 20th Anniversary shirt, the name has ever held.

A friend was telling me, just last night, about a colleague of his whose name is Les. Apparently Les got asked to do an awful lot of work and is always being put on jobs others won't do, etc., until he decided his personal slogan should be, "We Do More With Les!"

(well, I liked it!)

So, some explanation is needed. The Guardian is a daily newspaper on the left of the political spectrum. It is renowned for it's appalling spelling and is often referred to as the Grauniad. It is a broadsheet rather than a tabloid, although it usually has two tabloid supplements which feed every intellectuals secret desire to look at Kylies bottom. This link gives a brief history of the paper. http://www.guardian.co.uk/Print/0,3858,4428358,00.html To access the online paper click on this http://www.guardian.co.uk The cryptic crossword is great, Auracaria may just be a genius.
The new black is a fashion term which now describes every thing new in terms of previously fashionable things. So, Britney is the new Tiffany, grey is the new black and so on. Just google say, grey is the new black, it's terrifyingly ubiquitous. There is an occasional column in the Private Eye devoted to this disease. The new black could also be taken to mean what Ana said.
'I can't believe it's not butter' is a margarine with a stupid name.

'I can't believe it's not butter' is a margarine with a stupid name.

I've always referred to it as "I can't believe you think it's butter."

'I can't believe it's not butter' is a margarine with a stupid name.

I've always referred to it as "I can't believe you think it's butter."

Faldage - is that from your "olio" of pet peeves?

another thread turned to food...

anyone know where I can find a good belt?

I have a bottle of very good 12 year old Bunnahabhain. If you can tell me how to pronounce it, you can have a good belt of it. not!

Ænigma suggests bunnies.

Dear ol' Aenigma....God bless her and all who sail in her!

(sorry, can't seem to make the a-e thingy - how does one do this on the keyboard?! tried alt-a but got this instead: å - and alt-shift-a got Å - what the hell does that mean?!)

I'm guessing....Bunnahavahn. (just based on how Siobhan is pronounced, mind you)

It means alt gives you the small letter and alt-shift gives you the big letter.

Bingley

alt gives you the small letter and alt-shift gives you the big letter.
Really? I didn't know that. Kewl.
On my computer, mg, I can press Alt then 145 on the keypad over to the right, and get æ. Alt 146 gives Æ. Alt 142 gives Ä, and Alt 132 gives ä.

å - and alt-shift-a got Å - what the hell does that mean?!

It's used in Scandinavian languages, m-g, - and is pronounced as a long-drawn-out "O" sound - more like "oawww". In Copenhagen the sound is fairly clipped (although all Copenhagen Danish is pretty clipped, come to think of it) but on the mainland, in Jutland, it is really long-drawn; most of the very little Danish that I can pronounce was learned in Århus, in Jutland and my Copenhagen friends laughed fit to bust when I used the words over there - they immediately recognised it as Jutland pronunciation! (Apparently this has comic overtones, there.)

And if you want to know the key-strokes for all the strange symbols, go to "Character Map" (somewhere in "Accesories" usually, on M$ run PCs), which gives you the whole riange in all the fonts. Click on any of them, and a "key-stroke guide" appears down in the bottom right-hand corner.
E.g., Alt 0197 gives you Å in Times New Roman (and most other fonts!)

Thanks everyone, but I think I need help from Faldage....I'm on a Mac, and I refuse to allow Microsoft any disk space.

So if I hold down the alt key and type 145, all I get is...145.

Damn and blast. I figgered out most of the accents I need for le français, but many others elude me (unless I stumble upon them by åccident....!).

modgod, are you running OS9 or OSX? if you're still on 9, go to http://www.versiontracker.com and search for "Font Explorer". it's a great little free program that will show you where all the keys are.
if you're using OSX, you've got the character palette which will show you more than you ever wanted to know!!

oh, and try putting a &# before the number and a ; after, and see what happens... &#<some number here>;

Option a = å

Option A = Å

Option ' = æ

Option " = Æ

I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that cannot be repeated . . . but this one can:

My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.

Probably the funniest I ever saw was on a pick-up truck driven by two men wearing cowboy hats (I live in rural Oregon) -- and the bumper sticker said:
If you ain't a Cowboy, you ain't sh*t!

I pointed it out to my husband and asked, "Doesn't that mean that if I remove the double negative a cowboy is a piece of sh*t?" We laughed for days.

My favorite T-shirt saying is
"I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on"
I like wearing it when I go someplace where "the guys" don't think I know what's going on, but I know I do.

"SUPPORT BACTERIA! It's the only culture most people have."

k

Over here, a popular bumper sticker of some years ago was, "Don't follow me - I'm lost, too."

A friend of mine had a similar one on his car - "If I follow you home will you keep me?".

Okay, not really a bumper sticker or a t-shirt but here's another I heard today....

Whispering is not aloud...

thanks etaoin, thanks Faldage! (eta, I'm running OS 8.6)

lookit dis: æ and Æ

Hurrah!

Now I can talk about Ænigma with y'all! and about anything else that has an æ in it....Kewl.

Harumph to all you Brit-speakers: it's Enigma. Plain old E. No leaning A. <eg>

But, Jackie. Ænigma is just so much more je ne sais quoi! It fits her better.

Besides, if you feed Ænigma Enigma she buys it; if you feed her Ænigma she spits back [nihilism].

S'il vous plait, Qu'est-ce que c'est le Francais pour "je ne sais quoi"?

le Francais pour "je ne sais quoi"

Non scio quem

Qu'est-ce que c'est le Francais pour "je ne sais quoi"?

I don't know, what?

We'd a done that better the other way round, Cyg. Gotta work on the timing.

yeah, 14 seconds. I'm only half-way through my first cup o' coffee.
I'll do better next time.

T-shirt seen on a member of a Bomb Squad:

IF YOU SEE ME
RUNNING,
TRY TO KEEP UP

S'il vous plait, Qu'est-ce que c'est le Francais pour "je ne sais quoi"?

Reminds me of a very funny exchange in Marianne Ackerman's play, L'Affaire Tartuffe, or The Garrison Officers Rehearse Moliere. There the garrison officers are, rehearsing Moliere, and I believe they had to have a soldier stand in for one of the officers who couldn't be there (not positive that was the situation, it's been awhile since I saw the play!).

One officer reads his line and the soldier reads his response:

Soldier: Qwoy?
Officer: (correcting the soldier) Qwoh.
Soldier: What?!

Hm. Maybe it's funnier live....I still love it - an exchange that consists of the same word repeated three times with different nuances and in two different languages...!

IF YOU SEE ME
RUNNING,
TRY TO KEEP UP

Sounds sound advice to me, Ruby

- and welcome aBoard and welcome to the trio of Rhubarb, Rubrick and Ruby.

This is goin' to get confoosin', I can see - Rube Ruby and Rhuby