Wacky warning label contest winners

Wordsmith.org

A warning that consumers shouldn't use a heat gun that produces temperatures of 1,000 degrees as a hairdryer has won an anti-lawsuit group's award for the wackiest label of the year.

The Wacky Warning Label Contest, in its ninth year, is conducted by Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch as part of an effort to show the effects of lawsuits on warning labels.

"When judges see it as their job to dismiss cases that are rooted in frivolous theories, we'll see fewer wacky labels and more fairness in the courts," said Robert B. Dorigo Jones, the group's president.

The $500 first prize went to Tom Brunelle of Holland, who spotted the heat gun warning.

The $250 second prize award went to Jam Sardar of Grand Rapids for a label on a kitchen knife that warns: "Never try to catch a falling knife."

Third prize of $100 went to Alice Morgan of La Junta, Colo. She found a cocktail napkin with a map of the waterways around Hilton Head Island, S.C., printed on it that cautioned: "Not to be used for navigation."

An honorable mention went to Kirk Dunham of Seabrook, Texas. He found this warning on a bottle of dried bobcat urine used to keep pests away from garden plants: "Not for human consumption."

--AP, Jan 6

Mark Twain was right. Common sense isn't nearly so common as you'd think.

Common sense is the set of prejudices we develop before the age of twelve.

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Common sense is the set of prejudices we develop before the age of twelve.

Better put...

Common sense is the set of prejudices we do or do not develop before the age of twelve.

Like good manners, some of us live out our lives without the rudiments of elevated human Culture.

Not me though, I have both common sense and good manners.

I'm gonna just sit here at the table and remain quiet.

*******

Common sense is a 'sense' not a 'knowledge'.

*******

...elevated human Culture.

I did a Google-reverse-dictionary search to attempt to find one word to describe this concept (other than the one I would usually use) and the #21 listing is Erich von D�niken (YCLhimU) and #24 is Elvis Presley.

Now I understand.

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Now I understand.

Oh no you don't, Musick, you don't understand the nature of the term "knowledge". If you did you would have responded with a counter observation.

Patiently I wait while you explain the strange concept that you "would usually use".

Meanwhile, tick, tick, tick, the bird of time has but a short way to flutter.
And lo; the bird is on the wing.

My son's girlfriend has a wacky inflatable toy penguin. It carries the solemn warning that it "should NOT BE USED as a liferaft or emergency flotation device". Darn, I was going to paddle to Scandinavia - now I'll have to fly another mission!

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My son's girlfriend has a wacky inflatable toy penguin. It carries the solemn warning that it "should NOT BE USED as a liferaft or emergency flotation device". Darn, I was going to paddle to Scandinavia - now I'll have to fly another mission!

To ut this contest into some sort of perspective, a Zilder in his late teens or early 20s ended up either dead or very nearly so, after trying to use just such a toy as a flotation device in heavy seas. Darwin Award nominee, I'm thinking.

yeah - but would they read the instructions anyway?! Still, I guess their executor's lawyer would...

One of my favorites is from a long-stemmed lighter, the type to be used for starting fires in a fireplace. It states " Not to be used around open flames"

I was having dinner with a group of mensans once and the subject of emergency room visits in NYC came up. I read once that at that time the main reason for them was people cutting their hands while slicing their bagels. Most of the group agreed that there should be a warning on the bagels.

I was incredulous. But now I'm thinking something like this: Please soak your knife in cyanide before attempting to cut this bagel and be sure to cut towards your gut, or failing that, towards your carotid artery. After that, be sure to play chicken with the knife.

There is, I think, a serious problem with all this nonsense that goes beyond lawsuits. We are constantly bombarded with data and we can only process the very smallest fraction of it. Our minds get quickly trained to ignore stuff, because most of it is useless - and so people ignore things that they really shouldn't because amidst all the obvious blatherings is once small, important factoid.

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I was having dinner with a group of mensans. . ..

My condolences.

HEY!

Though I will say again that my son was correct when he said the name really stands for Many Eccentric Nerds Sitting Around...