Jackie:

Your mentioning this reminded me of something that I had not thought about in almost 30 years. I had a bet with a lady at work for dinner and a movie. Can't remember the subject of the bet, can't remember who won, can't remember the dinner. But the movie!!!

We decided on the spur of the moment to see "The Groove Tube", a disjointed series of skits based on commercial television. One of the skits featured a penis and associated appendages, with a plastic eye glued to the scrotum over each testicle. It took us about 30 seconds to realize what this talking head was and suddenly we were both laughing so hard our ribs hurt. But the most interesting thing was that no one else in the audience got the joke for at least a minute after we started laughing.

I've often wondered what that said about us.

And now I wonder if these guys might not have stolen this idea from that movie.

TEd

'parently they soak things in bowls of ice water after each show to (ahem) remove the swelling.

There's a new one. Men trying to make the 'swelling' go down.....

I regret that I'll have to wait until I get home to view the webpage...I'm afraid Big Brother and his Firewall might get this hit.

Wonder what my husband will think when he sees me open to performing penis'? What would the men of this page say to their wives if they saw them viewing the same???

What would the men of this page say to their wives if they saw them viewing the same???

"Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught."
-- Winston Churchill

Do I see a pattern here, Whit? You've given us
this thread,
and another bobbit attack, [choice of "red" is deliberate ]
and Freeze the Balls Off a Brass Monkey,
and made "off hand" reference to Loreena Bobbbit.

Whit, you're my kinda guy!


http://wordsmith.org/board/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=wordplay&Number=54103
http://wordsmith.org/board/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=miscellany&Number=49085
http://wordsmith.org/board/showthreaded.pl?Cat=&Board=miscellany&Number=50313

Whit, you're my kinda guy!

Keiva? A man is your kinda guy if he starts discussions about other men's genitals being cut off, frozen off, and manipulated into hamburgers? OH MY!!!!

The duo was a smash hit at the Comedy Festival here in Montreal. They even had to tack on an extra show because of the overwhelming public demand.

What I really wonder though, is not how they came up with all these penile gymnastics (boys will be boys and as such, well, generally play with themselves somewhat) but how exactly did they bring it up *to one another*.

I mean, were they sitting there one day, watching the telly when Simon turns to David and says, "hey, I can make a my penis look like the Eiffel Tower, wanna see??" And, David says what..."ya sure, lookie mine"

F.Y.I. The BEST time to visit Montréal is during the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival. There are humourists from all over the globe. Everybody has a fabulous time. Here is a site if you are interested...

http://www.hahaha.com/index.ch2

Well, after all, they are standup comedians. But they don't appeal to the Chinese, who are well known for being inscrotable.

inscrotable

TEd, you're so insrutable with your inscrotables!

Gentlemen! The ladies will find this humor inconceivably unbearable!

I have a lot of respect for those who stand up for themselves - it's like carrying a sackful of eggs into the dark, unknown tunnels of life.....

stales

it's like carrying a sackful of eggs into the dark...

Somebody needs to be reviewing his "the birds & bees" talk. Now you have a mommy bird and a daddy bird. The mommy bird has eggs, the daddy bird has, um, well, ah, um, well...long story short (ooo how apropos)...he don't have eggs.

so stales sweety, them ain't eggs they be carrying.

...look like eggs, feel like eggs, break like eggs......but they're not eggs you say. Hmmm. Interesting.

stales

Do I see a pattern here?...(page reference URLs)

Ah, yes...dick statistics (has a certain assonance to it, doesn't it?)

In Spanish, the word for eggs is huevos. Huevos also happens to be the common term for what we refer to as "balls", testicularly speaking, of course.[looking up and whistling-e]

testicularly speaking, of course.[looking up and whistling...

Couldja explain this please Connie? (I could get no sense when I tried Anatomica)

interesting subject-line, mav

eggstremely strained

Well done, sir! I have no doubt that was in-tensional; it is not easy to re-strain yourself when Consuelo is around.

Ok, that's it, I'm outta here!

After making post two above, I saw this article-title in today's newspaper:

The Egghead and the Welsh rarebit

Reported without comment.
http://chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/chi-0202120004feb12.story?coll=chi-leisure-hed

As opposed to "balls" in cricket-speak, Mav. That's all.[whistling "Man of La Mancha"-e and twirling]

I can't confirm the truth of the following - but....

Apparently one of these guys has his girlfriend's name (Wendy) tattooed upon - well, you know... Most of the time it simply reads "Wy"

He was recently doing a show in Jamaica and couldn't help but notice (whilst using the gents' facilities) another guy had the same tattoo. Amazed, he said, "Do you have that tattoo because your lady's name is Wendy?".

"No mon" the other guy replied, "It says Welcome to Jamaica, hope you have a nice stay".

stales

"WY tattooed"

for recent alternate versions see also

http://wordsmith.org/board/showthreaded.pl?cat=&board=wordplay&number=49611

et. seq.

(It's in the thread on this forum from December 19, 2001 called "putz exaptated," if there's a problem with the URL) or even if there isn't a problem with the url)

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

If it isn't, it should be! These guy's should have it hanging in their dressing room.

i dragged this to the top for all the US'ers... The magic men are scheduled to be on Jay Leno tonight --that is if your local affiliate doesn't pull the show..or otherwise block the segment.

you can see all the excitement (or lack there of, as i understand it) tonight.

they seem to have created 'franchises' since the show is still playing in NY, and is also playing in LA...

rehersal and try out for the must be interesting... and imaging writing home to your parents, that you have finally made it big, on the great white way... and your starring in...

We don't have anyone from Iowa here do we? i wonder how it will play in Peoria.

there was a fly on the wall documentary about these guys when they were just starting out. i happened upon it at stupid o'clock in the morning, it was either on bbc2 or channel 4, if i can find it i'll post a link

Seems to me there was an act similar to this described by the late great Spike Milligan in one of his books about life in the Army during WW2. At the end of the "performance" they played the National Anthem and....

Well I missed Jay Leno last night. Can't help but wonder what I missed. The act sounds like it brings a whole new meaning to the adage that it isn't the size but what you do with it that counts...

also, it was all talk.... it did explain how they came to planning and producing the show, but no "dick tricks" as they called them, where available.

i some times wonder how it is that i live in a country that still has such a childish attitude towards nudity, and the body.

after midnight audiences aren't children, and by the way, the name Puppetry of the Penis, does give you a clue.

the Salt Lake City Utah affiliate refused to even air the show-- LDS should be called latter day liars, the Marriot hotel chain, headquartered in SLC, and headed by rightous mormans fathers, is one of the biggest purveyers of porn in US.

i guess they are only in favor of porn when they are getting a cut of the profits. not that i think the P of the P is porn, but i don't see much wrong with most porn. sometimes its funny, and very often it is boring, and every once in a while its just what you want.

i don't see much wrong with most porn. sometimes its funny, and very often it is boring, and every once in a while its just what you want.


I can't define "pornography," but I know what I like.

Helen:

You are correct that Marriott is big time LDS connected, but

The company is headquartered in Washington, D.C., and has approximately 153,000 employees. In fiscal year 2000, Marriott International reported systemwide sales of $19.8 billion.

J. Willard Marriott started out with a root-beer stand in DC and parlayed it into a multinational corporation. He contributed heavily and regularly to the Republican Party and was a close personal friend of Dick Nixon's (though it's hard to imagine Dick having any close friends and some people honestly believe that Nixon was Nixon's only friend and not a very good one at that.)

Marriott contributed most of the costs of building the Mormon Temple that's right off the DC beltway in Maryland. You cannot believe that place! The best way to view it is to go counterclockwise on the beltway at night. As you come around a curve it looms into sight, looking like a cross between a cathedral and a fairy-tale castle, all white stone with tall spires pierced by white stone windows (about which more below). Here's a picture:

http://www.lofthouse.com/design/photo/above.html I called it Disneyland on the Beltway.

Prior to its dedication, the temple was open to Gentiles, which includes our Jewish brethren, and I took the tour (this would have been 1974 I guess.) The opulence is breathtaking. In the main sanctuary there's a baptismal font (baptism by immersion I assume) that is mounted on the backs of eight bigger-than-life statues of oxen, all covered in gold leaf. There are circular staircases up into the towers, which from the outside appear to glow from within. When you are on the stairs you can see why. The windows in the towers are glazed with the same stone as was used for the skin of the temple, only cut so thin that light from within shines outward so the temple appears to glow. During the day sunlight filters through the marble, though I know this only from reading about it. I took the tour at night.

One of the precepts of the Mormon religion is that you can save your ancestors by marrying them to make them part of the church. This is the primary reason for the Mormons' deep interest in genealogy. You can't marry your great-grandfather if you don't know his name. I'm not clear on whether males can marry their male predecessors or whether you still have to cross gender lines, but marry their ancestors they do.

Only confirmed LDS members may enter the temple after it has been dedicated, and then only with special permission from the president of your stake, if memory serves me correctly. And when you do get in, you must be dressed entirely in white. At the temple in DC, there are changing rooms (locker rooms actually) that are just immense, with lockers for perhaps 5000 or more for each sex. The temple provides the clothes, in support of which there is a huge laundry area. Believe it or not, they had front-loading washing machines that were big enough to hold a couple of VW bugs! So big the doors were opened and closed hydraulically.

All in all I came away with a feeling that a gret deal of money had been spent on this building that could have been better spent on helping the unfortunate throughout the world.

I've also been through the temple here in the Denver area (again just before it was dedicated.) Same opulence on a much smaller scale. What I remember of that one was the silk flower arrangements. I could have retired off that contract!

And yes, I agree with you about the hypocrisy; perhaps the most noted example is what happened to the official LDS stance on polygamy. The Mormon community in what is now Utah wanted to come into the Union. Congress decreed that admission was incumbent on changing the name from the religious name Deseret in favor of the secular name Utah. They also said that the Utah constitution would have to specifically forbid polygamy.

The president of the church soon thereafter revealed that God had come to him in a dream and told him that it was OK for the Mormons not to practice polygamy any more.

Similarly, there was a big flap involving the Boy Scouts. A young black man in Utah wanted to be a senior patrol leader, but could not because the Mormons required that only bishops in the church could be SPLs, and blacks were not allowed to be bishops. Being a bishop in LDS is more or less like being confirmed in other religions, as I understand and remember it. There was a monstrous foofaraw and the President of the church had a dream. You guessed it; it was suddenly OK for black kids to become bishops.

I've always wondered why a black person would even want to be a part of a church that specifically said you were second-class because of the color of your skin. Whatever trips your trigger, I guess.

TEd (who, as you may have guessed, is NOT a Mormon)

Seen it many times since we came to this area almost exactly 10 years ago and never once had any idea what it was. I thought it was maybe a Catholic church, but it looked different than any Catholic church I'd ever seen. Being the busy sort, I'd never taken the time to go check it out.

Thanks for the explanation,
k

yes, the LDS consider even my tranquil neighbor hood to be be an extention of a modern day sodem and gohmorrah, and the make a continues effort to convert everyone on the block. (there is an image of terror, two rightious morman desending upon you!)

it is the fastest growing western religion, and its not quite christian... believing as they do, in a sort of godly re-incarnation. i am familiar with there symbolic baptisms, and my ex used there genology services when he was researching his family. Every relitive he found through them, had been postumously converted to LDS's! (as is every deceased president of the US, and i don't know how many other leaders of the world.

one striking difference, in the new testiment, jesus admonises to have opinions, and hold them strongly, ('if you (food) are neither hot nor cold, i spit you out') LDS, have the exact opposite belief, and are enjoyed not to drink hot coffee, or iced drinks.. everything tepid...

they are strictly required to tithe, and the church is very rich.

In case anyone is interested...

I wasn't aware of the marrying ancestors version, rather that they routinely baptize their ancestors into the church retroactively. Apparently there was some flap several years ago about trying to retro-induct Founding Fathers and other notables to whom they couldn't prove lineage relation. If you listened closely, you could hear the faint rumble of all those people simultaneously rolling over in their graves.

Also, there's a further issue of clothing ~ some holy garment that they have to wear at all times... in the shower, in bed, at all times. Of course, it features special flaps to accommodate the making of more Mormons, but it's all blessed and sanctified - they might have a second set, I'm not exactly clear on how they manage to wear it at all times and not stink their way to the holy planets.

There's a website full of stories from the inside - people who left the church who reveal some of the inner workings and hypocrisies. It's fascinating reading - a friend pointed me to it when she was in the process of divorcing her Mormon husband. She's a confirmed Athiest (so to speak)... that was doomed from the start! I'll see if I can find it if anyone is interested.

Oh yeah - and on the topic of reversing the church's position - the no caffeine rule was relaxed after it became public knowledge that LDS was a major stockholder in the Coca-Cola corporation. You guessed it, some elder or another had a revelatory dream. <Sigh>

Many years ago I spent a couple of weeks exploring the canyonlands of Utah, ostensibly by bicycle, but almost all of it by Jeep, which is a lot easier.

I went into a liquor store somewhere in SE tah (Monticello perhaps) and doubled up over a cartoon on the wallo: "If you think our liquor laws are strange you should see our underwear."

yeah, the holy underwear looks all the world for what i would call a union suit... a one piece undergarment that you can still buy (hunter and other doors people use them)

and you're taught, by your parents how to ease out of one side, slip a fresh one on to the bare side, and then ease out of the other side, and finish putting the new one on.

some less religous LDS were something closer to a a teddy, but the proper garment covers the upper arms and thighs, so no shorts, no sleeveless dressed, etc. and wedding dresses are a particular problem...

there was a big scandle some 15 to 20 years ago...
Joseph Smith, the founder and translater of the book of morman(the book of morman was written on goldend plates, J. got see them, and translate them, but then the angel moroni took them back..)also translated egyptian heiroglyphics

since they believe that jesus came to the americas, to convert the indians after his death in israel, joseph used to collect scraps of egytian scolls (the were used for shipping material) and claim they were proof, since they told all about it..

the rosetta stone had already been discovered, but news hadn't reached upstate ny, or illinois, or the other places the mormans tried to settle before ending up in utah, and at that point, no one thought heiroglyphics would ever be translated...

nowdays, the church is very close about these scraps of paper, and when a forger started to come up with "early letters, and copies of the translations" the church bought them up as fast as they could, name your price, no questions asked...

the forgered ended up having his house bombed, as i recall, when he wasn't fast enough in turning over the papers... then the FBI got involved, and the elders of the LDS where very upset. a couple of bishops just plead guilty, so that there wouldn't be any trial... and the FBI would end its investagations.. (but by then, they were investigating the forger, since he didn't limit himself to LDS documents.)

i don't remember the names, but i suspect you could google up some thing just with forgery and LDS. fasinating stuff..
there is also the book, Secret Ceremonies, by deborah laake, she is a former morman, who quite the church and wrote all about it.... some very strange stuff, make all the hoodoo voodoo of the catholic rites look down right tame!

Tugging this thread back to where it started, as a sorta companion production for PofP,
Billboard spotted recently in Kalamazoo:
Coming Soon
The Vagina Monologues
Spread the Word

Anyone seen this theatrical production yet?
http://www.vaginamonologues.com/Content.htm
http://www.nydailynews.com/1999-10-04/new_york_now/theater/a-42419.aspYou'll have to click on "Search" and scroll down to #13

This is what happens when you labia under a misconception.

Could you please go back and shorten your link to the end of the first 49611? The rest isn't necessary and it w-i-d-e-n-s the page.

Could you please go back and shorten your link

That's not what most of the ladies say!

There is also a version of the theatrical production The Vaginamonologues currently touring various major cities in Australia. Like the New York version, the cast comprises local celebrities.

Could you please go back and shorten your link to the end of the first 49611? The rest isn't necessary and it w-i-d-e-n-s the page.


Done and done, but I'm not sure it works this way...

Oh well. No great loss, really.

The Vagina Monologues
Spread the Word

Anyone seen this theatrical production yet?

Yes, I've seen it, Connie, and it's fabulous. Not in the vein (ahem) of PotP though. It tends to be a little more related to the intellect (trying to put it nicely) and covers a whole range of emotions. At some points I was crying with laughter, and at others I was just crying. Great show. Go see it if you get the chance.