Wordsmith.org
Posted By: Jackie Sparteye's game - 12/17/09 03:40 AM
I think Sparteye's the person who had us doing something like this lo these many years ago: take the first and last headwords of an open dictionary, and make a sentence out of them--the weirder the better. I'm not sure if I have that right; I'll ask if she's willing to come take a look. But if there are any takers, I'll offer some from the Chambers Jo gave me:thymy and tight. When you do one, put two more for the next person.
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 12/17/09 04:42 PM
Time was tight, the mood was mellow; we made love in a thymy field of yellow.
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 12/17/09 04:46 PM
BOTULISM - BOURN
Posted By: Jackie Re: Sparteye's game - 12/18/09 02:48 AM
! I had to look up bourn, and, uh, will sucker offer someone else the opportunity to use these two.
Posted By: doc_comfort Re: Sparteye's game - 12/18/09 03:41 AM
From trickling bourn in yellow field was a case of botulism yield.

AUTHORIZE - AZURE
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 12/22/09 11:01 PM
Before you fly the azure skies, make sure your carry-on's authorized.



PANDA - PANNIER
Posted By: twosleepy Re: Sparteye's game - 12/23/09 04:20 AM
I had a panda in each pannier, not much room for the fanny there...

RACKETLON - RADIOACTIVE
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 12/30/09 06:50 PM
A racketlon tourney was very attractive 'til I thought I might return from Finland radioactive.

RIVERBANK - ROBE
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 12/30/09 11:01 PM
Down by the riverbank the suffocating judge finally got rid of his robe and jumped into the welcoming water.

PULCINELLA - PLOW
Posted By: Jackie Re: Sparteye's game - 12/31/09 03:18 AM
Dang, y'alls' words're making me feel like a pulcinella, always having to look things up; but I plow ahead anyway 'cause I'm as optimistic as a pup! Ew, that was terrible!

FALSETTO--FARE
Posted By: kah454 Re: Sparteye's game - 12/31/09 09:16 PM
The music's fare
had a distinct tremolo
from the counter-tenor's
orginal use of the falsetto.


mason --- masurium
Posted By: tsuwm Re: Sparteye's game - 01/01/10 02:11 PM
a mason would have to be crazy to work with masurium!

crawl .. creatrix
Posted By: Jackie Re: Sparteye's game - 01/02/10 01:10 AM
I know I'm not a creatrix:
my ideas can't crawl through the matrix.

DIANDROUS--DIELECTRIC Good luck with this one!
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 01/13/10 12:34 AM
Due to its dielectric properties, I kept my prize diandrous orchid in a ceramic vase when conducting my electrostatic experiments.
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 01/13/10 12:48 AM
SLANG - SLEDGEHAMMER
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 01/13/10 07:17 PM
Little John Taylor was slighted for his incorrigble use of slang words, but was respected for his sophisticated sledgehammer blows.

AGNOSTIC - APPLE-PIE
Posted By: tsuwm Re: Sparteye's game - 01/13/10 08:20 PM
and, even though Little John was religiously agnostic, his values were as American as apple-pie.

GROSSLY...GROUNDING
Posted By: Jackie Re: Sparteye's game - 01/14/10 03:44 AM
religiously agnostic Snort! I bet you couldn't resist that, could you? laugh

Mr. Arc Flash found that the joy in grounding electrical systems as a career had been grossly overstated.

OCTENNIAL--OFF
Posted By: tsuwm Re: Sparteye's game - 01/14/10 04:44 AM
the octennial, celebratory performance of Carl Orff's Carmina Burana was called off due to the ongoing world war; how awful.

WAR WAREHOUSE
Posted By: twosleepy Re: Sparteye's game - 01/14/10 04:22 PM
When their populations hit all-time highs, war broke out in the warehouse between the mice and rats.

pétanque pa-ching
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 01/15/10 09:33 PM
Hmph! I always thought Carmina Burana was quite Orffal.

grin
Posted By: tsuwm Re: Sparteye's game - 01/15/10 10:24 PM
>how awful.

guess I shoulda added some stress to that, hmmm? wink
-ron o.
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 01/19/10 12:08 AM
Sorry, twosleepy, but I cannot find a definition for pa-ching.

CB
Posted By: twosleepy Re: Sparteye's game - 01/19/10 02:15 PM
Originally Posted By: Coffeebean
Sorry, twosleepy, but I cannot find a definition for pa-ching.

CB


I used Merriam-Webster. Here's the link: pa-ching
I didn't know either one, so I thought they'd both be good ("the weirder the better"). I guess I was right!
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 01/19/10 10:27 PM
Pa-ching! You can't step outside the circle when playing petanque!

PIMPLE - PINHEAD
Posted By: tsuwm Re: Sparteye's game - 01/20/10 03:22 AM
Originally Posted By: twosleepy
Originally Posted By: Coffeebean
Sorry, twosleepy, but I cannot find a definition for pa-ching.

CB


I used Merriam-Webster. Here's the link: pa-ching
I didn't know either one, so I thought they'd both be good ("the weirder the better"). I guess I was right!


that's from the 'open dictionary'; or, you could have made that up and entered it your own self!
Posted By: twosleepy Re: Sparteye's game - 01/20/10 02:42 PM
Originally Posted By: tsuwm
Originally Posted By: twosleepy
Originally Posted By: Coffeebean
Sorry, twosleepy, but I cannot find a definition for pa-ching.

CB


I used Merriam-Webster. Here's the link: pa-ching
I didn't know either one, so I thought they'd both be good ("the weirder the better"). I guess I was right!




that's from the 'open dictionary'; or, you could have made that up and entered it your own self!

Originally Posted By: Jackie
I think Sparteye's the person who had us doing something like this lo these many years ago: take the first and last headwords of an open dictionary, and make a sentence out of them--the weirder the better. I'm not sure if I have that right; I'll ask if she's willing to come take a look. But if there are any takers, I'll offer some from the Chambers Jo gave me:thymy and tight. When you do one, put two more for the next person.


Hm. Where'd I get that crazy idea.... Oh yeah! At the top of the page, in the roolz!
Posted By: tsuwm Re: Sparteye's game - 01/20/10 03:48 PM
gee, and I took that to mean 'a dictionary wot's opened at random', probly based on the way we played at that time.
Posted By: twosleepy Re: Sparteye's game - 01/20/10 05:07 PM
HEH! laugh

Since we're online, I assumed "online" open dictionary. It really is funny, because you can totally see it both ways, which neither of us did at first. I do have a physical dictionary, but too lazy to go get it...
Posted By: Jackie Re: Sparteye's game - 01/21/10 03:21 AM
When my brother called me a pinhead, I hexed a pimple on him.

WRETCH--WYVERN

Edit: FTR, I use the Chambers Jo gave me.
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 01/22/10 12:13 AM
Sir George was a strong and handsome fellow,
Whom many a maiden would catch;
He slew the wyvern for Gwyneth’s hand:
“Take that, you beastly wretch!”


RAFFISH - RAINMAKER
Posted By: tsuwm Re: Sparteye's game - 01/22/10 12:35 AM
Rainmaker, who used to post here often, was quite a Raffish fellow indeed.

RADIUS BAR ... RAGTIME
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 01/26/10 04:47 PM
Sam listened to ragtime music while repairing the radius bar on his old Buick.

IMBROGLIO - IMMOBILIZE
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 01/27/10 02:21 PM
By over-cooking the tortelloni on the plate were totally immobilized and the only way out of this imbroglio was to transform the substance to tortelloni in brodo.

SHRIMP-SHOWER
Posted By: Avy Re: Sparteye's game - 01/27/10 03:02 PM
'Pon a complex cooking question she pondered in the shower,
Should I add the flour to the shrimp or the shrimp to the flour?

CRAFT and CRANNY
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 01/28/10 12:53 AM
I was always so fond of my bartending craft, until the morning I awoke to find myself face down in a dusty cranny in the attic.

EKE - ELECTRA
Posted By: Avy Re: Sparteye's game - 01/28/10 01:21 AM
Did Electra mourn because Eugene had to eke out a living while he wrote?

MIND MINIMUM
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 01/29/10 08:46 PM
My bichon frise cares to mind a minimum of the time.

RESCUE - RESILIENCE
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 01/29/10 10:28 PM
The Bichon Frise Rescue Effort endeavored to efficiently use the limited resources of volunteers with amazing resilience.

CATSPAW - CATERPILLAR
Posted By: Avy Re: Sparteye's game - 01/30/10 04:25 AM
Because their resources were so limited, the vounteers were forced to use the caterpiller as a cat's paw to catch the cat.
KILL KINEMATICS
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 02/01/10 08:54 PM
As long as nothing will kill my joint coordinates me and my sandcrawler's kinematics will keep me moving.

INDICES - INDOCTRINATE
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 02/02/10 01:12 AM
I decided to completely indoctrinate my apprentice by requiring her to cross-reference the indices of seven anthologies.

SHEAR - SHEIK
Posted By: Jackie Re: Sparteye's game - 02/02/10 02:16 AM
I'm going to cheat a bit on this one...

Bald-headed sheik's aide: "I said, shear the SHEEP, you idiot!"

QUIETUS--QURAN
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 02/11/10 12:57 AM
Why do you pick such hard ones, Jackie? cry

The minister's familiarity with the Quran put the quietus on her critics.


TRACT - TRAGEDY
Posted By: Jackie Re: Sparteye's game - 02/11/10 01:48 AM
Hey, it oughta be interesting, quoi?
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 02/11/10 10:09 PM
Of course! I was just having a little whine....
Posted By: Jackie Re: Sparteye's game - 02/12/10 02:10 AM
Yeah, yeah...okay, Miss Smartypants! You are such a tragedian; can't you take my retraction? wink

SASIN--SAVELOY
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 02/16/10 12:21 AM
I leapt like a sasin, full of joy, when I won first prize for my saveloy.

MARDUK - MARJORAM
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 02/16/10 09:53 AM
Marduk the Babylonian was worshipped with twigs of marjoram.

DIAL-DERN
Posted By: Jackie Re: Sparteye's game - 02/17/10 02:00 AM
When the frozen man was discovered and thawed out in the year 2150, he said, "How do you dial this dern phone? I want to call my family".

KILLDEER--KIT
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 02/17/10 12:26 PM
Darn! laugh I think I meant this dern:
dern[fr. Fris. dern, hidden, secret, obscure]
now chiefly dialect
1) hidden, secret; crafty, underhanded
2) drear, dark, somber, dire
3) UK : earnest, determined
But an SF approach is just as well.
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 02/17/10 11:06 PM
From his mountain dern, all alone,
the hermit tried to dial his phone;
alas! he had AT&T!

laugh
Posted By: Jackie Re: Sparteye's game - 02/18/10 02:55 AM
1) hidden, secret; crafty, underhanded
Ok, so the phone was behind a secret panel! laugh
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 02/18/10 12:44 PM
The secret panel has vanished.
Please don't kill the killdeer, we have lost the resurrection kit.

INHERIT - ICE CUBES
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 02/18/10 09:19 PM
Her grandfather twirled the ice cubes in his glass and growled, "If you expect to inherit anything from me, young lady, you'll finish school and get a job!"


TRILOBITE -- TRIPE
Posted By: Jackie Re: Sparteye's game - 02/19/10 02:33 AM
"Trilobite! Trilobite?? I ain't no effen trilobite", said the thawed-out* man. "What a load of tripe--I'm not that old!"
*(At first I had frozen man...then I realized he wouldn't be able to speak!)

FORWENT--FRACTURE
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 02/20/10 12:48 AM
It is interesting that we seldom hear the verb "forwent". Sounds stuffy and pretentious, I guess. I will use "forego" in a sentence, and when needing to put it into past tense, would choose the structure: "decided to forego".

Tom forwent the camping trip due to his fractured thumb.

KIDNEY STONE -- KINDLING
Posted By: Jackie Re: Sparteye's game - 02/21/10 04:47 AM
[whisper] Yeah, there wasn't any def. after the word; it just said to see forgo. But it was the headword.[/whisper]
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/23/10 01:27 AM
A Frenchman who lived on the Rhone
Was beset with a large kidney stone.
With a shaft thin as kindling,
His forbearance was dwindling,
And he decided to pass it alone.

MOFETTE - MOLT
Posted By: olly Re: Sparteye's game - 02/23/10 01:52 AM
Ha. Thats great!
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/23/10 02:01 AM
It's a tragic disorder. I can only communicate my most personal thoughts in the form of limericks
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 02/23/10 09:24 AM
Cool!beck123

Where moff's made for the coquette
a mofette's a quite a different sujet
a noxious emanation
you don't want to behold
where vulcanos are subject to molt
(immerick)

HERMETIC - HAVOC
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/23/10 11:54 AM
The Twinkie (a food so pathetic
It's sealed in a package hermetic)
Is OK for those
Who control their glucose,
But wreaks havoc on those diabetic.

IMPERIUM - IMPLORE
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/23/10 11:23 PM
Come on, boys and girls, wake up out there! It's been 12 hours.

There once was a woman named Miriam
Who desired her own vast imperium.
When denied her own sceptre
By the husband who kept her,
She implored, "Why not me?" in delerium

SLOP - SLUG
Posted By: twosleepy Re: Sparteye's game - 02/24/10 12:17 AM
The lowly and crawly old Slug,
Envies Snail with a fire and hearthrug,
Tho' it has no abode,
To take on the road,
It can slip through the slop and be smug.

DUMB AGUE - DUNNE
(I used a "real" dictionary, AH, random opening...)
(Limericks not my strong suit, but I do enjoy them.)
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/24/10 12:30 AM
I'm glad you enjoy them, and you seem to have done a good job with this one. I'm using an old F&W Standard College, with a 1974 copyright. (If the head words are too similar, I randomly open it a second time.)
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/24/10 12:41 AM
The dumb ague had gripped Mrs. Bunn
To the fright of her freckled-faced son.
When she asked, "Junior, truly,
Have you called Mr. Dooley?"
He replied (as you've guessed,) "Fin'ly Dunne"

IDIOCY - IGNIFY
Posted By: Avy Re: Sparteye's game - 02/24/10 04:18 AM
'Sorry' said the woman from the pharmacy,
'To be the unwitting cause of your lunacy,
I meant to purify,
And not to ignify,
Your liver; please pardon my idiocy.'

OUTDOOR OUTPUT

----
Thumbs up for your limericks B. You write well. I found this hard work.
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/24/10 11:53 AM
It is hard work!

I squander far too much of my time composing them.
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/24/10 12:02 PM
An outdoor designer named Deeger
Met up with two females, both eager.
Though his output was fine
With the first one in line,
His second was terribly meager.

THOROUGH - THREADFIN
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 02/24/10 04:09 PM
a thorough search in the Hague
proved the threadfin is rather vague
for all sorts of fishes
turned up at my wishes
so the naming may be a mistague.

MOOSE - MUSTARD

(are you using some kind of book ?)
Posted By: tsuwm Re: Sparteye's game - 02/24/10 04:44 PM
we were hunting the North Woods for moose
when our hound dog (named Rover) got loose
he got into the mustard
and also the custard
but Rover came back smelling of goose

ODZOOKS .. OFF
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 02/24/10 05:06 PM
laugh crazy
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/24/10 10:38 PM
The apprentice exclaiming "Odzooks!"
Earned the worst of the alchemist's looks;
He explained, with a cough,
"I was just j***ing off,
And you won't find that word in your books."
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/24/10 10:43 PM


eek oh my, oh my.
Posted By: tsuwm Re: Sparteye's game - 02/24/10 11:44 PM
beck has suggested that we start a new thread: Sparteye's Limerick Game. but we might as well continue to play with the concept here before we splinter off.

where's our new pair, beck?
Posted By: tsuwm Re: Sparteye's game - 02/24/10 11:50 PM
should we require use of "the target words as the A and B of your rhyme scheme", as in the last couple of entries (perhaps reverse lines 3 and 4 of beck's).

should we follow the typical limerick form; i.e., one slightly risque sentence, as in beck's last?

these 'impositions' prolly makes things that much more difficult, but.
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/25/10 12:57 AM
I say we leave it loose on this thread. Maybe others will be inspired - we already have a few good takers. We can set new, obnoxiously difficult rules if we open another thread.

Oops. The new words are...

GRINGO - GRONINGEN
Posted By: Avy Re: Sparteye's game - 02/25/10 01:42 AM
Please do not set rules on scansion. Limericks scan, I think, as lines 1,2,5 in tetrameter and 3,4 in trimeter (iambic). That is way way way too much work. If I put in so much work and I will want to frame the limerick in gold and put it up on my wall.
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/25/10 02:48 AM
There once was a poet - a gringo -
Who wrote poems in his own native lingo.
From Dallas to Groningen
He made us all groan again,
And here's his new limerick. Bingo!

DEATHBED - DECADE
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 02/25/10 11:50 AM
I expected to see my deathbed in a decade or so, but if I keep up with limmericking I may count some good years off.

DIVESTITURE - DRAMBUIE
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 02/25/10 04:40 PM
Attempts at divestiture failed;
Reporters and critics assailed;
With my business ka-blooey
I drowned in Drambuie,
And off to Australia I sailed.


TRANSPOSITION -- TRAVELED
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/25/10 09:25 PM
@ coffeebean: TERRIFIC!

A fellow's genetic condition
Left him seeking a real transposition.
His gender unraveled,
So to Sweden he traveled,
And her life has now come to fruition.

DYSPROSIUM - EARED
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 12:52 AM
Thanks, Beck! Fun addition to the game!

Attending a nuclear symposium
Tom learned all the facts of dysprosium;
With a manual dog-eared
for a bomb – it is feared –
He has gone off to begin composing ‘em.

OOZE -- OPEN-MOUTHED
Posted By: twosleepy Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 01:52 AM
It happened on the way to symposium,
From the sky fell a chunk of dysprosium!
And being big-eared,
It did as he feared,
And richocheted off his big nosium!

*sigh* please forgive the amateurishness...

CIUDAD TRUJILLO CLAIRVOYANCE
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 03:37 AM
We're becoming inspired! Those two were great - I wouldn't want to have to choose between them, and, thankfully, I don't.

@ twosleepy: I'm in north Florida, and this week I saw your avatars migrating through, so spring is on the way. The robins passed through two to three weeks ago in great flocks.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 03:45 AM
Not soon enough for me. I have cabin fever as do so many folks
here. Enough is enough of snow and ice. So glad the robins
are coming.
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 03:46 AM
He thnored in the road, open-mouthed.
He had fallen there, dreadfully thouthed.
The empty of booze
Glithened there in the ooze,
While ith contenth inthide him were houthed.

McDOWELL - MEANDER
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 03:49 AM
Hi, Luke. Nice to know you're out there. Keep your chin up - you've been through winter before.
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 04:01 AM
There once was a lady from Mayence
Who was cursed with backwards clairvoyance
She sang, "Amore Mio"
In Ci'dad Trujillo
Two days late, to the locals' annoyance.

(see my earlier post for the next two words...)
Posted By: Avy Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 04:56 AM
A happy young man from Kandy,
On drinking Mcdowell's brandy,
Began to meander,
While saying candour,
"How are you. My name is randy!"

NUMB NURSE
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 05:17 AM
He went to see Lola, the nurse
And complained his condition was worse.
So she sucked on his thumb
Until it was numb,
And he slipped his ten bucks in her purse.

(It is most challenging to keep these PG-rated)

LOX - LUDDITE
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 05:20 AM
G'night, all
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 10:36 AM
The day shift's contribution

To eat both lox and lox
Would be a bad paradox
Like the Luddite in rage
Destroyed their own wage
When preventing machines to make socks.

STONEHENGE SUPERSTRING
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 04:36 PM
Originally Posted By: beck123
G'night, all


I'll bet you walk around all day thinking in limericks.
Does the pace of your walking follow the beat?
Posted By: twosleepy Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 08:46 PM
Oops! I had a reply window open at work, and was slowly building my limerick. When I finished I was in a hurry and didn't wait to see the posted post. It's fun, though, to see two different, yet alike, ideas with the same words. I do believe, however, that symposium is the only true rhymer for dysprosium. Sorry to have stepped on you, Coffee! :0)
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 08:55 PM
It may be the only one spelled identically, but there's a bug called a "no-see-um" whose name would rhyme, no?
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 09:01 PM

No-see-ums on a man's hand (the very tiny dark spots)
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 11:28 PM
No problem, twosleepy! That happens!

A bikini’d young lass decked with bling
Was studying most everything
From stone age to stonehenge
She relished the challenge
And was eager to try superstring.
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 02/26/10 11:30 PM
WHATNOT - WHENCE
Posted By: twosleepy Re: Sparteye's game - 02/27/10 06:36 AM
Not to my ear, Beck. I like the "-osium" to rhyme. Not much out there with that!
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 02/28/10 08:32 AM
When she fell in love with a 'whatnot'
of political dubious upshot,
she said: "whence this crush came
and who is to blame,
I wish I could tell but I cannot."

RAINCOAT RECONCILE
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 02/28/10 09:39 PM
He donned his infernal raincoat,
The "flashy" one, if you'll take note.
Shoppers can't reconcile
What they saw in that aisle
With his face, since they never saw both.

INVISIBLE INK - IODOUS
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 03/02/10 10:42 PM
A wedding by shotgun for Linc:
The bridesmaids in iodous pink;
He pondered and mused,
His back badly bruised:
“Could I sign in invisible ink?”


FRAGMENT -- FRANKFURTER
Posted By: olly Re: Sparteye's game - 03/02/10 10:55 PM
Very clever. grin
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 03/03/10 07:46 AM
Real charming coffeebean! laugh It seemed an impossible one.
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/03/10 11:56 AM
A wise old professor, Doc Hagment,
Translated the mystic text fragment
With his language converter
While he ate his frankfurter,
Then understood just what the hag meant.

CRATER - CREATURE
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 03/03/10 12:03 PM
A wise old professor, Doc Hagment,
Translated the mystic text fragment
With his language converter
While he ate his frankfurter,
Then understood just what the hag meant.


A wedding by shotgun for Linc:
The bridesmaids in iodous pink;
He pondered and mused,
His back badly bruised:
“Could I sign in invisible ink?”


laugh I give up on you guys. Clever both!






Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 03/03/10 09:21 PM
Thanks! Sometimes I have to let the words bounce around in my pea brain for a while before an idea comes. Have been trying to inject a little humor if I can.


Bernard fell in love with a preacher
But found her a prim, frigid creature.
On a date at the crater
He killed her and ate her,
Declaring: “AHA! That’ll teach her!”


FESTOONERY -- FEZ
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/03/10 10:10 PM
@ coffeebean: That's great! I like when there are internal rhymes in the lines. I'm afraid we're scaring others away, though - I wouldn't want to do that. I hope there are afficianados out there who are enjoying this doggerel, even if they aren't participating...

In the hand of his girlfriend, Inez,
A lad placed a small, plastic fez.
Despite its festoonery
And her boyfriend's buffoonery,
Inez knew it simply held PEZ.

BUGLOSS - BULLDOZE
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 03/03/10 11:39 PM
Originally Posted By: Jackie
I think Sparteye's the person who had us doing something like this lo these many years ago: take the first and last headwords of an open dictionary, and make a sentence out of them--the weirder the better.


I agree - some folks who were participating earlier have dropped out. frown

I think we should go back to the Roolz and make a sentence. Now, as you can see, we did not hesitate to make a couplet at times.

Want to start a new thread for limericks only? Or keep it as-is?

CB
Posted By: Avy Re: Sparteye's game - 03/04/10 01:27 AM
What is pez?
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 03/04/10 04:15 AM
Pez is candy that comes in a dispenser with a character head. Perhaps someone can insert a photo....
Posted By: twosleepy Re: Sparteye's game - 03/04/10 04:39 AM


The back of the heads have hinges, and the brick shaped candy dispenses below the chin when you tilt the head back. There are hundreds of Pez dispenser styles. The candy is mostly fruit flavors.
Posted By: Avy Re: Sparteye's game - 03/04/10 07:10 AM
Oh okay thanks. Is it a brand name? Why doesn't the Webster's new world dictionary list it?
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 03/04/10 11:48 AM
It's a trade mark Pez

I like to read your limericks, but for me it takes too much time to do it. The occasional sentence was OK. I have to look up most of the given words to begin with.
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/04/10 11:55 AM
Originally Posted By: Coffeebean
Want to start a new thread for limericks only? Or keep it as-is?


This thread was pretty inactive for a while. I tried to revive it with the limericks a month or so ago, and we had the discussion early on about whether or not to start a new thread. That was left unresolved at the time, so we can decide today (but I have to leave for work right now.)
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/04/10 09:51 PM
I totally enjoy reading the limericks. Have attempted a few,
but get boggled down. Keep 'em up!.
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 03/05/10 02:14 AM
Originally Posted By: BranShea
I have to look up most of the given words to begin with.


I have to look up quite a few of them too!

Well, let's keep the thread as-is. All you non-limerickers: feel free to jump in with a sentence or whatever moves you. If we have a double post (which sometimes happens anyway) we will address both posts and continue having fun.

CB
Posted By: Avy Re: Sparteye's game - 03/05/10 04:25 AM
The bugloss flower would have bulldozed across the field was it not rooted to the ground.
- COLON COLLAR
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/05/10 11:39 AM
A poor little dog stood alone,
In the picturesque town of Colon
He used his last dollar
To buy a new collar
Then walked off to look for a bone.

(yeah, yeah, I know...)

NURSEMAID - NYCTALOPIA
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteye's game - 03/05/10 12:44 PM
I know I'm late, but I'll post it anyway.

In the city of Cork (or vicinity),
In the garden of Kevin MacGinity,
Deep in bugloss and moss
He caught his wife and her boss,
And bulldozed them both to Infinity.
Posted By: Avy Re: Sparteye's game - 03/05/10 02:27 PM
I had made this limerick for bugloss and bulldoze then I chose to replace it with a sentence. Instead of letting go waste, I'll post it.

To make a pretty avatar.
CB added a bugloss flower
But then when I chose
To upload a bulldoze
Er- it was too heavy by far.
(Crazy)
Posted By: ModScop Re: Sparteye's game - 03/05/10 04:42 PM
A nursemaid who had nyctalopia,
Thought she'd discovered utopia.
It was sunny and bright
In Alaska at night...
But the family was from Ethiopia.


PREST - PREVAIL
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/05/10 04:58 PM
Welcome ModScop! Clever!
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/05/10 08:54 PM
Good one, Modscop. Welcome to the funny farm.

There once was a fellow from Brest
Who found himself wanting for prest.
He failed to prevail
'Pon the bar for free ale,
So his drinking mate paid for the rest.

MOSSO - MOTIVE
Posted By: ModScop Re: Sparteye's game - 03/06/10 01:57 PM
Good word! I had to go to the BIG dictionary for mosso. smile

What is the motive to play
In any particular way
Forte and mosso
or quiet and so slow?
Do what the composer did say!


CORMEL - COROLLATE
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/07/10 03:28 PM
Bob studied the oak and the beech.
The botanical members of each
He'd label corollate,
Or a cormel, or globate.
He grew bulbous with flowery speech!

DISTRACTED - DIVISION
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 03/07/10 04:42 PM
The man on the stage
of undefined age
looked strangely distracted
The way that he acted
would not get him to division: Front Page

FANFARONADE FARINACEOUS
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/07/10 07:35 PM
A fellow on South Esplanade
Developed a habit most odd:
After meals farinaceous
He'd become quite loquacious
And deliver a fanfaronade

LIMITLESS - LINE
Posted By: ModScop Re: Sparteye's game - 03/07/10 11:48 PM
Friday I went to our "great" DMV
I needed a tag for the Jeep, don't you see.
In a limitless line
I arrived before nine,
And finished at quarter 'til three.

DIRT - DISBANDMENT
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/08/10 01:31 AM
She flipped him the bird for dessert,
And her car drove off, kicking up dirt.
He knew what that hand meant -
Their final disbandment -
Since he had on his unlucky shirt.

(another one that was hard to deliver with a PG rating)

GRADUALISM - GRAMMAR
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/08/10 01:39 AM
WARNING: This is the "unrated" (i.e., lewd to a fault) version of my last. If you want to read it, click the box. If you may be offended by sexual content, please don't click the box, and just enjoy the PG-rated version, above. Thanks.

Click to reveal..
She flipped him the bird for dessert,
And her car drove off, kicking up dirt.
He knew what that hand meant:
Their final disbandment.
He shouldn't have cum on her skirt.
Posted By: ModScop Re: Sparteye's game - 03/08/10 11:23 AM
Limericks were historically lewd.
Some say they could even be crude
By gradualism (or hammer)
We've improved the grammar
But your bawdy tale shouldn't be booed

HALVE - HAND
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/08/10 04:38 PM
Originally Posted By: ModScop
Limericks were historically lewd.
Some say they could even be crude
By gradualism (or hammer)
We've improved the grammar
But your bawdy tale shouldn't be booed

HALVE - HAND



Hear, Hear, ModScop.
If you don't like the stuff, stay off the thread.
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 03/08/10 09:11 PM
uhm..Huh? But your bawdy tale shouldn't be booed ; that is positively meant or am I wrong?
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/08/10 10:19 PM
I think it's ok to post the cruder limericks as long as they are hidden and supplied with a warning, as I did above. If anybody thinks this is inadequate protection, please let me know here or by PM, and I will desist - I recognize that this is a common space, and I'm more than willing to honor that.

To hide something, use this UBB code to surround that which you would like hidden: (left bracket)spoiler(right bracket), and the usual (left bracket)/spoiler(right bracket) to end.

I strongly suggest that you use the "Preview Reply" feature to be certain your lechery is actually hidden before submitting it using this code. (I had it wrong on the first try.)
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/08/10 10:28 PM
They contested who owned the fat calf
(A difficult object to halve.)
One man altered the brand
With some quick sleight-of-hand,
Taking home the whole beast with a laugh.

INCORRIGIBLE - INDEBTED
Posted By: ModScop Re: Sparteye's game - 03/09/10 05:35 PM
The reporter had been thought incorrigible
His attitude really was horrible
With some troops he embedded
Now his life is indebted
To the men he once found deplorable.

HOLE - HOLY
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/09/10 10:49 PM
A man found himself in a hole
And had to make do on the dole.
When his story was told he
cursed all that was holy
And earned the cognomen, "A Soul"

NOODLE - NOMOGRAPH
Posted By: ModScop Re: Sparteye's game - 03/10/10 11:17 PM
The college paid time and a half
For a lazy researcher on staff
He'd slurp on a noodle
While petting his poodle
As they awaited a new nomograph

FOOTBALL - FORB
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/11/10 02:06 AM
Since stumble-bum Ernest McNorb
Had so many rules to absorb,
His first try at football
Outside our Cheroot Hall
Saw his chin strap meet up with a forb.

DRAMA - DRAWING ROOM
Posted By: ModScop Re: Sparteye's game - 03/12/10 12:35 PM
During dinner he spouted our doom
A future of bleakness and gloom.
After dining in drama,
That bordered on trauma
I escaped to my quaint drawing room.


MANSE - MANUSCRIPT
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 03/12/10 09:32 PM
In spite of the proud Lord's defense
He was expelled from his manse
An old manuscript said
't Was not his to be had
And the bailiff he meant no offense.

JUDICIOUS - JESTER
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/12/10 10:32 PM
Tom was a gourmet and a jester,
And he feted a girl just to test her.
With great timing judicious
She washed all the dishes:
His cooking, it seems, had impressed her!

(Good work on those last two, guys)

ENCYCLOPEDIC - ENDORSE
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/14/10 01:53 PM
There once was a vet, Doctor Morse,
Who coerced a last will from a horse.
Being encyclopedic
'Bout things orthopedic
Morse forced the old horse to endorse.

POLYPLOID - POMPOUS
Posted By: ModScop Re: Sparteye's game - 03/15/10 09:53 PM
I had one for encyclopedic and endorse..I just had to work all weekend...

He will tell you who you should endorse.
He will tell you the myths of Old Norse.
He's encyclopedic,
and often comedic...
He claims to be trained in "the Force."

Moving on....

In the past I have often enjoyed
Rhyming word that others avoid.
I try not to be pompous-
It can be quite arduous,
But I can't seem to use polyploid!


MERMAN - MESOSCALE
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/15/10 10:12 PM
Good one! (I love this stuff...)

On his face they are tiny and pale
But grow large on the tip of his tail.
(and we're not talking hair, man,
for this guy's a merman!)
The remainder are, well, mesoscale.

ECHELON - ECONOMIZE
Posted By: ModScop Re: Sparteye's game - 03/16/10 10:21 PM
While sitting in a chic salon
Among the upper echelon
I learned - to no surprise-
They can not economize,
and they're shock when they are overdrawn.

NODUS - NOMOLOGICAL
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/17/10 12:32 AM
We met with a deadbeat named Otis
And demanded the money he owed us.
His mien seemed to thaw,
Then he quoted the law:
An odd nomological nodus.

LAYERAGE - LEAD

(And I note with some levity that I am now a "member," a point my wife makes periodically, using various synonyms)
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/17/10 12:39 AM
A variation that I like just as well:

We met with a deadbeat named Otis
And demanded the money he owed us.
We stood in his foyer
Along with his lawyer:
An odd nomological nodus.
Posted By: Avy Re: Sparteye's game - 03/17/10 02:08 AM
The speech of the next candidate, who was a gardner before he entered politics, began with, "The need of the hour is layerage!" "Layerage," he said, "will lead to ... layering!"
KIT and KITSCHE
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/17/10 03:12 AM
There once was a lady named Brit
Whose bric-a-brac rack was a hit.
The woman was rich,
So - although it was kitsche -
She had ordered the whole tasteless kit.

BURYING BEETLE - BUSYBODY
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 03/17/10 02:10 PM
A cute little scarabee
said: "no burying beetle for me.
He may be of use
But we're all free to choose
He's too much of a busybody. "

CARAMEL - CAMELEON
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/17/10 07:58 PM
The candy man asked the chameleon,
"So tell me, kid, how are you feelin'?"
The chameleon said, "Swell,
But your rich caramel
Has my insides all rockin' and reelin'."

GAZEBO - GELATION
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/17/10 08:06 PM
Another alternate version...

He observed it at first at aphelion,
Then the next day 'twas at perihelion.
So he said, "What the hell,
Pass the mascara, Mel.
Let's all act just like a chameleon."
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/18/10 02:42 AM
The folks on the "poetry thread" are regaling themselves with Whitman, Yeats, and other writers of flowers and pretty scenery. (My taste in poetry leans toward cummings and Bukowski, which would probably not be appreciated there.)

I bring this up because a few recent posts have sneered a bit at limericks (I actually think the "Anti-Limerick" that was posted is great.) So here's how a limerick might respond, late on St. Pattie's Day, in classic limerick style. It's offered in good humor, but not good taste, so don't read it unless you're ok with four-letter words and anatomically-unlikely suggestions.

WARNING: Foul language and (affected) bad attitude:

Click to reveal..
So, us limericks don't have no class?
You "poets" think us guys is crass?
Take your "O's" and your "canst's,"
Stuff them all down your pants;
And that German crap, stuff up your ass.


(Somebody's going to hate me for this.)
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 03/18/10 12:38 PM
It would need a bit more to create hate. smile I have two volumes of cummings and learned about his existence here on this board. So bring in your cummimgses and Bukowski.

Limericks are fun but I do not want to stick to the rules as the outcome tends to become predictable. Specially first lines. And I sure cannot keep up with the speed you are setting.

The German poem is certainly not about flowers and pretty scenery.
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/18/10 09:30 PM
The German poem is tedious. I can read German well enough to know it sounds like something an angst-ridden "death-metal" rock band would write. It's no wonder we use the German word, Angst. They seem to have invented the emotion.

Limericks certainly do have a certain predictability, don't they? Nonetheless, I see them as happy haiku, in that they are short, require severe editing and a dollop of creativity to comply with the requisite structure. Also, like haiku, they are doggerel 99 percent of the time (particularly mine.) As with any literary form, however, there are those rare flares of brilliance, and this is (currently) my chosen form.

Nobody need stick to the rules; the rules of this thread make no mention of limericks, in fact. With that said, I think that if we submit sentences instead of limericks, there should be some constraints in addition to using the two challenge words. That's far too easy. We could specify a target number of words and/or syllables, for example. Or require a certain degree of alliteration to earn big points, since the words almost always start with the same letter. Just some thoughts to keep people engaged.
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/18/10 09:46 PM
Another very uncouth limerick, this time for "GAZEBO - GELATION"

Somebody please rescue us with a PG version.

WARNING. Strong sexual content (but no cuss words.)

Click to reveal..
She's a big UF fan - Gator Nation!
And those daquiris? Perfect gelation!
Later, in the gazebo
(Sadly, not with Tim Tebow)
Her behavior progressed to fellation.
Posted By: ModScop Re: Sparteye's game - 03/18/10 11:16 PM
Okay....this one is PG....

In a small Kansas town known as Lebo
Churning ice cream within a gazebo
He said with elation
"It's quite near gelation"
And posted an invite on Bebo.

LOAD - LOCAL
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/19/10 01:22 AM
When Stanley delivered his load,
Nothing was safe on the road.
He ran down some yokel,
Two deer and a local,
A tortoise, three cats, and a toad.

STICH - STIGMATIZE
Posted By: ModScop Re: Sparteye's game - 03/19/10 10:57 AM
That's a good one Beck! cool

Ask about accent, meter or stich,
For it's true - we know which is which.
Please don't stigmatize
Limericks as unwise.
We just fill our "poems" full of kitsch.

STREAM - STRETCH
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/19/10 10:46 PM
Pity Gomez, the unlucky wretch
Far at sea in his undersized ketch.
He woke from a dream
And fell into the stream.
One should wake up, look well, and then stretch.

FLUENCY - FLUSH
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/23/10 04:24 AM
A wannabee linguist named Bush
Studied accents in far Hindu Kush,
But repetitive truancy
Affected his fluency,
Causing acres of fakirs to flush.

HEATH - HEAVY
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteye's game - 03/23/10 10:04 AM
Originally Posted By: beck123
A wannabee linguist named Bush
Studied accents in far Hindu Kush,
But repetitive truancy
Affected his fluency,
Causing acres of fakirs to flush.

HEATH - HEAVY
Nice one smile
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteye's game - 03/23/10 12:45 PM
Why, thank you, B. I'll be off the site for a few days, but will return on Thursday.
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteys' dilemma - 03/25/10 01:52 PM
The Hermit on the heath by the side of the road
asked me please would I carry his load.
I said: "No, but I will
ask the Fool on the hill;
it's too heavy". Then he croaked like a toad.

RAN - OUT OF WORDS
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteys' dilemma - 03/25/10 09:52 PM
Out of words poets may craft a pun:
"Once in Baghdad, while buying a bun,
Heard a BANG! from a van.
Grabbed a rack, and I ran."
Why, I did it here! Son-of-a-gun.

GHOST - GIFT
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteys' dilemma - 03/27/10 02:39 PM
A fellow with spirits to lift
Sought a medium, born with the gift.
Her fee was the most,
Yet she brought him no ghost:
She just "maybe'd" and "sorry'd" and "if'd."

I think that'll be my last for now - it's been fun!
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Sparteys' dilemma - 03/27/10 03:40 PM
Well, don't quit, just take a coffee break!
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteys' dilemma - 03/29/10 10:33 PM
Here's one for Luke, using all the words in his last post here.

WARNING - Off color, strong sexual content (but not too bad.)

Click to reveal..
The girls all thought Heinrich a rake.
He'd screw them well - all they could take.
Just when he got off, he
Would step out for coffee,
Hearing, "Don't quit now! Just take a break!"
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Sparteys' dilemma - 03/29/10 10:42 PM
Terrific!
You just cannot get them out of your system once you start, can
you? I find myself thinking in the 'beat' or 'rhythm' or whatever
it is called.

Too bad about your last one, however. Charlie is a SHE.
Sorry about that. 1/2 King Charles Spaniel/1/2 chihuahua.
That's where I got the name.

But I'm sure you can revise it. Have at it! I'm waiting
breath abated......
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteys' dilemma - 03/30/10 12:10 AM
Release thy breath, Master of Charlie, for I have changed the scoundrel's name.
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteys' dilemma - 04/08/10 12:33 AM
A spaniel (from Charles, once a king)
And a chihuahua (the poor little thing)
Were mated by force,
And the offspring, of course,
Was a mutt. And she's Luke's! Ba-da-bing!
Posted By: BranShea Re: Sparteys' defeat - 04/09/10 08:29 AM
My last limerick ever
I will use to endeavour
to refute the blame
on a pretty dog's name
as a lack of good taste and not clever.
Posted By: beck123 Sparteyes' proposition - 04/09/10 10:57 AM
The limerick: let's not eschew it!
This thread is a good place to do it.
Perhaps we'll all soften
If we don't post so often,
But if nobody wants to, then screw it.
Posted By: ModScop Re: Sparteyes' proposition - 04/09/10 10:35 PM
The limerick's are fun, I must say -
But I don't log online every day.
Yet now and again
(Can I get an amen?)
They bring a smile to a long, crazy day.
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteyes' proposition - 04/09/10 10:46 PM
Gee, ModScop is back in the saddle!
Though up the creek, she had a paddle.
If she leaves us again
For, say, five days or ten,
Then we'll just give her e-cage a rattle!
Posted By: ModScop Re: Sparteyes' proposition - 04/15/10 11:17 AM
I wrote my check to the I.R.S.
A painful moment, I must confess.
But things could be worse,
I could be in a hearse.
I just wish that it caused less distress.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Sparteyes' proposition - 04/15/10 03:28 PM

Even knowing we are all in the same boat does not seem to help.
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteyes' proposition - 04/16/10 01:58 AM
The government's eyeing my wealth.
They're trying to take it by stealth:
My light bulbs, my car,
My Cuban cigar,
And now they've come after my health!
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Sparteyes' proposition - 04/19/10 09:16 PM
What are the new words?
Posted By: beck123 Re: Sparteyes' proposition - 04/19/10 09:46 PM
This has degenerated into a seldom-visited limerick thread, but I will be glad to furnish two headwords:

RISKY - ROADBED
I must have been out of my head
As I danced to the Grateful Dead:
The mushroom was risky
But I felt so frisky…
And woke up face down in a roadbed.


DEAL - DEBONAIR
I like it! My wife would love it, Dead-Head that she is (was?)

They went to the Polk County fair
And felt themselves quite debonair.
They ate a great deal
Of a cheap, greasy meal,
Then, on the rides, puked in midair.

GUANO - GUERNSEY
When dressing your crops with fertilizer,
Bat guano's a great appetizer,
But easier to find,
It comes from behind,
And the your Guernsey cow is none the wiser!

bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk - baffle
What the heck is THAT? I'm pretty good at limericks, but that's a serious challenge!
it's for sure got three many sylLAbles for a limerick.
The "thunderclap of Adam and Eve,
When from the garden they had to leave."
It made us all baffle,
We could only haffle!
Twosleepy's smile I hope I've achieved!


PATHOLOGY - PATTERN
Completing his work in pathology,
Benjamin made no apology:
He developed a pattern
For slaying each slattern
And compiled a killer anthology.

EYEBROW - EZRA
Posted By: beck123 killing two birds with one stone - 04/21/10 02:28 AM
Bob eyeballed his prof in psychology
Who displayed a distinctive pathology.
Her behavioral pattern
Was that of a slattern,
Which we all should now call bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnukology
Posted By: beck123 Re: killing two birds with one stone - 04/21/10 02:32 AM
Oops! I didn't see that CB had replied to this.
Posted By: beck123 Re: killing two birds with one stone - 04/21/10 02:39 AM
There once was a fellow named Ezra
Whose face was a terrible mess-ra,
With just one thick eyebrow.
One can see the lad now
In a clinic just outside Bethesda

(Whew, is that bad.)
Posted By: beck123 Re: killing two birds with one stone - 04/21/10 02:45 AM
Let's go with this, instead:

Though born with just one thick eyebrow,
And lips that might work on a cow,
This ugly guy, Ezra,
Saw docs at Bethesda,
And - boy! - is he popular now!

COHESIVE - COLD CUTS
Posted By: ModScop Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 04/23/10 02:31 AM
He likes a sandwich that's full of cold cuts.
It's easy to make - no ifs, ands or buts...
Says the mayo's adhesive
(or is that cohesive?)
But don't add onions or olives - That's NUTS!

LOOM - LOREAL
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 04/23/10 03:01 AM
People don't think most snakes are real cute.
When one looms from the scrub, it's a hoot.
Was it coral or viper?
(Either'd soil your diaper)
One should check for the loreal scute.

NOTEBOOK - NOURISH
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 04/23/10 09:32 PM
While playing around on her notebook,
Carlita met Donald on Facebook.
In his prose amateurish
He offered to nourish
Her body and soul, as a good cook.


ECSTACY - EDITION
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 04/24/10 12:55 AM
A lecher named Seamus O'Casey
Showed a prudent lass, Katie C. Stacy,
His worn first edition
Of "Nuns in Perdition,"
But she found it not at all racy.

GRID - GRINDSTONE
Posted By: ModScop Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 04/25/10 12:21 PM
When Tom's wife wanted to live "off-the-grid"
CDs and cellphones she strictly forbid.
"Nose to the grindstone!"
She said in a shrill tone.
She doesn't know there's a TV he hid.


RAMBLE - RANGE
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 04/25/10 01:36 PM
A twisted old cowboy named Campbell
Walked his trusty mare into the bramble.
They did something strange
In their home on the range.
But no details: I'm starting to ramble.

INCORRIGIBLE - INDEBTED
Posted By: Coffeebean This one's not exactly PG - 04/26/10 05:16 PM
Bernard had an attitude horrible:
His teachers had pegged him incorrigible;
But the girls that he petted
Were thoroughly indebted
For his kiss and caress so explorable.


COWHERB -- CRACK
Posted By: ModScop Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 04/28/10 12:46 PM
He's been up the Mekong and back,
fought off a guerrilla attack,
now in the suburb
he fights with the cowherb
that grows in a small sidewalk crack.

SHOVE - SHRIEK
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 04/30/10 07:04 PM
Rinaldo had fallen in love
With the woman who lived up above
He climbed up, took a peek,
Slipped and fell with a shriek
And discovered the force of her shove.


CARRIER PIGEON -- CARTOUCHE
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 04/30/10 10:03 PM
Thanks CB, I couldn't think of anything for those two words that would be rated with fewer than three X's.

Karl primped his Mercedes so much he
Was known for it throughout the duchy.
When a carrier pigeon
Befouled it a smidgen,
He declared it a tragic cartouche.

And, for the more traditional-minded among us...

As Abdul ate baba ganoush
In Luxor beside a cartouche,
A carrier pigeon
Befouled him a smidgen,
Its turds whizzing by with a whoosh.

RUMMER - RUNDLE
This is not an entry in the ongoing limerickage taking place on this thread. I just couldn't resist...

I suspect this may trigger some howls.
(Know my tongue is set firm in both jowls.)
Some think it uplifting
To talk about "shifting,"
But they really are moving their vowels.
We all sing the way we are be(a)cked
And may all think our singing's perfèct
To some the *taste lacks
To seek needles in haystacks
And prefer shifting sounds for their act.

*or time
Posted By: ModScop Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 05/03/10 11:31 PM
Up a ladder went poor Steve Mundle
With shingles, but he missed a rundle.
His death was a bummer,
To him raise a rummer...
and next time use a lift for a bundle.


LEVERAGE - LIBEL
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 05/04/10 03:32 AM
While seducing the comely Miss Sevridge,
Old Willy applied lusty leverage.
She withstood all his libel
And oaths on the Bible,
But succumbed to a drug in her beverage.

PASTORAL - PATENT
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 05/07/10 07:30 PM
Alone in a meadow pastoral,
Don sat with Monica Morrell.
His motives were patent;
Her lust was not latent
And they got down to matters immoral.


TALKATIVE - TAMPER
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 05/07/10 09:30 PM
New hubby wasn't real talkative.
As for parenting, let's say he was balkative.
When it came time to tamper
With junior's full Pampers,
Daddy became downright walkative.

SANITORIUM - SANDHI
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 05/07/10 10:38 PM
Oh! I laughed out loud at that one!
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 05/08/10 11:21 AM
Thanks. I approach them with that goal in mind, so I can chalk up at least one success!

I couldn't think of a single word to rhyme with "talkative." Is there such a word?
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 05/09/10 12:03 PM
Whether average or valedictorian,
Our posters don't let their past worry'em.
Didja ever think Blondie
Would notice a sandhi?
Well, it happens in our sanitorium!

DEATHBED - DEBUT
Posted By: Coffeebean A Sad Tale - 05/12/10 12:00 AM

Suzanne was a regular Meth Head
Who drew crazy cartoons like Berke Breathed.
But her artwork’s debut
Was received with a “boo”
And her studio turned into her deathbed.


WHIMPER - WHISKER
Posted By: beck123 Re: A Sad Tale - 05/12/10 12:31 AM
Old Katie let Beauregard pimp her,
Though her johns couldn't be any limper.
'Twas a financial risk: her
Great stench and her whisker
Would cause them to shudder and whimper.

INFAMY - INFIELD
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: A Sad Tale - 05/13/10 08:00 PM
Fortune and fame was their destiny
'Til their drug use came under much scrutiny.
Stars of the infield:
Canseco and Sheffield,
Joined Bonds and McGwire in infamy.

CLOSE CALL -- CLOVE
Posted By: beck123 Re: A Sad Tale - 05/15/10 02:24 AM
To my pot-bellied pig I've grown close.
Call his name, and he wiggles his nose.
Now bake ham in the stove
With brown sugar and clove,
And tell me you don't think it's gross.

EXPLORER - EXPRESSLY
Posted By: Jackie Re: A Sad Tale - 05/15/10 02:40 AM
Christopher was an explorer.
Isabella: did he adore her!
But his ship, it did sink.
It was not in the pink,
Due expressly to the emerald ash borer.

GALLEY--GANDER
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: A Sad Tale - 05/15/10 03:29 PM
Way to bring History into the modern day! Hurrah!
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: A Sad Tale - 05/15/10 04:18 PM
Great job, Jackie!
Posted By: Jackie Re: A Sad Tale - 05/16/10 02:38 AM
Thanks, you two! :-)
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: A Sad Tale - 05/16/10 03:26 PM


da nada! ne rien!
Posted By: BranShea Re: A Sad Tale - 05/16/10 05:20 PM
Originally Posted By: Jackie
Thanks, you two! :-)

Three ! I like that one too!
Posted By: beck123 Re: A Sad Tale - 05/17/10 01:14 AM
Four! I like it, too (Of course I do - I'm an entomologist!)
Posted By: beck123 Re: A Sad Tale - 05/17/10 01:23 AM
It would be rather hard just to tally
All the dishes Bob scrubbed in the galley.
But please take a gander
At him wielding that sander,
On the pots that he found in the alley!

LEISURELY - LENS
Posted By: Jackie Re: A Sad Tale - 05/17/10 02:57 AM
Not LEISURELY Robert did grumble
When his LENS it did take a long tumble;
All the way to the sea.
"Woe is me, woe is me;
No pictures, all thanks to that fumble".

KNOCKWURST--KRYPTON (Good luck with this one.)
Posted By: beck123 Re: A Sad Tale - 05/18/10 12:26 AM
My favorite kind of knockwurst
Is the brand that I tasted at first.
Sure as krypton's a gas,
Other brands didn't pass,
'Cause they all were not better, but wurst.

(I love a challenge.)

POSSESSION - POSTILION
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: A Sad Tale - 05/18/10 03:15 PM
Well, you certainly are up to it!
Posted By: BranShea Re: A Sad Tale - 05/18/10 03:33 PM
When he came in posession
Of estates in degression
To upgrade his dominion
he became a postilion
while asking his peers for discretion

BARITONE BURGONET
Posted By: beck123 Limerix - 05/19/10 02:26 AM
Whether baking a loaf, roll or scone,
Andy'd sing in his rich baritone.
O'er his hair, not a net
But a true burgonet:
Bread and opera he offered Simone.

SUDOR - SUGAR
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: Limerix - 05/19/10 08:08 PM
Bravo!
Posted By: BranShea Re: Limerix - 05/19/10 10:09 PM
Good one. I envy Simone.
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limerix - 05/20/10 01:53 AM
I'll let her know that smile
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Limerix - 05/20/10 03:11 PM
It seems to me Andy also benefited very well!
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limerix - 05/21/10 01:38 AM
Yes, he certainly did.
Posted By: Jackie Re: Limerix - 05/21/10 02:59 AM
I had to look up the word sudor;
then I wanted to run for the true door.
Sugar'd make it taste worse;
I would want to curse,
"Bleah! This stuff tastes worse than crude ore."

UNDERACHIEVE--UNION
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limerix - 05/21/10 03:12 AM
When asked at his high school reunion,
The ne'er-do-well Farhat Khartounian
Said to all, "I believe
I shall underachieve
As I did in our bleak student union!"

DRAFT - DRAM
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limerix - 05/26/10 02:00 AM
A penurious drunkard named Sam
Was well know for his signature scam:
He'd slip crud in his draft
(While his buddies all laughed)
So the bartender'd spot him a dram.

MAJESTY - MAKER
Posted By: ModScop Re: Limerix - 05/30/10 11:26 PM
When I say this, I don't mean to boast,
but I travel a lot more than most.
Between work and my kin
there's no time to log in
to read here, much less to post!!
cool
Posted By: ModScop Re: Limerix - 05/30/10 11:30 PM
In the palace worked Stephen the baker
who was also a silverware taker.
When his dishonesty
Was found by His Majesty
Stephen was sent off to his maker.


SERVE - SET
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limerix - 06/01/10 01:02 AM
At tennis with busty Nanette,
Young Adelbert rushed to the net.
Though she'd flubbed every serve,
He still worked up the nerve
To tell her politely, "Nice set."

HARD - HARMONIZE
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Limerix - 06/07/10 01:58 AM
Wow! You have a nice set yourself, Mister Beck. I can't touch that but I can imitate:

A traveling young tennis player named Merve
Ran over a land mine before he could swerve.
Sad.
On the other hand
In Afghanistan
Set Point often comes before First Serve

Thanks. blush
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limerix - 06/07/10 02:55 AM
Thank you. I blush.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Limerix - 06/07/10 03:18 PM
Originally Posted By: jenny jenny
Wow! You have a nice set yourself, Mister Beck. I can't touch that but I can imitate:

A traveling young tennis player named Merve
Ran over a land mine before he could swerve.
Sad.
On the other hand
In Afghanistan
Set Point often comes before First Serve

Thanks. blush




Nice one, yourself, JJ.
WELCOME!
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limerix - 06/08/10 02:59 AM
I light cigarettes, and I burn two.
A-a-b-b-a I return to.
It's just hard to defuse
My old limerick muse.
Jenny Jenny, who can I turn to?

Welcome, JJ. Your secret code is:
Click to reveal..
8675309
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Limerix - 06/08/10 03:22 PM
I suspect, Mister Beck, that you are your own muse. Get out of his way. He is good...very good.

Now, with the lazy thought that fun trumps form I post this near rhyme...



The best back-up bass in Bayou County was the late Johnny Mize
John doo-woped in a quartet - the Mississippi Mudflat Fives
John's last song, though, was sang alto,
Solo, allegro and irato.
While being eaten by a gator it is hard to harmonize.


HUMANIST HUMOROUS
Posted By: beck123 Re: Limerix - 06/09/10 02:23 AM
My teacher done taught me fo' sure
That a "quartet" contains only four,
And yet now - 'sakes alive!-
The ol' Mudflats have five!
Seems it's possible there could be more!
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Limerix - 06/10/10 12:15 AM
frown Humph! Who made the rule that a quartet can only have four members? I tell you, Beck, the language has gone to hell since the White Eyes came to this land. Before Desoto you had entire tribes of Choctaws and Chickasaws singing in a quartet. Even today on tour "The Five Blind Boys of Mississippi" might have as many as eight Blind Boys singing and spliting the pot.

Seems fair.
Posted By: Alex Williams poetic license seems fair - 06/11/10 03:15 PM
A man by the surname of Reams
Was describing the girl of his dreams:
"She's tall and she's fair,
With long golden hair,
And busting apart at the seams."

CONTINUATION CONSTERNATION
Posted By: beck123 Re: poetic license seems fair - 06/11/10 11:11 PM
@JJ:

On a language blog, surely we strive
To keep the value of language alive!
In a trio there's three,
And that's okay by me,
Plus, my Blind Boys CDs don't say, "Five!"
Posted By: beck123 Re: poetic license seems fair - 06/11/10 11:19 PM
The pastor, whose background was Haitian,
Awoke every day with inflation.
Steady continuation
Of Platonic relation
Was causing him great consternation.

DUB - DUE
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: poetic license seems fair - 06/13/10 03:03 PM
When an inner-pedant humanist (whom we will dub "Gus")
Said "the English language is beyond them" (Gus meant "us")
But give the devil his due do dew
Our English can be fun too to two
Who wants a serious language if it can't be hilarious

SELFHOOD SEMAPHORE
Posted By: beck123 Re: poetic license seems fair - 06/13/10 07:25 PM
Willy's selfhood for years had stood proud,
You could say he stood out from the crowd.
He was more than elated
When that semaphore bated,
Though his new bride was crying aloud.

GAZEBO - GELATINOUS
Posted By: Alex Williams Belgian waffle - 06/15/10 05:46 PM
"Zis gazebo's ze scene of a crime.
And one can establish ze time.
Zis much we know,"
said Hercule Poirot,
From ze bloody, gelatinous slime."

ORIENT -- ORIOLE
Posted By: jenny jenny EXPRESS ORIENT - 06/16/10 09:47 PM
Before Columbus went, a Chinesse gent went,
Without any map or compass accompanyment.
Why his ship -the American Express
Was true to course, he'd proudly confess
"I always orient away from the Orient"

ABSURD ACE

(Did you waffle, Alex, or am I drinking too much wine?)
Posted By: Alex Williams Re: EXPRESS ORIENT - 06/17/10 12:45 PM
Well, I had suggested "orient + express" as a continuation of the Hercule Poirot theme, but then I remembered that the original rules were that the two words were supposed to be the first and last words on an open page in a dictionary. Clearly, orient + express could not satisfy that condition.

Not that it matters really since this is all in fun.


Posted By: BranShea Re: EXPRESS ORIENT - 06/22/10 09:10 PM
Can't distinguish a king from an ace
Said the joker while hiding his face
It's all up to the thief
To provide some relief
I'm struck down by this quite absurd race.

HOVER HURRICANE
Posted By: ModScop Re: EXPRESS ORIENT - 06/24/10 09:29 AM
Another year and I can't take the strain
of the season we call "hurricane"
Perhaps I will hover
In bed - under cover
And come out when the weather is sane.


MOVER - MUDDLE
Posted By: beck123 Re: EXPRESS ORIENT - 06/25/10 08:59 PM
I hired a furniture mover
Who sucked like a thousand-buck Hoover.
He trod ev'ry puddle;
He'd drag, drop, and muddle.
Now I'm off to buy good stain remover.

HABILE - HADES
Posted By: jenny jenny HABILE - HADES - 06/27/10 06:42 PM
"Who sucked like a thousand-buck Hoover."

Wow! Now that's a line that will live forever in the vulgate (if it already hasn't). smile

A womanizer of words was Beck
Beck amourized comely words less fleck
With ladies he was habile
In hades he did babel
"Heck! I shoulda been more circumspect."


SOUTHERN BUG - SOW


Posted By: beck123 More dumb limericks - 06/28/10 02:02 AM
(That was an original, he said most humbly.)

In springtime, ol' Landry would sow
His okry and peas in a row
'Til that mean southern bug,
Like some New Orleans thug,
Tore 'em up. Now dey ain't dere no mo'.

JACKAL - JADE
Posted By: jenny jenny More dumb rhymes - 07/02/10 01:58 PM
JACKAL JADE

Moving along, a poem entitled...

Yes They Do

Rabbits like radishes
Jackals like jade
Frogs have fetishes
Dogs like shade


PERSONALITY - PERSONAL PRONOUN





Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/02/10 09:48 PM
A homeless man, well known around town,
Would amble about with his fly down.
With great joviality,
His exposed "personality"
Was addressed with a personal pronoun.

PURPOSE - PUSHY
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/05/10 02:58 PM
His affair with Ismelda was cushy,
Though it's true she could be rather pushy.
When she was, she'd get nervous,
Farting loudly on purpose.
She had perfect control of her tushy.

HERE - HERMIT
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/05/10 04:01 PM
Hmm...can't resist playing with yourself, eh Mister Beck? Well here's my reply less self-appreciating... smile

The purpose of the word "purpose" is ambiguous.
A purpose of a purpose? How ridiculous!
I don't mean to be crass (pushy)
But you can bet your sweet ass (tushy)
That the purpose of this poem is superfluous
.

HERE - HERMIT
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/05/10 10:25 PM
I give it a few days, then I shoot one out there just to change the headwords. I much prefer reading other peoples' limericks than my own. I know how mine end.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/07/10 09:32 AM
HERE - HERMIT

On a hill (it wasn't a summit)
I met not a recluse, but a hermit
I said "Why are you here?"
He said "I'm outa beer
And life is unbearable without it."

INFORMATION THEORY - IN-GROUP
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/07/10 10:33 PM
A fellow named Shannon grew weary
Of his night class on information theory.
He went out for soup
With the class's in-group,
And by 10, they were beery and cheery.

RAD - RADIO
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/10/10 04:38 PM
Okay, here we go again...

A lad we’ll call Vlad was so bad
At his French lessons, F’s all he had.
He would spell adieu “a-d-o,”
While he grooved to the radio.
Then he studied and passed, and said, “Rad.”

MAJESTY - MAKER
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/11/10 02:10 PM
MAJESTY - TRAGEDY

Good young Bob was a majesty maker
Gave Bob my wife and he said he'd take her
But my brief majesty
Became Bob's tragedy
She shot Bob and married the undertaker



MILTON - MIND READING
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/11/10 11:48 PM
At the breakfast buffet at the Hilton,
When a scholarly fellow named Milton
Said, "I don't mind reading
Amidst all this feeding,"
His wife replied, "Just pass the Stilton."

PERSEVERE - PERSONIFY
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/13/10 02:34 AM
PERSEVERE - PERSONIFY

I am (they say) a low down no account rake
They say (and I am) a crook, phoney and fake
But hey, if I persevere
And stop drinking beer
In a year or two I could personify a snake
I say

REDTAPE - REDUCE
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/14/10 01:40 AM
She decided she had to reduce
For the hot guy she wished to seduce,
But she couldn't escape
The dreaded red tape,
So she said, "Pass the chops - what's the use?"

INHALER - INJUSTICE
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/16/10 02:10 PM
INHALER - INJUSTICE


In 1466 the Devil was Vlad the Impaler
In 1966 the Devil was the Hippy Inhaler
Today injustice abounds
While the Devil stands around
Our Liberator has become our Doom-a-rater


HARMONICA - HAPPY




Posted By: Jackie Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/17/10 12:52 AM
Harmonica baby was happy
As long as he played with his pappy.
But when Mom interfered,
His sound--off it veered!
And from then on his music was crappy.

RESTRICT--RETRO-ROCKET
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/17/10 06:21 PM
RESTRICT--RETRO-ROCKET

Why do dictionaries hyphenate "retro-rocket"?
"retro" is an adjective, a rocket is a rocket.
If only Webster would restrict
Hyphenated words, I predict
I could fit their dictionary into my shirt pocket.

PLUTONIC - POETIC LICENSE
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/22/10 01:42 AM
It's decidedly more than ironic
That people think diamonds plutonic.
They're bright carbon to my sense,
And such poetic license
Ascribes to them shadows demonic.

INCESTUOUS - INCOGNITO
Posted By: Jackie Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/22/10 02:55 AM
Hey--it ain't Thursday yet! 'Less you moved to the Far East.
Posted By: olly Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/22/10 03:49 AM
Its almost Friday here. The first to see the sun.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/22/10 08:37 PM
I remember the "first to see the sun rise" claims back
at the turn of the century/millenia. I believe Kiribati,
the Pacific Island nation, won the claim, tho' I'm not sure.
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/22/10 11:51 PM
It's futile to try to annoint
One spot as Earth's easternmost point.
It's a big sphere, by golly,
And our "date" line's just folly;
So let's not get our nose out of joint.
Posted By: olly Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/23/10 11:33 PM
Its an integral part of our way
us humans must plot every day
to keep our own history
from being a mystery
let the world keep spinning I say
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/24/10 12:29 AM
Here, Here!
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/24/10 04:53 AM
INCESTUOUS - INCOGNITO

The intercourse of the Sun and the Earth is not incestuous
Whether or not the Sun encircles us is decided just by us
An ancient racetrack builder even yet incognito
Drew a line across a track and presto we got "go"
There are lines for mathematicians and lines for the rest of us.

IRONCLAD - ISLAMIC
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/24/10 02:39 PM
Our generals are now hurling iron,
Clad in battle garb - 't'swhat they get high on.
Sure, the war's not atomic,
And the foe is Islamic,
But for now it's what they must get by on.

[...not to be mistaken for my actual sentiments, but it makes a pretty darned ok rhyme. I would much rather have been tasked with creating a limerick for these two:]

HOOKED - HOPPER
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/27/10 03:30 PM
Bravo General Beck! A tinge of poetic truth is beyond a passel of politics. Four Stars!

Tenni-bopper Hopper was a hooker who hooked
A hard-working humper her card was always booked
What...was she a tail shaker?
No...she was a clothing maker
Who carded her wool and hooked her hooks, and you've been rooked. smile

PAWN - PEACH
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/28/10 03:49 AM
Ol' Bob and his gal, Missy Peach
Felt the good life was not out of reach.
To get there they'd pawn
Everything but the lawn,
Which they'd gaze upon, quite nouveau riche.

LOX - LUDDITE
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/30/10 12:25 PM
Excellent. Another good one, mate. Change "gaze" to "graze" and Ole Bob and Missy Peach become two very happy sheep. See yall in a week or so. smile

I'm saving the Vermonters; I'll be gone a right smart spell
Lox and Bagel luddites all, they're going straight to Hell
I didn't go to Haiti
I figure it can waitee
But I'm saving the Vermonters - I'll teach them to rebel.

DILL PICKLE - DILLY DALLY
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 07/31/10 12:12 AM
Off color, but not coarsely vulgar:

Click to reveal..
Young Sally seemed prudent and fickle
'Til a Jewish guy gave her a tickle.
Now, mind you, 'twas Sally
Said, "Don't dilly dally!
I'd like to try kosher dill pickle!"
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/02/10 09:37 PM
Duh. I'm sitting here wondering why there are no takers...

HEPATICA - HERE
Posted By: Jackie Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/03/10 02:22 AM
See yall in a week or so. Ah--no wonder you've not been over in onnicles. Hurry back!
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/08/10 05:04 PM
The buttercup of my desire - Hepatica of Ittica
Took me to court for a broken vow I'd made to her
The judge said:
"Look here, Jennifer, did you promise
To take Hepatica to Florida?"
I said:
"No, your Honor, I only told her that I wanted to Tampa with her." smile

INFINITESIMAL - INFORMATION
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/08/10 08:58 PM
Welcome back, JJ!

Consider the commonplace decimal
Expressing the infinitesimal.
Yet, for large information,
In the right-est-most station,
That same dot makes hugeness accessible.

DISTRIBUTOR - DIVE
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/09/10 02:33 PM
Nice one above, Beck; tightly written with a snip of neat content. It would take an entire battleship of sailors to provide the claps that it so richly deserves. laugh

A distributor is no longer needed in the modern car
Whatever it distributed is today passe and mostly neither nor.
So when out for a drive
And your car takes a dive
Don't bother fixing your distributor because you won't get far.

SALACIOUS - SALMONS
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/09/10 04:12 PM
Dorothy, in manners most gracious,
With an appetite short of voracious,
Cooked a dinner of salmons,
Broiled with garlic and lemons,
For her boyfriend, already salacious.


SLEEK - SLOBBER
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/10/10 12:02 AM
His target looked tempting and chic,
Her clothing expensive and sleek.
His intent was to rob her,
But he started to slobber
And just pinched her hard on the cheek.

KNEE - KNOCK
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/10/10 01:33 PM
If your knee-knock peacock won't strut
Jump start him; kick him in the butt
And if your pea-cock
Still won't get it up
Buy him a brown hen; dress her like a slut.


ORIFICE - OROGENY
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/10/10 11:54 PM
No dirty words, but adult material, nonetheless...

Click to reveal..
Noting Bob's private parts and their softness,
Traci said, "That won't do for my orifice.
We can't plan for our progeny
Without penile orogeny!"
Bob replied, "But I give at the office."

SPEECH - SPEND
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/11/10 06:43 PM
A governor unwilling to bend
From his policy of tax and spend,
Heard a furious speech
Laced with “lynch” and “impeach”
And saw his career at an end.


SLOE - SLY
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/11/10 09:18 PM
Good one, Bean. Here's an onnickmerick for your two words:

In Oslo, each person you see
Has a long and precise family tree.
Whether Swedish, Norwegian,
Icelandic, or Frisian,
Each guards his forebears jealously.

MEAN - MECHANICAL
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/15/10 12:31 PM
Since there are no takers, I'll move this along...

Al was a Mercedes mechanic.
Al's buddy arrived in a panic.
"My car's turning green!"
"I see what you mean.
"See a priest, 'cause it's something satanic."

And here's a variation on a classic, using the same two words (not recommended for the sensitive):

Click to reveal..
An engineer fellow named Paul
Had a truly mechanical ball.
The mean of its weight
Plus his pecker, times eight,
Plus two fifths, times ... oh, wait... f**k it all.

MAIDENLY - MAJESTY
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/15/10 03:59 PM
How mighty in war was His Majesty
but occasionly he dressed maidenly
When he fought the Huns
The Huns wons.
But worse:
His gown by Dior was a catastrophe.

RAINY DAY - RAMPAGE



Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/15/10 08:43 PM
Yes, Beck, both of your limricks are funny, but I'll have to admit the vulgar one was the funnyist. I shoulda/coulda made this rhyme days ago but I couldn't stop reading the most excellent MARCH OF THE MICROBES by JOHN L INGRAHAM. Here's a poor but quick version:

No, microbes are not mean they are merely mechanical
A hodge-podge of lifethings we can't see, "microbes" is semantical
They make our wine they make our beer
They make our snow and atmosphere
Sure some'll kill us, but few are mean and fewer pathological. smile


RAINY DAY - RAMPAGE
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/16/10 01:46 AM
Thanks. I can't claim kudos for the hidden one: I heard it in more-or-less that form in 1967 at an engineering school.

There once was a man named Delay
Who put off most things, you might say.
With a chance to ram Page,
He said, "Think of my age!
Could we wait for a nice rainy day?"

OATMEAL - OBJECT
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/16/10 02:06 AM
RAM PAGE? RAM PAGE? eek

Admit it, Beck, you are the Devil. laugh
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/16/10 09:51 PM
One day at the old Mercantile
As Alec was buying oatmeal
He asked: “Y’ no object
That my member’s erect?”
And she whispered, “No, sir, it’s ideal!”
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/16/10 09:53 PM
Oops! I tried to "hide" it like Beck does, but I goofed up somehow.
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/16/10 10:54 PM
It pays to use the "Preview" button. That limerick's worth seeing, though! Good job, Bean!

Now, we need two more words.
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/16/10 11:02 PM
ROUNDLY - ROYALTY

laugh
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/16/10 11:27 PM
One particular maid had to boil tea
Every day for the men of the royalty.
Then they'd all thank her roundly
While schtupfing her soundly,
Saying, "Here's a reward for your loyalty!"

KNEEL - KNOCK
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/19/10 06:12 PM
One day at the bloody Bastille
King Louis was bidden to kneel;
Came the blade with a KNOCK!
And chopped off his block.
Twas an era of unrest and zeal.


SHTICK - SIBILANT
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/19/10 09:22 PM
Sue confesses her esses sound sick,
So she seems to say, "shtick" 'stead of "sic."
Sure, Sue's sibilant sounds
Sort of spraddle around.
Still, she's shtassy and shtexy and shtlick.

LAW - LAYER
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/22/10 02:48 PM
Well, since there are no takers, I'll move this along...

There once was a mayor named Thayer.
Loved his wife, but he'd often betray 'er.
He'd break the town's law
With each whore that he saw,
Saying "I simply pay 'er and lay 'er."

RUMMER - RUNDLE
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/24/10 08:33 PM
A lucky one, Benjamin Rundle,
Inherited quite a large bundle.
As he drank from his rummer
He said: “I may be a slummer,
But I’m the richest one in Anne Arundel.”


[I don't have access to a dictionary at the moment. Would someone else post two new words? Jackie? Anybody??]
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/24/10 08:39 PM
In social affairs she put on airs -a glass became a "rummer"
Her social rundels thought her swell -she rode them in her hummer
But as hard as we might try
To ourselves we cannot lie
The unhappy life of the unhappy wife of the unhappy Joe the plummer.

GERMANE GHOUL

Gee whiz, CB, you are fast; you beat me by five minutes. smile
Posted By: beck123 Re: More dumb rhymes - 08/24/10 10:06 PM
There once was a fellow named Duane
Who met a young witch named Lorraine.
To show he was cool,
He said, "My dad's a ghoul,"
And she said, "I don't think that's germane."

HURTLE (sic) - HYENA
There once was a brawling hyena
Down south in San Juan, Argentina.
In a fight with a turtle;
His glass he did hurtle.
You never seen a meaner hyena in a cantina.

APPLAUSE - APPREHENSION
Claude Bawels tamed big cats with sharp claws.
Even though Simba once clawed his drawers,
He shows no apprehension.
He's still earning his pension:
He'll do anything twice for applause.

GLITTERING - GLOTTAL
Posted By: Coffeebean In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 08/25/10 05:57 PM
Gaby with gold and gems glittering
Spends all her time texting and twittering.
Matters vocal and glottal
She sorta forgotal;
No more gabbing – she’s whispering and tittering.


block-busting – bloomer
Posted By: beck123 Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 08/26/10 12:18 AM
Sneaky Burton would slink 'round the block
Busting into homes: he'd never knock.
He's a not-to-be bloomer:
A real social tumor.
Now he's on the wrong side of the lock.

SHIFTLESS - SHIP
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 08/27/10 03:59 PM
On a slow ship of the desert named Clyde
Ahab the Arab did leisurely ride
He put Clyde into second gear
Clyde said Ahab, now looka here
I'm a shiftless model let go of my ear!

blush

SALOON - SALTATE
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 08/27/10 09:53 PM
Cute!
Posted By: beck123 Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 08/28/10 07:08 PM
A lycanthrope one night in June
was seen in his favorite saloon
Where he licked up some salt,
Ate a lime, drank some malt,
and proceeded to howl at the moon.

PROPINE - PRORATED
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 08/29/10 02:57 PM

Alabama has an electric chair nicknamed Yo' Yellow Mammy
And Elmo was a Democrat who stole food stamps from his granny
"Now here's a happy thought" He said "one I do propine
Serve me up my ten thousand volts one volt at a time"

[But Elmo wasn't prorated because just like this rhyme
An execution and a poem should end in the shortest time]

GEOLARTY - GENTILITIAL






Posted By: Coffeebean Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 08/30/10 10:09 PM
Magda began with astrolatry,
like her mother, and added geolatry;
This talent gentilitial
She found monetarily beneficial
And offered her readings “two for idolatry”.



Asian – aspire
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 08/30/10 10:38 PM
I didn't laugh when I read "two for adolatry"; I smiled.
I smiled for five minutes...I'm still smiling. smile
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 08/30/10 11:06 PM
Thanks, Jenny! I did the same with your electric chair pome. I read it over several times and chuckled each time. smile
Posted By: beck123 Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 08/31/10 01:59 AM
Whether Congolese, German, Caucasian,
African, Spanish, or Asian,
Every soul should aspire
to live life on fire,
As though we were, each of us, Cajun!

... et laissez les bon temps roullez!

EFFIGY - EGO
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 08/31/10 09:56 PM
Rodriguez thought he had no enemy;
He considered himself quite a prodigy;
Twas a blow to his ego
to hear “Adios, Amigo!”
As they hanged and defaced his effigy.



battle axe – be
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 09/01/10 03:33 AM
The gov'ment gave us a tax
They said t'was mere a pax
In their inimical way
They said we're better off gay
So said a battle weary axel.


Gosh! If I don't know the meaning of what I wrote...who does? Must have been the wine. blush

... et laissez les bon temps roullez!

BE - BATTLE AXE
Posted By: beck123 Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 09/04/10 04:03 AM
If you fixin' right now to do battle,
Ax me if dem is my cattle.
Den you will see
Me say, "Yep, dem all be,
an' keep yo' damn' hands off my chattel."

LAMELLA - LANCELOT
Posted By: beck123 Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 09/04/10 04:04 AM
I feel very insecure without my avatar. Somebody please msg me and tell me what I'm doing wrong (with the avatar, for now.)
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 09/04/10 07:17 AM
Insecure? Sure thing, Beck, and a raging bull in full rut is insecure too.
Anyone who can wax poetically...

Whether Congolese, German, Caucasian,
African, Spanish, or Asian,
Every soul should aspire
to live life on fire,
As though we were, each of us, Cajun!

et laissez les bon temps roullez!


...is -poetically speaking- a genius.

Five stars: * * * * *
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 09/06/10 03:59 PM
Sir Lancelot liked to romance a lot
But Sir Lancelot didn't like to dance a lot
Then when Guinevere (whose real name was Lamella)
Did the dirty minuette with another nice knight fella
Sir Lancelot begin dancing and dancing...every chance he got.

SERVICE - SESQUIPEDALIAN*

*Edited to correct spelling (What? You think it easy to spell sesquipedalian?)
Posted By: beck123 Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 09/07/10 12:29 AM
(I had a great one for this until I double-checked the actual meaning of sesquipedalian...)

A former young sailor named Jervis
Left his friends behind, back in the service.
Built sesquipedalian,
He thought himself alien,
And his paramours now all seemed nervous.

GRID - GRINDSTONE
Posted By: beck123 Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 09/07/10 11:33 PM
So many had nice things to say,
That my head grew with each passing day!
Now it won't fit the frame
But still, all the same
I'd like to say, "Thanks," my own way.

AFB
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 09/10/10 10:00 AM
Well now we've gone and done it
Beck is on the grid
No more sloppy limericks
Grindstone prose and Teutonic id.

smile


POPULARITY-PORTABLE
Posted By: beck123 Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 09/10/10 11:54 PM
Too bad this small fame isn't portable
(Nor poetry lessons affordable.)
My constrained popularity
Should be viewed with hilarity:
I assure you it isn't supportable.

RUSH - RUSTY
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 09/13/10 01:23 PM
RUSH-RUSTY

I don't think no more I just listen to Rush
I don't drink no more I'm a dittohead lush
My brain has gotten rusty
But whom else can I trusty
My liberalish friends speak gibberish and mush.

laugh

CRINKLE-CRANKLE -- CRITIQUE
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 09/19/10 12:21 AM
Oh, now I get it. You people don't want to play Sparteye's game with me no more. Ok, goodbye, best of luck, sorry that you are so. frown
Posted By: olly Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 09/21/10 04:38 AM
Don't take it to heart jenny jenny you may have noticed not much activity overall lately tis the way of the web it ebbs and flows as it pleases.
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 10/05/10 05:57 PM
A dancer who’d twisted her ankle
Refused to get ornery and rankled.
Despite the critique
that she looked like a geek
she danced ‘though the ankle crinkle-crankled.


LESBIAN - LEVIATHAN
Posted By: crash Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 10/10/10 04:57 PM
Wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole
Said a lesbian sailing at sea
Incredulous was she
At the sight of leviathan, he
Swallowing seamen with glee
It's not the ultimate goal
for you and me

inmost - inseminate
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 10/10/10 10:07 PM


WELCOME, CRASH
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 10/11/10 06:15 PM
Good job, Crash! Welcome to the Board!

CB
Posted By: beck123 Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 11/14/10 01:31 PM
Yes, Welcome! I like the way you think.

Quick-Trigger Bob liked to boast
he could screw any girl on the coast:
"I'll usually finish
inseminate minutes."
He spent less time than that, though, in most.

And sticking to the perceived theme: GENERAL - GENITAL
Posted By: beck123 Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 11/15/10 03:04 AM
And what's with JJ? She (they?) sure signed off in a huff. Sheesh.
Posted By: Coffeebean Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 11/15/10 06:15 PM
Not sure what happened, Beck. I was offline for several weeks (extra busy, which happens). Glad to have you back.
Posted By: Coffeebean Rated R - 11/15/10 06:40 PM
There once was a friendly girl: Jenny Hall;
The boys had renamed her as Jenny Tall,
In all matters general,
Natural and coital,
She was pleasantly agreeable and liberal.


SPLASH - SPOOK
Posted By: crash Re: Wet-n-Wild - 11/16/10 08:16 PM
Universal Splash
Interstellar Smash
Traversing Pirate Point
You may get a spook
Without a good look
At Jumpships cruising by

Theoretical - Thick
Posted By: Jackie Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 11/16/10 11:54 PM
And what's with JJ? Dunno. I just saw this today. I've PM'ed her; hope to hear something back. It can be so easy, even in real life, to misinterpret something as a personal affront when in fact no such thing was intended. I hope that's not what happened here.
Posted By: bexter Re: In the spirit of Ogden Nash - 11/17/10 03:28 PM
The theoretical stick,
Was incredibly quick,
It never got lost,
Or turned to compost,
Though it was undeniably thick

falciform + falsetto

(been following this for a while, hope you don't mind if i join in?)
Posted By: Coffeebean Welcome! - 11/17/10 07:18 PM
Welcome, bexter! Glad you joined in the game!
Posted By: beck123 Re: Welcome! - 11/21/10 02:24 AM
Yes, welcome!

A basso profundo, Fritz Lang,
Was assailed with a falciform fang.
He grabbed his libretto
And read in falsetto
lines that called for much more Sturm und Drang

INDUCT - INEDIBLE
Posted By: bexter Re: Welcome! - 11/22/10 01:05 PM
A broccoli, it's true did induct,
In a spate of atrocious conduct,
A carrot as head,
Of the brassica's shed,
Though it was inedible and mulct,

(bit dodgy on the end there!)

DIARCHY + DICHOTOMY
Posted By: beck123 Re: Welcome! - 11/22/10 07:15 PM
The queen found the king a bit snarky
When he questioned the need for diarchy:
"I think this dichotomy,
Which once meant a lot to me,
Is a double-dip dose of malarky."

ESCUAGE - ESSENTIAL
Posted By: bexter Re: Welcome! - 11/22/10 09:06 PM
The lord he demanded escuage,
So the serfs began to encourage,
Each other to flee,
Not drop to one knee,
And essentially abandoned their liege.

(hmmm seem to be having issues with last lines!)

PROWESS + PSALTERY
Posted By: beck123 Re: Welcome! - 11/26/10 10:53 PM
A dad psaid, "You've always meant all to me,
Depspite all your flim-flam and faultery.
Now, tipping a cow is
A psure psign of prowess;
But perhaps you pshould take up the psaltery."

FREON - FRICTIONAL
Posted By: Jackie Re: Welcome! - 11/28/10 03:10 AM
Sneaking in: FTR, I haven't heard a peep from Ms. Double-J. Sigh.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Welcome! - 11/28/10 03:21 AM
Originally Posted By: Jackie
Sneaking in: FTR, I haven't heard a peep from Ms. Double-J. Sigh.



People should not be so thin-skinned, but then neither is it right
for some people to be rude to others.
Posted By: Coffeebean another dumb rhyme - 11/29/10 10:03 PM
There once was a fellow named Leon:
His enemies thought him a peon.
But in a fight rough and frictional
His actions proved far from fictional;
And they found his blood to be colder than Freon.


KIDNEY - KINDLY
Posted By: Candy Re: another dumb rhyme - 11/29/10 10:12 PM
I just want to say.....I'm loving reading this thread but I suck at making up my own rhymes....so cant contribute frown
Posted By: beck123 Re: another dumb rhyme - 11/30/10 02:33 AM
Uh-oh. A frank and vulgar conversation between two friends. Don't look if that doesn't sound like your sort of limerick.

Click to reveal..
Lee's neighbor, his life-long friend, Sydney,
Asked Lee if he might have Lee's kidney.
"I hope you don't mind, Lee,"
Sid asked him most kindly.
Lee answered, "F**k you! Are you kiddin' me?"

GUILTY - GUMMA
Posted By: Candy Re: another dumb rhyme - 11/30/10 11:35 AM
Originally Posted By: beck123
Uh-oh. A frank and vulgar conversation between two friends. Don't look if that doesn't sound like your sort of limerick.


I'm guilty and ROFLMHO @ you 123
Posted By: bexter Re: another dumb rhyme - 11/30/10 12:17 PM
A guilty young man he once found,
A rather disagreeable mound,
'Oh no a gumma!'
He cried to his mamma,
And fainted right there on the ground.

COTERMINOUS + COTTONMOUTH
Posted By: beck123 Re: another dumb rhyme - 11/30/10 09:43 PM
His dentist had sadly forgotten
To pack Al's tooth sockets with cotton.
Mouth, once hale, grew verminous
In the sockets coterminous,
And his jawbone began to go rotten.

INTRUDE - INVENTION
Posted By: crash Re: I like to rhyme and do it all the time... - 12/03/10 07:28 PM
A bone of contention
Requiring ample comprehension
To relieve the tension,
Necessity is the mother of all invention.

Her ability to inspire a multitude
Is often misconstrued, seeming to intrude
And even pooh-poohed.
Relax and try not to come unglued.

plump - podium
When the young lady stood at the podium,
She observed her reflection with odium.
"My God! I've grown plump!
I can't see past my rump!
I will just have to lay off the sodium."

GRIGRI - GRIZZLY
Posted By: beck123 rhyme is sublime; limerick's a subtler trick - 12/06/10 12:11 AM
No vulgarity, but pretty darned off color, nonetheless.

Click to reveal..
"Let's stop Lee, I have to go tee-tee,"
Bob said as he looked at his grigri.
"Golly gee whiz, Lee
You're as rough as a grizzly.
With a knot in it, how can I pee-pee?"


DAYBREAK - DEADFALL
Posted By: crash Re: A subtler trick...I'll give it a lick - 12/10/10 02:57 AM
A limerick!
I think I'm allergic.
It's kinda frightening.
Uh oh, throats tightening!
Quick, get me some kinnikinnick.......

Daybreak - Deadfall....challenging!
Posted By: crash Re: another dumb rhyme - 12/10/10 04:25 PM
Originally Posted By: beck123
Uh-oh. A frank and vulgar conversation between two friends. Don't look if that doesn't sound like your sort of limerick.

Click to reveal..
Lee's neighbor, his life-long friend, Sydney,
Asked Lee if he might have Lee's kidney.
"I hope you don't mind, Lee,"
Sid asked him most kindly.
Lee answered, "F**k you! Are you kiddin' me?"

GUILTY - GUMMA


How do you do the click me thing?...mines, um...bawdy and more than a little naughty.
Posted By: bexter Re: another dumb rhyme - 12/11/10 09:31 AM
You have to click on the S with / through it it full reply. It is next to the S button and " button. laugh
Posted By: crash Re: In the Nick of Time... - 12/11/10 12:33 PM
Hmmmm, sounds tricky....Bexter. Thanks, I'll give it a go.

Click to reveal..
Santa returned at daybreak
Having one hell of a headache
The victim of a deadfall trap,
Sarcasm and vitriol on tap.
Oh, for Christ's sake, I need a nap!


Spotty rhythm and rhyme...the limerick is no gift of mine. Guess I'll have to imbibe with a little wine.

Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: another dumb rhyme - 12/11/10 04:13 PM

Click to reveal..
I see too, thanks b.
Posted By: beck123 Re: another dumb rhyme - 12/12/10 04:05 PM
Hey, boyz&girlz, we need a new pair of words
Posted By: beck123 Re: another dumb rhyme - 12/14/10 12:26 AM
(With apologies to crash:)

With its spotty rythmn and rhyme,
The limerick's no friend of mine:
"There once was a man...?"
Shoot, I don't give a damn.
I'll just sit here and drink me some wine.

I think of the form as psycho-haiku: The sky's the limit, but so is the meter and rhyme.

CARD - CARL
Posted By: Sparteye Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 01/14/11 07:39 PM
I'd love to play, but people ... limericks?

Oh, for the creativity of my misspent youth early middle age.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 01/14/11 11:03 PM
Thirty-eight pages show some really enjoyed it. Beck will
be back soon, got a PM from him saying so.
Posted By: bexter Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 01/15/11 10:34 AM
We can move away from limericks if you wish...I can do either (although limericks take longer to construct...!)
Posted By: Sparteye Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 01/16/11 02:30 AM
Oh, don't let me interfere with your fun. I was just poking at you a bit, because that is the prerogative of the ancient.
Posted By: bexter Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 01/17/11 09:20 PM
hmmm CARD and CARL...

I think I shall abandon my (pretty rubbish) limericks and leave those to Beck...much better at it than me!

A young Scottish carl was quite interestingly facially scarred - must have been that hit on the head with a large metal card

ahaha!

PLATICIZER + PLATYPUS

(sorry but those were the words!)
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 02/08/11 08:37 AM
A snobbish old platypus kaiser
had a wife, but he seemed to despise 'er:
She was too short at court;
but I'm pleased to report
he invented a re-platicizer.

(Sorry, but I can't find a definition for that word. Apparently I'm not alone.)

CHROME DOME + CHRYSANTHEMUM
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 02/08/11 04:07 PM
There was a teacher with a chrome dome
Stopped by a fence on his way home,
Looking to smell the roses
He found only chrysanthemums,
said "they'll do in a pinch, as would my pate do a comb."
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 02/08/11 04:08 PM
Pathetic I know. I'm none to good with limericks.
But I had a favorite teacher once whom everyone called
Chrome Dome, and I had to give it a try.

Someone can do better: keep the same words

CHROME DOME / CHRYSANTHEMUM
Posted By: Avy Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 02/10/11 12:43 AM
What's wrong with it? All the apostrophe's are in place wink. I think you should chose a new pair of words for the next player.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 02/10/11 04:00 PM
Thanks Avy. I appreciate your kindness.


PEARL - PEDAGOGUE
Posted By: Candy Re: Limericks (So I can find it again) - 02/20/11 10:20 AM
Originally Posted By: LukeJavan8
Pathetic I know. I'm none to good with limericks.


No, it inspired me to have a go.....


The editor of the local newspaper called Pearl,
was asked to print a epitaph and gave it a whirl
the title was 'The Pedagogue'
and was such a long monologue
it ended up making people want to hurl.


(and ▼ was the alternative)

Said my aunt who was called Pearl,
'In my day, schoolgirls never went for a whirl'.
'er father was once a pedagogue
known for his evangelistic sermons in the synagogue.
That was enough to make any young gentleman, squi'rrel.


QUEEN + RAFFLED

QUEEN - RAFFLED


You've heard about Ellery Queen.
He'd show up at any crime sceen.
The clues could be raffled
Policemen were baffled
But Ellery never has been.


POL - POT
Good! Both!
There was a young racketeer pol
who got rave reviews from his moll:
"His bod is so hot,
and he gives me good pot,
and he talks like a young Gore Vidal."


AWNING-AYE
Posted By: LukeJavan8 - - - - seen enough sunrises. - 02/23/11 06:26 PM
And then when the new day came dawning,
Trevor opened his bedroom's awning;
Wiping sleep from his eye,
He nodded his head and said "Aye",
Yet jumped back into bed with great longing.


LATCH/LATHE
Posted By: Candy Re: - - - - limmericks - 02/24/11 01:21 PM
Love both of them grin
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: - - - - limmericks - 02/24/11 04:19 PM
Thank you. I've never been very good, but that was
sort of fun, so hoping to do more.
Posted By: Candy Re: - - - - limmericks - 02/27/11 07:19 AM
Dave Router was very good on the lathe
and as he wanted privacy in the bathroom when he needed to bathe
to the workshop he dispatched
to grind himself a latch
so he could attend to his hygiene unscathed.

KNOWLEDGE/LAY
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: - - - - limmericks - 02/27/11 04:26 PM
Peter knew that in college his future lay,
But for that he had no way to pay
So he applied for a loan
by computer and by phone
Of person-to-person skills,all said, "No way".


AMASS/AMOUNT
Posted By: Tromboniator Economics 101 - 03/01/11 06:47 AM
A fortune Luke strove to amass,
but his prices! He charged lots of brass;
yet he gave a discount
of twice that amount,
and the enterprise ran out of gas.

REHABILITATE-REINSURE
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Economics 101 - 03/01/11 03:55 PM
My fortune amassing days are over....just amassing creaky
bones these days. Good limerick, tho'.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Equestrianism 101 - 03/01/11 04:04 PM

REINSURE - describing an accomplisned horseman ?
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Equestrianism 101 - 03/01/11 04:22 PM
Gas prices rising the way they are, I may have to invest
in some reins and the critter to go with them.
Posted By: bexter Re: Equestrianism 101 - 03/02/11 01:35 PM
haha...I won't attempt the limerick at the moment but I'll tell astory instead...when I was younger I once had an excellent riding teacher who used to make us ride without reins, or stirrups (in both jumping and flatwork) in order to teach us how important a good seat was and how you can steer with your body...this all went well until one week when a fellow rider was on a rather more energetic horse which launched itself over jumps and suddenly spun away to the right, normally unseating the rider, but because of the lack of reins or stirrups she simply grabbed hold of the pommel and ended up streched out face down along the horse's back and the horse was very confused that its trick hadn't worked...I can remember some of us laughing so hard that WE fell off...to this day I thank that teacher for making it much harder for me to ever fall off a horse because I don't totally rely on the reins or srirrups for balance and can easily do without...
(ps much longer than first anticipated! sorry!)
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Equestrianism 101 - 03/02/11 04:17 PM
No problem. I've never ridden a horse, but I get the jist.
Funny.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Equestrianism 101 - 03/03/11 10:58 AM
Ah, bexter, you've stirred some wonderful memories. When I was a young teen my grandmother paid for several years of riding lessons for me at the Cornell University polo arena. I recall the exercises that you describe. The instructor was a woman in her sixties, less than five feet tall, voice of a drill sergeant, uncompromising in the ring, but sweet and good-humored. There were about fifteen horses for students to ride and about ten polo ponies stabled there. What a treat to learn the personalities and quirks of all those horses. The polo ponies summered in a pasture within easy bicycling distance of my home. Though not allowed into the pasture, a friend and I would daily hang over the fence, coaxing our short-maned pals to relieve us of carrots, apples, and sugar cubes.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Equestrianism 101 - 03/03/11 04:39 PM
Really nice memories. Of all the Westerns on 50's and 60's
TV the horses I watch the most. Trigger, Buttermilk of the
Rogers' clan, Silver, Champion. All magnificent animals
and stars in their own rights.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Equestrianism 101 - 03/03/11 07:22 PM
But those horses were ridden with those enormous western saddles that engulf you (the kind that most people who have horses use where I am now), not a proper English saddle. And we must all aspire to use proper English!
Posted By: bexter Re: Equestrianism 101 - 03/03/11 07:29 PM
Most definitely! English saddles are the way forward...I can remember going on a western and side-saddle evening and finding that the western saddles, although very comfy were not as easy to send signal through as English, and side saddles almost impossible to fall off of! I have a friend who events and she has a dressage saddle and a jumping saddle and they make all the difference when riding...one has a high back and one has high knee rolls, whoever invented them was a genius!
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Equestrianism 101 - 03/03/11 07:30 PM
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator
But those horses were ridden with those enormous western saddles that engulf you (the kind that most people who have horses use where I am now), not a proper English saddle. And we must all aspire to use proper English!


Pardon me all to pieces. I had not idea you felt so
stongly about saddles. I will recoup my knowlege and
get back to you on that (yuk,yuk).
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Equestrianism 101 - 03/04/11 09:43 AM
Originally Posted By: bexter
she has a dressage saddle and a jumping saddle and they make all the difference when riding...


But how are they for communication? Not much on grammar, I'll wager, but a vocabulary of some girth.
Posted By: Candy quit horsing around.... - 03/04/11 12:25 PM
I'm lost....what are the next two words?
Posted By: bexter Re: quit horsing around.... - 03/04/11 01:04 PM
Haha! nice one Trom

Candy I believe the next two words are

REHABILITATE + REINSURE

Posted By: Tromboniator Re: quit horsing around.... - 03/18/11 10:38 AM
We must rehabilitate Sheen,
'Cause who else can we put on the screen?
But we must reinsure
That he'll act more mature,
If it takes a five-kilo ball-peen.

Sorry, I was responsible for those impossible words, so I'll try again:

POETIC-POINT
Posted By: LukeJavan8 - - - more on Charlie. - 03/18/11 05:18 PM
A five-kilo ball-peen on the head of ole Sheen
tho' poetic may not be the point.
Does he need to be seen
on TV or big screen?
Or retired to the old actor's joint?



Drive-by/Drop-out
Posted By: Candy Re: - - - more on Charlie . - 03/19/11 05:41 AM

Peter grin "Sheenanigans"

how topical

I was having a go, (they were good words/so many word rhymed with both) I was nearly there, just having trouble with the last line.....

this is where I got.

The keepers at the zoo had to rehabilate
A young chimp who needed a playmate
Because of damage they had to reinsure
When with an elephant he drank liqueur
...............................prostrate.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: - - - more on Charlie . - 03/19/11 03:22 PM


Keep at it, no one cares if the words keep being used.
(Well, someone may care, but who cares?)
Posted By: Candy Re: - - - more on Charlie . - 03/20/11 12:17 AM
THANKS, Luke....but really I was stuck and going nowhere. That last line...was never going to have any punch.
I was happy to see Peter's post. And it was so brilliant.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: - - - more on Charlie . - 03/20/11 02:52 PM
OK - time to start a new one.
Posted By: Candy Re: - - - more on Charlie. - 03/30/11 12:30 PM
Originally Posted By: LukeJavan8


Drive-by/Drop-out


This is the new one LOL
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: - - - more on Charlie. - 03/30/11 03:17 PM
I presume you mean for the next limerick????
Posted By: Candy Re: - - - more on Charlie. - 03/31/11 11:12 AM
oh yes..but I'm not working on it yett.
Posted By: Tromboniator Man on the street - 03/31/11 12:01 PM
The victim of a recent drive-by
said, "Looks like I'm not going to thrive, guy.
The thug was a drop-out,
I think that a cop shout
will cause intellectual dive. Sigh."

PAROLE-PART
Posted By: Candy Re: Man on the street - 04/01/11 12:52 PM
I love the first sta'nza, Peter, but then It becomes a tongue twister crazy guess you have to be an actor to say those lines well.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Man on the street - 04/02/11 01:52 AM
They'd be easier to say if they actually meant something!
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Man on the street - 05/27/11 12:15 AM
Last words: PAROLE/PART


A four time loser named Jackie Part
got out on parole to make a new start.
Though his intentions were good,
he was still a cheap hood,
And back in jail for not being very smart.



HUMID/HUNDRED
Posted By: Tromboniator Wet bet - 05/27/11 08:14 AM
The weather on race day was humid.
Old Sidney had ventured a few quid.
The pack swam, more than thund'réd
He collected eight hundred.
No one knows his sea horses like you, Sid.

ABRUPT/ABSOLUTION


I really need to get an abridged dictionary. On too many pages in the only dictionary I have (unabridged) the designated words are phrases, very technical terms, really obscure, too many syllables, or otherwise not worth much for this purpose.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 - - - no deal, no way. - 05/27/11 11:19 PM
Albert rushed in for absolution
for his life of crime,sin,pollution.
He was very abrupt in what he had to say
no time to explain, details, nor pray.
"Drop dead", said God, "no collusion".


BAREFOOT/BATTERY
Posted By: beck123 a limerick - 05/28/11 12:41 AM
She was quiet and pale. "What's the matter?" he
Said (she was usually chattery.)
Her long limbs were bare;
Foot-long damp, curly hair.
"I'm done, Bob. I burned up the battery."

TOCSIN - TODDLER

Hello to all!
Posted By: Jackie Re: a limerick - 05/28/11 01:16 AM
Hello to all! olleH back! [blowing kiss e] Great to see ya, kid! smile
Posted By: beck123 Re: a limerick - 05/28/11 01:26 AM
It's good to be here.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 05/28/11 06:13 AM
An alarm-ringer, also a doc's kin,
Found his kid used his bell to keep socks in.
He tanned the kid's hide.
As the toddler's eyes cried
He wailed, "Dad, it's my new anti-tocsin!"

OCTUPLET/OFF

Welcome: it's nice to have you beck!
Posted By: Candy Re: a limerick - 05/28/11 12:45 PM
Originally Posted By: beck123


Hello to all!


Nice to see you laugh
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 05/28/11 03:02 PM
Good to have you here, again, beck. The Limericks got you
going? Some sort of compulsion to post one??????
You're great, keep them coming.
Posted By: beck123 Re: a limerick - 05/28/11 10:51 PM
I've learned that one never should scoff
At a chance to eat seafood pilaf
(This b-rhyming couplet
Could be an octuplet,
But then the whole meter'd be off.)

RASP - RATATOUILLE
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 05/29/11 01:40 AM
A seasoned stew of eggplant and squash,
green pepper, tomato and meat that's quash'd.
Called Ratatouille
and that ain't no hooey.
Road kill, rasp. Breathless,choke, rasp,quash,squash.


Sorry about this one. I'm not very good at this.
If anybody wants ratatouille/rasp: have at it.

or RASCAL/RATION
Posted By: Candy Re: a limerick - 05/29/11 10:01 AM
No...they are all very good. If the purpose is to make a rhyme and to make me laugh....they do both.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 05/30/11 06:10 PM
An under-sexed-handsome young rascal
Found lovemaking a terrible hasscal.
Unless he could ration
His paramour's passion,
Bedtime became such a fiascal.

AGENDA/AGO
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 05/31/11 12:23 AM
LOVE IT.
Happy Memorial Day.
Posted By: beck123 Re: a limerick - 06/03/11 11:04 PM
An old couple, Mary and Joe,
Went out, like they’d done years ago.
‘Twas on their agenda
To unite their pudenda,
But they fell asleep after the show.

TRAIT - TRAPPER
Posted By: Jackie Re: a limerick - 06/04/11 01:40 AM
There once was a young man named Trapper
Who always did like to look dapper;
His very worst trait:
fell asleep on a date;
and now he is known as the napper.

DIVERGE--DJELLABA

Heh heh heh.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/04/11 02:26 AM
A princess of a tribe of indaba,
sat on her veranda clothed in djellaba.
Many suiters there were,
enamored of her.
Til diverged her melons were casaba.




CONCERN/CONCOCT
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/04/11 02:55 AM
She got his tight zipper unlocked,
From his trousers she got him unfrocked.
Her major concern was
To rapidly learn jus'
What pleasure she might there concoct.


TEPEE/TERMINAL
Posted By: Candy Re: a limerick - 06/05/11 01:20 AM
ok...I'm not good at this, but here's my contribution (you are very excellent, Peter, by the way).


A striving young artist called Branshee
set up her easel in a tepee
when her nude models became a spectacle
the flow became terminal
which sent Bran looking for bran-dee!

Disclaimer
Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or on this forum, is purely coincidental
wink
Posted By: BranShea Re: a limerick - 06/05/11 09:57 AM
A well dressed artist named Branshea
Was proud of her name in her late day
And quite shaken was she
That a certain Branshee
Was corrupting her name in a nude way. ;-)
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/05/11 03:23 PM
Uh-oh!!!
Posted By: BranShea Re: a limerick - 06/05/11 08:24 PM
Must add and admit I don't really know what
"the flow became terminal" means, I just followed the flow of the limericks for fun. wink


Disclaimer
Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or on this forum, is purely coincidental
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/06/11 01:44 AM
Pretty good, you two. I am sure Candy will be around
shortly to respond.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/06/11 02:38 AM
Originally Posted By: Candy

Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or on this forum, is purely coincidental


When I read this I missed the or: Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, on this forum, is purely coincidental. I thought for a while that my suspicions had been confirmed!
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/06/11 03:31 PM
I certainly hope both are still living.
Looked like war a-brewing.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/07/11 04:53 AM
Thanks, Candy.

Are you going to post some fodder for the limerick beast?
Posted By: Candy Re: a limerick - 06/07/11 10:25 AM
Of course Peter.....just looking for my 'paper dictionary'

GADGET/ GALORE


and as to you Luke....your wish to see a chick fight is denied grin
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/08/11 11:03 AM
Okay, it's crude. Most limericks are.

Click to reveal..
She keeps cop stuff locked in a drawer;
At night, she knows what it is for:
Her favorite gadget's
An officer's badge, it's
What gives her orgasms galore.


MISSAL/MISTAKABLE
Posted By: Candy Re: a limerick - 06/08/11 02:18 PM
'An officer's badge'


like a flashlight or truncheon do you mean shocked

Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/08/11 03:24 PM
Yes, when I started with a limerick,
Beck gave me the AABB stuff, rhythm, rhyming, et. al.
But he says at the end:


"Ideally five lines AABBA, rhyming, suggestive in content, with
a clever hook in the last line".

Of course back when Reader's Digest had a different one each
week, they were never "suggestive", but then again that was
Reader's Digest.

This is great Peter.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/08/11 03:25 PM
Originally Posted By: Candy
'An officer's badge'


like a flashlight or truncheon do you mean shocked



I don't think so, but I'll let Peter explain.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/08/11 05:36 PM
A priest with purity un-mistakable
whom all thought completely unshakable,
opened his missal at mass
and fell right on his ass
for some porn there caught him unplacable.



CONVINCE/COPE
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/08/11 09:53 PM
No, shiny brass shield (or star), lettering and numbers in high relief, with a pin on the back.
Posted By: beck123 Re: a limerick - 06/09/11 05:59 PM
June found it most hard to convince
Any girlfriends to date her ex, Vince.
They chose not to cope
With the fact he's a dope,
And June hasn't been friends with them since.

PEONY - PEPPERMINT
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/09/11 11:26 PM
There was a girl with a garden filled with peppermint
Who sold it to improve her financial betterment.
With a peony, rose, and many other herbs
She had quite a showy home out in the 'burbs.
But it was the rabbits who had the most merriment.



RUFFLE/RUMBLE
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/10/11 08:57 AM
Her tent had a charming blue ruffle
That made old-timers fidget and shuffle.
They would gnash, spit, and grumble,
Punch, kick, start up a rumble:
Major scuffle, that duffel kerfuffle.

TROT/TRUANT
Posted By: beck123 Re: a limerick - 06/11/11 03:05 PM
There was a young lady named Dot
Who engaged in a lewd midnight trot.
Her menses went truant
(With a child pursuant.)
Now to men she replies, "'Drather not."

FIRMLY - FISTULA
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/11/11 03:24 PM
Saw you were on line, then a limerick, and a good one at that
appeared. Happy Day,Beck!
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/11/11 05:00 PM
Poor Maggie had a bleeding fistula which
left her feeling much like she lived in a ditch
but she promised to stay
firmly on meds every day
till her life returned to near perfect pitch.



EARLY/EASE
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/13/11 12:17 AM
She slipped off to bed a bit early
To escape the young man, big and burly.
As she lay at her ease,
She remembered his pleas
Which she though rather pompous and squirrely.

GRASS/GRAVEROBBER
Posted By: beck123 Re: a limerick - 06/13/11 05:33 PM
Why, thank you, Sir, he replied from Le Grand Bois du Nord
Posted By: beck123 Re: a limerick - 06/13/11 05:41 PM
Bob was a compulsive graverobber
(No everyday merchant or jobber.)
Whenever he'd pass
Freshly-overturned grass
It was all he could do not to slobber.

MINIMUM - MINK
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/14/11 08:18 AM
She likes to wear absolute minimum
While she dances and drones out a tinny hum.
She dons a mink stole
which hides her pink shoul-
ders but shows off a lot of her skinny tum.

PIDGIN-PIG LATIN

How do you like that?
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/14/11 03:19 PM
Wow - lots of variation.

And----I had enough trouble with real Latin much less this
stuff...I'll try to have a go.
Posted By: Candy Re: a limerick - 06/15/11 11:00 AM
Some good laughs to be had on this page, Luke. Peter and Beck...thanks!
Posted By: beck123 Re: a limerick - 06/18/11 06:20 PM
Right now I can't go on-line every day,
But here's a quick thought for you anyway:
From L.A. to Manhattan
There are rhymes for "Pig Latin,"
But it's hard to make rhymes using "idginpay."

LAMINATE - LANDED
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/19/11 02:35 AM
Icelynay andledhay!
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/19/11 02:54 AM
The starship is made of some laminate,
But their force field won't let us examine it.
Since the aliens landed
Guess-work has expanded,
And science is generally damnin' it.

CLEMENCY-CLICK
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/19/11 03:52 PM
Hear! Hear!
Posted By: Candy Re: a limerick - 06/26/11 04:55 AM
aye aye capt'n Pete
Posted By: Avy Re: a limerick - 06/26/11 07:45 AM
Tired mouse in need of clemency
Said, "You use the net with such frequency,
You could use a stick
Yet you prefer to click
It's really the height of indecency."

U-oh! My dictionary is not with me.
Can I just choose a random pair?
RANDOM-ROAD
Posted By: Candy Re: a limerick - 06/26/11 07:49 AM
Avy..that limerick is really good. It left me with a cheezie grin!
Posted By: Avy Re: a limerick - 06/26/11 08:06 AM
Thanks Candy. I had to "thing" quite a bit. smile
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/26/11 08:35 AM
The two bikers laughed from their tandem:
"We take all our rides quite at random.
When we hit the road,
Though the world should explode,
Our trips all work out as we planned 'em."


UNVARNISHED-UP
Posted By: Avy Re: a limerick - 06/26/11 09:05 AM
Very nice peter. Could be used as an anthem for all highway enthusiasts. Much better than this line, "bulandiyon ke musafir ko kaun samjhaaye ke aage raah mein dhalaan aati hai"
Losely translated : who is to tell the one who is bent on climbing heights that up ahead is a valley.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/26/11 10:08 AM
Thanks, Avy. Ha!: "bulandiyon…" (or the translation) might work as a billboard, but as a standard traffic sign a driver would never have enough time to read it. Well, the same might be said of a limerick. Not sure about which is more singable.
Posted By: slowhand Re: a limerick - 06/28/11 02:07 AM
We play a limerick game on another forum I frequent, but we have to make up the next line only...............we get results like this................

Riding a horse gave Camilla much pleasure
she had spasm's of joy as it tickled her treasure
Which even Charles had yet to discover its location
He even tried appealing to the nation
and using his riding crop and spurs for good measure.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/28/11 04:12 PM
Curious game slowhand. Is the last line the one that is
changed, or can it be any?
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/28/11 11:40 PM
I gather that someone makes up the first line, then the participants add ensuing lines until it is done.

The example takes a lot of forcing to get it to fit standard limerick scansion, but it's fun.
Posted By: slowhand Re: a limerick - 06/29/11 03:56 AM
Yes, the first poster makes up the first line then subsequent posters add the next line and so on..........
I dont know if everything we do is correct in limerick fashion but as you say, its fun..........
Posted By: Candy Re: a limerick - 06/29/11 09:52 AM
I wonder if making one line would be easier than composing the whole limerick? As I think I said before, the last line always gets me stumped.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/29/11 03:04 PM
It's worth a try, at least.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/29/11 08:32 PM
We could try, but I may get squirmy with selfishness: I really like the challenge of constructing the whole relationship of the words. Of course, we could all write our own versions and post the results each time the committee version is finished, just to see how weirdly our brains differ. Or not. No pressure to post one if you don't want to, or don't have one.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a limerick - 06/29/11 08:35 PM
How about the standard beginning:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Posted By: wofahulicodoc out of order - 06/29/11 08:49 PM
I'll give a last line, which still permits your choice of blue or grey innards:

There once was a man from Nantucket
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
.....xxxxxxxxxxxxxb
.....xxxxxxxxxxxxxb
Because of the lightning that struck it!
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 06/29/11 08:51 PM
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who would do anything for a ducat.


Oops, sorry wofa, I didn't see you slide in there. No conflict.
Posted By: Avy Re: a limerick - 06/30/11 01:38 AM
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who would do anything for a ducat.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
He/Which turned into gold
Because of the lightening that struck it.
(Gold has more possibilities than money or silver. Since this is the first one of the kind I guess we are not trying to compete here)
Edit: I think the last player should be allowed to tweak my line.
Posted By: Avy Re: a limerick - 07/01/11 12:52 AM
Why has no one completed the rhyme?
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: a limerick - 07/01/11 01:30 AM
Too busy? No ideas? Not my turn?
Posted By: Avy Re: a limerick - 07/01/11 01:41 AM
How long does it take to do one sentence? IT IS ALREADY THERE! Phew. The wait is too nerve racking. Maybe I shouldn't play.
Originally Posted By: Avy
Why has no one completed the rhyme?

No imagination, that's why.

Consider, for example:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who would do anything for a ducat.

... He put lead in a mold
... Which he turned into gold
Because of the lightning that struck it.


It's grey, that's what it is. But not funny. And it scans, and it rhymes, and who cares? No cleverness, no double meanings, no unexpected wordplay, nothing interesting in structure or content, nothing ribald even, goes over like your proverbial gold balloon (once it's been struck by lightning, anyway).

Maybe this isn't the best medium for a limerick; one-line-at-a-time makes it very hard to set up a punchline that pervades the whole oeuvre.

[/whinge]

Thoughts, anybody?

Or maybe let's just try again, see what happens, and figure out the difference:

1) A parachute fell from the sky.

(Here's a thought: this invites/permits don't know why, walk on by, pigs may fly, much too high, cast a die, fish to fry, what a guy, wouldn't lie, me oh my, etc. How many things rhyme with bucket, anyway?)
>He put lead into mold
I like it. I never thought of this line and was happy with what you got.
Yes there is no fun in the final product. There can't be.
I am intrigued by your change in the game. What you are doing is a kind of choice to the next player. The skill lies in not writing the line but choosing the choices. This way the first player has most control over the rhyme. (We might get a good rhyme out of this. Let's check)
Tried and failed do it. How can we give choices to the b rhyme. The whole dictionary is a choice.
Anyway here goes:

A parachute fell from the sky.
xxxxxxxxxxxa
xxxxxxb
xxxxxxb
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.
Whew! You guys are at it.
Wofa-s, the last rhyme's quality might have been affected by the fact that you and Trom double posted. I think each line has to emerge from the other. This attempt maybe better.
A parachute fell from the sky.
Underneath it a sixty-ton sty.
xxxxxxb
xxxxxxb
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.

I'm not sure it works to do the lines out of sequence. Or the person who starts could specify which position that initial line should occupy.

Edit: I suppose in some cases it would be obvious!
Hows this looking?


A parachute fell from the sky.
Underneath it a sixty-ton sty.
Baked Beans they had eaten was producing gas
Which exploded like gunfire from the swines ass
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc It isn't easy writing doggerel ! - 07/01/11 03:13 PM
First we need to agree that, although it's not the only form of poetry, a Limerick has five lines, and they read

"da BOM ba da BOM ba da A
ba da BOM ba da BOM ba da A
ba da BOM ba da B
ba da BOM ba da B
ba da BOM ba da BOM ba da A"

The first syllable of each line may be present or not, as long as the BOM is in the right place.

Like it or not that we have to follow Roolz, that's what a Limerick is.



Back to the Limerick Workshop:

Quote:
A parachute fell from the sky.
Underneath it a sixty-ton sty.
Baked Beans they had eaten was producing gas
Which exploded like gunfire from the swines ass
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.

OK, that works for rhyme scheme, -a, -a, -b, -b, -a. But it needs to conform to the rhythm scheme, and we're not there yet.

S'pose we change line 2 like this:

A parachute fell from the sky.
Below was a sixty-pig sty.

Baked Beans they had eaten was producing gas
Which exploded like gunfire from the swines ass
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.

Next challenge: shorten lines 3 and 4 to six syllables.

And looking ahead - we're going to want to introduce some sparkle somewhere. Otherwise it's just another juvenile Beavis-and-Butthead bathroom joke, exactly as humorous as "Ooh, ooh, he said fart! He said fart!")
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: It isn't easy writing doggerel ! - 07/01/11 03:53 PM
Oh you guys!
Posted By: Avy Re: It isn't easy writing doggerel ! - 07/02/11 01:27 AM
A parachute fell from the sky,
Below was a sixty pig sty,
Baked beans producing gas
Exploded from their ass
And proved that sixty pigs can fly.

Not bad for a collective effort eh?
Edit: except ass ahould have been plural but that would give one too many syllable. Any one have a solution for this?
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Resident Troublemaker checking in - 07/02/11 01:43 AM
Quote:
A parachute fell from the sky,
Below was a sixty pig sty,
Baked beans producing gas
Exploded from their ass
And proved that sixty pigs can fly.


To polish up the rhythm slightly :

A parachute fell from the sky.
Below was a sixty-pig sty.
Beans turned into gas
Rushing out of their ass
Showed us how to make sixty pigs fly.


Rhyme scheme? Check.
Rhythm? Check.
Humor? Maybe. Of a sort.
A question: What does the parachute have to do with anything? Could have equally been a parakeet, an elephant, The President, a barnicle, a bicycle, a Witherspoon, a Communist, or a Googolplex.

We've got the notes right and the rhythm right, but I'm not sure it's music yet.
Posted By: Avy Re: Resident Troublemaker checking in - 07/02/11 02:13 AM
A farmer fell from the sky
While feeding his sixty pig sty
The beans and their gases
Rushed out of their asses
He witnessed his sixty pigs fly

Kitem(what?) Moosic?
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Re: Resident Troublemaker checking in - 07/02/11 03:02 AM
A farmer fell from the sky

Here we're missing a syllable, and the rhythm stumbles. But at least the "faller" has some relevance now.

It's not easy to get all the elements to be present at the same time !


For the fifth line - how about

And he said, "Sure enough! Pigs may fly!"

But somehow i'd like it to be about how he shows/teaches us how to make them do it. This way it's an accidental occurrence he happens to stumble across. (happens to fall into?)
Posted By: Avy Re: Resident Troublemaker checking in - 07/02/11 03:34 AM
The farmer fed beans to his sty
And pushed the pigs out of the sky
And when all the gases
Escaped from their asses
He said, "There you go! Pigs can fly."
-
This wofa is too exacting. I am thinking of resigning from this job.
Posted By: slowhand Re: Resident Troublemaker checking in - 07/02/11 05:11 AM
The farmer was looking into the sky
As he fed beans to his pigs in the sty
And when all the gases
Escaped from there asses
He thought, dang good job these pigs can't fly
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: It isn't easy writing doggerel ! - 07/02/11 08:04 AM
Wofa, I most respectfully challenge your rhythm analysis. Reduced to the simplest form, a limerick may be:

Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam
Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam
Bom ba da Bum
Bom ba da Bum
Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam

You can add one or two unstressed syllables before the first stressed syllable of any or all lines, you can add one unstressed syllable after all the Bams, you can add one unstressed syllable after both Bums.

In New York it's too hot to complain.

I picked a big bunch of petunias.

I hate it when teenagers swear.

Felix the Cat drives me mad

These are all legitimate A (or, in this case, Bam) lines for a limerick. And (please don't consider this as a complaint or attack, I merely point this out) my line
Underneath it a sixty-ton sty.
exactly fits your
ba da BOM ba da BOM ba da A.
I wholeheartedly approve of your change from "ton" to "pig."

Edit: Actually, you can add two unstressed syllables after Bam. Difficult, but possible. I haven't delved into the rhyme question yet!
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Resident Troublemaker checking in - 07/02/11 08:09 AM
Originally Posted By: Avy
This wofa is too exacting.

No, he's not. If the rhythm is wrong it ain't a limerick.
Originally Posted By: Avy
I am thinking of resigning from this job.

Don't you dare!
Posted By: Candy Re: Pigs Flying - 07/02/11 09:06 AM
I'd like to see the last line say that the pigs flew

The farmer was looking into the sky
As he fed beans to his pigs in the sty
And when all the gases
Escaped from there asses
He thought, if I light-up now, those pigs will fly
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Re: It isn't easy writing doggerel ! - 07/02/11 01:03 PM
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator
Wofa, I most respectfully challenge your rhythm analysis. Reduced to the simplest form, a limerick may be:

Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam
Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam
Bom ba da Bum
Bom ba da Bum
Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam

You can add one or two unstressed syllables before the first stressed syllable of any or all lines, you can add one unstressed syllable after all the Bams, you can add one unstressed syllable in both Bums.
(or even two sometimes)

To keep the original post short I didn't list all possibe exceptions. You're right in every particular.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc getting closer - 07/02/11 01:16 PM

The farmer was looking into the sky
As he fed beans to his pigs in the sty
And when all the gases
Escaped from there asses
He thought, if I light-up now, those pigs will fly

And Candy, I like your last line change but now there are too many breaks in the rhythm.

Can we bring it back into line:

A farmer looked into the sky
And fed beans to his pigs in the sty.
He said, as the gases
Escaped from their asses,
"If I light up now, pigs will fly!"
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: It isn't easy writing doggerel ! - 07/02/11 07:40 PM
Originally Posted By: wofahulicodoc

To keep the original post short I didn't list all possibe exceptions.


Sorry, I suppose I do tend to be a little windy. Speaking of gasses.
Posted By: Avy Re: Resident Troublemaker checking in - 07/03/11 03:09 AM
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator
Originally Posted By: Avy
This wofa is too exacting.

No, he's not. If the rhythm is wrong it ain't a limerick.

Yeah correct. I am just faux grumbling. I enjoyed the work oout
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator
Originally Posted By: Avy
I am thinking of resigning from this job.

Don't you dare!

smile it is tough to resign from obsession.
Posted By: Candy Re: getting closer - 07/03/11 09:40 AM
Originally Posted By: wofahulicodoc

And Candy, I like your last line change but now there are too many breaks in the rhythm.



I knew you would fix it Wofa smirk

now come back to our other game......
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Re: getting closer - 07/03/11 05:51 PM
Did you know that Gilbert & Sullivan wrote limericks? They didn't call them that, of course, but limericks they are, all the same.

Here's a song from Ruddigore, Act I ("If you wish in this world to advance"), and here are the complete lyrics if you want to mouse over them. (Notice the liberties Gilbert takes with the rhyme scheme. Never with the rhythm, though. Besides, the music wouldn't permit it.)

SONG--ROBIN:

My boy, you may take it from me,
That of all the afflictions accurst
With which a man's saddled
And hampered and addled,
A diffident nature's the worst.

Though clever as clever can be--
A Crichton of early romance--
You must stir it and stump it,
And blow your own trumpet,
Or, trust me, you haven't a chance!

Chorus: If you wish in the world to advance,
Your merits you're bound to enhance,
You must stir it and stump it,
And blow your own trumpet,
Or, trust me, you haven't a chance!

Now take, for example, my case:
I've a bright intellectual brain--
In all London city
There's no one so witty--
I've thought so again and again.

I've a highly intelligent face--
My features cannot be denied--
But, whatever I try, sir,
I fail in--and why, sir?
I'm modesty personified!

If you wish in the world to advance, etc.

As a poet, I'm tender and quaint--
I've passion and fervour and grace--
From Ovid and Horace
To Swinburne and Morris,
They all of them take a back place.

Then I sing and I play and I paint:
Though none are accomplished as I,
To say so were treason:
You ask me the reason?
I'm diffident, modest, and shy!

If you wish in the world to advance, etc.


(Exit Robin.)
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: getting closer - 07/04/11 12:54 AM
Interesting, thanks much.
Posted By: Candy Re: getting closer - 07/04/11 11:38 AM
Thanks Wofa, I enjoyed that and I marvel at the performance in the video. Not an easy musical to perform, I bet.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc I once was as meek as a newborn lamb - 07/04/11 03:07 PM
It doesn't have to be staged as cimematically as that; an amateur group can present it quite adequately. The music is sweeping, and some of the patter parodies itself. ("This particularly rapid unintelligible patter isn't generally heard, and if it is, it doesn't matter...") And Mad Margaret's character can stop the show!

(Basingstoke, my dear.)
Posted By: Tromboniator Trouble is brewing… - 07/07/11 05:44 AM
My efforts to write are a dud.
The rhythm has me sweating blood.
I can come up with rhymes
That work two or three times,
But the meter's like swilling warm Bud.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Sparteye's Game redux - 07/09/11 02:01 AM

I read all these lim'riks we've written
And confess that I'm thoroughly smitten.
But the game that was Sparteye's
Had more, and me hearties,
Those FIRST and LAST words we're omittin' !


BUCKMINSTER FULLER -- BYLAWS
Posted By: Avy Re: Sparteye's Game redux - 07/09/11 03:05 AM
I wrote a limerick on another board and after having been through wofa's crash course in limerick writing and furiously counting syllables and such like on my fingers I made the rhyme and almost wrote "how bout it wofa? Do I pass?" Then I remembered u-oh wrong board.
Posted By: Candy Re: Sparteye's Game redux - 07/09/11 03:50 AM
Thats great Avy....why not post it here anyway.....if not in this thread then a new one.


Originally Posted By: wofahulicodoc


BUCKMINSTER FULLER -- BYLAWS


grin great Wofa, I'm thoroughly smitten...and now we are back on track
but what an impossible task you have set for next one!
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Sparteye's Game redux - 07/10/11 08:21 AM
I didn't continue with the original concept because I had offered the last pair of words, upon which nobody bit.

A pullover sweater of wool, er-
Gonomically kind to the puller,
Which adheres to the bylaws
By covering thigh flaws
Was invented by Buckminster Fuller.

INSCRIPTION–INSTALL
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Sparteye's Game redux - 07/10/11 03:55 PM
Wow, Peter!
Very Impressive. and you with so little time to sit and compose
those things.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Sparteye's Game redux - 07/10/11 04:53 PM
I didn't continue with the original concept because I had offered the last pair of words, upon which nobody bit.



Tell me where they were ( I backpaged about 32 pages, so wofa
was correct, but am in quite a hurry at the moment, and could
not find them:_ and I'll have a go.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Sparteye's Game redux - 07/10/11 05:51 PM

Back on 6/26/11, post no. 200731:
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator
The two bikers laughed from their tandem:
"We take all our rides quite at random.
When we hit the road,
Though the world should explode,
Our trips all work out as we planned 'em."


UNVARNISHED-UP
Posted By: Amy553 Re: Sparteye's Game redux - 07/11/11 04:51 PM
Are UNVARNISHED and UP the next words to use?
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Sparteye's Game redux - 07/11/11 07:55 PM
Originally Posted By: Amy553
Are UNVARNISHED and UP the next words to use?

Technically it's INSCRIPTION–INSTALL, but nobody responded to UNVARNISHED-UP. I just reposted it because Luke couldn't find it. Not my intention to make things confusing. Au contraire.

Peter
Posted By: wofahulicodoc How about a Twofer ? - 07/11/11 09:54 PM
I'm going to have to install
A commode with no unvarnished wall
So graffitic inscription
Of every description
Wash up if they fail to enthrall.



BELLICOSE - BEN (Honest! AHD, 2nd College Edition, 1985)
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: How about a Twofer ? - 07/12/11 07:16 AM
I knew it was a set-up! Nice work.
Posted By: Tromboniator Lothario - 07/12/11 07:17 AM
His demeanor, so flat bellicose,
Took not long for her to diagnose:
"Yes, you're handsome, dear Ben,
Like a god among men,
But your manner is utterly gross."

LEATHERY-LEFTOVER

LEATHERY - LEFTOVER

Her rabbi concealed a smile
At her youthful attempt to beguile.
"Alef...tov...er, what's next?
I just can't read this text,
For I've not used my Hebrew a while."

HANDLE - HANGOVER

clue one:

LEATHERY - LEFTOVER

Her rabbi concealed a smile
At her youthful attempt to beguile.
"Alef...tov...er, what's next?
I just can't read this text,
For I've not used my Hebrew a while."

HANDLE - HANGOVER
Posted By: Candy Re: resurrecting an old theme (a.k.a Onnicle) - 07/16/11 04:52 AM
I see it laugh

Is there anything else to look for?


LEATHERY - LEFTOVER

Her rabbi concealed a smile
At her y
outhful attempt to beguile.
"Alef...tov...er, what's next?
I just can't read this text,
For I've not used my Hebrew a while."

That was so clever on many levels Wofa
Posted By: wofahulicodoc drunk with success - 07/16/11 12:59 PM

You got everything! All that's left now is to HANDLE the HANGOVER.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: drunk with success - 07/18/11 07:17 PM
HANDLE - HANGOVER

He wanted to be Boston's goalie,
But they said he was too roly-poly.
He ate spinach and leeks
To lose tons in just weeks,
Rather than go very slowly.

RAINBOW - RAMEN
Posted By: wofahulicodoc using your noodle - 07/19/11 01:13 AM
Well done indeed!

RAMEN has all kinds of possibilities, but I'm going to have to think about RAINBOW a little more...
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: using your noodle - 07/19/11 01:35 AM
I didn't choose it to make things difficult; it's just what came up.
Posted By: Candy Re: drunk with success - 07/19/11 08:51 AM
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator
HANDLE - HANGOVER

He wanted to be Boston's goalie,
But they said he was too roly-poly.
He ate spinach and leeks
To lose tons in just weeks,
Rather than go very slowly.


I just had to highlight your wonderful words, just in case others missed them, Peter. No wonder you are drunk with success... amazing.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: drunk with success - 07/19/11 09:20 AM
Originally Posted By: Candy
No wonder you are drunk...

wofa drove me to it.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: drunk with success - 07/19/11 03:48 PM
Where does the buck stop??
Posted By: Tromboniator the strain bowls me over - 07/19/11 10:26 PM
Just had to see if I could do it, but don't want to spoil it for anyone else.

Click to reveal..
I hate my intestines: they growl.
It feels like a cobra in bowel.
My program entails
Flushing out my entrails
With a potion laid in with trowel.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: the strain bowls me over - 07/19/11 10:51 PM
Wonderful, Peter, just at dinner time. Oh well, PB&J again, so
nothing lost.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: the strain bowls me over - 07/20/11 01:11 AM
I'm glad you could keep it down.
Posted By: Candy Re: the strain bowls me over - 07/20/11 08:58 AM
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator
Just had to see if I could do it, but don't want to spoil it for anyone else.



Ha....I found the rainbow etc in there, I know we were suppose to but never have I thought about rainbows and bowels in the same sentence before laugh (was there a pot of gold too?)
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: the strain bowls me over - 07/20/11 10:03 AM
Everything is connected, Candy. Everything.
Posted By: Candy Re: the strain bowls me over - 07/20/11 10:07 AM
Oh...I do believe that. 6 degrees separation and all.
Posted By: Tromboniator While we ponder… - 07/25/11 11:16 PM
When I'm sick and I'm down with a fever
My brain is a puckish deceiver.
When it gets most intense
I can fetch, leap a fence,
'Cause I think I'm a Golden Retriever.
Posted By: Candy Re: While we ponder… - 07/26/11 12:45 PM
Nice one Peter.....here, have a bone!
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: While we ponder… - 07/26/11 03:44 PM
I have a week of appointments - but when this second week
from Hades is over I'll be getting back into limericks, etc.
This is good, Peter, I love golden retrievers.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: While we ponder still further… - 07/31/11 09:29 AM
Was I supposed to offer more words after sort of responding to my own?

SHARP - SHEEP-DIP
Posted By: Candy Re: While we ponder still further… - 07/31/11 12:18 PM
YES....you should have!
Posted By: Tromboniator Where'd everybody go? - 08/16/11 09:10 AM
The new guy was not very sharp,
With a strong predilection to carp.
After one whiny, cheap quip
We drowned him in sheep-dip,
And carried him home in a tarp.

POCKET-POINT
Posted By: Candy Re: Where'd everybody go? - 08/16/11 09:26 AM
LOL Peter he probably carked it!
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Where'd everybody go? - 08/16/11 02:34 PM
With all you have going on, you found time for a limerick.
I am impressed.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Where'd everybody go? - 08/16/11 08:40 PM
Such a success he'd been with that old locket
At the pawn shop where he stopped,haggled and hocked it
that on his way home Mark made it a point
to go in for a drink at the old beer joint.
Awaking next morn he had no funds in his pocket.


OFFERING/ OGLE
Posted By: Candy Re: Where'd everybody go? - 08/17/11 09:22 AM
LOL Luke

Good to see you guys back at it.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Where'd everybody go? - 08/17/11 03:01 PM
Good to be back, at least off and on.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Ireland, of course ! - 08/20/11 10:33 PM
Or maybe Scotland.

The Scotsman did little but ogle
His fancy new globe by Replogle.
.."I'm offering, Folks,
.. International jokes!"
And if they don't confuse you, his brogue'll.


FINE - FLAIR
two fine words which should give your imaginations free rein -- soar away!
Posted By: Candy Re: Ireland, of course ! - 08/21/11 12:14 AM
A nice wee Jock, Wolfa!
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Ireland, of course ! - 08/24/11 12:16 AM
A fine young man from County Clare,
walked through Dublin with quite a flair.
He'd tip his hat to each maid and miss;
behind his back they'd blow a kiss.
He'd dream sweet dreams when back in his lair.



RIFE/RIGHT
Posted By: Tromboniator All a-bored - 08/24/11 08:58 AM
The pundits panned opening night,
Said my play to the stage was a blight.
Contumely was rife,
So I queried my wife:
It turns out that the critics were right!

ARM-AROUSE
Posted By: Candy Re: All a-bored - 08/24/11 12:01 PM
Peter.....I've told you before, you must take your wife's advice. When will you learn!
Posted By: LukeJavan8 - - oh NO! it's Little Johnny! - 08/24/11 04:38 PM
The student raised his arm to reply
to the teacher's question, who gave a sigh,
For Little Johnny was in her class,
And she gazed again out the window glass,
to arouse a fear, should she give him a try?



BAIL/BALCONY
Posted By: Tromboniator Crime doesn't pay – much - 08/25/11 08:57 AM
He drove the hot Ford down the trail
To the condo, right next to the jail.
He parked the old Falcon, he
Climbed up to the balcony,
And stole just enough for his bail.

CROW-CRUNCHER
Posted By: Candy Re: Crime doesn't pay – much - 08/25/11 09:08 AM
I'm guessing that Little Johnny's answers would cause fear in most teachers minds....Luke laugh

And great work (again) Peter, ah the irony of crime...a bit like confession LOL.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Crime doesn't pay – much - 08/25/11 03:26 PM


Well done, Peter.

Yes, Candy, I've had some like Little Johnny.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 - - - not to his taste - 08/29/11 12:37 AM
The crow flew to the feeder to eat,
Hanging on dearly, big bird, little feet.
He hoped to make this his midmorning luncher,
sunflower, salflower, millet, barley cruncher.
Surprised him, I did, I'd filled it with wheat.



KNELL/KNOW
Posted By: Tromboniator a familiar wring - 08/29/11 08:31 AM
We were glad when we heard that small bell,
'Cause it signaled his fall into hell.
Broke his neck, you must know,
When she wrung it, just so:
Our delectable belle, Little Knell.

BLUE-BLUFF
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a familiar wring - 08/29/11 02:45 PM
Chuckle, chuckle.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: a familiar wring - 08/31/11 02:07 AM
There was a young lad named Little Boy Blue,
horn in his hand, to the haystack he flew.
The townsfolk knew his songs were just fluff,
Variations on one theme, it was all just a bluff.
Worn out from his efforts sleep came fast too.



HALL/HAMMER
Posted By: Tromboniator Department of Corrections - 09/01/11 06:52 PM
I pick up my rule book and hammer,
Make my way to the linguistic slammer.
As I walk down the hall
I buff up the peen's ball:
I am here to correct me some grammar.

INTACT-INTER
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Department of Corrections - 09/03/11 05:32 PM
To the boneyard the zombie went in fact,
to check and see if the tomb remain intact.
If not, what that did infer,
was he'd have to re- inter,
His beloved's home,the earth to be repacked.


(whew: exhausted brain, Brains???)


LAUREL/LAVISH
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Go back to June 30, 2011: - 09/10/11 04:35 PM

Well, whaddaya know? Pigs can fly, after all!


From the AP wire service, September 3, 2011:
Quote:

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Pig flies — to new home in NY
FARMINGDALE, N.Y.

A pig flew — from Florida to New York on Pet Airways.

Newsday reports that a miniature potbellied pig named Bosley arrived at Republic Airport on Long Island Thursday to join his new adoptive family in Sag Harbor.

The 49-pound porker is the first pig for the Florida-based Pet Airways, which specializes in flying animals.

Airline cofounder Alysa Binder says it’s “exciting and so fun” that pigs can fly now.

Bosley was originally adopted as a piglet by a Florida family from a local pet shop, but grew too large for his home.

His new family in Sag Harbor prefers to remain anonymous.

Newsday says Bosley appeared content when he deplaned at Republic and didn’t need to wait for his stomach to settle before he started eating.


Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Go back to June 30, 2011: - 09/10/11 05:21 PM
Oink! for him.
Posted By: Candy Re: Go back to June 30, 2011: - 09/11/11 09:43 AM
Nice story Wofa.
Posted By: Tromboniator Surprise party - 09/21/11 07:14 AM
At the céilidh exceedingly lavish
Sylph-like beauty my senses did ravish.
Chased her into the laurel
With a motive immoral.
To my shock, it was Angus MacTavish.

REACTION - REAMER
Posted By: Candy Re: Surprise party - 09/21/11 12:07 PM
He's back!

Apart from having to google 'céilidh'....a wonderful tale, Peter

Not much left to the imagination LOL
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Surprise party - 09/21/11 01:13 PM
Keeping the ole mind going: good for you, Peter.
Posted By: Avy Re: Go back to June 30, 2011: - 09/21/11 03:29 PM
smile we had them fly in a much more interesting manner. Writing that limerick was such hard work (thanks wofa) I forgot it was funny.
Posted By: Candy Re: Go back to June 30, 2011: - 09/22/11 12:31 PM
It was fun Avy, wasn't it! A joint adventure.
Posted By: Avy Re: Go back to June 30, 2011: - 09/22/11 02:18 PM
:o)
Posted By: LukeJavan8 head in the clouds. - 09/25/11 05:55 PM
A funny young fella, the guys called 'the dreamer',
was having his breakfast juice from the reamer.
His mind was not 'with it'
he forgot his eggs and his biscuit,
His reaction: he fell bruising his femur.


PUTTER/PYLON
Posted By: wofahulicodoc utter nonsense - 09/25/11 07:03 PM
PUTTER - PYLON

My golf game's no good 'cuz my putter
Always sends the balls into the gutter.
If I wrap it with nylon,
Aim straight for the pylon,
Ya think they will go where they oughter?


FLAGSTAFF - FOREIGN
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: utter nonsense - 09/25/11 08:59 PM
Don't know much about golf, but great one!
Posted By: Tromboniator airhead - 09/27/11 04:10 AM
FLAGSTAFF - FOREIGN

I hate reading philosophers foreign,
Find their thinking incredibly borin'.
At the airport in Flagstaff
I'd read luggage tags half-
Way through before Kierkegaard, Søren.

TAKING - TAMBOURINE
Posted By: Candy Re: airhead - 09/27/11 11:03 AM
Love your work, Peter.
Posted By: BranShea Re: airhead - 09/27/11 04:02 PM
Who plays the tambourine
For what he has not read or seen
For all he is not taking
is a moron in the making
And I wouldn't call him keen

(wink!)

DREADLOCKS D-MINOR
Posted By: Tromboniator hairhead - 09/28/11 06:50 AM
DREADLOCKS D-MINOR

A young man with magnificent dreadlocks
Hoped to be a key man for the Red Sox.
Played the blues in D-minor
At a small roadside diner:
Couldn't pitch his way out of "The Breadbox."

DICKENS - DIFFERENCE
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: hairhead - 09/28/11 09:42 PM
A would-be chef with his hands in the mixins,
was brewing up the family's fixins.
His mind in a book
Was all the difference it took
The repast was ruined by Charles Dickens.




NUMEROUS/NUZZLE
Posted By: Candy Latin Lover... - 10/02/11 05:15 AM
Now you all know I'm not the best at this game, so when you laugh....I hope its in a good way smirk



An old Latin gentleman named Rufous
gave into his urgings numerous

with his protruding wet muzzle
he was on for a nuzzle

and carnal knowledge made him adulterous


SERVICE SEXTING
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Latin Lover... - 10/02/11 03:04 PM
Certainly good, funny, too.
Posted By: Tromboniator Dig it. - 10/06/11 08:12 AM
SERVICE — SEXTING

I thank Charity Doright for texting
All the mourners; let's see, what's the next thing?
I'm a little bit nervous:
My first burial service.
Oh! I must thank the sexton for sexting!

CLEAR — CLICK
Posted By: Candy I dig it. - 10/07/11 12:40 PM
ha ha....I am visualising that situation.

How many times do you hear people say 'wedding' when they meant 'funeral' and visa versa. I'm putting it down to nerves!

And some say....visualize your audience naked......as a way to get over your 'nerves'....maybe thats why the sexton thought 'his message' would help smirk

Love it Peter.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: I dig it. - 10/10/11 06:18 AM
Interesting concept — and not what I meant! grin
Posted By: Candy Re: I dig it. - 10/10/11 02:10 PM
well....you never know how people are going read what you write!
I guess thats how misunderstanding occur LOL.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando In sickness and in ... - 11/17/11 08:04 PM
I've been most exceedingly sick,
Throat and nose filled with mucous so thick
But now I'm quite clear
And I'm sure I can hear
The sound of a mouse's paws click.

Sorry ! Forgot to put the next words in. blush

WEIGHT - WELLADAY
Posted By: Tromboniator On a scale of one to ten… - 11/24/11 11:38 AM
WEIGHT-WELLADAY

This diet's all food that tastes great;
I can't seem to lose any weight!
I keep filling my tray
Till I'm stuffed! Welladay!
I keep hoping they'll serve meals I hate.

INSCRIPTION – INSTALL
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: On a scale of one to ten… - 11/24/11 12:11 PM
Oh, I like this one!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: On a scale of one too large - 11/24/11 05:12 PM
A Monument planned for our Hall,
To celebrate Lauren Bacall,
Was of lofty description
For a lengthy inscription
But too massive by far to install
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: On a scale of one too large - 11/24/11 05:15 PM
Now you should give two words to be used by the
next person. Usually, tho' the roolz change
here everytime someone posts them, are the first
and last words on a paper dictionary page.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: On a scale of one too large - 11/24/11 09:59 PM
Yep - I just realised that and have come back toot sweet to remedy the ommission - mea culpa and sorry to y'all. blush

YOUTHFUL - ZENITH
Posted By: Tromboniator In decline - 11/25/11 12:16 AM
YOUTHFUL - ZENITH

Prude alert.

Click to reveal..
The fact is, I'm well past my zenith,
Not a popular guy to be seen with.
You see, to be truthful
My equipment's not youthful:
I just can't get a rise from my penith.

Edit: I jutht can't get a writhe…


LOPE – LOTTERY
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Bringing hope for the afflicted - - 11/25/11 05:12 PM

If a lope’s now your usual gait
And love’s lottery’s made you sedate
You your member can agra-
vate using viagra
And find, once again, you can mate!

ANNICUT - ANOTHER
Posted By: Tromboniator One thing after another… - 12/05/11 06:49 AM
ANNICUT – ANOTHER

Daniel drove to the stream, to the anni-
Cut built to be sold to his granny.
He was starting another
To sell to his mother.
He did not give a dam, did our Danny.

PRINTOUT – PROBABLE
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: One thing after another… - 12/05/11 06:07 PM
The computer made a printout for our friend Bill,
but the ink ran out and the machine went still.
"That's so probable", he said in a rush,
"Always happens to me, makes my work all mush.
Coming to work today just ain't no thrill"!



SACKFUL/SADDLE
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando A Seasonal Message - 12/05/11 08:28 PM
But not in Limerick, this time!

A sackful of Presents
A team of reindeer
Some snow-covered land and
A hint of mulled beer,
Saint Nick in the saddle
Beaming with good cheer:
All’s right with the World
Merry Christmas, My Dear!

CHARACTERISTIC - CHARM
Posted By: Tromboniator A Seasonal Warning - 12/06/11 04:28 AM
CHARACTERISTIC – CHARM

St. Nick has an interesting characteristic -
Which, I suppose, only adds to his charm:
He arrives at a speed not much short of ballistic,
Causing the dogs to sound off with alarm.

He lifts to the roof by a force that is mystic,
Then grinds to a stop, to my shingles does harm.
If yet again he shows up to do this trick,
I'm climbing up there and busting his arm.

DIGRESS – DIN
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: A Seasonal Warning - 12/13/11 04:09 PM
Kipling’s Indian friend, Gunga Din,

Decided to visit his kin.

But he rode on a tigress

And from his trip had to digress

When no-one would let the pair in.


SPLENETIC - SPOKE
Posted By: Candy Re: A Seasonal Warning - 12/20/11 02:23 AM
Luke, Peter and Rhuby...good posting grin you guys sure have the gift for humour and rhyme.
Posted By: Tromboniator Unnatural choices - 02/19/12 12:41 PM
Rhuby's word choices made me splenetic:
Every limerick I tried was pathetic,
I would splutter and choke
Like I'd swallowed spoke.
All the humor I found was synthetic.

MODEL– MODIFY
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Unnatural choices - 02/19/12 03:56 PM
Hurrah!! Thank you. Peter - a splendid effort! smile
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando No place for shyness - 02/19/12 04:03 PM
A young lady aspiring to model
Who thought that the job was a doddle
Exclaimed with a cry
“I’ll my views modify!
“They expect me to pose wearing sod all!
wink

GILL - GIRAFFE
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Take a long, deep breath, now - 02/19/12 04:39 PM
(You want synthetic humor? I'll give you synthetic humor!)

Consider the fish-cum-giraffe.
The thought if its gills makes me laugh:
...With the length if its neck
...They must stretch out like Heck
And measure a foot and a half!

HONOR - HORSE-COLLAR
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Take a long, deep breath, now - 02/19/12 05:00 PM
At least it's good quality S.H.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Take a long, deep breath, now - 02/19/12 05:00 PM
Superb!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Take a long, deep breath, now - 02/19/12 05:28 PM
I’d like to honour the Cumbrian Lad
Who’ll do owt fer a laff*, without being a Cad
Who’ll gurn** through a horse-collar
And not ask half-a-dollar***
Nor mind being thought to be mad!


* Northern English dialect = do anything for a laugh
** Gurning
***English slang for two-shillings-and-sixpence (old money) – dates from the long-past time when the US dollar was worth five GB shillings

SIGHT - SIGNALIZE
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Take a long, deep breath, now - 02/19/12 10:56 PM
Gurning: any of those lads be ye?
Posted By: Candy Re: Take a long, deep breath, now - 02/20/12 11:34 AM
Well done all and that clip of funny faces=torturous laugh

If I can choice a favourite..I'd pick, the fish giraffe..how did you ever come up with that idea Wofa?
Posted By: wofahulicodoc homage to Dr Seuss - 02/20/12 12:05 PM

Just think of those index words: GILL - GIRAFFE.

It wasn't that much of a stretch, really. (Do I dare trot out that old Pooh quotation again, about a Bear of Very Little Brain?)
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Take a long, deep breath, now - 02/20/12 09:32 PM
Originally Posted By: LukeJavan8
Gurning: any of those lads be ye?


Certainly not!! I'm an Ex-pat Londoner, living in Lancashire - the folks up in Cumbria are a rum lot, even at the best of times; and I guess World Gurning Championships are hardly the best of times, if not exactly the worst of times.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Take a long, deep breath, now - 02/21/12 03:45 PM
Good! They left me with a "bad taste" in my mouth of a sort.
Not actually, just trying to imagine a real face again.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Take a long, deep breath, now - 02/22/12 02:35 PM
Hmmm the guy who won had a fairly repulsive face even when not competing, I must say.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Take a long, deep breath, now - 02/22/12 04:13 PM
Perhaps that is the source of his inspiration. I can imagine
him doing things in front of the mirror for hours.
Cut when shaving and then cringing would also inspire.
I really enjoyed the looks on the faces of the kids watching
the competition.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Take a long, deep breath, now - 02/22/12 08:33 PM
Yes, they really are a study, aren't they laugh

Now, don't be sidetracked!!

SIGHT - SIGNALIZE Remember?
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Take a long, deep breath, now - 02/22/12 11:20 PM
sidetracking does work: forgot what thread we were in.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc sight - signalize - 02/25/12 02:37 PM

I got up to watch the sun rise
Twas the usual sight for sore eyes.
...and I saw a green flash
...as I looked through the sash!
Can you say what that might signalize?

DOWAGER - DRAW
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: sight - signalize - 02/25/12 09:31 PM
When Mary, the Dowager Queen*,
Was told a green flash had been seen,
Said, “I’m told that a clear
Pelucid atmosphere
Is a prerequisite for this scene."


TRANSLITERATE - TRANSPORT

*Mother of Edward VIII and George VI - died just before Coronation of Elizabeth II, so she was Dowager Queen Mother for almost a year.
Posted By: Candy Re: sight - signalize - 02/26/12 02:26 AM
Originally Posted By: wofahulicodoc

green flash
...


Very witty Wofa....and nice tie in with the link. I hope I'm lucky enough to see one....one day.

Oh...yours is good too Rhuby....but the words you offer up next... look impossible frown
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: sight - signalize - 02/26/12 01:10 PM
Notice seen in Parts Department: -
"The Impossible we do at once; Miracles take a little longer."
laugh
Posted By: wofahulicodoc more utterly synthetic humor - 02/26/12 02:03 PM

Though professional singers renounce 'em
Der Spiegel most likely will trounce 'em [SHPEE-g'l]
...And transliterate Lieder [LEE-d'r]
...To transport the reader
Who otherwise couldn't pronounce 'em.


LULLABY - MAGAZINE
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: more utterly synthetic humor - 02/27/12 02:02 PM
I really do like that one, wofa! Thanks!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Meditation on Rock-a-bye baby - 02/27/12 02:20 PM
Addlestrop Faddlestrop
Rock in a tall tree top
Lullaby sung ‘til you fall from the tree

Ladies in bombazine,
reading “Vogue” magazine,
Throw up their hands and say, “My Goodness Me!”

(Cross-threading to the Double Dactyl spot!)
-- and I challebge you to get more synthetic than the load of rubbish above, wofa!
Posted By: Avy Re: Meditation on Rock-a-bye baby - 02/27/12 02:53 PM
Rhubs, your gauntlet's thrown on words unknown.
Edit: luckily the Gauntlet's for wofa. - just read this http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_dactyl . *wipes brow*.
How may whole double dactyl words do I know? *counts on fingers* none! Further edit: is any and every six syllable word a double dactyl? I think so.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Re: Meditation on Rock-a-bye baby - 02/27/12 04:41 PM
Originally Posted By: Avy
[I]s any and every six syllable word a double dactyl? I think so.

After a not-quite-exhaustive search I conclude otherwise, he argued indefatiguably.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Synthetic humor of a different sort - 02/27/12 10:28 PM

Couldn't resist:

"I never get tired of fishing the French Fries out of the deep-frier," he said indefatiguably.
Posted By: Avy Re: Synthetic humor of a different sort - 02/28/12 01:56 AM
Of course! Why shouldn't that pest Ana have a few words to call her own, she said irrately.

Of course! Why shouldn't that pest Ana have a few words to call her own, she said irately.



IRATELY is an amphibrach.
AMPHIBRACH's a dactyl.

ANAPEST's a dactyl,
DACTYL is a trochee,
TROCHEE is a trochee, too.

For that matter, IAMB is a trochee.

There's gotta be a poem in there somewhere.
Or maybe just a jump-rope chant...
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Meditation on Rock-a-bye baby - 02/28/12 05:37 AM
Wofa, I don't think I've ever seen indefatigably with a u in it.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Meditation on Rock-a-bye baby - 02/28/12 10:25 AM
Well, we've seen it twice, now!

I have to admit that I didn't notice it until you pointed it out, Peter. - It is amazing how we readd what we want to see.
Posted By: Avy Re: Consistency is NOT part of the language ! - 02/28/12 11:49 AM
Wofahulicodoc-i pronounce this WOfaHUlicoDOC. Two trochees and and iamb (or an amphibrach and an anapest). RhuBARB comMANdo. PEter tromBONiAtor- the last is deliciously iambic as is RC.
I disagree that iamb is closest to normal speech.
Iamb is closest to desired intonation.
Okay serious question: scansion changes with accent. I pronoun trochee as an iamb. Where does that leave carefully scanned poetry- in the realm of subjectivity? There are no set rules as to which syllables are and aren't stressed, are there?
*** Sorry for the excessive energy of this post: a beloved topic.
Apparently the longer syllables are stressed and shorter aren't but this is also dependent on accent and culture. For salman rushdie- we say salMAAN and not SALman.

Okay -I'll stop yappin now.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Two things: - 03/02/12 05:47 PM
Thing One: I misspelled indefatigabobble-whatever not just once, but twice.

Thing Two: We need some new target words to proceed with Sparteye's Game. RC, I think you had the last successful posting, so you get to select!


PS. Y'all all did know it's Dr Seuss' Birthday Celebration today, didn't you?

PPS. Now that I think of it, I should go look at the Google Doodle today...
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Two things: - 03/02/12 05:57 PM
If there's a Google Doodle I did not receive it, yet anyhow.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Re: Two things - 03/02/12 08:43 PM
No. Apparently they chose not to recognize it. Conceivably they were even discouraged from doing so because of copyright issues.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Two things - 03/03/12 12:41 PM
I think the latter is very likely - Dr Seuss was such a well-loved writer by generations of children - and adults, for that matter! - that I can't think of any other reasonable motive for Google to ignore him.

To re-start Sparteye's game (and to wish her well and hope she soon recovers!) my random dictionary-opening has given me

ANNIHILATE - ANOTHER
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Two things - 03/09/12 02:04 AM
I got one!

My brother is a Republican
A Democrat is my mother
A family way
On Election Day
To annihilate one another smile

FLANK - FLASH
Posted By: Jackie Re: Two things - 03/09/12 03:16 AM
jj, you're BACK!! Oh, joy, wonderfulness, and dancing! [HUG]
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Two things - 03/09/12 04:00 AM
My brother built a grocery store
To annihilate our mother.
The building was a carnivore,
'T'would eat what it could smother.
He rigged the soap aisle to collapse,
But Mom shopped in another.
A quirk of fate it was, perhaps:
An aisle ate my brother.

edit: Nice work, Jenny.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Two things - 03/09/12 04:59 AM
"An aisle ate my brother"? laugh

You can rest assured, Mister Tromboniator, that that particular order of words has never before been concocted by a sapient mind in all the history of all mankind.

laugh
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Two things - 03/09/12 06:17 AM
Originally Posted By: jenny jenny
never before been concocted by a sapient mind


Some might argue that it still hasn't.

Peter
Posted By: Candy Re: Two things - 03/09/12 10:19 AM
Originally Posted By: jenny jenny


My brother is a Republican.....


Good one jenny jenny and nice to see you back. I hope this is not just a cameo appearance.

And Peter...your little rhyme has a taste of The Little Shop of Horrors LOL
Posted By: wofahulicodoc See, J^2? There's at least two! - 03/09/12 12:17 PM
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator
My brother built a grocery store
To annihilate our mother.
The building was a carnivore,
'T'would eat what it could smother.
He rigged the soap aisle to collapse,
But Mom shopped in another.
A quirk of fate it was, perhaps:
An aisle ate my brother.

edit: Nice work, Jenny.


Also nice work, Peter - I was trying to do something along those lines also but couldn't bring it together.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: See, J^2? There's at least two! - 03/09/12 02:28 PM
Ditto to Wofa, nice work.
Posted By: TheFallibleFiend Re: Two things - 03/09/12 03:54 PM
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator
My brother built a grocery store
To annihilate our mother.
The building was a carnivore,
'T'would eat what it could smother.
He rigged the soap aisle to collapse,
But Mom shopped in another.
A quirk of fate it was, perhaps:
An aisle ate my brother.


This is *really* nice, but the meter in the last line seems off to me. You should send it to Reader's Digest or maybe even New Yorker.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Re: Two things - 03/09/12 09:38 PM
Originally Posted By: TheFallibleFiend
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator

An aisle ate my brother.

...the meter in the last line seems off to me.

It's a regional variation, I suspect. Do you pronounce "aisle" as one syllable (I'LL) or two (EYE-ull) ?
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Two things - 03/09/12 10:19 PM
For the purposes of the rhythm and the gag it's almost forced to be two syllables (or one syllable two beats long). To my ear the forced nature of it adds to the humor, but maybe that's just me.

I think of the word as one syllable, but it sounds like 1.5 when I say it.
Posted By: Tromboniator Civil request - 03/09/12 10:34 PM
As the Bluecoat fell into the tank,
Tossed a rope to us, tied 'round his flank.
We saw his eyes flash
As he hit with a splash,
Crying, "I ain't a Rebel: just Yank!

POSTMORTEM–POTENT
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Civil request - 03/10/12 01:51 PM
Now, that's really clever, Peter!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando A CAUTIONARY TALE! - 03/10/12 02:05 PM


Wild fungi: Lord Algernon sought ‘em;
They led to his early post-mortem
From a fungus most potent, ate
By the great potentate.

Mushrooms are best if you’ve bought ‘em!
Posted By: BranShea Re: A CAUTIONARY TALE! - 03/10/12 02:52 PM
The wild funghi will agree with you. grin
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: A CAUTIONARY TALE! - 03/10/12 03:45 PM
Quite clever Rhuby
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Civil request - 03/10/12 09:51 PM
Thank you, Rhuby (and wofa and FF).
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: A CAUTIONARY TALE! - 03/11/12 10:29 AM
Originally Posted By: LukeJavan8
Quite clever Rhuby


Thanks, Luke

... and, as usual, I forgot to give the next two words! blush

FOLIATE - FOOD
Posted By: jenny jenny Hi Faldage! - 03/13/12 02:39 AM
foliate - food

Say what you wish about dry dusty Faldage
His erudition is still nontheless sought
He's turned the leaves of many a dry tome
They foliate for Faldage dusty food for thought.

dalliance - damsel

Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Hi Faldage! - 03/13/12 10:50 AM
Very good, JJ! (Although not sure if Faldo will like being called "dusty") smile
Posted By: Faldage Re: Hi Faldage! - 03/13/12 11:46 AM
That's OK. I won't even notice. I never come to this thread.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Hi Faldage! - 03/13/12 01:03 PM
Originally Posted By: Faldage
That's OK. I won't even notice. I never come to this thread.


See? smile That Faldage! What dry wit! What a card! smile smile
Posted By: AnnaStrophic Re: Hi Faldage! - 03/13/12 03:15 PM
'Like'
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Hi Faldage! - 03/13/12 03:27 PM
Hi there, AnnaS!! Great to see you here again!!!!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Iambic Pentameters - 03/13/12 07:41 PM
The damsel flies hover o'er ponds in the woods
They seek for a lover who must be 'the goods.'
Fat larvæ may come from a strong male alliance -
To make him perform needs flirtatious dalliance!

(There are shades of Ogden Nash in the mangled metre of the final - crucial - word!)

REFACE - REFLECTION
Posted By: wofahulicodoc speaking of mangling - 03/14/12 01:56 AM

The time I spent pond'ring "reflection" and "reface" -
There must be a way to work in the word "preface"
...Or maybe Bette Midler
...No, think of a fiddler:
The violin player we call Jascha Heface!


(Actually, I know a guy with that last name who actually pronounces it this way. Although he spells it "Heafitz" instead.)



Old musician's joke:
Overheard at Jascha Heifitz' debut - at age 16 - in a very hot and very-much-un-air-conditioned Carnegie Hall, 1917:
-- violinist Mischa Elman, mopping his brow: "Hot in here, isn't it?"
-- Artur Rubinstein: "Not for pianists!"

(It might even be not true. Many Most versions attribute it to the pianist Leopold Godowski. I've even seen one with Josef Hofmann. But it's more self-explanatory with Rubinstein...)


And where, you say, is "reflection" in all this? Why of course, that's the time I spent pondering.

Posted By: wofahulicodoc evidence? - 03/15/12 02:25 AM

ACQUITTAL - ADMISSIBLE
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: evidence? - 03/15/12 05:59 AM
Here's mine, wofahulicodoc...

ACQUITTAL - ADMISSIBLE

He robbed the Widow's Pension Fund he left then very little
He burned to ground an orphanage while he played his fiddle
Said the Judge, a lawyer too,
"He's a lawyer, that's what we do"
naturalia non sunt turpia* is admissible, I rule acquittal" smile

* what is natural is not dirty
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: evidence? - 03/15/12 06:39 AM
The jury can't vote for acquittal, for
The victim's still in the hospital! Gor!
The evidence admissible
Is patently risible,
Defendant's a clone of A. Hitalor!

OTHERWISE–OUT
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Invalid - 03/15/12 11:27 AM
I'm housebound - I cannot go out
I just lounge in the house like a lout -
Although my dear Mother, wise,
Urges me otherwise -
I'm suffering badly from the gout!

FREEZER - FRET
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Invalid - 03/15/12 03:26 PM
A chert road in Tuscaloosa is named Shiver de Freezer
On a oak tree at it's end was hung Shiver de freezer
Sheriff Earl paid Shiver a dollar to vote
Shiver being Shiver votes the other bloke
Earl's horse dragged Shiver down to the oak;
Fret no more for Shiver de Freezer

Addendum: I didn't offer the two new game words earlier because this entry wasn't exactly in accord with the spirit of the rules and I hoped one of you would post your own rhyme using FRET and FREEZER. My own offering is a vanity piece because I wanted to encyclical this verbal bit of Tuscaloosa County folklore and/or history.

INLAW - INNUENDO
Posted By: jenny jenny in-law - innuendo - 03/27/12 02:11 AM
Oh my, I guess I'll have to play with myself.

My in-law is not my cousin, my ma, my pa, or aunt
Not uncle/ nephew/ niece, and certainly not a Saint
'cause,
In bed we play Nintendo
Which is an innuendo
Now tell me who my in-law is; I've told you those who ain't smile

Edit: The answer to this riddle is wife-in-law or husband-in-law whichever reflects your situation. Blood kin are not supposed to marry, even those deep in the mountains of Mississippi. smile
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: in-law - innuendo - 03/27/12 02:49 AM
Sorry, jj, I started on it right after you posted, then life got really hectic.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: in-law - innuendo - 03/27/12 10:21 AM
My apols, jj - I didn't pick up on your edit, adding the next words!

Here's my effort

Not just one innuendo about me was cast
But many, indeed they came out thick and fast;
But my trusty old chain saw
Divided my ma in-law
And character slurs were a thing of the past


COUCHETTE - COUNTER
Posted By: jenny jenny COUCHETTE - COUNTER - 03/29/12 03:01 PM
Darn, Rhube, you write so tightly. I am almost ashamed to follow your act...almost.

Pulling drawers and tagging toes in a morgue is happiness
You meet such intresting people - postmortemly, I confess
But I wanted to travel
Mysteries to unravel
You know, like a couchette counter on the Orient Express.

Oh well. frown
Posted By: wofahulicodoc a prize-winning performance - 03/30/12 03:20 PM

...the envelope, please?
Posted By: jenny jenny Moving right along... - 03/30/12 04:21 PM
precious - precursor
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Moving right along... - 03/31/12 12:48 AM
He adored his maternal precursor,
Used a time machine with a reverser.
Met her, young, sweet, and precious,
Then to merge their two fleshes
Proceeded to woo and sedurce her.

DULL-DUMP TRUCK
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Moving right along... - 03/31/12 03:38 AM
Now, wofa, Rhuba, Trombonia, etc. What I lack in better I make up in faster.

Big dull Buck drove a big dump truck
Buck had no charm; but Buck had pluck
He asked sweet Suzie
To go out for a movie
But what Sue wanted was to ____
Go see a movie.

smile

gin rummy - gizzard

Posted By: Candy Re: Moving right along... - 04/01/12 12:00 PM
I'm blushing 2xjenny
I was reading your verse out loud and said the 'bleep' word automatically.....now Im laughing at myself (and you!).

Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Moving right along... - 04/01/12 06:22 PM
Tromboniator made me do it, Candy. I was thinking of a rhyme for "truck" and that was the uppermost word blush on my mind.
Posted By: Candy Re: Moving right along... - 04/02/12 12:16 PM
laugh trust the Tromb to ham it up!
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Moving right along... - 04/03/12 08:15 AM
What? Ulterior motive? Me?
Posted By: Tromboniator Pitiful - 04/03/12 04:22 PM
A crude man with big bass trombone
Liked to make jokes in style Anglophone.
He employed the word "truck,"
Thus ensued pit of muck,
Into which jenny jenny fell, prone.
Posted By: jenny jenny The Shadow knows... - 04/03/12 08:23 PM
Orson Wells: Who knows the depth of evil that lives in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows.

The Shadow: Who knows the depth of evil that lives in the hearts of women? All women know. They determine for all of us what is, and what is not, evil.

cool

...as long as they pronounce it properly! -- Professor Henry Higgins)



Honi soit qui mal y pense !
The Order of the Garter.
Posted By: Tromboniator Thin, gummy blizzard - 04/04/12 05:18 AM
We were playing a game of gin rummy,
Munching snacks that were rancid and scummy:
Fermented raw gizzard
Of Triassic lizard.
The only one knocking? My tummy.

I was probably the only one among my childhood acquaintances who never learned gin rummy. I had to look it up just now to make something relevant.

BEDIZEN – BEFORE
Posted By: Candy Dress Code - 04/04/12 09:05 AM

Dress Code

Jane in the jungle did implore
they couldn't enter society before
her mate Tarzan
exchanged his loin cloth bedizen
for a suit like Giorgio Armani wore


I played gin rummy and lots of card games growing up, Peter
but I had to look up BEDIZEN before I attempted this!


PS jennyjenny is so lucky to be the subject of your verse
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Dress Code - 04/06/12 02:18 PM
BEDIZEN – BEFORE

By skilfully using her wise pen
Sweet Candy this thread doth bedizen
But I wish that before
She goes out of our door
Two more words she would give – else we dies, then!
Posted By: jenny jenny Tick tock... - 04/07/12 03:00 AM

Yes sir Rhube, two good words from Candy would be dandy
So let's pour a drink; slow is Candy, liquor is quicker

Cheers! smile
Posted By: Candy Re: Tick tock... - 04/07/12 11:47 AM
Oh Rhuby & jennyjenny......thankyou. Even though it looks like I ask for it blush Very fine words indeed. First time I've had my name put into verse.

Try these next

PLEACH POLITICIAN
Posted By: BranShea Re: Tick tock... - 04/07/12 12:35 PM
Thanks for the word PLEACH. Never knew this English word though I know the technique. I thought: "what sort of a peach is a pleach?" I liu-ed it.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Tick tock... - 04/07/12 03:45 PM
Originally Posted By: Candy
Oh Rhuby & jennyjenny......thankyou. Even though it looks like I ask for it blush Very fine words indeed. First time I've had my name put into verse.

Try these next

PLEACH POLITICIAN




Your name in verse: Not the first time you've deserved it.
PLEACH: in todays word of the day from Dictionary. com.


Word of the Day for Saturday, April 7, 2012

pleach \pleech\, verb:

1. To interweave branches or vines for a hedge or arbor.
2. To make or renew (a hedge, arbor, etc.) by such interweaving.
3. To braid (hair).

Robert got up very early, and went off to pleach the big hedge at the foot of the far pasture.
-- Mary Webb, Seven for a Secret
I might not be able to install plumbing fixtures or to pleach apple trees, but I know how to throw a good party.
-- Nancy Atherton, Aunt Dimity and the Family Tree
Pleach is derived from the Middle French word plais, which meant "a hedge."
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Tick tock... - 04/07/12 05:37 PM
I went to the congressman's speech:
His dark deeds he attempted to bleach.
He's a rank politician,
Tries to hedge his position.
It's time that they vote to impleach.

HEAD – HEAL

My spell-check is angry with me.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando The angry spell-check! - 04/07/12 06:52 PM
HEAD – HEAL


An angry spell-check don’t appeal
But my head knows just how it must feel
When “IMPLEACH” is put in
You know it won’t grin:
Its anger just helps it to heal!

LEVERET - LIBEL
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: The angry spell-check! - 04/08/12 12:58 AM
Eating baby bunnies is disgustingly tribal
Just where are rabbits deemed eatable in the Bible?
Even over in Tibet
Leveret is just not et
Show me that passage and I'll sue that Bible for libel. frown


What?
Oh...I get it...you all are talking about chocolate bunnies.
Oh,nevermind. blush
(Well, after a fashion. Remember? Sportin' Life sings it.)

"A leveret's got big floppy ears
It don't live no 900 years
...It isn't a libel
...To read in the Bible
A leveret's got big floppy ears."

(For a while there - when you started talking about the Bible - I thought you were going to make something about a young rabbi with tea ...)


BUMPKIN -- BUTT

laugh No, Mister Wofahulicodoc, I don't remember Sportin' Life's song.

I'm a bumpkin woman with a bumpkin woman's butt
I's make my monies with my bump and grinding strut
For you I'd charge fifteen cents
It'll add up to pay my rents
But I'd sooner drink muddy water than become your slut. smile
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Sportin' Life, Himself ;-) - 04/08/12 12:43 PM

Porgy and Bess

From the 1969 movie. "Sammy Davis Junior is gettin' blasphemous."

Start at 1'10" and then when you've had enough fast-forward to 3'20"
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: The angry spell-check! - 04/08/12 03:42 PM
Originally Posted By: jenny jenny
Eating baby bunnies is disgustingly tribal
Just where are rabbits deemed eatable in the Bible?
Even over in Tibet
Leveret is just not et
Show me that passage and I'll sue that Bible for libel. frown


What?
Oh...I get it...you all are talking about chocolate bunnies.
Oh,nevermind. blush


jj, I just love this one! (and I wasn't actually talking about bunnies at al, atall, but the hare of the dog that bit me!)
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: The angry spell-check! - 04/08/12 03:48 PM
... but could we have a couple of words, please?

(My forgetfulness seems to be catching - first Candy, then you!)
...that rhymes with angry. smile

Sorry to all. It was late and I was drinking the hare of the dog that was gonna bite me as a preventive and the words in the dictionary were blurry. whistle

Here is my issue...

Pompous - Poolroom
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Sportin' Life, Himself ;-) - 04/08/12 07:54 PM
Blasphemies, wofahulicodoc. I can't pull up Sammy.
I got mad and dropped the Adobe Reader and now I can't get them back. Sometimes methinks I doth protest too much.
No matter, I have another computer and I'll see Sammy tomorrow. grin
Posted By: Tromboniator Rack 'em! - 04/09/12 01:19 AM
The pool shark, exceedingly pompous,
Could, at eight-ball, predictably, tromp us;
But last night at the poolroom
He suffered a cruel doom:
All his magic shots went catawampus.

ANTIQUE – ANVIL
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Rack 'em! - 04/09/12 02:06 AM
Yeahbutt, Trombonus, did you watch the Masters like the rest of us? Bubba's shot went catawampus and so he won the Masters.
Your rhyme warrants four stars, while Bubba won four hundred thousand dollars. Life ain't fair. cry

Oh well, maybe I can rack up some quality points if I hurry using...

ANTIQUE - ANVIL
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Rack 'em! - 04/09/12 06:50 PM
Nope, no Masters: no TV at our house; but we did spend five hours Saturday bundled up in the cold at the ice rink watching a Broomball tournament.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Rack 'em! - 04/09/12 07:36 PM
Sounds more exciting than the Masters.
Posted By: jenny jenny ANTIQUE - ANVIL - 04/10/12 01:09 AM
From Zeke the Greek I bought a chic antique -
George Washington's sword with a broken handle
When I chastised Zeke for being oblique
He sold me Thomas Jefferson's anvil.


SHOWDOWN - SHRIEK
At my age, not so fast – I must slow down
As along the old cobbles I go down:
As my knees start to shriek
Groovy fun I don't seek,
My whole body is facing a showdown!

OLEUM - OMINOUS
Posted By: Tromboniator Low pH either way - 04/11/12 08:42 AM
Our weight-loss concoction sounds ominous;
Quite a few of our clients said, "Vámanos!"
It's a mixture of oleum
And acid – holy moley! –um,
I think that the two are synominous.

CARDHOLDER – CARIBOU
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Low pH either way - 04/11/12 03:29 PM
No party cardholder, that’s me
Not a Red nor a Green, do you see
Nor am I a Blue:
I just hunt Caribou.
I shoot ‘em then hang ‘em up high!

DISCLAIMER - DISCREET
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Low pH either way - 04/11/12 04:51 PM
Say Rhubarb, you and Tromboniator sure do move fast. I get ready to post only to find that I am two games behind. Humph, I've posted my behind rhyme anyway not because it is good but because it has a message. I call it "Correct Speak"...

Dark ominous waters wash against mankind's last shore
Oleum clouds boil above; a portent of death and gore
When truth cannot be told
The circle will not hold
When words have no meaning reality is nevermore

DISCLAIMER - DISCREET
Posted By: wofahulicodoc One rainy day... - 04/11/12 08:45 PM

Though not wanting to be in discreet
She hiked up her skirt in disleet
.. And she filed a disclaimer
...(So no one could blaimer)
For walking along in distreet.

HALF MAST - HALYARD

Posted By: jenny jenny Re: One rainy day... - 04/13/12 04:15 AM
Though not wanting to be in discreet
She hiked her skirt up in disleet
My halyard was her half-ass
But my mast was at half mast
In sleet, streets become in descreet

COHABIT - COGENT










Posted By: Tromboniator Re: One rainy day... - 04/13/12 11:01 AM
My landlady looks like a rodent,
But I moved in with her, and pay no rent.
She with whom I cohabit
Has restraint like a rabbit,
So the pool boy moved in as my cogent.

ALL FOURS – ALLURE


Originally Posted By: jenny jenny
Say Rhubarb, you and Tromboniator sure do move fast.

Yeah, Rhuby and I have been tag-team partners for some time now.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando What is it? - 04/13/12 01:14 PM
In the morning on all fours it travels,
But that’s just the first of its marvels.
It’s on two legs by mid-day
But the full course it can’t stay –
It’s on three as its allure unravels!

THIS IS A VERY OLD RIDDLE

JAGGED - JARGON

THAT'S RIGHT - OUR TAG TEAM NAME IS atm-gate!
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: One rainy day... - 04/13/12 02:54 PM
I was doing some of these limericks, and have attempted
one or two (I'm slow), but by the time I get going, you
all are on the next set of words. Which is OK I really
enjoy your "tag team" efforts, much better than mine. Just
wanted to let you know I read them and am appreciating
your efforts.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: One rainy day... - 04/13/12 03:55 PM
Many thanks, Luke, for your kind words.
I guess you might get a chance when it's night-time for me: it's only 7pm for you when I go to bed!
And you are a couple of hours ahead of Peter, I think?
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: One rainy day... - 04/13/12 04:40 PM


Aha! I get you: Tip Toe thru the Timezones. Gadzooks!
Has it come down to that???? Guess that is the only
way I can get a word in edgewise. Ok, I'll give it a try.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: What is it? - 04/14/12 12:59 AM
Man, that IS an old riddle!
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: One rainy day... - 04/14/12 11:14 AM
Thanks, Luke, I'm glad you can appreciate what I (we) do. I certainly have fun wrestling (there's that tag team connection) with the problem, but my daughter thinks it's crass to laugh at my own humor. I, for one, wouldn't mind seeing multiple efforts on these, that we needn't be shut off just because somebody else has already posted on a pair of words.

Rhuby, for what it's worth, Luke and I are three hours apart, but with the hours I keep I think I'm often going to bed as he's getting up.
Posted By: garygnu Re: One rainy day... - 04/14/12 12:45 PM
The Jersey Shore is jagged.
GTL so we's not ragged.
DTF...what is this jargon?
Beg your pardon,
I just gagged.

reactionary rebate
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: One rainy day... - 04/14/12 03:09 PM
I know I could dabble with a posted set of words and enter
them anyhow, it's just that they seldom are as good as yours.
Bed time: I stay up usually to 1-2 am Central Time, so
you could be right Peter.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: One rainy day... - 04/14/12 07:24 PM
If you wake and find this world unsatifactionary
Look up "reactionary" in your dictionary
See? The way to go is retro
Think with your brain, not libido
Dump the subversionary; marry a missionary



SINGLE - SINGSONG
Posted By: wofahulicodoc synthetic humor again - 04/14/12 10:38 PM

My verses are mostly quite simple
Could be read by a nun in a wimple
...But if merry sing-song
...Can just take you along
It might bring out a smile -- and a dimple!

KEEPER -- LABOUR
Posted By: wofahulicodoc synthetic oversight - 04/15/12 02:25 AM
Originally Posted By: wofahulicodoc

My verses are mostly quite simple
Could be read by a nun in a wimple
...But if merry sing-song
...Can just take you along
It might bring out a smile -- and a dimple!

KEEPER -- LABOUR


Oops. It's not SIMPLE, it's SINGLE.

OK, let's try

My verses are sing-song but simple,
Could be read by a nun in a wimple.
...But if one single song
...Makes you sing right along
We'll be graced by your smile and a dimple!
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: synthetic oversight - 04/15/12 03:11 AM
A hundred hands clapping, Doc, you have quick feet.
A great rhyme number one, a great rhyme number two.
You are fast, you are good. smile
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: synthetic oversight - 04/15/12 01:55 PM
Wot jj says - very neat, wofa
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: synthetic oversight - 04/16/12 04:51 AM
LABOUR - KEEPER

The British are the keepers of things oceanic
Their labour to hoard artifacts is pedantic
But losers weepers finder keepers
We need that boat for movie peepers
But don't panic
The Titanic still rests beneath the Atlantic

STRING - STRIKE
Posted By: Avy Re: synthetic oversight - 04/16/12 10:05 AM
I find it is too tough a thing.
To hang the words well on a string.
Then I hit a strike,
Before I say, "yike".
Like wofa's my song starts to sing.
DOODLE - DEAD
Posted By: jenny jenny Good one, Avy - 04/17/12 05:38 AM
Doodle - Dead

Yankee Doodle went to town
To get himself some bread
He stuck up a store in Baltimore
So they shot Yankee Doodle dead

ZARATHUSTRA - ZULU
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Also spracht? - 04/17/12 02:18 PM
LOL - I loved that one, jj!

To learn a new tongue is a must-a
To your CV it adds quite a lustre
Afrikaans to Zulu
Will gives you a tool to
Speak also just like Zarathustra!

MARRIAGEABLE - MARTYR
Clever, Rhubarb, you must-a been inspired.
99 hands a-clapping and one hand a-rapping. laugh

MARRIAGEABLE - MARTYR

"If you can't do good do as little bad as you can"
"Lawyers...their job is to disguise matters and barter"
"Disguise our bondage as you will
'Tis woman. woman, rules us still"
---- Name this marriageable priest and merry martyr. smile

GECK - GEOSYNCLINE
Nice one! Is it Donne? (It certainly isn't half-baked!)

The geosynclines, or linear trough
If deformed, compressed enough
A volcano may form.
Geologically a norm;
But what the heck is a Geck?


JACK - JÄGER
smile Ha! GECK is an British English term that signifies a FOOL according to Shakespeare. Also, in 1933 England the term was used (provencially or obsoletely speaking) to mock or scoff; denoting scorn. grin

And no, the person who helped me write this poem was not Donne.
Gee, I've given you one clue but you want More. How many martyrs do you have over there in England anyway? wink
Posted By: wofahulicodoc This one's horrible, jawohl? - 04/20/12 01:20 AM
(Saints love us, of course he wants more! And while you're at it, be sure to read Josephine Tey's magnificent mystery novel The Daughter of Time, about Richard the Third.)

I never saw anything vaguer
Than a Schwartzwalder hunter, a Jäger.
...He could bring down a fox
...With a Jack-in-the-Box
But preferred raiding England, with Hagar.


PARSE - PASSABLE
Posted By: Avy Re: This one's horrible, jawohl? - 04/20/12 02:52 AM
Although he had learnt to parse,
Till iambs flowed out of his arse,
(Of course, anyone who did not think of arse as the first rhyme to parse is a strange one)
Although he had learnt to parse,
Till iambs flowed out of his arse,
In all things classable,
His marks were just passable,
His tragedy was just a farce.

Unsure-unknown
Edit: this is the sub continental method of poetry recitation. The poet recites one line. Then he/she addresses the audience directly with maybe words like: "now listen to the next line" "Agle misre par gor kijiye". Then the poet goes back to recite the 1st line which the audience has already heard, and folllows that immediately with the second line to end the couplet with a flourish. And the audience reponds with appreciative "Wah! Wah!"
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: This one's horrible, jawohl? - 04/20/12 11:37 AM
Wah! Wah! Avy, Wah, wah, wonderful! laugh

Nein Doc, nicht horrible; funny and inventive? Jawohl! smile

And thank you, Rhubarb, for letting me enjoy being smug as you pretended not to know the answer to my riddle. You knew it was Thomas More all along. cry

UNSURE - UNKNOWN

You can't see the unseen
You can't know the unknown
But you'd better be carefull
About what you say or do
'Cause that Unseeing Eye is watching you.

---- Blues song (unsure of the artist's name) smile

STUPOR - SUBLIMINAL
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: This one's horrible, jawohl? - 04/20/12 02:50 PM
Originally Posted By: wofahulicodoc
(Saints love us, of course he wants more! And while you're at it, be sure to read Josephine Tey's magnificent mystery novel The Daughter of Time, about Richard the Third.)

I never saw anything vaguer
Than a Schwartzwalder hunter, a Jäger.
...He could bring down a fox
...With a Jack-in-the-Box
But preferred raiding England, with Hagar.


PARSE - PASSABLE



very well done

Quote:
(Saints love us, of course he wants more! And while you're at it, be sure to read Josephine Tey's magnificent mystery novel The Daughter of Time, about Richard the Third.)


You know, these are insidious, I didn't plan it that way, but...

"Saints love us, of course he wants more!
And while you are at it be sure
...To read Josephine Tey..."


and there it breaks down. Hmmm. But with just a lit-tle tweak...

"Saints love us, of course he wants more!
And while you are at it be sure
...To read Daughter of Time --
..(That's Tey's myst'ry sublime)
About Richard and Saint Thomas More."

Wow...synchronicity!

No, the meddlesome never go away, Wofa, but now I will find and read The Daughter of Time and report back. You might not be insidious but you are certainly enticing. smile
:)))))) Sounds lovely wofa!
Wow!
Avy's post above...#666 - mark of the beast.
About getting rid of a meddlesome priest.
Synchronicity. laugh
Wow Jenny! I never noticed. No wonder! I felt kinda evil while writing that.
Edit: 667 now - boring. I would too read DOT. But it won't be avaliable here. I don't know that story. Maybe I should read shakey's RIII. I've read RII.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc For a moderate fee - 04/21/12 01:08 PM
...it's available via Amazon.com and, I'm sure, elsewhere. Also study guides and lesson plans. But I wouldn't re-read Shakespeare, at least not yet. I can guarantee you that after DoT you'll never look at Shakespeare's version quite the same way again.
This is a great rhyme, wofa, and I appreciate your skill in apllying it to jj's teaser. However, as a historian (Ret'd) I have to protest that I am mystified as to exactly who we are talking about! There are a few choices:-
1] Henry II and Thomas a' Becket of Canterbury (he was the "turbulent priest" that Henry wanted rid of.)

2]Richard III and the two young Princes , murdered in the Tower of London (supposedly) - which is the plot of Tey's excellent book, Daughter of Time

3] Henry VIII and Sir Thomas More, whom Good King Hal had beheaded for not agreeing to support the Divorce between himself and Catherine of Arragon.

There we have a slice of English history, covering just over two centuries - a very colourful and turbulent period, indeed, although not the period in which I specialise (I'm a late C18/C19 Social Historian by trade.)

jj asked "How many martyrs do you have over there, anyway?" The answer is, "More than you can conveniently shake a stick at." Whilst I was very aware that she wasn't referring to Donne (who wasn't a marytr at all) and did wonder it whe meant More, I must admit that I didn't really know - as all good historians excuse theselves, "It isn't my period!" I did wonder if it could have been one of the Oxford Martyrs, Latimer, Cranmer or Ridley: but Sir Thomas did seem the likeliest candidate.

Thanks, jj, anyway, for starting up a very interssting sideline!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando The power of advertising - 04/21/12 02:58 PM
STUPOR - SUBLIMINAL

Some advertising is subliminal,
With pictures infinitely minimal
You get caught in the loop, or
Pass out in a stupor.
This device is decidedly criminal!


HEROIC - HETERODOX
Posted By: Avy Re: For a moderate fee - 04/22/12 02:49 AM
The amazon alternative online company that India buys from does not have it. Dayamn wofa! Now that he's put it above Shakespeare, I want to read it even more. I did not think we'd get it here. *sulk*
Edit: I did not know who the meddlesome priest is either.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: The power of advertising - 04/22/12 02:41 PM
HEROIC - HETERODOX

The tyranny of words, the devaluation of men. smile

What? A heterosexual male is heterodox
While a homosexual male is not?
Our heros are her-o-ic - a doxy paradox
The her-oes fill the empty slot

Much love today is unrequited
Have words made us undecided? confused

ENTROPY - EPHERICAL

Posted By: jenny jenny Re: The power of advertising - 04/28/12 07:28 PM

Hmm? Maybeso you folks didn't like my two words?

ENTROPY - EPHERICAL

Ok, here are two happy words to poem:

DAFFODIL - DAIQUIRI

Better? smile
Posted By: Tromboniator Mystery and bafflement - 04/29/12 10:44 AM
I searched, but was rendered hysterical:
There's no meaning for that word epherical.
I decided that entropy
Perverted intent, so we
Are left to conclude: error clerical.

After sniffing a daffodil frock
My smeller developed a block.
I can't tell - the chagrin!
if it's rum, rye, or gin:
Is it rickey or daiquiri, Doc?

CLEAR – CLICK
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Mystery and bafflement - 04/29/12 04:22 PM
Tromboniator and all: I apologise for my misspelling of the word "ephemeral". I just looked in my dictionary once again to check the spelling but the word is now gone. blush

No matter Trombo, we got two rhymes out of you for one.
"Is it rickey or daiqiuri, Doc?" A grand slam double! laugh
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Maybe Yan Can, but I can't... - 04/29/12 10:00 PM

I wish I could cook like an Emeril
But my skills culinary? Ephemeral.
...With the entropy there
...Any food I'd prepare
Would be not just bad taste, t'would be memeral.

If you eat at my kitchen, it's clear
You will never forget it, I fear.
...So I'll close it - "click, click" -
...And then turn around quick
And look up and see everyone cheer !


REVISION - RIGHT

Good show, Wofo, you continually amaze me.

Wrong is wrong and right is right
Dogs do bark and snakes do bite
Revisit limerick verse
Right and wrong reverse
Benight: bad is good; wrong is right
Posted By: Avy Re: Maybe Yan Can, but I can't... - 04/30/12 01:42 PM
All though I stayed up all night,
Strainin and stirring with all my might,
Despite my great vision,
And constant revision,
My sauce did not turn out quite right.
syzygy - szechwan
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Heavenly bodies - 04/30/12 03:55 PM
The sun and the moon, as they function,
Will shortly come in to conjunction.
This syzygy can
Be seen in Szechwan -
I'd go there with little compunction!

VASIFORM - VEGETABLE
Posted By: BranShea Re: Heavenly bodies - 05/01/12 07:50 AM
Like
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Heavenly bodies - 05/02/12 12:13 PM
Tusen Tak, Branny!

Sorry - wrong language! How about, "Danku"?
Posted By: BranShea Re: Heavenly bodies - 05/02/12 06:00 PM
Well..a thousand thanks is more than just one but together they're 1001 thanks. You're very welcome. wink
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Totally Tubular ! - 05/03/12 01:47 AM

Vegetables, come in all sizes,
Were displayed to the crowd at Assizes
...Where a thousand-pound pumpkin
...Was judged by a bumpkin
As "not vasiform" -- and won prizes!

SWEETEN - TABLE
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Totally Tubular ! - 05/03/12 04:19 AM
Neat and nice Doc, thanks. My own poem isn't close but I'll post it just for spite.

Rhubarb Commando is a...
far traveling vegetable from a planet with no name
He's a six foot vasiform tube with a six foot brain
No not ordinary slime
Special slime that rhymes sublime
Some folks think him genius others think him sane smile

Now I'll get back to SWEETEN - TABLE
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Vegetative homage to jj - 05/03/12 10:33 AM
jj’s poem my life seems to sweeten
But my tubular self is quite beaten.
My brain isn’t able
To last at the table
For rhubarb is meant to be eaten!
Posted By: Tromboniator Cereal killer - 05/04/12 09:53 PM
Since we don't have a new challenge yet:

My friend uses house flies to sweeten
His breakfast of cereal wheaten.
He looks, at his table,
Like a clone of Clark Gable,
But his habits are those of a cretin.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Cereal killer - 05/05/12 12:52 PM
Sorry - Ah pure fergit ta choose two more words! So see what all y'all can make of these.

SOCIOLOGY - SOFT
Posted By: wofahulicodoc No, not phrenology - 05/05/12 09:05 PM

If you must have your sciences soft,
I found a hat someone had doffed
...Reading Psychology
...Or Sociology
What was that? Somebody coughed?

OPPRESSIVE - ORNAMENT
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Tying Up Loose Ends Department - 05/06/12 08:36 PM
Originally Posted By: Rhubarb Commando
...as a historian (Ret'd) I have to protest that I am mystified as to exactly who we are talking about! There are a few choices:-
1] Henry II and Thomas a' Becket of Canterbury (he was the "turbulent priest" that Henry wanted rid of.)

2]Richard III and the two young Princes , murdered in the Tower of London (supposedly) - which is the plot of Tey's excellent book, Daughter of Time

3] Henry VIII and Sir Thomas More, whom Good King Hal had beheaded for not agreeing to support the Divorce between himself and Catherine of Arragon.

There we have a slice of English history, covering just over two centuries - a very colourful and turbulent period, indeed, although not the period in which I specialise (I'm a late C18/C19 Social Historian by trade.)...

A final word:

Richard III, and the horrendous actions attributed to him, is the core of Tey's Daughter of Time.

Thomas More, referred to in the book (somewhat sardonically) as "the Sainted Thomas," wrote a history of those times widely considered authoritative, though he lived two generations later.

Referring to Thomas More as the "meddlesome priest," when that title more properly inheres to Thomas à Becket, is my error, pure and simple.

Moral: Don't accept everything you read as Gospel. Even if it comes from a Saint. Or me. Or even Snopes.com. (But that's another story...)

Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Tying Up Loose Ends Department - 05/07/12 03:43 AM

Sometimes Words Can Be Self-evident

Don't accept every Gospel you read as moral
And beware of facts that you hear that are oral
Instruments of oppression?
Or ornaments on progression?
-The best named goat is the South American goral

SCHEME - SCIENCE
Posted By: Tromboniator Common knowledge - 05/07/12 05:36 AM
Be careful where you get your science;
On Wiki don't place great reliance.
The open-write scheme
Propagates any meme,
Until it's corrected by clients.

BOBBY PIN – BOGOTÁ
Posted By: BranShea Re: Tying Up Loose Ends Department - 05/07/12 10:25 AM
Moral: Don't accept everything you read as Gospel

Since you are talking clichés: 'history will absolve you'. smirk
Posted By: wofahulicodoc speaking of clichés - 05/07/12 10:51 AM

Yes, but is it "History is the Daughter of Time" or
"History is written by the winners" ?
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: speaking of clichés - 05/07/12 02:21 PM
You ain't seen a pin 'til you've seen my Bobby pin
Like when he pinned an orangutang in Bogota
He tied him in a knot
To untie him he forgot
And that orangutang is still tied up in Bogota

RUTHLESS - SACKFUL
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando A sad tale of betrayal. - 05/07/12 04:52 PM
I once had a girlfriend named Ruth,
But she left me to go to Duluth
With my friend, who’s got dash
And a sackful of cash,
So now I am Ruthless, i’sooth!

APERIENT - APOLOGY
Posted By: jenny jenny Maybe it is best that you are unruth. - 05/08/12 03:37 PM
I am your former girlfriend Ruth in Duluth
I dumped you because you were crude and uncouth
My aperient was your friend;
My apology for our end
I miss you darling like I miss an aching tooth.


SEMICONSCIOUS - SEPARATE
Now that we’ve gone our separate ways
I live in a semiconscious haze.
I thought I’d found love
But you gave me the shove,
And I pass all my days in a daze

CRENEL - CRICKET
Posted By: BranShea Re: speaking of clichés - 05/08/12 08:53 PM
Originally Posted By: wofahulicodoc

Yes, but is it "History is the Daughter of Time" or
"History is written by the winners" ?

History is made by winners and losers and is written by the sons and daughters of time.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc speaking of clichés - 05/08/12 09:29 PM

You're just not cynical enough... ;-)
Posted By: BranShea Re: speaking of clichés - 05/09/12 05:32 PM
I'm no cynophile, no.
CRENEL - CRICKET

History has function in our present; not in our past
Reality is real at the moment but doesn't last
A cricket hops where it hops
Velikosky can't make it stop
Our last crenelled future has been reset but not recast

BERSERK - BETE NOIRE
Posted By: wofahulicodoc do-it-yourself limerick! - 05/10/12 01:23 AM

Blah BLAH blah blah BLAH blah blah jerk
Blah BLAH blah blah BLAH blah berserk
...Blah blah BLAH blah by far
...Blah blah BLAH blah bete noire
Blah blah BLAH blah blah just doesn't work!


(No, I'm not being serious!)
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: speaking of clichés - 05/10/12 10:23 AM
Originally Posted By: BranShea
Originally Posted By: wofahulicodoc

Yes, but is it "History is the Daughter of Time" or
"History is written by the winners" ?

History is made by winners and losers and is written by the sons and daughters of time.


I once wrote a History of Beds and sent it to Henry Ford for comment. He replied, "It's like I said before, History is Bunk."
Posted By: BranShea Re: On cliches and histories - 05/10/12 10:58 AM
CRENEL CRICKET smile

The crenel in the parapet
Is made for those who did not get
An armor for a shield
Thus on the cricket field
It's wise to wear a helmet

History is wonderful trough of facts and fiction.


Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: On cliches and histories - 05/10/12 03:54 PM
Excellent, Branny - I like this one!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: On cliches and histories - 05/10/12 03:58 PM
I spy his approach from afar:
The man who draws near's my Bête Noire
I think he's a berk
And he drives me berserk -
But what can I do? - He's my Pa!!

IMMATERIALISM - IMPACT
Posted By: BranShea Re: On cliches and histories - 05/10/12 06:09 PM
You handled him skillfully laugh and jenny jenny I borrowed the words for once, cause I have not much time to go into games.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: On cliches and histories - 05/11/12 04:25 AM
Good one, BranShea; light, with charm.
Here's a heavy one, without charm:
________________________________________________

Immaterialism - Determinism; lacks tack
Add the antics of semantics for cognate impact
Our thoughts are matter
Our chatter is matter
But "What is matter?" is a matter too abstract

IMMATERIALISM - IMPACT


Posted By: wofahulicodoc Re: speaking of clichés - 05/11/12 04:45 PM

Originally Posted By: Rhubarb Commando
...I once wrote a History of Beds and sent it to Henry Ford for comment. He replied, "It's like I said before, History is Bunk."


Shame on you ! :-)
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: speaking of clichés - 05/13/12 10:34 AM
Originally Posted By: Rhubarb Commando

I once wrote a History of Beds and sent it to Henry Ford for comment. He replied, "It's like I said before, History is Bunk."


Or: History is full of sheet.

Is that the last word on the subject? Or perhaps it's the last two words that we lack.
Ok Doc, if you insist, my fine words will be the last words on the subject. smile The two new words are...

CARTOON - CART
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando So let's go artistic!! - 05/26/12 09:03 PM
For sculpture I don’t give a fart
But to draw a cartoon is an Art.
I’d not clutter my floor
With a bronze Henry Moore
But Da Vinci !!! bring on by the Cart!
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: So let's go artistic!! - 05/27/12 02:58 PM
I've just two words for you, RC: "Thank you".

Your dandy poem reminded me of a dandy named Art Davis, a classmate of mine at Elmore High. After passing Art in the hallway we would whisper "Yes it is pretty, but is it Art?"

By the way, do you have two nice new words for the dandy people of this forum? smile
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: So let's go artistic!! - 05/27/12 03:26 PM
And thank you, jj, for your kind words.

the next two to play with are:-

SEARCHING - SECLUDE
Searching for meaning that life has secluded
I joined the hippies singing We Shall Overcome
We didn't: so I stopped singing
And made up a new ole saying
Singing: The Wiser I Get The Less Young I Become

PEDUNCLE - PELVIS
Posted By: Tromboniator Stalking the stinky - 07/30/12 04:28 PM
I once saw a giant peduncle
With a bloom twice as big as my uncle,
Whose putrescent pelvis
Has so bad a smell Vis-
igoths won't come near, but a skunk'll.

FEMALE – FERRET
Posted By: Candy Re: Stalking the stinky - 08/03/12 03:32 AM
...a plant, from the Little Shop of Horror...maybe!

well done Peter.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Stalking the stinky - 08/03/12 08:46 AM
Thanks, Candy. After two months of thinking it impossible, the solution came to me as I was drifting in pre-sleep, and I grabbed my phone and typed it out before I could forget it.

Little Shop is so last year! I'd forgotten it already.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Stalking the stinky - 08/08/12 01:08 AM
Good show, Trombo.
It must be fun having a subconscious mind like yours. Mine only helps me remember things I've forgotten, like; "The Capital of Montana is Butte" while yours rhymes peduncle with skunk'll.

Buy your subconscious a drink on me. smile

Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Stalking the stinky - 08/10/12 08:11 AM
If you go around claiming that Butte is the capital, some Montanan will send you to Helena handbasket!

Much of the time I find that my mind is a fun place to be. Thanks for the drink.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Stalking the stinky - 08/10/12 04:54 PM
Funny, you two!
Posted By: Candy In the Garden of Eden. - 08/11/12 07:29 AM
FEMALE – FERRET

I once had a female ferret called Eden
Her teeth were lovely and white and even
But she contracted rabies
and ate all her babies
So the next day, I figured.....she's leavin.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: In the Garden of Eden. - 08/11/12 04:08 PM
Good goin!
I like it: lots. Who says you can't do it??
You've inspired me, I may just have to get back in the game.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: In the Garden of Eden. - 08/11/12 08:06 PM
All right, Candy! See? All you need is a warped imagination.

How about some words for the next round?
Posted By: Candy Re: In the Garden of Eden. - 08/11/12 11:29 PM
Here's two..but if you are still working on the last ones, Luke post yours as well.

GYM GYNAECOLOGIST
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: In the Garden of Eden. - 08/17/12 04:50 PM
An old Gynaecologist, Pete Pym,
When asked how he kept himself neat and slim
Said to this questor of his
“A hard day at the orifice
Ends with a workout down at the gym.”
MARGRAVE - MARKER
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: In the Garden of Eden. - 08/18/12 04:49 AM
"Said to this questor of his
“A hard day at the orifice"


laugh

Superb, Rhubarb; we expect quirky rhymes like this from our great Commando.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: In the Garden of Eden. - 08/18/12 11:20 AM
Thank you, jj: I've been searching for an opportunity to use the "hard day at the orifice" gag for nearly three years, so ta also to Candy for giving me the cue!
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: In the Garden of Eden. - 08/18/12 09:03 PM
Ah, Rhuby. You mean that she gave you the opening.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: In the Garden of Eden. - 08/18/12 09:16 PM
I think I may be in a hole. I shall stop digging.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: In the Garden of Eden. - 08/18/12 09:33 PM
Yeah, I can dig it.
Posted By: Candy Re: In the Garden of Eden. - 08/19/12 01:35 PM
I dig you guys LOL
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: In the Garden of Eden. - 08/19/12 02:25 PM
Ay - Ah'm a plain spoken chap - I calls a spade a spade ...
Posted By: Tromboniator Job crunch. - 08/19/12 07:42 PM
It's a sad tale of David the Margrave
Whose march was re-zoned as a car grave.
They took his rank marker,
He's now a wreck parker.
You'll find sympathy down at the bar, Dave.

PORTMANTEAU – POST
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Job crunch. - 08/19/12 08:10 PM
I weep for poor Dave - well done, Peter.
Posted By: Tromboniator A shove'll do - 08/19/12 08:26 PM
A northern Brit fellow called Rhuby
Said to forumers, "I ain't no newbie.
I am certain a spade
Hasn't aught but a blade
And a handle. I'm sure. Wouldn't you be?"
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: A shove'll do - 08/19/12 09:37 PM
ROFLMAO
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: A shove'll do - 08/20/12 01:40 AM
confused
Posted By: Candy Re: Job crunch. - 08/20/12 12:54 PM
Originally Posted By: Rhubarb Commando
I weep for poor Dave - well done, Peter.


I'm sure a pint or two shared will make you both feel better.

Yes...well done Peter...with both works.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Job crunch. - 08/21/12 04:00 AM
I am immortal until proven otherwise
You are a posting device in Rhubarb's guise
He left his posts in a portmanteau
You post them to show that he is you
You machines have no respect when someone dies.

Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Job crunch. - 08/21/12 09:09 AM
laugh

Great, jj!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando A penny for your thoughts? - 08/21/12 09:16 AM
To offer jenny
But a Penny
Just to hear her thought?
Wisdom's pearl
From this bright girl
T'were far too cheaply bought.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: A penny for your thoughts? - 08/22/12 06:03 PM
Clearly, RC, you first wrote "dearly" then changed it to "cheaply" because you are cursed with a redemptive heart. laugh

But you forgot to give us two dictionary words so I will...

hitchhiker - hoe
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: A penny for your thoughts? - 08/22/12 09:53 PM
My little panegyrifc to you jj - which was certainly not changed from my first thoughts (apart from editing typos!) - was not part of the game, so we are still working onn Peter's words:-
PORTMANTEAU - POST

I shall bend my mind to it in a while, if someone else doesn't pip me to the post by using a Humpty-Dumpty style portmanteau word!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: A penny for your thoughts? - 08/22/12 10:15 PM
Like this:-
Tromboniator is our host
So I’ll make an attempt at a post
And see if I can show
A wordy ‘Portmanteau’
Which ain’t just a feeble falboast*


*Falboast: n. an unsustainable claim to prowess (Eng. portmanteau wd, fr ‘false,’ ‘boast’)
Posted By: Candy ......with espresso - 08/23/12 02:38 AM
Leave it to wordsmith's Rhuby Commando
to rhyme a word with portmanteau
in Sparteye's post
he can boast
maestro gusto vibrato......bravo!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: ......with espresso - 08/23/12 10:02 AM
Good one, Candy! The last two lines are much stronger than mine!

and the next two words are:-

QUADRATIC - QUAINT
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: ......with espresso - 08/24/12 08:07 AM
HITCHHIKER – HOE:
Lone Sam was an old-time hitchhiker
Who would ride with a trucker or biker.
In a pickup he'd go
In the back with a hoe,
Wheelbarrow, and sow – and he'd like her!

QUADRATIC – QUAINT:
He taught how to solve the quadratic,
The difficult, the enigmatic.
He's been put in restraint
For his methods too quaint –
He kept undergrads in the attic.

RIFLE – RIM
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: ......with espresso - 08/24/12 10:28 AM
smile I like 'em both!

If you’re at the world’s outer rim,
And your prospects of eating are dim,
It don’t do to trifle
So take down your rifle:
Fill your bag full of birds to the brim.

GEARING - GENERAL
Posted By: jenny jenny GENERAL GEARING - 08/25/12 07:24 PM
Sally rode with Peter to make love at Lovers Leap
Sally was impatient and Peter was a geek
She grabbed Pete's gearing
He forgot he was steering
In general top to bottom they saw all of Lovers Leap

CASINO - CATACOMB
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: GENERAL GEARING - 08/25/12 07:53 PM
Nice one, JJ - very clever!
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: GENERAL GEARING - 08/25/12 11:40 PM
What now, RC? Should I post two new game words or wait a certain term so others can post? confused
Posted By: Candy Re: Lovers Leap - 08/26/12 12:21 AM
either or Jenn...we will post what we have anyway smile
We are clever enough to follow...even if the words get out of order

I loved your limerick and it reminded me of this joke

Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Lovers Leap - 08/26/12 10:07 AM
laugh laugh laugh
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Lovers Leap - 08/26/12 10:08 AM
Go on, jj - give us a couple of words to chew on!
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Lovers Leap - 08/26/12 03:09 PM
CASINO - CATACOMB
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Two unrelated facts about my life. - 08/26/12 04:23 PM
A catacomb’s a grave affair,
But when my mog has ruffl’d hair,
I give the messy cat a comb.
I gamble when away from home:
The Casino is my lair.

CHARACTERISTIC - CHARM
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Isaac - 08/27/12 11:29 AM
Thinking of you, jj, and hoping that Aberdeen is far enough up-state to miss the worst of the storm. Let us know how you get on.
Posted By: Candy Re: Two unrelated facts about my life. - 08/27/12 12:10 PM
Thats was quick..must be the truth LOL
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Isaac - 08/27/12 04:36 PM
Originally Posted By: Rhubarb Commando
Thinking of you, jj, and hoping that Aberdeen is far enough up-state to miss the worst of the storm. Let us know how you get on.


Yes, do!
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Isaac - 08/27/12 05:02 PM
Tornadoes; spin-off tornadoes and flooding are usually the main worries for Monroe County Mississippians. Aberdeen is two-hundred or so miles inland as a hurricane flies, but we still batten down our hatches. Thank you folks for your concern.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Isaac - 08/27/12 07:03 PM
Hurricanes are small potatoes here in Mississippi
We remember the Cretaceous when times were iffy
A big meteor crashed in the Gulf
And killed the dinosaurs not us
Today our characteristic charm is considered quite nifty
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Isaac - 08/27/12 07:18 PM
To strong winds you’re habituated
Although they may blow, unabated,
For a month and a day
You can just hide away
An eat chocolate cake ‘til you’re sated
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Isaac - 08/27/12 08:13 PM
laugh Rhubarb, the faster you write the better you get.
If you'll slow down when you get older then maybe we'll catch you.
But I doubt it. smile
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Isaac - 08/27/12 09:46 PM
People are always telling me, "You're as old as you feel!"






My usual reply is, "People don't live as long as I feel today."
What is my main characteristic?
Ev'rybody knows I'm pacifistic:
It's just part of my charm,
Till they note with alarm:
If they rub me wrong, I go ballistic!

FOREJUDGE – FORM
Posted By: Candy Re: Two contradictory facts about my life. - 08/30/12 12:24 AM
jenny jenny ....so glad you are not letting isaac blow you down, nifty little limerick there too.

and Rhuby...dont encourage her to eat all the chocolate cake!

Peter...is that you or RC you have composed so eloquently about?
Let's see: if we look really carefully, maybe we can find a clue… Aha! Look at this – the last line has the word rub, which is way too close to Rhub to be coincidence.


Or is it?
Originally Posted By: Candy
jenny jenny ....so glad you are not letting isaac blow you down, nifty little limerick there too.

and Rhuby...dont encourage her to eat all the chocolate cake!



Things will slowly return to their norm
Now that Isaac’s a tropical storm.
Those who hastily fled
Can exchange cake for bread;
So do not forejudge – it’s bad form!
Mister Rhubarb Commando: Dear Sir:
I sincerely hope you won't demur,
But I'd like to request
Two more words to digest,
To turn into fine literatur.
This is what I think, Mister Tromboniator:

My rub with the Rhub is his claim to be immortal
The Rhub is a limerick machine with an Awad portal
Yet not to forejudge his form
Be him cold or be him warm
If Rhub can prove he is alive then I'll prove he's mortal.

smile
Posted By: Candy Re: Two contradictory facts about my life. - 09/03/12 06:55 AM
I think you have that the wrong way around jenny jenny
The Rhub is immortal until proved otherwise.

Limerick machines you all seem to be.
Spewing them out takes more time for me.
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator
Mister Rhubarb Commando: Dear Sir:
I sincerely hope you won't demur,
But I'd like to request
Two more words to digest,
To turn into fine literatur.



My omission I beg you’ll forgive
My memory’s just like a sieve!
It is my life’s fetter
But it will not get better
However long I may live!

ESPIAL – ESTIMATE
Great Repartee you guys
Thank you kindly, Sir.
Ne rien.
Posted By: Tromboniator Fall is coming - 09/08/12 05:16 AM
The balloonist could not estimate
How much time till his bag would deflate.
Ever since his espial
Of his altitude dial
He's had other things to contemplate.

AMOUNT – AMUCK
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Fall is coming - 09/08/12 03:23 PM
The amount of rainfall we've had around here,
is causing farmers and treelovers a lot of fear.
The weather has gone amuck,
global warming it's a great upchuck.
With more than one eye to shed a great big tear.

BALLOON - BOMBAST
Posted By: Candy Re: Fall is coming - 09/09/12 11:57 AM
That Balloonist was sure in a predicament, Peter.

And Luke, welcome to the game smile
A subject close to your heart....well done.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Fall is coming - 09/09/12 04:41 PM
I have a few back in these 87 pages. But have to be in
the mood to sit and think. I sort of gave up thinking
as a New Years's Resolution after I quit teaching. Along
with cooking and cleaning.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Fall is coming - 09/09/12 04:43 PM
And close to my heart.
It's getting worse, and this is supposed to be a temperate
climate zone. Something is definitely off base:

http://droughtmonitor.unl.edu/
Posted By: jenny jenny Notice: This is a not-Luke limerick - 09/12/12 01:52 PM

An empty young man from Cancun
Spoke nothing but gloom and high doom
This world will not last
He said with bombast
His head a hot air balloon smile


SOMEWHERE - SOMBRERO
Posted By: Candy Re: Notice: This is a not-Luke limerick - 09/13/12 09:55 AM
laugh
Posted By: Tromboniator Hat Trick - 09/14/12 05:59 AM
A sombrero's a kind of a hat
You can wear whether skinny or fat.
Get a nice one somewhere
They sell Mexican flair;
You can't ask for better than that.

or

Now, where did I leave my sombrero?
I've absently put it somewhere. OH!
I remember tequila
And a fast-handed dealah –
It was lost in a rigged game of faro.

or

The gunman pushed back his sombrero.
His cold eyes froze me to the marrow.
His aim was somewhere
'Tween my nose and my hair…
But I'm bald! Now he lies in a barrow.

ROBIN – ROCOCO
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Hat Trick - 09/14/12 04:40 PM
Excellent, Peter.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Hat Trick - 09/15/12 05:56 AM
I pick door number two.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Hat Trick - 09/15/12 07:15 AM
That was the first one I wrote.
Posted By: Candy Re: Hat Trick - 09/16/12 12:37 PM
I cant choose, I like them all.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Hat Trick - 09/17/12 03:19 PM
ROCOCO - ROBIN

An ornithologist from Acapulco
Built a fancy birdhouse a la rococo
But when the red red robin
Didn't come bob bob bobbin
Hobos moved in filling it a la in toto

GORILLA - GRABBING
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Hat Trick - 09/17/12 06:37 PM
You've beat me to it, JJ! I had nearly got the following when you pipped me to the post!

When the postman is lobbin'
Cards with snowflake and robin
Through my door, I go loco!
They're all so roccoco
In style - I start sobbin'.

So - here goes:

A grabbing old Hun named Attila
Whose manners were like a goriila
'Til he visited spain
Where the locals did train
Him to savour a fine Manzanilla.

ROPEY - ROSETTE
Posted By: Tromboniator Cutting edge - 09/18/12 03:13 AM
The artiste tried to make a rosette
Out of tar, acetone, and fishnet.
The results were so ropey
He gave up all hope. He
Now tests razor blades for Gillette.

FAERIE – FAKE
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Cutting edge - 09/18/12 09:28 AM
This one really has had me laughing out loud!
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Cutting edge - 09/18/12 10:30 AM
Than which there is no higher praise.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Cutting edge - 09/18/12 03:06 PM
Yes, good one Peter.
I can just "see" the rosette.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando A sad tale - 09/18/12 10:44 PM
Too sad for a mere Limerick - so you get a eight line versicle.

The Faerie Queen appears on stage
With wand and sequins – and a page!
Her elbows creak, her knees both ache
Hair and bosom, both are fake.
People leave when curtain falls;
Just empty wrappers in the stalls.
With make up off and dressed in beige,
Exeunt: A Woman of - “a Certain Age.”
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: A sad tale - 09/18/12 10:53 PM
and the next two -

LIBERAL - LICH (or LYCH) [as in lych gate]
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: A sad tale - 09/18/12 11:11 PM
Thou makest me to weep.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: A sad tale - 09/18/12 11:33 PM
For what better accolade could I ask?
Posted By: Candy Re: A sad tale - 09/19/12 07:57 AM
Nice work jenny jenny.... squatters have a way of ruining a neighbourhood.

And I liked your Xmas theme Rhuby smile
and far be it for me to be the forum police...but did you miss out using one of jj's required words???
(I think the others enjoyed you words so much..they didnt notice)

Peter....I hope he was testing the blades, shaving and not like 'Sweeney Todd'!

Rhuby, your sad tale of the Faerie Queen is epic. Beautifully told...it moved me to tears too.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: A sad tale - 09/19/12 10:53 AM
Originally Posted By: Candy

(I think the others enjoyed you words so much..they didnt notice)

So true!

A gorilla shipped out for the Bering,
But not, it would seem, for the herring.
So deft was his grabbing
They hired him for crabbing,
And the yarns that he spun of seafaring.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: A sad tale - 09/19/12 01:07 PM

The Faerie Queen appears on stage
With wand and sequins – and a page!
Her elbows creak, her knees both ache
Hair and bosom, both are fake.
People leave when curtain falls;
Just empty wrappers in the stalls.
With make up off and dressed in beige,
Exeunt: A Woman of - “a Certain Age.”
_________________________

Dearest Rhuby,
Thank you for this poem.
W.B.Yeats (who is immortal) wishes he had wrote it.
- JJ
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: A sad tale - 09/19/12 02:57 PM
My pleasure, jj - and I'm very flattered by the comparison with WBY!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: A sad tale - 09/19/12 03:07 PM
Originally Posted By: Candy

and far be it for me to be the forum police...but did you miss out using one of jj's required words???
(I think the others enjoyed you words so much..they didnt notice)


You are quite right, Candy - I have repaired the ommission, if you care to look back. I'm afraid I got carried away by my own verbosity, and all y'all were too polite to k'rrect a doddering old man! blush
Posted By: jenny jenny A happy/sad tale : A true story. - 09/21/12 04:03 PM
LIBERAL - LYCH

All Liberals become Conservatives before they die
As pallid worms change into bright butterflies
Some will wait too late
They lie now at lych gate
Frozen as Liberals [moan] until the Universe dies. smile
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: A happy/sad tale : A true story. - 09/21/12 04:15 PM
laugh
Nice one, jj. smile
Can we have two more words,pease?
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: A happy/sad tale : A true story. - 09/21/12 05:35 PM
Sure thing, RC.
You crack the whip and I'll make the trip.
The two new words are...

SANSKRIT - SARCASM

.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: A happy/sad tale : A true story. - 09/22/12 11:58 AM
OMG, your conservative wit
Makes me laugh till my sides ache and split!
(That's sarcasm I'm using;
Your meaning's abusing
Us liberals. Speak in Sanskrit.)

PECTORAL – PEEP
Posted By: jenny jenny The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 12:07 PM
Remember reading The Naked Ape by Desmond Morris?

Individuals die while so far the clade is immortal
Because evolution put boobs on the female pectoral
Boobs are a sexual attraction
One peep spurs manly action
And frontal copulation helps them find the right portal laugh



QUOTA - RABBIT

Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 04:15 PM
Very clever, jj! smile


A rabbit tastes good in a pie
With onions and carrots – Oh My!
If it’s done in a rota-
Ting oven, my quota
Of happiness quite fills the sky.

DISCREPANT - DISGRACE
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 04:16 PM
All Right! Very clever, Jenny.

Never had it Rhuby, but my mouth is watering.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 04:33 PM
Oh, I can assure you that poem was written from the heart. I used to catch bunnies, mostly to sell, but we always had one a week, either as a stew (if it was an older one,) or a pie. Occasionally, if we got a really young one, my wife would coat it in butter and herbs, wrap it in foil, and very bengtly roast ift. Mmmmmm!!
Now, I don't catch rabbits and the ones you get in the butchers shop are expensive, and usually cage-bred, which don't have anything like the flavour.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 04:54 PM
I've actually never had it, but it does sound delicious.
Over here their "cuteness" prohibits a lot of eating.
So often even on TV they show some cowboy getting the
critter, and later roasting it. Probably all plastic
or rubber critters. Because there is always a notice
at the end of the show: "No animals were hurt in the
production of this film/show".
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 07:25 PM
Oh, the hypocrisy of humankind! No-one ate a hamburger without hurting (i.e., killing!)an animal! Or a whole host of other foods, for that matter.
If you don't like anmals being hurt become a vegetarian.
(And there's nothing wrong on that, either)
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 07:40 PM
Or wooly mammoth early on in our history. I think they are
kind of cute too.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 08:03 PM
Well, they were victims of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Mind you, I s'pose you could say that of the coneys that strayed into my snares .........
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 08:04 PM
Someday, perhaps, I may have the opportunity to enjoy.
Don't know anyplace they are served.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 08:06 PM
No, I don't know anywhere that serves wooly mammoths, either. and |Google is strangely reticent! (or reluctant!)
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 08:20 PM
And just when I'd worked up my appetite, darn it all anyway.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 08:27 PM
Don't repine, Luke - deep frozen meat never tastes as good as fresh, anyway.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 08:32 PM
I know they found one in Siberia a year or so ago, but
that's all I am aware. Guess I have to settle for
bunny, if I can find that. My dog chases one, but alas,
no luck in that endeavor either.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 08:35 PM
My cats bring one in, now and again - and them the blighters eat it before my very eyes! And then come to me to ask for tinned food, an hour later.
I'll never understand cats. sigh
Posted By: SamDottore Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 09:45 PM
Have you read "The Cat that Walked by Himself" from Kipling's "Just So Stories"?
It portrays the best representation of a cat's relationship with humankind that I know, with dignity and humour. Remarkable for a children's story!
Sam
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: The problem with being upright - 09/23/12 09:46 PM
It was one of my favourites, which I passed on to my own two.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Lest we forget ... - 09/24/12 10:31 AM
... and to save you having to turn back a page, the current words are:-

DISCREPANT - DISGRACE


Oh, Dear! Once a teacher, always a teacher: here am I, bringing the class back to the curriculum after and interesting and fruitful diversion away from it!
blush
Posted By: jenny jenny RC, you got me singing We Will Rock You - 09/24/12 02:00 PM
NO ENTRY: JUST A SING ALONG WITH QUEEN laugh

I wonder 'bout 'dis I wonder 'bout dat
I wonder who put de dis in de chat
Youse a big dis-grace
Got egg on yo face
Discrepant is dis in de Awad chat


laugh
Nice one, jj!
Naw, Teach, I'm just a discordant student who will resort to silliness rather than return to her studies. smile

DISCORDANT - DISGRACE
A discordant young student was Jenny,
Her misdemeanours were many.
In exams, her first place
Saved her from disgrace -
At odds of ten bucks to a penny.


EVANGELICAL - EVEREST
laugh At ten bucks to a penny I'd throw the game for a split.
I may be discordant but I'm not dis-stupid. laugh
Why would one want to kill squirrels anywhy? The ones you get here are really skinny. Maybe be forigin ones are fat. I dunno.
Here in the UK, the Grey Squirrel is a pest. They are not native to Britain, and have driven our native Red Squirrel almost to extinction. There has been a massive drive, over the past ten years or so, to re-establish the Red in certain areas, together with a parallel drive to oust the Greys by culling them. (Which, of course, is euphemistish for kill the varmints!)
As to eating them, their meat is quite pleasant. A bit sweet for my taste, but not bad. The only problem is that you new quite a lot of them to feed a family of four! Next month is probably the best time to eat squirrel, as they have beenn fattening up all summer on order to survie their hibernation.
A keen evangelical preacher
Said "God's a superlative creature!
The greatest, the cleverest –
Just as Mount Everest
Dwarfs any other tall feature".

HISTRIONIC – HOARD
Good show, AC, Welcome.
smile There is room for a few more superlative creatures around here. wink
Thanks Rhuby. Maybe one day I'll get to see the red and the grey.
Well said AC (and from out of the wilderness)
My idea was something with Muhammad Ali, but that was as far as I got.
Welcome, AC! An excellent entry into Spateye's Game, if I may say so.

And I'm very glad to see another Brit posting - that makes three of us active at the moment.
Wait a minute. I thought the rules didn't allow more than two Brits here at a given moment. It's in the book.* shocked

*Three would be too many and one would be too few. laugh
We should remember, jj, that it's their language we're wrecking here, so let's make an exception!
Well...if you say so, Tromboniator. But somebody ruined Elizabethan English and it sure a hell wasn't we'uns. frown
HISTRIONIC – HOARD

My good friends, whenever I’m Bored,
I come and examine this board
Where posts range from moronic
To quite histrionic
With new words - which I add to my hoard.


UDOMETER - ULTRAMARINE

(and the best of luck!)
The Grand Navy of Poland built a spy submarine
They painted it with water colors - ultramarine
But the test crew did fret
When the ubometer read "wet"
They drowned; either in or out of the ultramarine submarine

UDOMETER - ULTRAMARINE
quote from Rhubarb Commando~
"UDOMETER - ULTRAMARINE

(and the best of luck!)"

Ha....I dont think jj needed it wink
super rhyming jenny...I love the idea of watercolour camourflage paint.
Rhubarb Commando's quite right that the grey squirrel has been set to eliminate the native (and seemingly less agressive) red in the UK for many years, thwarted so far I guess mostly by mankind's benevolent intervention.

I heard relatively recently of a another European (Spanish?) mutant of 'our' grey squirrel appearing in the UK, which is even more aggressive, and threatens genetically to displace the existing greys by interbreeding. I have not heard if this enhances the threat to the native reds.

Isn't nature (by this I mean evolution, with its preference for the best fitting genetic variant) (literally) wonderful?

This obliquely leads me to a very personal 'bee in the bonnet', namely the woefully inadequate (and I think misleading) ways in which the harsh reality and impersonality of genetic selection that happens in the evolutionary process, has been explained by so-called experts in the media, even by our much admired uncle of evolution, David Attenborough. I personally deplore such dumbing down of vitally important concepts.

In general, it is often claimed that "such and such a species does this because it affords such and such an advantage", as though the individual creature can anticipate that such and such a behaviour will afford an advantage. This has to be nonsense, except in the instances of more 'intelligent' creatures - it can only be through many fortuitous iterations of a given behaviour, resulting in a statistically greater number of individuals surviving to pass on their genes, that the behaviour in question may become 'incorporated' in that species' genetic package to be passed on, and exhibited 'naturally'.

I'm sorry to wander off the central thrust of the thread, and step onto my own particular soap-box (a happily compatible conjunction of cliches), but I am hoping this may become a suitable point for discussion by comparison and contrast.

Views, anyone?

Sam
Just a thought on your image "bee in a bonnet".
Back in the day I saw a nun with those medieval
starched wimples and headgear acquire a bee in hers.
She had to completely dismantle the thing to remove
the bee, and to much embarrassment I might add.
Sam says << ... it can only be through many fortuitous iterations of a given behaviour, resulting in a statistically greater number of individuals surviving to pass on their genes, that the behaviour in question may become 'incorporated' in that species' genetic package to be passed on, ...>>

True, but it is, of course these adventitious 'advantages' which make the individuals more likely to survive, prosper, and see off rivals in the mating process, which makes it more likely that those genetic advantages do get passed on.

Now - back to the thread!

What are your two words, jj?
Glad to hear that you're all not systemically Britophobic, even if it is 'our' language you're wrecking (your words).
I will admit that I used to get hot under the collar when I saw provincial mangling of (as we Limeys or Poms like to call it) "Queen's English", but I now try to celebrate the inevitable evolutionary development of our language, and instead try to see it as an enriching process. Is that attitude defeatist or progressive? I'm still unsure.
Eloquence is a very different skill from (than?) practising correct grammar, and much prettier.

Sam
OK

DARK HORSE - DAWN
I should be able to make something with those smile
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Sparteye's game - 10/01/12 01:33 PM
In a nocturnal chess game, as White,
I blithely ignored a Black knight,
Till the dark horse, at dawn,
Took my crucial king's pawn;
At sunrise I gave up the fight.

REGULARIZE – REIN
Posted By: Candy pipped at the post - 10/01/12 02:03 PM
Very nice AC....I like a game of chess.

This is mine (I know the last line is too long, but I couldn't get the rhythm any shorter)

I spent all day at the Flemington racecourse
Did my dough betting on a dark horse
The favourite, a filly called Dawn
Stopped mid race for lunch on the lawn
Home I trotted, full of remorse, having giv'n my misses grounds for a divorce.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: pipped at the post - 10/01/12 02:31 PM
good effort.
I can see the image of a horse stopping in a race to eat.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: pipped at the post - 10/01/12 03:58 PM
I'm sure that's one of the horses I buet on, once! (or twice!)

Nice one, Candy.

And a super one, A.C,!
Posted By: jenny jenny One does what one must... - 10/02/12 09:10 PM
REGULARIZE - REIN

Barney Google, with those goo, goo, googly eyes
Barney Google, had a wife two times his size
She sued Barney for divorce
Now he's living on his horse
With a pull on the reins he can regularize
And I'm going to jail 'cause I plagiarize
Barney Google, with those goo, goo, googly eyes.

NINNY - NIX
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: One does what one must... - 10/03/12 08:58 AM
My goodness, jj! I haven't heard that song for the last sixty years! When I was a little kid, I had a chbair with a music box underneath and, when you sat on it, Barney Google was one of the tunes it played.
Many thanks for the bit of memorabilia - it wipes out your sin of poagiarism smile
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Cook's lament - 10/03/12 02:53 PM
Egg-boiling gives me no kicks
For my culinary skills are just nix:
I feel such a ninny
When dressed in a pinny,
So I eat in a diner called, “Ricks!”

DISPENSER - DISQUIETUDE
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: One does what one must... - 10/03/12 03:09 PM
smile See? That is how I want to learn to write Limericks...sweet, brief, and pointed, with a twist (or maybe I'll just plagiarize the Commando). smile

And Thank you, Commando, your absolution gives me the latitude to explain:
The old song bobbed up from the depths of my mind because the rhyme scheme and syllabic count was limerickic and I wanted to share this memory with the fine people who post here.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. wink
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: One does what one must... - 10/03/12 04:07 PM
I love "limerickic;" What a great word!!
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Caffeine overload - 10/03/12 09:44 PM
I purchased a coffee dispenser
With settings of 'Mild' and 'Intenser';
My disquietude grew
As it oozed a foul brew
Because of a fault in the sensor.

FLUX – FLYING
Posted By: Candy Re: Caffeine overload - 10/04/12 12:40 AM
100% for that limerick AC
I must go make myself a coffee now smile



jenny jenny & Rhuby....first I've heard of that Barney person. I just googled him LOL.



I was struck by the origin of "Google". I'm inserting this from wikipedia

Following "The Goo-Goo Song" (1900), the word "Google" was introduced in 1913 in Vincent Cartwright Vickers' The Google Book, a children's book about the Google and other fanciful creatures who live in Googleland: "The Google has a beautiful garden which is guarded night and day. All through the day he sleeps in a pool of water in the center of the garden; but when the night comes, he slowly crawls out of the pool and silently prowls around for food."[8] Aware of the word's appeal, DeBeck launched his comic strip six years later, and the "goo-goo-googly" lyrics in the 1923 song "Barney Google" focused attention on the novelty of the word.
When mathematician and Columbia University professor Edward Kasner was challenged in the late 1930s to devise a name for a very large number, he asked his nine-year-old nephew, Milton Sirotta, to suggest a word. The youthful comic strip reader told Kasner to use "Google". Kasner agreed, and in 1940, he introduced the words "googol" and "googolplex" in his book, Mathematics and the Imagination. Milton Sirotta died in 1980. This is the term that Larry Page and Sergey Brin had in mind when they named their company in 1998, but they intentionally misspelled "googol" as "google," bringing it full circle right back to Billy DeBeck. In 2002, when Page set up a scanning device at Google to test how fast books could be scanned, the first book he scanned was Vickers' The Google Book.
Posted By: Candy Re: Cook's lament - 10/04/12 12:59 AM
Egg-boiling gives me no kicks
For my culinary skills are just nix:
I feel such a ninny
When dressed in a pinny,
So I eat in a diner called, “Ricks!”


aw.....you are no Jamie Oliver then. Never mind, he dont 'ave your excellent word skills wink
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Coffee dispensing - 10/04/12 10:26 AM
Great Limerick, A.C.! There is no doubt a t all that you are a welcome - and worthy - addition to our circle of rhymsters.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Barny Google - 10/04/12 10:30 AM
Thanks for the background on Google, candy. I knew the song (or bits of it, anyway) but didn't know it's date or provenance. It has helped me to date the musical chair to 1926, which was the year my eldest brother wsa born and so was undoubtedly a christening gift. The chair, unfortunately, succumbed to woodworm and the musical box to rust, so I no longer have it.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Memento Mori - 10/04/12 10:37 AM
Gather ye rosebuds whilst ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying
And the pond full of ducks
In a full state of flux
Whilst the rose on the thorn is a-dying!

(Ther you are, jj - you are not the only one to plagiarise when it suits the purpose!) laugh
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Memento Mori - 10/04/12 02:03 PM
*****
Maybenot, RC, but you are the only poet I know who's dastardly plagiarizing vastly improves that which has been stolen. smile
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Memento Mori - 10/04/12 03:14 PM
laugh
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Memento Mori - 10/04/12 03:19 PM
There is a terrific movie based on the life of
Bill Wilson called "My Name is Bill W.", starring
JoBeth Williams, James Woods and James Garner.
Probably about 20+ years old now. In one scene
it shows Bill in a bar/pub drunk as a skunk and the
whole place is engaged in a very drunken rendition
of "Barney Google", a favorite song of the era.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Memento Mori - 10/04/12 04:18 PM
Originally Posted By: jenny jenny
*****
Maybenot, RC, but you are the only poet I know who's dastardly plagiarizing vastly improves that which has been stolen. smile

Thank you, jj.
And, Luke, I don't know that film - I shall ask our local cinema manager to consider it for 2013.


And the next two words are:
(Ta Da!!)

IDEAL - IDOLATER
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Memento Mori - 10/04/12 05:19 PM
My Name is Bill W.

http://dvd.netflix.com/Search?v1=My%20Name%20Is%20Bill%20W.&oq=My%20Name%20is%20Bill&ac_posn=1


I can get copies, and would be glad to mail one to you,
if it is not available to you. It is very well done
and would be more than happy to do so. You could PM an
address.
Posted By: jenny jenny Sweet and short (with a moral) - 10/05/12 01:55 PM
Sweet Cicele D. Demille from Mobile
Proud paragon of the Christian ideal
Drank some wine one day
Took a roll in the hay
Then married an idolater from Brazil

GUIDEBOOK - GUSTO
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Sweet and short (with a moral) - 10/05/12 02:16 PM
laugh laugh laugh
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Different tastes - 10/06/12 08:39 AM
Some folk, with great gusto, go rambling;
Some, guidebook in hand, prefer ambling;
But the really cool guys
Eschew exercise
And spend all their leisure time gambling.

SUBJECT – SUBMERGE
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Different tastes - 10/06/12 03:29 PM
grin
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Different tastes - 10/06/12 07:04 PM
A.C., I swear you've been stalking me! How else did you know? laugh
Masochism, anyone? Necrophilism? Bestiality? NO? - I see I'm flogging a dead horse, here.

Why subject yourself to great pain,
When far better options remain.
The masochistic urge
You should try to submerge
And strive to be joyful again!


MARTYRDOM - MASQUERADE
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: A matter of opinion - 10/07/12 11:00 AM
Good Catholics love the saints dearly
And honour their martyrdom yearly,
But the atheist view
Is that Scripture's untrue,
So religion's a masquerade, really.

BRAID – BRANCHING
Posted By: jenny jenny AC...you are quick. - 10/07/12 02:48 PM


Martyrdom ain't fun unless you are dead
And being dead is something we dread
Be not afraid, young nova
The masquerade is over
Atheists are dead before they are dead


smile

BRAID - BRANCHING
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: AC...you are quick. - 10/07/12 03:45 PM
Hey! Two for the price of one!! And two really good uns - can't be bad. Thanks, A.C. and jj, for making me laugh. (again)
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: AC...you are quick. - 10/07/12 03:53 PM
piggybacking on Rhub,
you two really gave me a chuckle as well. Thanks for the effort.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: AC...you are quick. - 10/07/12 03:56 PM

In the forest the fair young maid
Walked alone, quite unafraid
That the trees’ branching angle
Would her fair hair entangle
For she’d tied it up with a braid

DISCLAIMER - DISCREET
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: AC...you are quick. - 10/07/12 10:27 PM
You are Rube, a thoughtful man as exemplified by your concern for fair unbraided hair entangled in a tree. The men I know are brutes. frown
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: AC...you are quick. - 10/07/12 11:15 PM
As many people on this board know, my given name is Hilary.

This may, or may not, be relevant.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: AC...you are quick. - 10/07/12 11:44 PM
So where and when, Sir Hilery, does sex distinction determine relevancy?

Not in Mississippi. mad
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: AC...you are quick. - 10/08/12 09:37 AM
Nor anywhere else in the civilised world, jj!
I merely comment on the fact that, given the distribution of my given name beteen the sexes, there is something like a 25:1 chance that I am a woman, not a man!
smile
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: AC...you are quick. - 10/08/12 02:26 PM
Ah ha! Rhubarb, you believe in "odds" therefor you are a mere man.
Let's play a game that had a curious run a few years back...

Ready? Ok; I've put 24 unsightly men and one breathtakingly beautiful woman (with a slight flaw} in 25 boxes marked #1 through #25. I ask you to pick the woman and you - being somewhat predictable- pick number 7.
Now I order all the men to climb out of their stupid box and go home except box #7 and box #8, this leaves one woman and one man in boxes # 7 and box #8.

"Do you wish to change your choice from 7 to 8?" I ask politely.

Should you? smile
Posted By: wofahulicodoc thereby hangs a tale - 10/08/12 03:10 PM

If you ask me (which you didn't), I should say a lot depends on the nature of that "slight flaw" you mentioned. And there are few other assumptions you've left undenied but unverified...
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: thereby hangs a tale - 10/08/12 05:14 PM
As a gambler, I work on hunches (unless playing blackjack!) so I would probably stick to my first choice - my hunch, which was good enough for me at 25:1, must be even better at evens! Now, I only have one chance of being wrong.
And you still cannot be sure of my sex - of the eleven people attending my local GA group, five are women.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: thereby hangs a tale - 10/08/12 09:11 PM
There was a 4% chance that your choice (box #7) was right. You haven't changed your choice, and the people in boxes #7 and #8 haven't moved, so there is still only a 4% chance that your choice is right. Since the woman is either in box #7 or box #8, there must therefore be a 96% chance that she is in box #8. So you should definitely change to box #8!

Here is another way of looking at it. You chose box #7 at random. However, if you were wrong (which you almost certainly were), the gameshow host chose box #8 knowing that it was right. So box #8 is almost certainly right.
Posted By: Avy Re: thereby hangs a tale - 10/09/12 01:39 AM
*** I had written some long winded silly (as usual) reasoning, which was all wrong. I am deleting it. I am sorry about this. ***
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: thereby hangs a tale - 10/09/12 02:46 PM
No need to apologize, Ivy, this discussion is only an interlude until someone can make a rhyme.

AC, I say "yes". Always switch your one in twenty-five to your fifty-fifty choice.
EXCEPT:
Ask yourself what are the odds of the right box being directly on either side of your #7 ? One in twelve, right? Pretty high odds so your boxmaster might (if he thinks you are bright) try to trick you into a switch from your #7 by placing a man's box next to the woman's number. [Maybe that's what you said but I am confused by your math] confused

And Wofahulic, you are right, the beautiful woman with a flaw is Hillary Clinton who insisted she be called "beautiful" and lied when she said she was named after Sir Edmund Hillary. Nice trick. Hillary Rodam Clinton was born in 1947 and Sir Edmund climbed Everest in 1953. Which brings us to our Hilary.

Either me, or Rubarb, is trying to find his or her sex nitch.
Ok, Rube, answer this question: Are you a woman?
blush You show me yours and I'll show you mine. laugh
Posted By: Tromboniator - 10/09/12 07:11 PM
How to say this and still be discreet?
The words that you offer repeat
The ones that you chose
Only six months ago,
So: Disclaimer: Does not mean I cheat!

GELATO – GENERATION
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: - 10/11/12 12:52 PM
A restaurant topped its gelato
With a small heart-shaped slice of tomato*.
It called its creation
"The Love Generation",
And served it with sparkling rosato.

*British pronunciation.

NOSE – NOTHINGNESS
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: - 10/12/12 01:24 AM
She tended to turn up her nose
At fashions that failed to disclose.
She elected to dress
In sheer nothingness,
Despite the fact bits of her froze.

OCTUPLET – OFF
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: - 10/12/12 10:31 AM
Well, that sets the imagination running. Just a second while I take my tablets ..................

Nice one, Trombo!
Posted By: Tromboniator Gasp! - 10/12/12 10:53 AM
Thanks, Rhuby. Suddenly realized I started us rolling with nothing in the subject line. By the time I tried to fix it it was too late. Something like…"She's Way Cool!"
Posted By: Candy Re: Gasp! - 10/12/12 11:34 AM
All good here...of course. Anu might make them into a book smile

And Peter...you could edit your work and add 'She's Way Cool' as title...if you wanted too.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Gasp! - 10/12/12 12:15 PM
"She's way cool" is an awesome title .... wink
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Fluffy Kittens!! Aaaaaaaahh! - 10/12/12 05:24 PM
OCTUPLET – OFF

“Bit off more than can be chewed?
Most certainly not,” the cat mewed.
She was totally smitten
With each furry kitten
That made up her octuplet brood!

BLASÉ - BLENDE
Posted By: Tromboniator Ore else! - 10/12/12 11:58 PM
Vich sulfide vould I recommend?
Not galena! Gads! Heaven forfend!
Its leaden bouquet
Leaves me bored and blasé.
I zinc zat I much prefer blende!

COMPLAIN – COMPOSITE
Posted By: Candy Re: Fluffy Kittens!! Aaaaaaaahh! - 10/13/12 06:48 AM
What do you think....a nice wall hanging!

Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Fluffy Kittens!! Aaaaaaaahh! - 10/13/12 04:00 PM
Great illustration of Rhuby's limerick.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Fluffy Kittens!! Aaaaaaaahh! - 10/13/12 05:23 PM
That's real fun, Candy - thank you!
Posted By: Candy Re: Fluffy Kittens!! Aaaaaaaahh! - 10/14/12 11:59 AM
Glad you liked it smile
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Odd words - 10/14/12 09:49 PM
COMPLAIN – COMPOSITE

A portmanteau's a composite word,
Of which many types can be heard,
Such as 'cheeseburger', 'smog',
'Transceiver' and 'blog' –
To complain that they're fake is absurd.

IDEAL – IDIOT
Posted By: Candy Re: Odd words - 10/15/12 11:39 AM
no...not fake. Nicely put together AC.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Odd words - 10/15/12 01:45 PM
Great verse, A.C.!
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Odd words - 10/15/12 03:40 PM
To piggyback above: great composition AC
Posted By: jenny jenny Political Censorship exposed! - 10/15/12 05:12 PM
"Idiot" is a most useful word
A useful word that's seldom heard
A word apt and ideal
Banned by the commonweal
Hence our idiots go undeterred. smile

ONSLAUGHT - ONSTAGE
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Other things exposed! - 10/15/12 07:07 PM
In the War, “The Windmill” never closed,
Each night, classic tableaux were posed
‘Neath the onslaught of Fritz
As he kept up the Blitz,

(And the showgirls onstage never clothed)
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Other things exposed! - 10/15/12 08:35 PM
True patriotism knows no bounds. laugh
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Fluffy Kittens!! Aaaaaaaahh! - 10/16/12 09:00 PM
Rhuby, I was inspired by your "octuplet brood"to try a tesselation design based on cats. A more difficult task than I'd imagined.

Edit: right click to view large.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Fluffy Kittens!! Aaaaaaaahh! - 10/16/12 09:34 PM
That is a superb concoction, Trombo! I raise my flat cap to you.


And, whilst I am here, I'll give you all the next two words, as I ommitted to do so earlier.

TARLATAN - TASSEL
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Fluffy Kittens!! Aaaaaaaahh! - 10/16/12 11:29 PM
It's Beautiful, Peter.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Fluffy Kittens!! Aaaaaaaahh! - 10/17/12 06:19 PM
The maid wore a tarlatan gown,
Single layer from shoulders on down.
Here and there a shy tassel
Caused mayhem in vassal,
Squire, knight, and the heir to the crown.

PERSONALLY – PESTER
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Mediaeval minx - 10/17/12 09:34 PM
Very good limerick, Tromboniator. I'm going to continue it:

"I personally", said the Jester
(Who she loved, and would shamelessly pester),
"Think your dress a disgrace",
But she purred: "Let's embrace".
He answered "Don't make me laugh, Esther!"

ECHO – ECONOMY
Posted By: jenny jenny Ink Spots 1940 Living a memory - 10/18/12 02:44 AM
We three, we ain't no crowd
We ain't even company
My shadow, my echo, and me
I walk with my shadow
I talk to my echo
We're together for economy smile

FALSE MITERWORT - FANCY
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Ink Spots 1940 Living a memory - 10/18/12 04:26 AM
The plant right away struck my fancy;
The odds of encountering it? Chancy:
Just in woods. The expert
Called it false miterwort,
But everyone knew it as Nancy.

Cheap, I know, but I've been a Beatles fan since they showed up on the CBS Evening News in 1963. Can't be helped.

POOL HALL – POPULOUS
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Ink Spots 1940 Living a memory - 10/18/12 04:50 PM
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator
The plant right away struck my fancy;
The odds of encountering it? Chancy:
Just in woods. The expert
Called it false miterwort,
But everyone knew it as Nancy.

Cheap, I know, but I've been a Beatles fan since they showed up on the CBS Evening News in 1963. Can't be helped.

Mister Tromboniator; Rhubarb is the Beetles and A.C. is the Stones but you are Elvis Presley - don't apologize. smile
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Squalid shelter - 10/18/12 06:01 PM
We trudged through a light snowy dusting
To a pool hall, decrepit and rusting,
In wintry Nebraska,
Or maybe Alaska.
That populous den was disgusting.

LUMINOUS – LUNG
Posted By: Tromboniator It's a gas! - 10/19/12 03:34 AM
In the coal furnace fissures had sprung,
Spreading sulfurous gas us among.
The crack menaced luminous
With miasma bituminous,
Pouring vapors of death to each lung.

COMPLAIN – COMPOSITE
Posted By: jenny jenny Just trying to be helpful, Trom - 10/19/12 02:02 PM
Far be it for me to bitch and complain
I dance at funerals I sing in the rain
But complain-composite
Has been rhymed, hasn't it
Did your train of thought leave without the train? laugh

RUG - RUMP
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Advice on dressing for dancing. - 10/19/12 07:57 PM
At fashion’s last thing you should jump -
It’s bad form to dress like a frump -
But when ‘cutting a rug,’
If your pants are too snug,
You’ll be over-displaying your rump

PHYSIOTHERAPY - PICK
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Just trying to be helpful, Trom - 10/19/12 10:51 PM
Originally Posted By: jenny jenny
complain-composite
Has been rhymed, hasn't it


Maybe so. I wondered when I typed it, did a search and didn't see it, so I posted it. I'm in the best company (Hi, Rhuby!), repeating myself.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Advice on dressing for dancing. - 10/19/12 11:16 PM
The Physiotherapy Section
Has torture machines for election.
Any one that you pick
Makes you sore, weak, or sick,
But purportedly helps you with flexion.

MESS – METAPHOR
Posted By: Candy Re: Advice on dressing for dancing. - 10/20/12 08:54 AM
Nice one Peter...I'll take a copy to work and show them in the Physio Dept.

jenny jenny...love you train of thought
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Advice on dressing for dancing. - 10/20/12 10:57 AM
Thanks, Candy. Please tell them that I really do respect their work, but that everything is a fair target for the sake of a rhyme.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Advice on dressing for dancing. - 10/20/12 03:42 PM

The Physiotherapy Section
Has torture machines for election.
Any one that you pick
Makes you sore, weak, or sick,
But purportedly helps you with flexion.


Love it, Peter.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Advice on dressing for dancing. - 10/21/12 09:41 AM
I'm glad, Luke, thanks.
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Advice on dressing for dancing. - 10/21/12 09:14 PM
Writers who have no more to say, say it with metaphor
Thus Faulkner('tho dead) will live obscure forevermore
But when I say "mess of greens"
What I mean is "mess of greens"
And folks in Aberdeen know 'zactly what I mean, fer shore

And in Aberdeen "fer shore" (for sure) rhymes with "metaphor" smile

DEGAGE - DEMONETTE

from the Endangered English Dictionary:

degage (day-ga-ZHAY) casual or easygoing
wearing a plaid cap with a degage air

demonette (DEE-mo-net) a little demon
a wild younger son who is a demonette in training

Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Advice on dressing for dancing. - 10/23/12 11:15 PM
A debauched demonette dégagé
Drank a dozen dual daiquiris a day.
"Though my devilry's horrible,
Described as deplorable,
I define it as 'deemed déclassé.'"

INNER – INSCRIBE
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Advice on dressing for dancing. - 10/24/12 10:22 AM
Wonderful alliteration, Peter!
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Advice on dressing for dancing. - 10/24/12 08:20 PM
*bows deeply* Thank you. It took tons of time to tune!
Now, if I could just remember to update the subject line…
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Ancient graffiti - 10/24/12 09:35 PM
The men of one Iron Age tribe
Would here and there neatly inscribe
A V-sign, quite small,
On an inner cave wall –
A symbolic two-fingered gibe?

PATINA – PATTER
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Advice on dressing for dancing. - 10/24/12 09:35 PM
Originally Posted By: Rhubarb Commando
Wonderful alliteration, Peter!



May I piggy back: beautiful.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Ancient graffiti - 10/24/12 09:37 PM
Cuneiform????(yuk,yuk) - Nice, I like.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando The joys of parenthood - 10/25/12 04:00 PM
The patter of feet which are tiny
Across floors that are polished and shiny,
Though we hold the sound dear
And so pretty to hear,
Will leave a patina quite grimy

CORUNDUM - COST
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: The joys of parenthood - 10/25/12 06:12 PM
The joy of reading a touching limerick. smile
Posted By: Tromboniator A gem for Mary Jane - 10/25/12 07:04 PM
One form of corundum is ruby.
I know this, though I am a noobie.
With beauty galore,
Its cost is much more
Than identical weight in a doobie.

BUCKSHOT – BUGGY
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando The joys of disability transport! - 10/25/12 10:24 PM
A gem if a Limerick, Peter!

When ere I desire some fresh air
My buggy will take me out there:
To make sure that my luck’s not
Run out, I load buckshot
To give any muggers a scare!

PIGEON - PILLAR
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: The joys of disability transport! - 10/26/12 02:57 AM
"A gem if a Limerick, Peter!" shocked

Is our Rhub being rude or fat-fingered? laugh
Posted By: jenny jenny Hungry man, lonely man - 10/26/12 10:20 AM
Racing pigeons run round from post to pillar
Homing pigeons home to home from hither
The Passenger Pigeons
Once numbering two billion
Are as dead as a Dodo with us as the killer


OVERPASS - OVERTURE
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Hungry man, lonely man - 10/26/12 03:52 PM
Now that is a fun limerick with a definite lesson. Thanks.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Over and over - 10/26/12 04:18 PM
An Overture leads to a Suite;
An overpass leads to the street.
In competitive sport
Or proceedings in court,
An oversight leads to defeat.

WEATHER – WEEDKILLER
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Over and over - 10/26/12 08:47 PM
Beautiful, AC. Almost wants to be a sonnet!
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Over and over - 10/26/12 08:55 PM
I swills down a pint of weedkiller,
Then lashes me 'and to the tiller.
I sails in foul weather,
And goes hell-for-leather.
Me life on the sea is a thriller!

PARCEL – PARKING
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Crazy package - 10/28/12 12:41 PM
Nice limerick, Tromboniator – full of salt!


I noticed a postal van parking;
The parcel it brought had no marking,
Except a small sign
Saying "Don't drink this wine".
How completely and utterly barking!

(From the British expression "barking mad")

RACE – RADAR
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Politician-speak - 10/28/12 02:23 PM
Ministerial sound bites, when made, are
Anodyne as drinks of orangeade are.
They’re made to save face,
So keep mentions of race
Totally under the radar.

SUPERSTORE - SUPPORT
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Politician-speak - 10/29/12 03:12 AM
A vampire at the superstore
Bought a vat of twelve gallons of gore.
Overfilled by a quart,
'Twas too much to support,
And he slopped it all over the floor.

CLEAR – CLICK
...him much. frown

We hid in a thicket by a crick
In fear of another White Eyes' trick
"Come on out" they said
"We are friends" they said
"All is clear" They said; then we heard a click . shocked




FINALE - FISH
Trom and JJ - you are exceeding your expectations here.
Bravo and Brava!


A vampire who came home from shopping
Went straight to his dusting and mopping
When he tripped on his crypt
And busted his lip
Whose blood was he actually dropping?


-saparris
FINALE / FISH
Originally Posted By: LukeJavan8


A vampire who came home from shopping
Went straight to his dusting and mopping
When he tripped on his crypt
And busted his lip
Whose blood was he actually dropping?


-saparris


smile Cute, Luke. Your question got me smiling! smile
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Opera gourmet - 10/29/12 08:11 PM
At the interval in Don Pasquale
I had fish with acqua minerale
A taste so sublime
That I lost track of time
And damn nearly missed the finale.

MUTABLE – MUZZY
Posted By: Tromboniator At last... - 10/29/12 08:21 PM
FINALE - FISH

Alaskan desserts are no folly.
We use local resource for finale.
My favorite dish
Is made out of fish:
It's a blueberry-salmon tamale.

(Grandparenting is a bit scary:
I must know cloud or lecture on fairy;
I can talk about birds,
But for picking guide words
My grandson has no dictionary.

Hope to be back with words fairly shortly.)

Edit: Never mind; AC nosed me out!
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: At last... - 10/29/12 08:44 PM
Blueberry salmon tamale?
my belly is doing flip flops.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: At last... - 10/29/12 09:28 PM
You beat me to it, Peter!
my offering (for what it is worth) was as follows:-

Trilby was rather a dish
With a voice that was fairly deepish
Her Début to Finale
Was controlled by Svengali-
-'s hypnotic eyes - cold as a fish.
Posted By: jenny jenny Life and Transfiguration - 10/30/12 01:56 AM
As a man Little John Bland was a loser
Mainly because his manly mind was muzzy
But John was beautiful
And also mutable
He changed his name and "Jean" became a huzzy

TWICE-LAID -- TWITCH
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Life and Temptation - 10/30/12 10:52 AM
If you wish to make love to a maid,
It don't do to be starchy or staid:
Remove panty-hose
So she won't twitch her toes -
Who knows? you might get twice-laid!

SEARCHING - SECLUDE
Posted By: jenny jenny Ladies and Gents...The Coasters - 10/30/12 05:04 PM
Note: This is not a Sparteye Game reply. My dictionary didn't list "searching" without a "g". But The Coasters did back in 1957, so...


Well, Sherlock Holmes
Sam Spade got nothin', child, on me
Sergeant Friday, Charlie Chan
And Boston Blackie
No matter where she's secluded
She's gonna hear me a comin'
Gonna walk right down that street
Like Bulldog Drummond
'Cause I've been searchin' laugh


Otherwise, Rhuby, I think your twitching toes in panty hose poem epitomizes the Limerick. Thank You. smile
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Ladies and Gents...The Coasters - 10/30/12 05:29 PM
Thank you, jj - and your response, whilst not stictly a limerick, is an excellent use of what was given.
I have now put in the errant "G" - it haad got caught up on a string, somewhere (that's my theory!) wink
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Ladies and Gents...The Coasters - 10/31/12 08:25 AM
It's time – you may want to seclude
Yourself from the world, 'cause it's rude.
Undead are now lurching;
For fresh brains they're searching.
It's the Zombie Apocalypse, dude!

Couldn't resist; nonetheless, it's jj's turn.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Ladies and Gents...The Coasters - 10/31/12 11:38 AM
Nice one, Peter - but you're right, we are waiting on jj for the next words, please!
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Ladies and Gents...The Coasters - 10/31/12 02:00 PM
Ok, turn be damned, I will post the two new words.
But are you sure this is legal? confused

JACK-A-LENT -- JAILBREAK
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Ladies and Gents...The Coasters - 10/31/12 03:17 PM
Originally Posted By: jenny jenny
Ok, turn be damned, I will post the two new words.
But are you sure this is legal? confused

We could only answer this question if there were rules.

- an' we don' wan' no steenkin' roolz! laugh
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Stolen goodies. - 10/31/12 03:28 PM
The cons in a Halloween jailbreak
Had nothing to feed on but stale cake
But they both said, “Oh My!
Let’s make pumpkin pie!”
And tucked in to a good jack-a-lant bake.

DAME - DANDELION
Posted By: jenny jenny Breeding breeds pedigree. - 11/01/12 10:00 AM
DAME- DANDELION

My boyfriend is highborn and I'm his high dame
We live in a manor in Hampton, two,two,twain
My name is Oodles
I am a poodle
His name is Dandelion and Dan is a Great Dane

RAMPAGE - RANSACK
Posted By: Candy Re: Breeding breeds pedigree. - 11/01/12 11:22 AM
Ha jenny jenny...very witty.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Riot warning - 11/01/12 12:17 PM
A mob on the rampage will curse,
Ransack your house, burn it, or worse.
And that's about it –
I have to admit
I've no more to say in this verse.

ODYSSEY – OFFBEAT
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Riot warning - 11/01/12 03:06 PM
Reminds me of looters after a natural catastrophe.
Good verse.
Posted By: Candy Re: Riot warning - 11/02/12 10:55 AM
I love the beginning AC, but you left me want more...couldn't you finish it?
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Riot warning - 11/02/12 01:41 PM
Candy, I think this is an A.C. limerick trick, I ask...
if you are a house what could be "worse" than being ramsacked and burned down?

wink Make 'em beg for more, eh A.C.? laugh
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Riot warning - 11/02/12 07:20 PM
Originally Posted By: jenny jenny
Candy, I think this is an A.C. limerick trick, I ask...
if you are a house what could be "worse" than being ramsacked and burned down?

Indeed. However, if you want more:

A mob on the rampage will curse,
Ransack your house, burn it, or worse.
It takes something drastic
Like bullets (of plastic)
To make the wrongdoers disperse.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Riot warning - 11/02/12 08:04 PM
Even better, A.C.
Posted By: Candy Re: Riot warning - 11/03/12 01:17 AM
Bravo AC and thanks. Yes those plastic bullets did it.
Posted By: Candy Re: Riot warning - 11/03/12 01:23 AM
Said, Tour de France cyclists athlete
boosting his body with drugs was not offbeat
His 'win at all cost' odyssey
made him, a world protege
and the topic of many tete-a-tweet
Posted By: Candy Doping Scandal - 11/03/12 02:12 AM


Said, Tour de France athlete
boosting his body with drugs was not offbeat
His 'win at all cost' odyssey
made him, a world prodigy
and the topic of many "tweet-a-tweet"
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Doping Scandal - 11/03/12 01:59 PM
smile Good one, Candy, topical and nicely constructed.
except...
I like your "tweet-a-tweet" ending best.
Because in the e-world the term "tete-a-tete" is as passe as "passe" laugh
and...
You forgot to leave us two new words. smile
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Doping Scandal - 11/03/12 03:23 PM
As it is close to 2:30 AM her time, and she probably won't
get back here until evening time, her time, maybe
if you all want to work on it take her poem and
take two words from it:

maybe

tete-a-tete and passe

Just a suggestion.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Doping Scandal - 11/03/12 05:36 PM
Originally Posted By: Candy
His 'win at all cost' odyssey
made him, a world protege

Did you mean "prodigy"?
Posted By: Candy Re: Doping Scandal - 11/04/12 12:50 AM
Originally Posted By: A C Bowden
Originally Posted By: Candy
His 'win at all cost' odyssey
made him, a world protege

Did you mean "prodigy"?


Yes...I did.

Prodigy and Protégé commonly confused words

And while I'm there...I may as well tweak last line again 'cause then it will be perfect laugh

Thanks guys.

Next words

SNORKEL SNOW
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Doping Scandal - 11/04/12 04:05 AM
Maybeso, Luke, but doncha think we should wait for Candy?

Wait. This discussion moves so fast that I don't know polite from being randy smile
Posted By: Tromboniator - 11/04/12 04:30 AM
It's all powder at forty below.
Take the chair lift or grab the rope tow.
Put your mask on your face
And your flippers in place.
It's a great day to snorkel in snow!

CHASER – CHECKER
Posted By: Tromboniator Well, if you can water ski... - 11/04/12 10:12 AM
The forum software deleted the subject line from my limerick, refused to let me edit it, and won't allow me to reply to it, so I'm trying to post it by replying to Candy's post again.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Doping Scandal - 11/04/12 05:22 PM
Originally Posted By: jenny jenny
Maybeso, Luke, but doncha think we should wait for Candy?

Wait. This discussion moves so fast that I don't know polite from being randy smile



Whatever tickles your fancy,m'dear!
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Doping Scandal - 11/05/12 01:27 AM
Yeahbutt, Luke, my fancy has been gratified by my Andy. He's a stud and I'm a dud but our sweet Candy is dandy. laugh
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Doping Scandal - 11/05/12 04:26 PM
I won't argue that one. Candy is all that and more.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Doping Scandal - 11/05/12 06:24 PM
CHASER – CHECKER

Don Juan was a passionate necker
(That word isn't in my spell-checker).
A chaser of girls
And the spouses of earls,
He proved an adroit marriage-wrecker.

INSIDE – INSTANCE
Posted By: jenny jenny Cross-dressing rhymes with mnemonics - 11/07/12 01:22 AM
"King Phy can order fresh grits served fried"
Linnaean ordering initially implied
Sometimes the inside is out
For instance give this a shout
"Nazi's used shadeskin Jews; moral everday virtues misapplied"

Answers:1)Kingdom phylum order family genus species form
2)Reverse order of the eight planets

SKIT - SLACKER
Posted By: Tromboniator Unblemished performance - 11/09/12 09:08 AM
The students put on a great skit,
Performed with aplomb and cool wit,
Except for a slacker
Who sat in the back, her
Whole focus on popping a zit.

KEY – KICK
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Unblemished performance - 11/09/12 05:45 PM
Not on her ipad, ipod, cellphone, blackberry??????
Shocking.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Blemished performance - 11/10/12 03:04 AM
There was a young cook who got flustered,
And poured key lime juice in the custard.
His boss said "You're thick,
And deserve a good kick –
Quite frankly, you can't cut the mustard".

LOVE – LOWEST
Posted By: Candy Busting to go.... - 11/10/12 04:22 AM
That cook has a case for harassment AC wink

I did this one for key/kick....

On returning home, Ivy fumbled for the key
With arms full of groceries she needed to pee
The door she did kick
By now she was frantic
to get to the loo instead of the laun'dry
Posted By: Tromboniator I don't care too much for money - 11/10/12 06:28 AM
I said to her, "Whither thou goest
I 'll go, though thou to-est and fro-est."
She rejected my love
With a sneer and a shove.
It turns out that my bid was the lowest.


PLUNDERAGE – POCKET
...respected thief. cool


Paul was a professional pick pocket
Picking pockets was on Paul's daily docket
But Paul's client's felt umbrage
So he switched his plunderage
Now Paul's a stock broker in the Stock Market cool

AIN'T - AIRPLANE
C'est magnifique!
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Economy travel - 11/12/12 02:19 PM
Cheap airplane flights draw much complaint;
They'd test the sangfroid of a saint.
The conduct is rowdy,
The crew girls are dowdy,
And adequate legroom there ain't.

INVERSION – INVITE
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Economy travel - 11/12/12 03:45 PM
Excellent, AC. And ain't it the truth. cry
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Economy travel - 11/12/12 05:47 PM
The only thing you forgot in this most excellent
limerick are the screaming babies.
Posted By: Alex Williams you've got to accenuate the positive - 11/12/12 09:51 PM
Dare to invite a healthy inversion,
Supplanting love for hate or pervsion,
And let goodness un-mask us
Like Paul in Damascus
And behold the world after conversion.


NATION -- NOUGHT
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: you've got to accenuate the positive - 11/13/12 03:27 AM
...but don't mess with Mister In-between. smile
Good one, Alex.
But is it not better to accentuate objective reality.

Now our Nation knows nought but inversion
Now hate is love and love is subversion
Our Atheists invite
Our Christians to fight
Freedom turned left for a four year excursion

GESTALT - GESTAPO
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Outwitting the Nazis - 11/13/12 01:29 PM
The codeword 'Gestalt' (meaning 'form')
Was used for a time as the norm
By a group of free-thinkers
And liberal drinkers
Whose homes the Gestapo would storm.

ATMOSPHERE – ATRIUM
Posted By: Alex Williams this is where the subject goes - 11/13/12 03:04 PM
My dear, 'radium' does rhyme with 'stadium'
And they both rhyme quite well with 'palladium'
But I'm afraid I must clear
Up the stale atmosphere
And point out that they slant rhyme with 'atrium'

DAUGHTER -- DIMWITTED
Posted By: jenny jenny The subject is gruesome - 11/14/12 12:53 AM
Lizzie Borden took an ax and gave her father forty whacks
When she saw what she had done she gave her mother forty-one


Mister Borden you had a lovely daughter
You shoulda treated her better, yes you oughter
She is not dimwitted
What she is, is acquitted
Liz stole your severed head; no head no manslaughter cool

GODIVA - GOAT
Posted By: Candy Re: The subject is gruesome - 11/14/12 12:36 PM
LOL jenny jenny....where do you get your ideas
and is that a point of law
"no head no manslaughter" charge?
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: The subject is gruesome - 11/14/12 04:16 PM
Originally Posted By: Candy
LOL jenny jenny....where do you get your ideas
and is that a point of law
"no head no manslaughter" charge?


It's Alex Williams fault, Candy. smile

"Daughter" brought to mind a silly English song of the sixties, "Misses Brown you've got a lovely daughter" coupled with a stupid street chant...

"For a dollar I'll holler
for a half I'll laugh,
and for a quarter
I'll do what I oughter"
.

No, "no head no manslaughter" is not a point of law. In fact the heads of Andrew Jackson Borden and his wife were cut off during an autopsy because of evidence that the entire family was poisoned before the murdering. After the trial the two heads came up missing and have never been found. frown
Posted By: Tromboniator - 11/15/12 10:16 PM
The truth about Lady Godiva:
She slicked down her hair with saliva;
She threw off her coat,
Saddled up her best goat,
Then she took on Tom Peep for a fiva.

CODEX - COGNIZANT
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: - 11/16/12 12:12 AM
That last line. I stood up and shouted a laugh and I've never shouted a laugh before now. Thanks, Tromboniator.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: - 11/16/12 01:54 AM
You're welcome, jj. I had nearly the same reaction when I thought of it.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: - 11/16/12 02:05 PM
"I am cognizant", said the librarian,
A distinguished and wise antiquarian,
"Of the fact that this tome –
An old codex from Rome –
Was defaced by a Gaulish barbarian".

GROAT – GROTESQUE
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: - 11/16/12 08:21 PM
Wonderful!
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: - 11/16/12 11:00 PM
Wonderful, yes, but strange.
What are the odds that a Podunk village like London would have two great limerick masters?
I'm not saying that Rhubarb Commando is A C Bowden and vice versa.
I'm just saying... whistle

Ever see then on the same stage at the same time? cool
Posted By: Candy Re: - 11/17/12 02:19 PM
My mum once went to a very snobby airforce ball dressed....or should that be 'undressed'! as Lady Godiva, Peter. She wore a flesh coloured swimsuit and a long blonde wig. She even rode in on a real horse. She got a standing ovation.

Loved both of your limericks and AC, yours reminded me of the Asterix stories I enjoyed.
Posted By: Candy Re: - 11/17/12 02:22 PM
PS...you got me thinking now jenny jenny. I havent seen them both at the same time....and they are the yin and yang of each other.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: - 11/18/12 01:20 AM
I rarely see Rhuby in London (though, in truth, I've never been there), but "great limerick master" is certainly fitting. Candy – you're right, I've never seen the two together, either. Makes you wonder.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: - 11/18/12 05:45 PM
I never ran across either of them when I was in London, of
course the pubs I was in there was singing not limerick
composing.
...intermission

GROAT - GROTESQUE

A grotesque gap in the stern is sinking my boat
Home Depot sale's on grout might keep my boat afloat
I don't wanna
But I'm gonna
Get some grout to grout the gap for less than a groat laugh

OCCULT - ODDBALL
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Foolish provocation - 11/22/12 05:34 PM
It's always unwise to insult
Practitioners of the occult;
If an oddball white witch
Is called a mad bitch,
A darker-hued spell may result.

PARAPHRASE – PARCHMENT
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: - 11/24/12 06:29 PM
Originally Posted By: jenny jenny
Wonderful, yes, but strange.
What are the odds that a Podunk village like London would have two great limerick masters?
I'm not saying that Rhubarb Commando is A C Bowden and vice versa.
I'm just saying... whistle

Ever see then on the same stage at the same time? cool


It's only ACB who comes from the podunk village, jj - I come from the up-market, highly civilised city of Lancaster, Lancashire, which is far removed from the stinks and stews of London (removed by better part of 300 good miles!) wink
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: - 11/24/12 06:36 PM
You tell them Rhuby ! ! !
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: - 11/24/12 08:35 PM
Yeah, that's what I meant, Rhuby, but I was too polite to say so.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: - 11/25/12 01:52 AM
That's true, Rhuby, he is the essence of polite-ness.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: - 11/25/12 11:38 PM
Originally Posted By: LukeJavan8
I never ran across either of them when I was in London, of
course the pubs I was in there was singing not limerick
composing.


Well, I tended to use the cellars of coffee bars and play washboard in skiffle groups. smile

But, in any case, that was prolly a bit before your time in The Great Wen wink

And you're quite right: la politesse is the leit motif of our exponent of the sackbut (Thinks: Did he play in the Tittipu Town Band?)
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Transcribers Licence - 11/25/12 11:53 PM
The parchment was full of lacunae:
One incomplete phrase really drew me.
It fairly set me ablaze -
I just had to paraphrase
And the long-dead author can’t sue me!

DOUBLE - DOVE
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: - 11/26/12 06:21 AM
Quote:


Well, I tended to use the cellars of coffee bars and play washboard in skiffle groups. smile

But, in any case, that was prolly a bit before your time in The Great Wen wink

And you're quite right: la politesse is the leit motif of our exponent of the sackbut (Thinks: Did he play in the Tittipu Town Band?)


Gee whiz, Commando, intellectual banter such as that is usually overheard only in downtown London.
I, a country girl, am impressed. smile
____________________________________________________________
With every post you post the proof of your immortality is hereby reaffirmed.

_____________________________________________
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: - 11/26/12 06:59 AM
Originally Posted By: Rhubarb Commando
our exponent of the sackbut (Thinks: Did he play in the Tittipu Town Band?)


Actually, yes.
Posted By: jenny jenny Transcribing a Hunting Licence (sp.) - 11/26/12 05:59 PM
DOUBLE - DOVE

A visceral relationship have we with the dove
The Heart quickens when white flocks are above
I double dog dare you
To stiffen your sinew
And blast from the sky this tasty bird which we love

KNAVERY - KNOCKOUT
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Moral crusade - 11/27/12 03:44 AM
The old British commerce in slavery
Was a piece of despicable knavery.
Though many defended it,
Wilberforce ended it,
Dealing the knockout with bravery.

EMERY – EMPEROR
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Moral crusade - 11/27/12 02:40 PM
Two more to celebrate. Well done, AC and jj.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Moral crusade - 11/27/12 09:29 PM
The speech was abrasive as emery,
Most obnoxious in anyone's memory.
But it was the new emperor,
Orating extemperor,
Mostly dealing with matters ephemery.

RANKLE – RASPY
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Moral crusade - 11/28/12 01:10 AM
Ha! Beaten to it by a mere Wandering Minstrel! wink
(Whose songs and snatches are actually well worth listening to)

For what it's worth (not much) this is what I proposed:-

Sartorial Disaster.
The Emperor took bad advice
The clothes that he wore were "not nice."
Crowds had seared on their memory
Images rough as emery
That they would not wish to see twice.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Moral crusade - 11/28/12 01:28 AM
RANKLE - RASPY

That her rival displayed a fine ankle
Continued at all times to rankle.
With raspy and rough voice
The Empress spake her choice
And had her confined to a dank cell.

WIND - WINDSOR
Posted By: Tromboniator Great abs - 11/28/12 05:45 AM
"It's hard," Edward tried to explain,
"To choose Wallis, or king to remain.
Tell me, how did I wind
Up in this kind of bind?
Shall I be Duke of Windsor or reign?"

LURE – LYING

Planes named "Gotha" bombed England and krauts were the aggressor
So the "Gotha"s in England changed the name of their predecessor
Yet, the lure of lying is short
And a hundred years will abort
And the winds will blow away the house of cards that's Windsor

SPACEFLIGHT - SPANKING
I would like a clarification on the rules of Sparteye's Game. The more recent posts have been limericks but according to Jackie's original post on the first page this is not necessary. ("I think Sparteye's the person who had us doing something like this lo these many years ago: take the first and last headwords of an open dictionary, and make a sentence out of them--the weirder the better.") The reason I ask is that, as much as I enjoy writing limericks, I find it damn hard to do so with prescribed words. (And I take off my hat to you guys who are so adept at producing verse in this method.)
Alex, you are absolutely right. It's just that some of us find the limerick challenge more to our liking, and seem to have dominated the thread for a while. If you go through them all (a daunting task) you'll find that not all the verse is in limerick form, nor is verse required. The primary obligations are to amuse yourself and keep the thread alive.

Peter
Alex, the only rule here is that we don't need no stinkin' rules and everyone seems to agree except the occasional pedant.
A clever sentence would be welcomed by all so try it.
What are they gonna do...pout? laugh
With engine's roar, cowlings a-clanking,
North Korea tried upping its ranking.
They attempted spaceflight;
To the free world's delight,
They embarrassingly got a spanking.

SCALLAWAG – SCARLET LETTER
Posted By: jenny jenny . Adapting to a more inclusive thread - 11/30/12 05:14 AM
Only a geophalous* scalawag would say that the scarlet letter is a sign worn by adulteresses. My friends in Tuscaloosa know better. The scarlet letter is the Crimson A that proudly proclaims the advent of a repeating National Football Champion - the mighty Alabama Crimson Tide.

smile Roll Tide Roll smile

* tsuwm's worthless word of the day meaning: dirt eaters


. FLESH - FLASH
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: . Adapting to a more inclusive thread - 11/30/12 01:54 PM
Young ladies flash flesh,
Wirecutters mash mesh,
Old ladies pat pets,
Fruit pickers pack pecks.

RUBRIC – RUFFLE
I coulda been somebody; coulda been a contender
Coulda made some movies and become a big spender
I'd be like Stanley Kubrick
And make up my own rubric
I'd ruffle the baddest man on Earth after my transgender grin

YARDSTICK - XYLOPHONE
Posted By: Tromboniator Take note - 12/05/12 12:09 PM
I traded a used xylophone
For a two-valve B-flat bass trombone
And a yardstick of steel:
Now each measure is REAL!
I only play deep in the zone.

EXHALATION - EXPANDED
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Take note - 12/05/12 11:06 PM
Peter, I just love this one!
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Take note - 12/06/12 02:10 AM
I could ALMOST retire on that!
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Genesis updated - 12/06/12 02:25 AM
God made the cosmos single-handed;
From a minuscule dot it expanded.
Divine exhalation
Caused rapid inflation
(More like a huge sneeze, to be candid).

SMATTERING – SMOKE
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Genesis updated - 12/06/12 09:44 AM
laugh Best one yet, AC, to be, uh...(how can I say this?)... candid. laugh
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Genesis updated - 12/06/12 05:21 PM
Peter and AC - very fine, very!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Genesis updated - 12/06/12 10:16 PM
I wish to associate myself with both jj and Lukes plaudits. jj, yours was very sweet; are you sure you are not - uh - (how can I say this) --- being candied? smile
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Scandinavian-speak - 12/06/12 10:23 PM
The tongue of the Danes makes me choke
As though I had breathed in strong smoke.
I have just a smattering
But find it quite shattering
When only a few words I’ve spoke!

FINGERING - FIRE
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Scandinavian-speak - 12/06/12 10:29 PM
I will share this with a Danish friend. He'll enjoy.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Scandinavian-speak - 12/06/12 11:01 PM
One of my Danish friends explained to me that, "Danish is not so much a language, more an affliction of the throat!"
Posted By: jenny jenny That Oddjob; what an oddball. - 12/09/12 05:19 PM
I hired a painter to paint my girlfriend Galore
He paints houses nudes portraits and more
I had to fire him on the spot
Because honorable he was not
I walked in and he was goldfingering my Galore laugh


OBJECT -NYMPH
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: That Oddjob; what an oddball. - 12/09/12 05:43 PM
blush
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: That Oddjob; what an oddball. - 12/09/12 11:10 PM
Many of us here at Wordsmith eventually Bond.
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Languid pathos - 12/12/12 03:11 PM
An artist whose style was aesthetic
Drew nymphs who looked unenergetic.
With their heads drooping low
They were objects of woe;
One critic harrumphed: "How emetic!"

SCOREBOARD – SCOUR
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Languid pathos - 12/13/12 05:23 AM
AC, your good poem reminded me that...

A print not a painting hung on my wall
Three ballerinas sitting in a hall
Their energy spent
The elan then went
To me wondering why they cared at all.


Do you know of that painting?
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Languid pathos - 12/13/12 05:02 PM
Possibly this painting by Trent Gudmundsson?
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Languid pathos - 12/14/12 03:47 AM
Originally Posted By: Rhubarb Commando
Possibly this painting by Trent Gudmundsson?




No. Looking at the Gudmundsson painting everyday for three years would have made me a better person. How wonderful.
But no, instead my wall spoke the lanquid pathos of three skinny long-legged fatigued dancers without tutu's painted in a style that could be described as latter-day art deco.
Even today I am depressed. frown
Posted By: jenny jenny Good question. - 12/15/12 04:51 PM
The scoreboard starts at birth on the hour
The question; is your life yours or our?
All good and bad deeds
We score to our needs
And at death the scoreboard we will scour

HAPPY - HAPAX LEGOMENA smile
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando The Ladies' Washing Contest - 12/15/12 04:55 PM
SCOREBOARD – SCOUR


The washing contest’s under way,
There’s prizes to be won;
Tubs and soap-cakes boldly lay
On trestles ‘neath the sun.
No marks yet on the scoreboard:
Laundresses darkly glower
And, hunched up o’er their wash-boards,
The dirty vestments scour.

FOLDER - FOLIAR
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: List of odd words - 12/16/12 01:50 AM
I've a folder of hapax legomena
And other rare verbal phenomena;
Its great foliar size
Gives much happy surprise,
Like the term henpecked husbands use: "Domina".

POSSIBLY – POSTHUMOUS
Posted By: Tromboniator Immortality? - 12/16/12 08:36 AM
I've been struggling, almost from my birth
To write words of some lasting worth.
Possibly this rhyme game
Is my ticket to fame;
Otherwise, I'll have posthumous dearth.

CROC – CROSS-CHECK
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando The bane of Cap'n Hook? - 12/16/12 12:44 PM
I wonder: just what is "a croc?"
Terra cotta pot, chipped by a rock?
Before I cross-check
I'll stick out my neck:
It's a 'gator that's going "Tick-Tock!"
Posted By: Tromboniator Remonstrance - 12/16/12 01:34 PM
Where to go from here? What is my choice?
I feel as if I've lost my voice.
You've made us bereft,
No guideword right or left.
I'm thinking that's not very noice!

whistle
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Remonstrance - 12/16/12 06:12 PM
A remonstrance on me you've served,
I fear that it is well deserved!
My mind was in foment
From a Senior Moment:
I think I was slightly unnerved.
blush


MAIZE - MAKE
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Remonstrance - 12/16/12 08:01 PM
Forgive him, tromboniator. Anyone who concocts a "croc" as a "crocodile who goes tick tock" needs a well-earned rest.

Most men go their entire lifes without such an exalted construction.

laugh
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Remonstrance - 12/17/12 12:36 AM
Since I have just finished reading Peter Pan for the first time, I can forgive most anything, even if it's all a croc.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Remonstrance - 12/17/12 04:11 PM
Said Peter to Wendy, "Let's fly!"
She tought he meant up in the sky.
But, despite what he'd said,
She ended in bed
With a scream, then a satisfied sigh!
Posted By: jenny jenny A deep South ditty... - 12/17/12 06:41 PM
Maize, maize, a cash crop that pays
Mash, mash, make it nice and fast
Boil it for an hour
Longer makes it sour
Moonshine, moonshine, unsurpassed

DIMORPHISM - DIRT
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Remonstrance - 12/17/12 06:41 PM
Jim Barrie sure knew how to write
A story to thrill and excite.
Children now handle passion
In full adult fashion,
And leave windows open at night.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Remonstrance - 12/17/12 08:11 PM
Good, Peter, but I am not convinced, no open windows
where I live.
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Remonstrance - 12/17/12 11:20 PM
No, but you are not a child. Leaving windows open is in addition to adult passion fashion, not an example of it. At least in my latest world construct.
Posted By: wofahulicodoc Go Back 14 Spaces - 12/17/12 11:31 PM

Whatever happened to
HAPAX LEGOMENA,
Proferred by J-J from
Low Aberdeen?

Happy I am to re-
Spond double-dactylly,
Limerick, no, but
Perhaps in between.


DIMORPHISM - DIRT



Posted By: A C Bowden Re: A deep South ditty... - 12/17/12 11:42 PM
Dimorphism's always overt
In sport, where the hue of a shirt
Identifies teams
And inspires the fans' dreams,
Unless it is hidden by dirt.

HOOCH – HOOPLA
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Hapax legomena - 12/18/12 12:58 AM
Originally Posted By: wofahulicodoc
Whatever happened to
HAPAX LEGOMENA,
Proferred by J-J from
Low Aberdeen?

Happy I am to re-
Spond double-dactylly,
Limerick, no, but
Perhaps in between.

You missed my post about
Lexicographical
Oddities, in which the
Term may be seen.
Posted By: Tromboniator Dropping the ball - 12/18/12 01:04 PM
At New Year's, at midnight, a smooch,
Generated by excess of hooch.
In general, the hoopla
Entails more than a coopla
Large flagons of champagne or Scootch.

HASTY PUDDING – HAVE
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Canfectioner's Delight - 12/18/12 03:45 PM
There is no confection more tasty
Than a beautiful bowlful of Hasty
Pudding with fruit
And nutmeg to suit:
It certainly beats soggy pastry!

WEIGHT - WELFARE
To speak English write, right it instead
We say "die" they hear "dye" or "Lady Di"
"weight is pronounced "wait"
"wait" is pronounced "weight"
Now I must say farewell, welfare, or good-bye
smile

GRABEN - GRAND MARCH
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Antics - 12/19/12 11:32 PM
The walls of the graben were steep
And the floor of the trench was so deep.
With their breath in short pante
The Grand March of the ants
Up the side of the gutter did creep.

DISCLAIMER - DISCREET
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Antics - 12/20/12 12:34 AM
For that one, Rhubert, I appoint you...
Grand Marshall of the Grand March of the Ants. cool Hurrah!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Antics - 12/20/12 12:55 PM
Do I kneel before you to accept it? wink
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Antics - 12/20/12 02:23 PM
Yes, if you can't kowtow, kneel.
I would like that, I've never seen a lowly ant kneel. smile
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Antics - 12/20/12 05:14 PM
You should see my Aunt.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Antics - 12/20/12 05:38 PM
You have an Aunt called Neil?
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Antics - 12/20/12 05:53 PM
Neil, Nell, Knoll, her mind ain't too good, she don't even know.

I sit in my missle silo retreat
Got plenty ammo and lots to eat
On my container
Is a disclaimer
[If the world doesn't end please be discreet]

whistle


MAYAN - MEALYBUG
Very topical, jj! laugh
And I just pinched myself to make sure I am still here
as well. Good, JJ.

HAPPY WINTER ALL.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Ending the world with a whimper. - 12/21/12 06:12 PM

Once that Mayan had found the last date,
Cakes were ordered to celebrate.
But the feast turned quite sour
When they found that the flour
By mealy-bugs had been all ate!


SPRINGAL - SPURT
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Ending the world with a whimper. - 12/21/12 06:20 PM
Good, Rhub, but mealy-bugs: yuk! What a thought.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Ending the world with a whimper. - 12/21/12 06:21 PM
What ever happened to all that stuff on the right side of
the screen (new members and all that)? Or is it just
my computer? Is there a way to get it back, tho' all the
new members seem to be doing is advertising Nike and
Kitchens.
The "Information" thread informs us that the site has been re-formatted, which, I assume, has included this. I rather miss the member information on the right-hand side. I liked to see whether I was ahead or behind you, Luke, in the "Top Posters" league cool
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Ending the world with a whimper. - 12/21/12 07:12 PM
I see, as I just went there, upon reading this post from you.
I got into trouble in the past for being the top poster
as if I was in some sort of competition, and I won't miss
it any more, because I don't need the non-constructive
criticism. But thanks, I was just hoping it was not
my computer. I barely looked at it anyway, just glad it
is not on my side. Thank for the response.
Ok, since the machine stopped counting, I will.

Starting at the Mayan new age midnight I find that I am the top poster with seven. Rhuby is a distant second with just three. Luke, I calculate only one for you but since it is hard to calculate only a single posting I didn't score you.

So; anytime you guys want the current rankings just ask me. cool
Gee --- thanks a bunch, jj frown
Gosh thank JJ.
I don't think I'll be checking in too very often, however, and
hope that does not upset you. It was another poster who
got aggravated for reasons I still don't understand and no
longer care about. Some things upset just about everybody.
But Rhuby if you want to beat me in the count: just go ahead
and try!! Naw, I just rethought that: It will just get
the same response.

Seriously I was just thinking it was my computer, and am
glad to see it was a revision of the administration.


And, I am really glad to see we are all still here after
the Mayan Apocalypse, except, of course, for the
Maya
This thing was never about competition. Who cares about numbers? The sideline is there just for who's there to have some fun with and who's there to bring on something interesting.
I leave it for what it is. I really tried. Sorry. Interprete it the way suits you best. I did try to help. But sure this will be classified as arrogance.

Merry Christmas to you all.
Help? Why fix what was not broken?
Not everyone sees things the way you do...did you make others
make their signature smaller, or just me? Others have been
the last poster on every single thread in he forums...did
you castigate them, or just me? You really seem hung up
on arrogance...which is arroganct in appearance.
Merry Christmas to you too, do you really believe in it
or just December holidays?
Of course it isn't a competition! Both Luke and I are well aware of that and my post was just my usual misplaced sense of ridiculous fun. The reason I'm so often at the top is because I don't get out much. Maybe I ought to get a life, somewhere?
jj obvously sshares our sense of ridiculousness and eggs us on (as if that were necessary !!!) smile
We're all on this thread to have fun and I love it as, I think everyone else does. In that spirit, a Merry Christmas to all of you, each and every one!

I raise my glass and toast you - "Bingle Jells!" (hic)
Posted By: jenny jenny Plato at Eighty - 12/23/12 03:04 PM
SPRINGAL - SPURT

With a spurt of brash a springal interupts the discourse -
"Now that sex no longer drives you, do you feel remorse?"
Tho' the question's sarcastic
Plato's answer is Socratic -
"How does firm ground feel after you dismount a bucking horse?"

WEIRD - WHATEVER
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Plato at Eighty - 12/23/12 04:42 PM
jj's Limericks are sometimes as weird
As Santa Claus without (his)(her) beard!
But they're usually jolly
As Christmastide holly
So, whatever they are, they get cheered!

CAULIFLOWER - CAVITY
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Plato at Eighty - 12/23/12 05:31 PM
laugh

I shouda never offered up that word "weird".
But remember, RC Cola, weirdos think of your weird as their normal. crazy

Merry Christmas smile
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Plato at Eighty - 12/23/12 10:09 PM
I sat here and ate by the hour:
Bags of chips, pizza, nuts I'd devour.
As I filled up my cavity,
Eventually gravity
Made me give up junk for cauliflower.

MARKING – MARSHMALLOW
Our house was an ark in a low marsh in a deep hollow
Ma, Mark, Al, me; all kin but one unidentified fellow
Ma didn't allow us to go to the mall
That's good 'cause there weren't no malls
Marking Christmas we'd split a Mars bar and a Marshmallow.

CHORUS - CHRISTMAS laugh
Poor People ( and I want credit for underlining)

Hear! Hear!
Originally Posted By: LukeJavan8
Poor People ( and I want credit for underlining)

Hear! Hear!

Thanks Luke, I had to leave out a couple or good words that can be read in MARKING - MARSHMALLOW but "Art over Smart" I always say. smile

[ . I lie, Luke. I've never in my life said "Art over Smart" in my entire life until today ]

frown
I read and thoroughly enjoy all the limericks you people
create. I am very envious. I can come up with some
pretty lame ones, but by the time I do, you all are 3-4
limericks beyond. No problem, however, I do enjoy reading
others works and revel in the works. Keep up the good
work. {to use the word 'work' three times: shows my
creativity}
That was really clever, jj! A lovely Christmas present on Christmas day - Thank You! - and for all the other quirky rhymes you produce.
I guess all of us regulars on this thread enjoy the inventiveness of the others, Luke. There really are some cracking good ones from time to time. If you are working on one and need time to perfect it, put a post in that one's imminent and we'll wait for you for a few minutes - or hours, even. Or you could post it, anyway, even after you've been pipped to the post - we've all done that, occasionally.

CHORUS – CHRISTMAS

Before we all get quite as p****d as
A newt, or by baubles dedazz-
-led, let’s do this for us:
We’ll all shout, in chorus,
To All on Wordsmith, MERRY CHRISTMAS!


HAPPY - HARBOUR
Thanks Rhub.
I'll keep that in mind, or just make a note that I am
working on one, and you all can just go on around me -
I don't mind, as golfers do, let others cut through.

MERRY CHRISTMAS
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Language difficulty - 12/25/12 07:19 PM
In Porto Alegre, Brazil
(Which means Happy Harbour) lived Bill;
He was never at ease
When he spoke Portuguese –
He relied on his buddy called Gil.

SHANK – SHARP
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Language difficulty - 12/25/12 09:46 PM
He fell over a skate, hit his shank.
In a couple of days, how it stank!
Suddenly, with pain sharp–
He acquired a harp.
Now he sings with the angels: how swank.

LLAMA – LOCAL

I agree with the Rhub: if you write one, post it. Who cares if you're not in with it first?
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Language difficulty - 12/26/12 02:18 AM
OK.
You guys are the greatest.
Posted By: jenny jenny : Fight chant for the big game next week - 12/26/12 04:01 AM
Llama, llama, yellowhammer
Give 'em Hell, Alabama
Notre, Notre Dame
Notre, Notre Damn
Llama, llama, yellowhammer
Give 'em Hell, Alabama

Uh...let me explain. The yellowhammer is Alabama's state bird and the llama is a, uh, camel like creature without a hump.
Please excuse me blush I just wanted a chance to chant this chant.

Roll Tide Roll smile
Posted By: Tromboniator Weather or not you like it - 12/26/12 07:23 AM
Llama, llama, willow ptarmigan.
Blasted snow covered up my farmagain.
I love living in Alaska,
'Cept in wintertime disaska.

Let ME explain: The willow ptarmigan is Alaska's state bird, and all the lovely snow we got in the last two days is going to get rained on tomorrow, then it'll freeze, then rain again. If I didn't love it here, I'd probably hate it.

Sure thing, jj, go ahead. I don't mind!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Rah! Rah! Rah! - 12/26/12 12:47 PM
Thanks, jj and Peter, for giving me inspiration!

Partisanship of a local kind
Brings all sorts of rituals to mind.
With llamas or birds,
And inflamat'ry words
These chants us together do bind.

VETINARY - VICE ** see three posts below!! blush
Posted By: Tromboniator Casting a spell - 12/26/12 01:35 PM
Uh,…VETINARY?
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Casting a spell - 12/26/12 05:58 PM
vetinary adj a variant of veterinary.
A localism oft used by rhubic intelectuals in backwoods England.

smile
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Casting a spell - 12/26/12 06:15 PM
Meadowlark,meadowlark
You play and play in every park.
Yet no one here
knows your happy cheer.
For football only do they embark.



Uh...let ME explain.
The meadowlark is our state bird, but Nebraskans only have
brains for UNL football. Go Big Red...it's like a fever.
Nothing can get through it, and it is incurable.

back to Uh,...VETINARY?
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Casting a spell - 12/26/12 06:27 PM
Sorry - too much Christmas wine, I fear - that should, of course, read
VETERINARY - VICE

Thank you, Luke, Peter & jj
Posted By: jenny jenny Ouch! - 12/27/12 03:57 AM
A brillant young student Joe was, golf was his only vice
Often he cut Spelling Class, so he could correct his slice
But he spelled veterinary: vetinary
And his teachers reacted extraordinarily
They threw his clubs in a lake and crushed his balls in a vice.
shocked

RAINY DAY - RAMPAGE
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: The magic's over - 12/28/12 01:32 PM
It's a typical dull rainy day,
With the post-Christmas sales under way.
The shoppers engage
In their yearly rampage,
And Santa dismantles his sleigh. frown

TEMPERATE – TENACIOUS
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: The magic's over - 12/28/12 05:52 PM
Well, AC Bowdon, you captured the moment. May I share you poem with a few of my other friends on the Internet? Thank you.
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: The magic's over - 12/28/12 06:38 PM
It captures the moment as JJ says. Except here the temps
are way below freezing with snow all over everything.
Post Holiday blues???
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: The magic's over - 12/28/12 06:56 PM
Originally Posted By: jenny jenny
Well, AC Bowdon, you captured the moment. May I share you poem with a few of my other friends on the Internet? Thank you.

Certainly. Glad you liked it. laugh
Posted By: jenny jenny Happy New Day! - 12/31/12 09:37 AM

Turning three-sixty degrees in three-sixty-five days
Tenacious we cling, as our tomorrow becomes our today
Changing Time we try to temperate
Even while moving Time dictates our fate
"The brain reels" said Homer Hoose, "Reality melts away" *

*
R.A. Lafferty

DECEIT - DECIPHER
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando New Year's Resolutions. - 12/31/12 11:47 AM
DECIPHER – DECEIT

Now 2012’s nearly complete’
Resolutions with history compete
And desires that we sigh for
We neatly decipher
Next year with the utmost deceit!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!

PROW - PSEUD
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: New Year's Resolutions. - 12/31/12 04:48 PM
Rhubarb, thanks for the wonderful New Year zinger. As I list my resolutions today at least I'll know whom I kid.
Not you, that's for sure. smile
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: New Year's Resolutions. - 12/31/12 06:34 PM
And a Happy New Year to all of you as well, as I continue
to enjoy your "zingers".

Luke
Posted By: consuelo Re: New Year's Resolutions. - 12/31/12 07:42 PM
So this totally pseud dude is standing on the prow of the Titanic and he's thinking he's King of the World. Psych!

WARTHOG WASTE
Posted By: maverick Re: prow - 12/31/12 07:43 PM
The ship of state slips through the seas
Unbowed, still high-prowed, with fat fees;
But the fiscal cliff beckons,
Its ugly truth reckons,
And only a pseud hopes for ease!


Posted By: consuelo Re: prow - 12/31/12 07:45 PM
Beat ya to it, Mav! LOL
Posted By: maverick Re: prow - 12/31/12 07:47 PM
Hippy Nu Jahr Connie smile
Posted By: consuelo Re: prow - 12/31/12 07:49 PM
Same same, Mav. How do the emoticons work here again? cool Ah, mo' betta.
Posted By: maverick Re: warthog - 12/31/12 07:53 PM
Well-fed Warthogs excrete as a waste
The most foul-smelling brackish black paste;
If spread on the grass,
You just think “warthog arse”,
Part curry, but with arsenic laced!



Door - - - Dopa
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Possible therapy? - 12/31/12 09:49 PM
DOOR - DOPA

C9H11NO4, *
I’m really not sure what it’s for;
But I think, if you hark to tons
Of experts on Parkinson’s
They’ll tell you it opens the door!

•Dopa’s chemical formula is C9H11NO4, - a bit of a cheat, really!

MANDRAKE - MANILLA
Posted By: maverick Re: Possible jones? - 01/01/13 01:20 PM
There was a young man from Manilla
Whose sex life was far from vanilla:
Mandrake was addictive,
His nakedness frictive,
And so he became love’s guerrilla!


Quarry --- Quassia
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Creative mood - 01/01/13 01:35 PM
Maverick just beat me to it, but here's mine anyway:

A screenwriter sat in his villa
With sheets of the finest manilla;
He drank mandrake juice
Which set his mind loose
To write episodes of Godzilla.
Posted By: maverick Re: Creative mood - 01/01/13 03:06 PM
Lovely - I see looking back you've done some other good ones! ~ and are the other creatives still around as well?
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Creative mood - 01/01/13 03:08 PM
Two fine limericks! Yours was far too good not to publish it here, AC.


QUASSIA – QUARRY

A disused slate quarry in Wales
Sets a scene for some deep and dark tales.
Midst the damp scrub-oak bowers
Quassia’s scarlet flowers
Hide a fiery Welsh dragon’s red scales!

BLASÉ - BLENDE
Posted By: jenny jenny Grade me on spelling...I dare you! - 01/01/13 07:06 PM
A sweet but poor American girl named Poor Sweet Wendy
Invented a cheap way to extract zinc from Blende
She soon became rich and blase
Now ten million follow her Face-
Book page. And her manner of speak has become trendy smile

DUPE - DUTCH HOE
Posted By: maverick Re: The rhythm method - 01/01/13 07:37 PM
A gardener from Old Amsterdam
Was duped by a crook on the lam;
Treating her as a fool
He left her but one tool:
And thus a Dutch hoe digs prickmadam!


strike --- strine
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: The rhythm method - 01/01/13 08:09 PM
You're a fast one, Maverick - and I mean that in every sense of the word - but your limerick above is suggestive and lewd and funny. What are you....a professional? smile
Posted By: maverick Re: The rhythm method - 01/01/13 09:19 PM
heh! just an amateur who works their love smile
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Strange accent - 01/01/13 09:54 PM
On strike near the Adelaide line
Stood a picket who yelled "There's a trine!"
I looked up at the stars
And their aspect with Mars,
But he meant "railway vehicle" in Strine.

ANGULAR – ANISEED
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando A deadly sin! - 01/02/13 02:30 AM
ANGULAR – ANISEED

My outlook on life is quite angular:
I think, it don’t matter just who you are,
Man’s great sin is Greed
- Mine’s for Aniseed -
A passion that’s totally singular!

[b]WELKIN - WELLADAY [//b]
Posted By: maverick Re: Stalking - 01/02/13 03:18 PM
Superb! Well done mate smile

Good on yer too, Rhuby.

There once was a lass from Devizes
Whose boobs were of two different sizes
“Welladay!” she would sing
as her bra failed to cling
and the welkin smiled down on her prizes!

Gravity -- Gravalax
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Help yourself - 01/03/13 01:33 AM
If you suffer from panic attacks,
Try a portion of fresh gravalax.
If their gravity worsens,
Then try the next person's,
And so on until you relax.

IMAGE – IMMACULATE
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Help yourself - 01/03/13 02:08 AM
laugh Good remedy, AC.
Unless the next person slaps you. mad
Posted By: Tromboniator Let's face it - 01/04/13 03:13 AM
My former immaculate image
Was degraded by spikes in a scrimmage.
No, the mirror can't lie,
There's no doubt of it, my
Monster ego has suffered some dimmage.

NEWT – NICKEL
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Don't beat about the Bush. - 01/04/13 01:22 PM
For investors who’re really astute
Buying gold is by far the best route
With world trade in a pickle
Dollars worth a nickel:
You should, maybe, have voted for Newt?

LABRADOR - LACUNA
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Don't beat about the Bush. - 01/04/13 04:10 PM
SOLID GOLD !
Rhuby Buddy, are you sure you ain't from Pinecob, Georgia? laugh
Posted By: LukeJavan8 Re: Don't beat about the Bush. - 01/04/13 05:32 PM

DITTO
Posted By: maverick Re: Rednecks in tooth and claw - 01/06/13 03:39 PM
All the Labrador rednecks for Newt, I’ll
Wager have found their bets futile:
Bush left a lacuna
Through not acting sooner
And politics proves it’s non-utile!


urine --- urn
Posted By: A C Bowden Re: Rednecks in tooth and claw - 01/06/13 09:55 PM
Said the captain: "This urn full of urine
Is a cheap, ready way of ensurin'
That a fire in the hold
Can be quickly controlled.
I admit that the smell's unallurin'".

SEAM – SEASONAL
Posted By: maverick Re: Rednecks in tooth and claw - 01/06/13 10:08 PM
:rollin

superb smile
Posted By: maverick Re: t'was on the good ship... - 01/07/13 05:51 PM
Should this seasonal parcel of folly
P’rhaps now pass away with the holly?
The tight rhyming scheme
Chasing wit’s crooked seam:
Are y’all finding it less and less jolly?


Endogamy --- endogenous

(2 end~ words to continue!)

wink
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: t'was on the good ship... - 01/07/13 09:09 PM
Yessiree, Maverick, you sure gave us two jolly words to play with. I'm all smiles... frown mad frown
Posted By: maverick Re: t'was on the good ship... - 01/08/13 03:01 AM
smile

ok, how about an alternate pair if you want to go on:

revivify --- rhesus

happier?
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Intro-copular activities - 01/08/13 05:27 PM

Endogamy isn’t a sin
But the problem with marrying in
The self-same gene pool
Is that many a fool
Will endogenously rise from within

MARKET - MARRIAGE
Posted By: Buffalo Shrdlu Re: Intro-copular activities - 01/08/13 05:40 PM
/bow
Posted By: wofahulicodoc the gauntlet thrown... - 01/08/13 10:05 PM

Oh, dear. Now I'm never going to be able to come to this page without thinking of Gilbert and Sullivan.


I'm not up to it, but someone among us ought to be able to craft a new verse on MARKET/MARRIAGE and make it relate to The Sorcerer. The theme fits perfectly, and the music already exists:


"My name is John Wellington Wells,
I'm a dealer in Magic and Spells,
In blessings and curses,
And ever-fill'd purses,
In prophecies, witches and knells!

If anyone anything lacks,
He'll find it all ready in stacks
If he'll only look in
On the resident Djinn,
Number Seventy, Simmery Axe!"

(Here's the whole song; click on the "MIDI" button to hear the music and sing along yourself, if you like!)
Posted By: Tromboniator Love mechanical - 01/08/13 11:24 PM
Bought a huge robot wife in the market,
Which provides ecstasy in the dark. It
Makes our marriage delightful,
But expenses are frightful:
I need a cheap place I can park it.

FIDDLER – FIFTY-FIFTY

Not what you're looking for, wofa, I'm afraid, but what I have time for.
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando G & S - 01/09/13 12:13 AM
This isn't part of the game - it is purely for Wofa!

THE SORCERER by G & S

A marriage of choice we should be celebrating
Of Alexis and Aline, who’re participating.
The market in Magic
Threatens to be tragic
But it all ends with general congratulating!
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: G & S - 01/09/13 12:15 AM
Thinking on it, this verse, with suitably changed names, sums up most of G & S's output!
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Intro-copular activities - 01/09/13 01:14 AM
I bought two monkeys for reasons you might think specious
Monkey Marriage will curb Monkey Sex was my only thesis
I married them; put them in a small room
Filmed every act of a long honeymoon
The chimp smiled as the medics tried to revivify the rhesus

No new words. Jus' catching up. confused
Posted By: maverick Re: Love mechanical - 01/09/13 03:41 AM
smile loved that, Tromb


There once was a fiddler from Kent
Whose passion for music was bent;
He played for the girls
Fifty-fifty in curls
And a dress that his auntie had lent!

Forget --- forgive
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Love mechanical - 01/10/13 11:15 AM
Ken Dodd sang, “Let’s forgive and forget,” *
To the Revenue Men that he met.
“I forgot to pay Tax!
Please forgive me, I ask.”
They did – but he hasn’t paid yet!

NATURALSIM – NAVAL

• Ken Dodd: British Comedian and Tax evader who sang this line in a No 1 hit song, “Tears.”
Posted By: maverick Re: HM Lax Inspectors - 01/10/13 05:48 PM
Good one Rhu!
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Love mechanical - 01/10/13 06:31 PM
Hey Rhub, is NATURALSIM misspelled or is it just another British regionalism? smile
Posted By: Rhubarb Commando Re: Love mechanical - 01/10/13 08:27 PM
It's me - pissed in charge of a keyboard. i appear before the beak next week! smile
Posted By: Tromboniator Re: Love mechanical - 01/11/13 04:50 AM
That's "regionalsim."
Posted By: jenny jenny Re: Love mechanical - 01/11/13 05:30 AM
Originally Posted By: Tromboniator
That's "regionalsim."


Yesbut, regionalsims should be spoken with utmost soberality. crazy
Posted By: wofahulicodoc f/b/o anyone without dialup serivce - 01/11/13 11:00 PM

This thread now takes up pages thir-
teen and so loading time can be ver-
...y long so I'll just send it -
...no fear, I won't end it -
Click HERE and you'll find verses further.
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